by Laura Brown
Right. Archie. He shouldn’t be touching her. Not here. But he wasn’t sure how he’d survive the rest of the week with her in his apartment. She’d turned into an achievement he needed to unlock, and the desire would only get stronger.
Chapter Eleven
Izzy sat on the floor, playing with Archie, while Nolan cooked dinner. It had taken them several tries to get the video filmed after the kiss that threw them both off their game. Izzy hadn’t expected it to be so explosive, so much better than before. If it hadn’t affected Nolan, she’d have blamed her celibate self for the reaction.
It had affected him, though, and a new simmering current coursed between them. If life were different, if their jobs weren’t an obstacle, they’d already be in bed together.
Archie reached forward for a toy he’d thrown, only to pause and grunt in that telltale way that said a diaper change was in her near future. Sure enough, a fart soon emitted, complete with juicy sound effects and a strong smell.
The room had been smelling good, thanks to Nolan’s cooking. Not anymore.
Izzy scrunched her nose and moved to her feet, ready to get the baby taken care of. Movement from the kitchen caught her gaze, Nolan waving. “What’s wrong?”
“Diaper change, it smells.”
She expected him to go back to the kitchen, leaving her to deal with Archie alone, but when she picked up the smelly kid, Nolan stood in front of her.
Shocked, Izzy stayed rooted in her spot, bad fumes and all.
“I’ve never changed a diaper before. I should learn, right?” A question lingered between the lines, almost as if he asked for permission to change his son’s diaper. Bad people aside, who wouldn’t take advantage of missing a diaper change?
Izzy shifted Archie on her hip. “You learn better observing or trying?”
Nolan clearly got his first whiff of what their kid was capable of, and his eyes watered. He took a step back. “I’ll watch.”
Smart man. Izzy moved into the spare bedroom, where a section of Nolan’s desk had been cleared off to become a makeshift changing table. No strap or angled sides, so she had to be 100 percent present, but for a week it would suffice. “He can roll, so be careful,” she warned as she set Archie onto his back.
Archie stuck a foot into his mouth.
Izzy pulled his pants off and then undid the snaps of his onesie, all while Nolan stood by her shoulder. If her signing was better, or if she were speaking, she’d talk through the steps, but watching should do the trick. She pulled off the sticky sides of the diaper, letting a little air in before closing it back up; she’d had enough of Archie trying to mark the floor, the table, the ceiling, his own face, her, to not be careful. She gestured for the wipes and Nolan brought them over. In quick motions, Izzy lifted Archie by the feet, slipped the diaper out, placed that to the side, and wiped the mess away.
All while taking shallow breaths, because pureed peas did not smell good on the way out.
Once Archie was clean, she gestured for a new diaper. Nolan handed it over, and she quickly settled Archie into it and taped him back up. She fixed his onesie, pulled the pants back on, and then picked him up.
Archie clapped. Her sister joked he’d make a career out of being a motivational speaker.
Izzy handed him over to Nolan, so she could throw out the diaper and wipes and clean her hands. “Any questions?” she signed, careful not to let her hands touch anything before she got them cleaned.
Nolan shook his head and, be still her heart, bounced Archie. “Looks simple enough.”
“Not always. Try it with a squirmy baby. Messy.” She collected the trash, a folder on his desk shifting in the process. A drawing of a winter scene stared back at her, with snow-covered treetops and land, animal tracks breaking up the white landscape. It had been printed, and possibly done on a computer to begin with. Izzy didn’t know where it came from, but the picture was so beautiful, she wanted to hang it on the wall.
“I like that,” she signed.
Nolan’s cheeks turned a shade of pink. “Thanks.”
Did she miss something? She looked back to the picture, then at him. “You drew this?” Ugh, she really needed to wash her hands first; she risked getting a mess all over herself.
He nodded, then shrugged, a bashfulness she hadn’t seen in him before. “I enjoy art.”
The picture claimed that to be an understatement, unless… “So you drew this, as in used images already online or…?”
“You think I’d steal from someone else?”
Crap. She’d stepped in it that time, no diaper on floor required. “No, not that. I’m impressed.”
“To answer you, I started with a blank document.”
“You should hang that on the wall. Or sell it.”
“No selling. Art is enjoyment. That’s all.”
She studied his face, looking for the lie but couldn’t find one. Fair enough. She dabbled in enough things to recognize sometimes a person wanted to simply explore. “Still. Wall. Think about it.”
She threw out the diaper and washed her hands, before joining Nolan and Archie in the living room.
Hours later, after dinner was eaten and Izzy settled Archie down for the night, she found Nolan in the living room, spread out on the couch, thumbing through his phone. She took in the space. The room was small, she’d give him that, but the lack of decorations on the wall, the simple furniture, made this place look like a cold rental. She’d had more personality in her microscopic dorm rooms.
She waved until she caught his attention. “Did you recently move here?”
He tossed his phone to the couch. “Yeah, a few months ago.”
“So you haven’t finished decorating?”
His face scrunched up and he took in the apartment. “What do you mean?”
