by Marian Tee
"Yes, Your Highness."
George, Estrella thought. A Fae lieutenant about her age, and one whom the twins believed had a promising future in the military.
"Be ready to leave at 2000h," Lysander said.
They were supposed to leave at midnight, Estrella thought. Was the change to preempt any move on Domenico's part?
George cleared his throat. "If I may ask, Your Highness..."
"What is it?"
"We were wondering about the princess---"
There was a moment of silence, and then she heard Lysander answer coldly, "Estrella won't have any part in tonight's offensive."
"Ah." George's bewilderment was audible in his voice.
"If there's nothing else---"
Since Lysander's tone made it very clear there better not be anything else, the lieutenant quickly snapped to attention and left as soon as the prince dismissed him.
Lysander and Fina were alone now, and Estrella couldn't keep her hackles from rising at the scent of lust radiating from the spymaster. How could she have not noticed this before? How could she have been so blind?
"I'm sorry for that," the prince was saying. "I know you think it's best not to let the people know the truth, but this farce has gone on far enough. They must be made to know you are the real hero of the Miller Mine battle---"
Estrella almost choked. What was Lysander saying?
"I shall speak with the men---"
"Please don't, Your Highness!" Fina was clearly panicking.
As she should be, Estrella thought furiously, since the other woman had obviously fed her husband a pack of lies. Fina had done nothing but watch that night, and not once had she interfered, even after seeing Estrella literally fight for her life several times.
And at that time, she had been such a huge fool, believing the spymaster when Fina told her it was for Estrella to prove her mettle. Now, she wasn't so sure at all.
"It might affect the men's morales and cause them to make mistakes," Fina was saying in a rush. "And besides it doesn't matter anymore. I've gotten used to it, and I believe they'll eventually discover the truth on their own---"
"Either way, how you're being treated isn't right. If I could afford to lose you, I'd have you serve in a wealthier court."
"You should've married me," the spymaster said jokingly, "then my services would've been free."
Estrella waited for Lysander to reprimand the other woman for her insolence.
But the prince didn't say a word.
Lysander shifted into his other form as soon as he was able to make a plausible excuse to leave Fina's presence. He loped into a run, his otherworldly speed turning him into a blur that had even Fae soldiers in the area gasping.
But no matter how fast he ran, he was of course unable to outrun the outraged demands of his inner beasts. It was spitting mad, wanting to know why he had not disabused the spymaster of all hopes about replacing Estrella. It had wanted Lysander to put Fina in place and tell the woman in no uncertain terms that she had been speaking out of line.
But where was the honor in that, Lysander growled defensively, when Fina had been his original choice?
The beast growled back and sank its claws into Lysander's soul to make its thoughts known. You owe her nothing. The woman never knew she was your first choice. The claws sank deeper, and Lysander's physical body shuddered in pain. Be true to yourself. You cared not about hurting her. You chose not to admonish her because of fear. You fear the strength of your feelings for your mate. She has disappointed and failed you, and yet you love her still. You fear what may happen if she betrays you---
A howl tore out of Lysander's throat. You know the prophecy as well as I do. Of course I damn well fear what will happen if I give free reins to my feelings. With a furious shake of his head, Lysander broke into another run, climbing up the steepest edges of his property. But the beast would not be silenced. The mating bond does not require love. Those feelings are all your own.
What the fuck are you getting to?
The beast pulled its claws out. It is not for me to speak. You'll know soon enough. But by then, it might be too late.
21
Estrella was in a daze as she slowly made her way back to the tower room. As she made no attempt to conceal her return, the guards outside her door sputtered in surprise at seeing an easily recognizable white wolf climbing up the steps. Protocol would require them to inform a higher-up about her "escape", and she could already tell from their uneasy expressions that neither of them were looking forward to doing so.
Back inside her gilded prison, she found herself continuing to move in autopilot as she shifted out and dressed herself. Throughout it, the spymaster's throaty drawl played over and over in her mind---
You should've married me, then my services would've been free.
Just thinking about the words made Estrella sick to her stomach. It was something she could easily imagine a black widow would have used to lure someone in its web. The invitation in Fina's words had been unmistakably and shamelessly blatant. There was no way for anyone to misconstrue the woman's meaning, and no one would've questioned the prince's right to admonish Fina for it.
But he hadn't.
Not a single word had been spoken, not even to politely dissuade the spymaster from pursuing such thoughts. Instead, all the prince had done was speak of something else before taking his leave. Not a single word of censure or reproach. Not one. And that was what Estrella couldn't understand.
