Shadow

by Laurann Dohner

  “No.” Maybe there was something wrong with her. She hadn’t considered that until this moment.

  He finally lifted his head and she stared into his eyes again. “Never?”

  “No.”

  “Did he caress you? You said he never kissed you. Did he attempt to arouse you?”

  “He would grab my hips and tell me to hold still. That’s all.”

  Anger flashed in his gaze before he looked away. “He just forced you to your hands and knees when he took you?”

  “Kind of. He had me bend over the end of the bed and grip the footboard railings. It was a narrow bed.”

  A snarl made her start. It was a loud, dangerous sound.

  “Don’t,” he rasped, holding her gaze again. “I’m not him.”

  “I know that.”

  “Are you curious about sex and want to know how it would feel if a male you want touched you?”

  Her cheeks were burning now and she wanted to hide from his intense stare but answered honestly despite it. “Yes.”

  “Why?”

  “I don’t understand the question.”

  “Why would you want a male to touch you after you’ve been hurt?”

  She tried to put her feelings into words. “I didn’t at first but then I started hearing the other women who live next door to me when men visited them. They kept inviting more of them to their apartments. I envied them because it sounded so different from what I’ve known. The sounds were of pleasure, not pain. They enjoyed it. I just want to know how it would feel to have someone touch me that way. I can’t explain it any better than that. I liked you holding me the night we spent together.”

  “I’m not the right male for this.”

  “You don’t want me.” It stung. “It’s okay.”

  “I want you. I’m just telling you the truth. I’ve avoided females.”

  “Is it because of what was done to you? Does it make you hate women?”

  “Not hate, no. I’m afraid I’ll lose control if I have a flashback. I suffer nightmares.”

  “What exactly was done to you?”

  He didn’t answer and she thought he wouldn’t until he took a ragged breath. “They gave me breeding drugs and put things over my eyes to force me to watch video images of human women touching themselves. It made my dick hard because I’m male and the drugs aroused me greatly.” Pain flashed in his beautiful eyes. “They hooked my dick to a machine that stimulated me to release my seed.”

  “To steal your semen to sell.” She remembered him telling her that.

  “It hurt bad and even after my seed was taken they didn’t stop. They had drugged me enough to make me mindless so I suffered. I began to associate pain and humiliation with seeing a female body. I’ve progressed somewhat since being freed. The feminine form arouses me now but the idea of following through with action makes me hesitate.”

  Beauty continued to stroke his hair with her fingertips. “Did it make you feel that way when I walked out of the bathroom just now without my towel?”

  The arm around her waist tightened slightly. “No.”

  “How did it make you feel?”

  He softly growled and lowered his focus to her chest. “Afraid, but I wanted you.”

  “How could I possibly frighten you?” It amazed her that he’d say that.

  He looked up and held her gaze. “You’re smaller than me and I worry I’d be too rough if I put my hands on you.”

  “You’re touching me right now and you’re being very gentle.” She swallowed hard. “Maybe we could help each other get over our pasts.”

  “How?”

  Her heart hammered with fear but she wanted Shadow. “Come to bed with me.”

  Chapter Eight

  Shadow waged an inner battle while peering at Beauty. It was so tempting to take her up on the offer to share a bed. The condition of his dick would make that a bad idea. He didn’t just want to hold her in his arms. He would touch, perhaps lick, and even bite. He glanced down her body. There were a dozen places he’d love to scrape his fangs on her skin. Would she shiver with need for more or would it instill terror?

  Memories of being chained up while his body was forced into submission to release his seed had damaged him. Those images of nude human females had been arousing and in turn, he’d grown to hate the sight of them. Beauty wasn’t them. His mind knew the difference. His body did as well, judging by its responses. Desire he’d long denied heated his blood. Instead of masturbating just to tend his physical needs, he wanted close intimate contact with the Gift Female.