“No pictures, no…personal things.” Crap, not only was she putting her foot in her mouth, but she didn’t know the signs to really express herself. “It looks like a lonely bachelor lives here.”
Nolan dropped his head, his shoulders shaking. “I am a bachelor.”
Izzy bit her lip. Levi had been one, too, but his place held pictures and decorations and charm. Then again, Levi had a good ten years on Nolan. “I’m sorry, it just doesn’t feel like…home.” Surely he’d want to hang up his pictures; the one she’d seen would add a lot to the space.
She had one room at her sister’s home and she managed to decorate, to infuse some of her own personality. Nolan’s apartment revealed nothing but a blank slate.
He looked around again. “I haven’t really settled down since college. Still figuring myself out.”
A lost soul drifting along, trying to find his footing in the world. She related to that. Having Archie meant she had to stop drifting and get her footing fast. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…”
He cut her off, which was good because she wasn’t sure how to finish that sentence. “It’s fine.” He bent and picked up a soft toy car. “Archie brings more color than I have.”
Izzy warmed. “He does that. Whether you want it or not.”
Nolan placed the car on the coffee table. “Where would you be now, if you hadn’t had Archie?”
The question threw her off. “Why?”
He raised a shoulder, a slight, uncomfortable action. “Want to know how much I messed up your life.”
Sincerity shined in his gaze, and it hit her deep inside. Not that he implied Archie to be a mistake, but there existed an understanding of how much her life had changed based on one condom not working. “Both of us created Archie.”
Nolan moved his legs, allowing her space on the couch, and she joined him, giving his question some thought, transporting herself back to where she had been before the pregnancy test said positive. “Don’t know. Not living with my sister. Maybe I would have visited Europe or got myself into more trouble senior year.
But learning ASL? That would have continued. So maybe our paths would have still met now.”
He shifted closer, eyes on her, and the temperature in the room rose. “And if they had?”
She swallowed. The same magic that brought them together a year and a half ago continued to exist, and if they had met today the pull would still be there.
“Work doesn’t want us doing this.”
He didn’t move back, didn’t change the intensity in his gaze. “Work doesn’t have to know.”
She leaned forward, answering his earlier question with action. Unable to resist his allure even when she knew they shouldn’t. He cupped her chin, thumb brushing over her cheek. Neither closed the distance, their eyes locked, as their chemistry swirled around them. He’d been like this even drunk, waiting for her, giving her the lead. Probably why she’d taken it.
For now she studied his face, the deep browns of his irises, the light stubble on his jaw and the way it collected in a patch under his chin in that oh-so-sexy way.
His thumb continued brushing her cheek, revving her engine more with each pass. She wanted him, no mistake about that, she’d always wanted him. But she was nine months postpartum and still getting her body back to the way it had been.
Not that Nolan seemed to mind.
Still, she had stretch marks, she’d had her sex torn and sewn back together, and she was lactating. Her body felt different, untested, almost like the next time would be a first.
First time post-childbirth.
And that was enough to keep her from leaning forward, keep her from crossing that line. She had an IUD, jumped at the chance to get one, due to Archie being unplanned, but hadn’t been sure she’d need it with her nonexistent love life. After the kiss earlier that day, she didn’t know if she’d be able to put the brakes on. And she didn’t know if she was ready for this, for her mom-bod to be seen and felt.
The job, her inner rule-follower admonished. She didn’t always listen to this side of her, but it rang loud and clear now. She needed to care for Archie, Nolan had already stated he’d help financially, neither of them should risk their jobs.
His hand remained on her neck as his other signed, “You’re beautiful.”
Against all her worries and concerns, she melted. “My body’s not normal.” Dammit, she really needed more ASL, or to use her phone, in order to properly express herself. Or, heck, listen to her internal rule-follower and put a stop to this.
His eyes raked a slow path up and down her body and she intentionally pulled her stomach in. His lips curved. “Looks good to me.” In contrast to his words, he leaned back. “But this is up to you. I want you. I can wait.”
Damn, damn, damn. Had his college had a class on how to get panties to melt, because Nolan had all the right words. And yet she didn’t think him to be a player. Players didn’t exactly invite their former one-night-stand-turned-baby-momma and kid over for the week at the drop of a hat.
“You don’t have a girlfriend?”
Now the smile turned full. “No.” Those eyes, they didn’t dart away, barely blinked. “There’s been no one since you.”
Poof, there went her panties. How could this be? Pregnancy had pretty much killed her social life and her desire for one. But his? “Why?”
His smile fell and he ran a hand through his hair. “I tend to mess things up. Not a whole lot of surprise the condom failed. Sorry for my karma.”
That made it twice he’d referred to himself in this manner. “Why do you think that?” Was it his upbringing? His parents? What created this lack of self-esteem? Other times he had confidence and charm but here, behind closed doors, the vulnerability underneath seeped out.
“History. You and Archie better be careful. Even my sign name is due to a science fair debacle.”
He had a string of rotten luck, perhaps, and situations blown out of proportion. But the man in front of her wasn’t a mess-up. “Archie and I will take our chances.”
He cringed. “I don’t want to disappoint you.”