Didn't he tell her that he was the one man she shouldn't ever worry about being unfaithful? That having Ammon inside him made all women unimportant? So why hadn't he said a word? Why?
She considered confronting Lysander about it, but the mere thought was enough to make her heart stutter in pain. She had become braver over the years about a lot of things, but not over that. Never ever over losing Lysander. He was the only man she had ever loved, and losing him would always be her greatest fear.
So where did that leave her then? Should she speak to Fina? But with all the lies the spy had spouted, how could she trust Fina to speak the truth?
The twins were her only chance of finding out what exactly was going on between Fina and her husband. She could trust them to tell the truth, but she had to ask them in such a way that it wouldn't make them feel disloyal to their prince.
It would mean practicing deception, something that Lyccans like her naturally abhorred. Her race was the blunt and impatient kind, and they liked to do things in the open, whether it had to do with loving someone...or killing them.
Even before she heard the knocking on her door, the twins' scent alerted Estrella to their presence, and she slowly came to her feet. "Come in."
"Princess." Aluin wore a heavy frown on his face. "The guards informed us of your unnecessary little escapade---"
"Fina and the prince are hiding something from me," she cut him off in a faint, strained voice, and her heart lurched when she saw Aluin's jaw clamp shut at her words. "You know what it is, don't you?" She saw the twins exchange looks, and her heart died. She had played her cards right, after all, but it was a victory she'd rather have done without.
Alain was mentally cursing the prince to perdition. What the hell had Lysander been thinking? Telling Fina the truth only gave the other woman ammunition to hurt the one person who was innocent in all this.
"I'm sorry, princess," Alain said finally. "I don't believe it's our place to speak---"
"You owe me this, Alain." Estrella's voice shook. "You know you do...after what happened."
Alain flinched.
"I'm sure you had your reasons for doing what you did," Estrella said unsteadily, "but you could've come to me first. You could've let me know---"
"If we had told you," Alain said heavily, "you might've been forced to defy the prince---"
"He already thinks I went behind his back, Alain," she pointed out helplessly. "And I haven't done anything." She swallowed hard. "So tell me. You owe me this." She waited for her
friend to speak, but when Alain still refused to divulge anything, she could feel her eyes starting to burn. "Please, Alain." And now, her entire body was shaking, her every effort focused on keeping her tears at bay. "I don't want---" Her voice caught, and she swallowed back a sob. "I d-don't want to hear the truth from Fina."
Both men stiffened, and their stricken expressions made it obvious that such a thought hadn't occurred to either of them at all.
Aluin was struggling with his guilt. This was their fault, dammit. Not the prince's, not even Fina's, despite being the world's most infuriating bitch. All of this was their fault, and it would only get worse, and the princess more hurt, if Fina was given the chance to crow about her being the prince's first choice.
Aluin inhaled deeply just before he heard himself say, "The letter we gave you that night, princess..."
Alain jerked when he realized what his twin was about to say. "Aluin, goddammit, no---"
But it was already too late.
Because they saw in the princess' eyes that she already knew.
"It was supposed to be for Fina," Estrella said dully. "Wasn't it?"
The twins couldn't stand the look on the princess' face, and they started speaking. Fast.
We never thought she'd suit the prince as his mate. We believed you were the better choice for him. We were even more convinced when she started making trouble as soon as she came back.
But all the words just made things worse. We, we, we. Didn't they realize they were making it so painfully obvious that she was their choice and not Lysander's?
"The prince was pressed for time." Aluin was doing his best to defend Lysander's decision in the face of the princess' growing pallor. "He was under a lot of pressure to keep the kingdom safe---" A tiny sob from Estrella cut him off, and he stared in appalled shock when the princess started swaying. "Princess?" Shit. What had he said?
Estrella could no longer see past the blur of tears that filmed her gaze. Keep my kingdom safe for me. A hysterical laugh almost bubbled past her lips. Oh God. Those were the very words he wrote, the very words that gave her the strength and power to face all the challenges that went with wearing the crown. And yet as it turned out...those words had never been for her.
He had never trusted her. Never chose her. Maybe never even loved her.
"I understand now," she whispered. "Thank you for telling me the truth."
"Princess---"
Estrella shook her head. "If it's alright, I'd like a moment alone please. I need some time to...think. Please."
Alain and Aluin were reluctant to leave, but the look on the princess' face left them no choice. It was too damn obvious she was seconds away from breaking down, and just as obvious was the fact that she couldn't bear having anyone see her cry.