  He thought back to the few times at Mercile that he’d been used in breeding tests. The females hadn’t been overly friendly or talkative. Their lives had made them emotionally detached. The feline he’d mounted on three different occasions had walked into his cell, stripped out of just her pants and gotten into position on her hands and knees on his cot. When he’d attempted to arouse her by touching her gently and exploring her sex, she’d snarled, “Just do it. I knew they were bringing me to a male and I prepared my body.”

  That would account for the smell of her. The rich aroma coming off her had made his dick hard and his animal urges surged. Taking her had been physically pleasurable, no denying that, but the act had been cold. She’d left immediately afterward, asking the technicians to take her away.

  She hadn’t recognized him when he’d seen her again at Homeland—Kit. That or she had purposely ignored their past association. Seeing her alive had been both a relief that someone he’d met during those brief encounters at Mercile had also survived and an embarrassing reminder of what they’d once been subjected to. He’d heard the females had been taken to a lot of males and it had been several years ago. It was possible that he just hadn’t been memorable to her.

  The other female was one he’d never seen again. A technician had brought her to him twice during the breeding tests. She’d been canine and aggressive. She’d giving his body a once-over, assessing him, and flashed fangs. “Just don’t bite me. The last male attempted that.”

  “I won’t harm you,” he’d sworn.

  She’d nodded. “Proceed.”

  He’d been at a loss as to what to do. Irritation had flashed in her expression when he’d just stood there waiting for an indication of what she expected. “First time breeding?”

  “No.”

  “Make me wet.”

  He’d glanced at the water source in his cell. She’d growled, pulling his attention back to her.

  “You know nothing, do you?”

  Shame had burned through him. “I can mount you.”

  She’d pulled at the seams of her clothing, tearing them off. “Follow me. You’ll learn.”

  He’d watched as she dropped onto his mat, rolled over, and spread her thighs. She pointed at the floor beside her. “Kneel right there. What is your number?”

  “I am 358. What is yours?”

  “433. This is what you’re going to do, 358.”

  She’d kept talking, explaining in detail what she wanted and how to make her wet. It had involved his mouth on her sex. He’d learned quickly, her moans and growls rewarding his efforts. It was the only real skill he knew when it came to females.

  Beauty stepped closer. “Shadow?”

  He pushed back his memories to return to the present. Most of his anger had dulled. No one had warned him that Reservation had dangerous animals roaming the Wild Zone. She couldn’t have known about them either. He had marked the area and told her it was to keep her safe.

  “I’m calmer.”

  “Do you want to sleep with me?”

  Her hopeful tone tugged at his heart and also made his cock twitch. What would she do if he wanted to make her wet? The taste of a female was addictive, something never forgotten…and missed. He glanced down at her hips and imagined those thighs spread open to him. A deep growl built inside his chest but he managed to stifle it. Excitement gripped him full force and the urge to push back her on the bed, lick her and then flip her
over to mount was so strong he tensed his body to hold still. He barely managed to keep control. He’d go at her with aggression, his desire too strong.

  “I can’t.”

  “Oh.”

  The rejection hurt her and he felt guilt.

  “Now isn’t a good time.”

  “You’re still angry with me for going outside. Unbelievable! You’re so stubborn.”

  He glanced down again at his engorged dick then frowned. “I’d want more than to hold you.”

  She didn’t flee or gasp. “We could try.”

  Beauty had no idea what she was offering but he did. He was too excited, would do something stupid, but he didn’t want to share that information with her. Coming in his shorts from just putting his mouth on her would injure his pride and worse, probably horrify her or make her feel sorry for him.

  He stood and put space between them. “I’m not angry. I’m tired. Just go to bed. We’ll discuss this tomorrow.”

  He strode into his room and closed the door, his hand reaching down to adjust his wayward cock. Gripping the shaft made him groan. It ached so bad it was a physical pain. He released it and slipped his fingers under the waistband of his boxers to stroke along the crown of his dick.

