Strangers & Secrets

by Jai T J

  This was another thing her mind hid from her. She never thought about this letter since then. She folded it neatly back and kept it back inside the cover. She put everything in the same bag and organized it based on her need and walked out of the kitchen.

  Hiran was waiting outside her house. She came out carrying a handbag and a large travel bag. For an ordinary eye, it would look like a weekend getaway or New year vacation. She threw the large one on the trunk and got inside the passenger side with her handbag. Hiran started the car, and she embarked on her way to get the other part of the answer.

  Somewhere in Uttar Pradesh, over 1200 miles away from her home. She was sitting in the car, outside a small hotel. The department of police helped them with that man’s last registered location from a local burglar case.

  It’s the eighth day and the investigation was tiresome and didn’t yield any good results so far. At first, she was hyper-energized, searching with the help of Government officials to identify him from the combination of records in the stored archive and facial recognition software. Hiran meanwhile approached for help from his department. Sadly, nothing worked in their advantage.

  He was missing from all the identification records. He was practically living off the grid. How can one find a person with no identity or information and that too with a hastily drawn sketch?

  Her lawyer tried to call her again and again. She ignored the call in her busy hunt. They both didn’t sleep the previous night, and she barely ate anything since they reached. Hiran came, carrying two plates of naan and paneer masala.

  “I’m not hungry for this” She said lowering the window on her side.

  “I know. Just give me a company at least” He said handing over a plate to her.

  She hesitated at first and then her stomach took in charge. The more time it took to see him, the more she began to lose herself. It was like she had a map to treasure but the treasure itself was missing.

  “How long should we search? How do we find him?” She asked chewing a piece of paneer cube.

  “The local police agreed to help us. They have been searching too and if they find anything they will keep us updated and there is a private detective service who happens to be a friend from my batch. He says he can get some dirty works done through local bandits, so both police and criminals are searching for this man”

  None of the word in his sentence satisfied her. She knew she won’t get anything by depending on others. If you have to do something, you gotta do it yourself. Her father’s word came to her mind. It’s a risky business but her desperation had no limitations. She wanted to find him herself.

  After reaching their hotel, Hiran recited the next day’s plan and status updation from the police department to her. He bid her good night and went to his room.

  That was two hours ago. She knew sleep was not the option right now. She was sitting in her bed, in front of the tall mirror with a pulled down shirt on one side, revealing the thick scars that run above her chest. The whole room was dark except the area illuminated by the smoke-less candle sitting in her palm.

  The candle has been burning for an hour and it came to a size of an inch. She held her hand in front of her face, with melting wax running over her palm. The skin burned at first under the hot molten liquid, but then she got used to the sensation. It solidified as it covered her whole palm, dripping from the side.

  Her other hand traced the long scar across her chest as she looked at herself in the mirror. Her skin colors highlighted even a tiny freckle in the flickering flame. She struggled hard to stop her growing urge to pour the melting candle on the scar.

  She blew the candle and scraped out the dried out candle out of her hand. She pulled back her shirt and buttoned it as she rose up and pushed the door to the balcony. The blow of wind made the curtains fly as she walked out. The moon above was in a complete circle with the ocean of fluffy clouds racing toward it.

  Her hand was still burning and so was her anger. She was afraid that she might lose his face again. She tried to see his face every minute and every time she saw that face, she felt terrible for failing to find him. She went back to her room and began donning her burka. The clock on her phone blinked 2:35 as she walked out of the room with her bag. The guy on the reception gawked at her as she left the hotel.

  The street was so dark except the fluorescent street lamp illuminating the hotel’s billboard. She began walking down the sidewalk. Except for the noise of crickets, the night has sunken in silence.

  She pushed herself toward where there was less light. She walked deep and deep into the darkness. Her head started to ache. Her mind couldn’t relax. Her desperation pushed her hard out the boundaries.

  She felt someone following her. She saw a dark figure striding toward her from her back. She gained her speed and vanished completely into the darkness between tall walls and waited for the stalker to follow her.

  “You need to stop this” It was Hiran’s voice.

  “I can’t. I won’t stop until I find him” She said coming out of the shadow.

  “You need sleep high-five. I am not going back unless you find him. I promised you that. But now you have to get back and take some rest”

  “I can’t sleep Hiran”

  “I can help you with that” He said, and she went half-heartedly with him back to the hotel.

  Three days passed, she woke up in a different bed in a different city of U.P. They reached there, after the tip given by the local police. She slept well despite all the hectics and disappointments for the past three days with the help of a strong sleeping pill he gave. She pushed her hair away from her face and made herself sit.