“Archie deserves to know his father. Mine died. Time is precious.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t know mine. He was never involved.”
She rose onto her knees. “So be different for your son. A mess-up is fine. Better than nothing.”
Nolan no longer met her eyes and she knew this issue stemmed deep, not something she could solve in a few minutes with her limited ASL. She shifted closer, until her knees met his thigh. “You’re not a mess-up. Not to me.” Maybe it was the pain so clearly emanating from him, maybe it was the closeness or just him, but she closed the distance between them, pressing her lips to his.
The magic returned.
He kissed her back, wrapping an arm around her until she ended up straddling him, both hands on his face, kissing him with everything she had. She’d never been able to kiss him with anything less. The taste of his lips, the scratch of his stubble, it called to her from a place deep down inside.
His hands went to her hips, gripping the fabric there. She wanted to purr and settle against him, but her breasts ached either from arousal or milk production, and she felt it impossible to differentiate between the two. That small sensation reminded her of her body, of the changes. And though she’d never been a lights-out sex person before, she wondered if she’d ever get back to being comfortable with her body.
Nolan didn’t sense the turmoil going through her, how could he with her tongue defying her doubts and licking insistently at his lips? His hands released the fabric and began to roam up and down her side, inching closer and closer to her engorged breasts.
She needed to pull back and stop him or decide if she wanted to let him touch her oversensitive and achy chest. A part of her screamed, “Hands off the milk-makers!” but the part of her that had no willpower against him urged her forward.
As if he sensed her internal conflict, he settled his hands on her waist, lightening the kiss to slight intoxicating passes, rather than full-on intoxicating claims, until he pulled back. Lost in lust and confusion, she blinked at him.
“You stiffened. What’s wrong?”
Had she? Apparently the hands-off-the-milk-makers won this round. She fumbled, unsure how to express herself. She had discussed breastfeeding and milk only with Gaby and the lactation consultants. She pointed to her chest. “Sensitive. Sometimes painful.”
“So bad sensitive.”
“Yes.” Though she wondered, could it be good sensitive? Overly heightened sensations? Or would it be too much? Clearly this man already had her wrapped up into a coil with a touch. If he really touched her, she’d probably orgasm on the spot.
Tempting.
Nolan’s hands moved to her arms, gave a quick reassuring rub. “O.K. We take it slow. You let me know what you’re ready for.” He glanced around, as if coming back from a daze. “If we should be doing this at all.”
The sexual fog cleared. “No, we shouldn’t be doing this. I want to, but Archie comes first, and for him I need this job.”
He nodded, though the heat remained in his eyes, threatening to break her resolve. “Go. Take the bedroom.”
She blinked, confused, until her gaze slipped and she found the bulge in his pants. Her mouth watered and the battle inside flipped, the other side winning now.
A finger under her chin forced her gaze to his. His eyes were hungry and dark. “Go.”
She swallowed and obeyed. Because the battle inside her still raged, and he knew it. Just as they both knew they needed to stay apart.
But as she lay in his bed, under his sheets, her sensitized skin could think only of being there with him and dreaming of a different scenario where they could be together.
Chapter Twelve
Nolan woke to find Izzy at the kitchen table, a cup of coffee in front of her and a sleeping baby on her shoulder.
Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he
rounded the table. Izzy’s messy bun showed her hand holding her head up, then her face came into view. Izzy’s closed eyes and slow breaths may as well have punched him in the stomach. Archie wasn’t the only one asleep. He blinked in the scene, clearly having missed a lot during the night. Why hadn’t she woken him?
Probably because he admitted to being a screw-up and continued to be clueless on childcare. But he couldn’t let her stay like that. He moved to them, studying them like a complex puzzle. There had to be a way to get Archie off her hands without waking either of them. He studied where Izzy’s arms were, and Archie’s, and figured if he picked the baby up from the armpits, it could work.
Nolan moved forward, in stealth mode, and slipped his hands along the baby’s sides. He lifted in an awkward fumble and turned the kid around until Archie lay on his shoulder instead, somehow managing without breaking the kid.
Archie stayed asleep, light puffs of baby breath grazing Nolan’s cheek.
Izzy stayed asleep as well. Mission accomplished. Only her position couldn’t be comfortable and she no longer had to stay like that.
He tapped her shoulder and she jolted awake, eyes wide in an instant, taking in him and Archie. “What happened?”
Izzy yawned and stretched. His gaze followed the smooth column of her neck, down over the curve of her breasts, and his morning wood lost the morning reason. He cursed himself for how that simple act affected him, when she was dead tired and more than likely in pain from sleeping in that position. “Teething. I think. Long night.”
He frowned. “Why didn’t you wake me?
Izzy stared at him. “I’m tired, this will sound rude, but I’m a single mother. I’m not used to asking for help.”
He swallowed the hurt, knowing he had no right with all she’d done on her own. “I’m here. I’m responsible. I can’t hear Archie cry, but you can wake me.” He needed to get his hands on a baby cry alarm as soon as possible.
Izzy nodded, but he knew he’d need to do more than that to get her to believe him. “You have Archie? I need to shower.”