  Shadow admitted to being a mess emotionally as he hooked the waistband with his other hand and shoved down the boxers enough to free his member. It stuck out, swollen and red. He hobbled with the material around his knees to the nightstand, fumbled with the drawer and managed to yank out the bottle of lotion he’d put there. The cold liquid didn’t even faze him as he dumped some into his palm, gripped his dick and pumped furiously. He just needed to come so he’d be able to think clearly.

  His hips bucked as he threw his head back and sealed his lips together to stay quiet. Pleasure gripped him as he furiously stroked his cock in a tight fist. He was almost there, so close, and just the thought of Beauty naked was enough to send him over to the edge in a pathetically short time. His balls drew up, tightened, and then he was jerking from the explosion of his release.

  A soft gasp broke through the haze of ecstasy and he twisted his head to the side, gaping at Beauty. The bathroom door that connected their rooms was cracked open enough to see her big, startled eyes and he followed where she looked. The last of his semen jetted out, splashing across the top of the nightstand. His hand still gripped his swollen dick and horror filled him. He tried to speak as his mind tried to function, to come up with something, anything to say to explain being caught jacking off. No words came forth.

  She glanced at his face and then shoved the door closed all the way. It slammed and he winced as his grip loosened on his shaft. Another door slammed a second later—her side of the bathroom—and seconds later, the one in the hallway followed. She’d sealed her room.

  “Shit,” he snarled. She was probably traumatized and terrified. Disgust welled as he looked down at the proof of his desperate attempt not to go after her.

  He stripped off his boxers completely, used them to clean up his spilled semen and walked to the bathroom door. He listened but no sound came from the other room. He entered to wash his hands. The light stayed off since he didn’t want to see his own reflection in the mirror.

  It was tempting to tap on her door to apologize but he wore nothing. She might mistake his reason for trying to see her as something nefarious instead of just desperation to make sure she was okay. Shadow spun, returned to his room, and put on sweatpants. He strained to hear any noise coming from Beauty’s room. Was she all right? Frightened? Appalled?

  “This is why I told them I’m not the right male for her,” he muttered. His ass landed hard on the edge of the bed, he lowered his head and shook it from side to side. “I have no business being around a female.”

  Beauty curled up on her bed in the dark, her heart doing a funny dance inside her chest. She’d gone into the bathroom to brush out her hair but strange sounds from Shadow’s room had piqued her curiosity. She’d just meant to check on him when she’d realized the door wasn’t fully closed. Instead she’d gotten one heck of a surprise.

  The side view of Shadow standing next to his bed was something she’d never forget as long as she lived. His boxers had fallen to his knees and muscular thighs led upward to a firm, rounded ass that flexed as his hips rocked. That was just the beginning. His dick was big, as thick as it had appeared when it had been hidden under that thin material. He’d been stroking it with his fist.

  Pain dulled the arousal she felt at how sexy the sight had been when Shadow’s head was thrown back, the muscles in his arm, his ass, and his torso tensed, defining every one. He’d groaned in a way that made her catch her breath as she’d watched him shake and twitch as he came. It did funny things to her stomach. She became aware of her nipples for some reason and she throbbed between her legs. It wasn’t a mystery though, what she was feeling. She had the same reaction when she read steamy sex scenes in romance novels that turned her on.

  Shadow had suddenly twisted his head in her direction and she’d forced her focus off the very appealing sight of his cock, which he’d still stroked but in slower motions. He’d looked at her, his expression grim. Instinct and fear gripped her as his mouth opened and his fangs showed. He was displeased in a big way. She bolted, slamming doors between them. She’d invaded his privacy and it wasn’t until she was closed inside her room that she calmed.

  Shadow wouldn’t hurt her. Instincts were a bitch. Sometimes she reacted without thought, only later suffering the consequences. The spider incident in the kitchen a month before at the dorm was a perfect example. The other women still laughed and teased her about leaping up onto the island and shrieking when the tiny thing had landed on her hand when she’d pulled out a baking sheet. It must have built a web under the cabinet and her fingers had brushed through it.