  A quick knock from outside startled her. She pulled the blanket and climbed out of her bed. She looked at herself in the mirror on her way to the door. She was a mess. She couldn’t keep her eyes open. It was begging to be closed.

  “Hey, get ready. It’s done” Hiran said as she opened the door.

  “What?” She widened her shrunk eyes, rubbing the side of her head.

  “We found him. Get ready” He said before running back to his room.

  She couldn’t believe what she just heard. Her search has finally come to an end. She went back and looked for her travel bag. This was the day she has been waiting for the past two years. She pulled out the wrapped clothes out of it and ran to the bathroom grabbing a towel.

  Dear Stranger,

  There is no right or wrong. Everything just happens, and we can only give reasons that suit best for us. The pain was real and I can only speak for that. I cannot make the same mistake again and I cannot trust anyone, not even myself.

  People blamed me when it happened. People will blame me when they know what I am going to do. There is no single truth which will set everyone free. Life is full of lies and only death is pure and honest.

  The burning light slowly kills the dripping candle and the whole world stays happy as the candle dies. I have been holding the candle of life for so long but when the time comes, I have to blow the candle to see the truth hidden in darkness. Reflection isn’t reality. It’s the illusion. ‘Nothing’ is the real ‘Real’.

  She folded the letter but the words resonated in her ears as she looked outside. She was in the same red skirt and black sweater she wore last time when she met this man. Hiran was driving the car. Her heart was pulsing. As the distance between them reduced, she remembered every freaking detail from her pain filled memories. She felt like the same when she was running up the escalator with a broken arm.

  Hiran was saying something but her mind was submerged on that metro night. The car came to a stop around a corner of the road. She realized it wasn’t stopped for traffic. She looked at him and saw the answer pouring out of his eyes.

  “He is over there” He said pointing at a group of men standing at the end of the road. “We have guys waiting on your command. If you want to kill him, we can take somewhere and do it off the chart or if you want to do something else, we can just bring him back wher
ever you want.”

  “You are a terrible friend, Hira. Thank you for everything you have done, now ask them to go home”

  “Are you sure?”

  She nodded keeping her eyes front.

  I cannot rewrite my past and I cannot accept his doing. I’ve done some serious mistakes before but what I am going to do right now is not going to be another mistake of mine.

  My scream echoes in my mind. My tears burn down my cheek. The pain, oh my pain -

  She watched the gang of three in a smudgy shirt smoking and chatting. A black colored van crossed them, came toward her car and turned other side and slowly vanished from her eyesight. She looked at him and he nodded slowly.

  “You wait here” She took her bag and got out of the car.

  I know I won’t be regretting this for what I am doing. It’s not what I want to do nor It’s what I have to do, It’s something more and I’m not sure you will understand this. But I’ve come to this conclusion after very long consideration.

  She began taking her step toward meeting the man who changed her life drastically. The ripped fringes in skirt flew backward as she walked toward the group.

  The sun above her burned the skin. Sweats began to trail down the sides of her scalp. She couldn’t feel anything that was happening to her. She checked her bag for one last time. Her workplace tools and her friend’s protective gift were all in place and loaded.

  Despite the confusion running through the mind and the advice of many, she knew her decision. She made through half the way toward them. They were laughing without noticing a bright color floating toward them.

  It all comes to this. The one thing I never thought I will be doing in my entire life. The darkest faith in my burning life. There is no turning back now. I can only go forward in this dark road or stay near this little source of light what we called as fair life.

  She came close enough to see their faces. The two faces standing in front of the wrecked car wasn’t the face from her nightmare. One was very thin and another was quite dark with a scar on his forehead. The third guy sitting on the bent car door was facing the other ways.

  They were almost ten feet away from her. She startled when her phone buzzed. She turned off the phone and threw it back into her bag. The guy on the right noticed her first and brought the world-famous Indian’s staring face. The other guy joined him and their laughing faces slowly transformed into a blunt gawking.

  The third guy turned back with laughter in his face. His face turned drastically from buoyant to shock in microseconds. He recognized her the moment he saw her eyes. He took a step back, looking around for traps. She was alone in the long street. He wasn’t stable. The cigarette in his hand slipped and fell on his toe. His leg jerked back and forth looking at her face than the burning embers.

  He couldn’t see any anger on her face. She was calm and breathing deeply. The two men on his side looked at him for some explanation. There was no way to run back in the dead-end street.

  “I have something that belongs to you?” She broke the silence and put her hand inside the bag.

  He took a step back and others understood his caution and took a precaution.

  She pulled out the long trail of gold chain she has been preserving in her refrigerator and brought it toward him. He hesitated at first and then cautiously raised his arm forward. She tilted her hand, letting the chain slide off her hand to his.

  He stared at the piece of gold in his palm. He didn’t know what to do. His anxiety peaked and his eyes trailed all over the place. He looked at her from top to bottom.

  “Can I talk to you alone for a minute?” She asked.

  Both his partner looked at him and back to her. He froze with his mouth hung open.

  “Can I talk to you alone for a minute?” She repeated her request again.

  The other two men stepped backward and began walking toward the end of the street leaving them alone but yet keeping an eye on him.

  She moved herself in front of him, blocking the other men from her view. She fished inside the bag once again. She felt the chilling metal inside it. Her fingers trailed the butt of the 9mm. After spending more than a week, she couldn’t figure out what to do after meeting him but when she got out of the car 5 minutes ago, she realized what she was going to do with him.

  She pulled out the last gift she received from her dearest person. She held it in her hand, pointing toward him. He was confused looking at it. This is not the forgiveness her priest recommended. It wasn’t the detailed torture plan she made up every night. This was something else.

  There is only one thing I can do and It’s a very hard thing to even consider. It’s burning me inside every night and I cannot live with that. I can never forgive him for what he did to me nor I can forget. But... But I choose my path and I hereby do my sacrifice.

  This is hard but I must do it. So, I forgo my desire to give it back to him.

  I forgo my burning rage to avenge him.

  It’s not easy but I FORGO.

  “I want to take a selfie with you” She said turning the Polaroid and raised it above her face.

  Just as he looked at the camera with odd happenstance, she clicked the flash and the captured photo rolled out of it.

  “Now, you have something that I want” She said flapping the picture in the air.

  And forgive me if you can.

  Yours Anonymously,

  Daughter of Nation

  Chapter 28

  WHERE ARE YOU?

  She should have died. He threw her on the track and left. But her father was on time or not, he lifted her and pushed her up on the platform, almost 4 feet high. It was a hard call and there wasn’t much time.

  He didn’t know whether she was alive or not. He didn’t want time to think. He just did. He pushed her out of the way, and he saved her. She lied there with her hands pointing at him. With her bleeding face turned toward him and the whirring sound approaching, he knew only one thing. It was all his mistake.

  His mistake of failing to teach her daughter to live in this world. His mistake of failing to be there when she needed him. His mistake to leave her right there.

  The sound was less than a few feet, but he couldn’t take his eyes off hers. The same eyes which stared at him when he held her in his arms for the first time. The same lips which kissed him when he visited her on the boarding school. The same fingers which hugged him when he said goodbye.

  He didn’t want to say goodbye this time. He begged inside to get those hugs. This time he won’t be returning.

  Her eyes slowly closed and when she opened -

  Yuleika had a peaceful sleep without any medication. She looked at the bedside clock and it was almost 9. She got what she wanted from him. Even if her mind chooses to forget him again, She doesn’t have to worry about it.

  More than that, on her way back she also decided what to do with Devin. She knew there was no upside in any of the things happening around her. Either way, someone’s going to leave from her life. It’s in giving her number or opening the door for him.

  She expected her father, waiting with a morning coffee but it was empty with a morning ray of light. She came down to the hall and searched for him. She looked at the pool, his bedroom and every corner of the house. He wasn’t in her home anymore.

  She felt the loneliness in her very home for the first time. The place looked vast and emotionless. Her first laughter as a young child running in the hall echoed in her mind. She closed her eyes and saw the powerful eyes of her lifetime hero smiling at her.

  She knew the repercussion of her decision. She came back to the reality she chose and climbed back to her room.

  After 30 minutes, she came down donning a white Georgette long skirt lehenga and a matching buttoned down jacket type choli. She checked her mobile after her longtime journey. She stood at the last step seeing the last number called her. It was Devin.

  She couldn’t fathom how he got her number. This was the second time he did something out of he
r expectation. She saw the other missed calls, and they were all from her lawyer. She swiped right, calling her advocate on the way out of her home.

  The busy tone repeated as she called again and again. She threw the phone inside her car before getting in. Her house looked bigger than it did before as she revved the engine. The gate slid open as she flew out of her home.

  She couldn’t believe the loose end on how he got her number. It wasn’t even crackable by the technicians in the police department. A highly encrypted secured system specially designed by RAW for the use of their agents alone.

  She drove through the empty road. She wondered if there was another protest ongoing. She couldn’t help but her father’s image was constantly haunting her every time she blinked. Her mind struggled to adapt to her new life.