  The reasonable side of her knew she’d never been in danger. Not with that eight-legged creature, nor with Shadow. The problem was that some things were just embedded in her DNA. Anything unexpected that made her jump had her bounding away and making that horrible high-pitched sound. She almost wished she were canine or feline. They snarled or growled but acted aggressively when they were put in those situations. Definitely not laughable reactions.

  Hurt came after the embarrassment passed. Shadow could have shared her bed and initiated sex but he had gone to his room instead. She rolled over, closing her eyes. She’d offered but he’d refused. He’d even seen her naked earlier, albeit it wasn’t intentional. There was nothing more she could do. The hints had been provided, she’d been honest and now the ball was in Shadow’s court. It just didn’t seem as though it was a game either of them could win. Not that she was playing. She just wanted him to want her as much as she did him. Who better to help her heal than someone who’d suffered too?

  “Damn,” she whispered. “Why do you have to make this so tough?”

  * * * * *

  Sleep was hard to come by and Shadow felt as if he’d gotten little to none of it when he finally rolled out of bed after the sun had risen. The cabin was so quiet he feared waking Beauty if he opened the door to go downstairs in search of food. It came as a relief when his cell phone vibrated and he answered the call.

  “Are there as many trees outside as I’ve been told?”

  “Wrath!” The sound of a masculine voice was never more welcome. “How are you and Lauren?”

  “We are very good. Lauren and her cat love the house. I am appreciating every room with her.” He chuckled. “That is a sexual reference. I went for a run this morning and imagine my surprise when I heard you’d been assigned to escort a Gift Female to Reservation.”

  “Um, yes.” He sat back down, running his fingers through the short strands of his hair. It annoyed him how quickly it grew since he’d stopped cutting it for the task force. “I was.”

  “Have you shared sex?”

  “No.”

  “Why not? I was told that was the purpose of sending you both to a cabin. To give you privacy.”


  Resentment burned. “Mercile no longer controls me.”

  The silence lengthened into almost half a minute. “You feel pushed into this? You’re comparing the NSO to Mercile? That is the way I understand your statement.”

  “Yes. It’s a new breeding experiment without the technicians to handle us and no locks to keep us here. It’s still expected for us to share sex.”

  “Is that how the female feels?”

  “I don’t think so. She, um…” He wasn’t sure how to word it.

  “She what?”

  “I was told she wanted to be alone with me.”

  “She’s interested in you but you don’t feel the same? You feel no sexual attraction?”

  “I do. She’s beautiful.” His voice lowered. “Sweet. Innocent. But she’s a Gift Female, Wrath. She’s small and a primate mix. I feel monstrous in size compared to her.”

  “You will fit. Take your time. I feared that with Lauren. They stretch down there to accommodate your girth. Just don’t go too deep until her body has become accustomed to yours.”

  “That isn’t my fear. I suppose it partly is…but mostly I’m afraid of losing control.”

  “I understand. I suffered those same anxieties about Lauren. I had to trust myself to know I wouldn’t strike out at her if I had a bad moment. You just need to remember she is flesh and blood, not those videos and machines. We’re free. Our bodies are no longer harnessed for pain and humiliation while our seed is stolen. You won’t forget that while you are touching her. Shed that fear. I know what I’m talking about.”

  “I know you do. I keep having flashbacks to what was done to us.”

  “You are unable to get an erection?” Wrath whispered, a hint his mate was nearby and he wanted to protect his friend from the humiliation of anyone else knowing if that was his problem. “There are pills for that. You should discuss it with a doctor. We see commercials for that all the time. They say it’s not just physical issues but sometimes emotional ones.”

  “My dick gets hard all the time. My body reacts to her. It’s the fear that cock blocks me.”