And they were right.
The tears fell the moment the twins pulled the doors shut behind them. She tried, she really tried to keep it together, tried to keep the sounds of her tears to herself, but then she thought of how all this time it was just never her---
Misty.
Fina.
In different times of Lysander's life, those women had been his choice. He had chosen to care for them. Trust them. And Estrella...she had thought that she was one of them.
But she was not.
Because he had never...
Never chosen her.
The realization was just too much, and her hands flew up to cover her mouth as a memory razed her mind---
Only you...matter.
That was what he had said.
And it will...always...only...be...you.
That was what he had promised, and she had believed him, not knowing that she was never his Ammon inside him that demanded Lysander to stay true to their bond. He had been lying to her all this time, and oh God, oh God, but she hadn't even known. Had been so stupidly in love that she hadn't realized she wasn't his choice and that she wasn't giving him a choice. She had been forcing herself on him like a stupid, pathetic fool---
I love you.
She had even dared say such words every time they made love, and oh God, he had been forced to listen to her, even forced to say---
It is the same for me, my Star.
But that was a lie. Everything was a lie. He had NO CHOICE but to lie. Because he had NEVER CHOSEN her.
Never.
And it was then that everything became too much, and she could no longer stay silent, could only start weeping controllably as shame ripped her part. Oh God. Oh God. Her body shook at each sob that heaved out of her. Oh God. How can I ever face him now?
The sound of the princess' sobs was heartwrenching, and the Fae guards standing outside her door found themselves gritting their teeth as they felt their own eyes burn. All of a sudden, they started remembering how it was Estrella who had been their symbol of hope in the past two years they had struggled to maintain their race's independence and pride. She had fought for them, defended them, even risked her own life to save ordinary Faes. So what the hell were they doing, treating her like some prisoner?
22
Don't do it. Don't even think of it. Just leave.
It was the right thing to do, the only way to show his wife that he wouldn't stand for her interference.
So stop thinking about her, dammit.
And yet, he found this impossible to do. He kept seeing her face in his mind, and she wasn't...she goddamn wasn't shining the way he always thought of her. He would be talking to his generals, and he would still see her. He would be going through the final checks of their mission, and her face still wouldn't his mind. And not once, in all the minutes she lingered in his thoughts, not fucking once did she shine.
Even when he had walked back to the house just to have a moment alone, one moment to close his eyes and try to imagine her shining---
It just wouldn't fucking come.
Almost as if a part of his soul had sensed all the light going out of her.
The thought was terrifying, and he was suddenly moving, bounding up the steps as his heart beat madly against his chest. When he reached the tower room, the guards posted outside the doors had a stoic look on their faces.
"What is it?" he asked curtly.
"The princess..." The younger man swallowed hard. "She's been crying, Your Highness."
Ah.
His chest clenched hard. God. His fingers tightened around the knob. Let me not hurt her again. He closed his eyes. Please. It didn't matter if this thought made him weak. Didn't matter that it meant risking history to repeat itself. He loved her. Both beast and man loved her, and once this battle was over, he would find a way to make things right.
He would---
The knob under his fingers rattled, the doors being pulled open from the other side.
A moment later, and she was standing in front of him, beautiful and regal, with only the faintest trace of tears marring her pale cheeks.
It was just like his Star, Lysander thought painfully, to come out and face him...even though both of them knew she had to have heard what the guard said.
"Your Highness."
Her voice was achingly soft, but what made him jerk was hearing the way she addressed him. She had always called him by his name, and his jaw clenched against the urge to demand why she couldn't do so now.
"Have you come to say goodbye?"
Lysander's nod was taut. "We'll be leaving as soon as I join them."
"I see."
"The twins will remain here for your protection."
"Thank you."
Her short, generic replies frustrated the hell out of him, and the walls that she suddenly had up in her mind even more so. Did this mean she could've always hidden her thoughts from him if she wanted to? And if so, did it mean that the thoughts she showed him were all deliberate?
For that to be true, it would mean having to think of his wife as cunning and deceitful, but he couldn't - just fucking wouldn't accept that. She was young and misguided. That was all. But the Star he first met was still in t
here, and he would do everything possible to have her shining again.
"We'll talk when I get back," he heard himself say.
Silence.
Lysander's jaw clenched. "I know there have been a lot of misunderstandings between us, but we'll fix it." His voice became fierce. "We can and we will fix it." And when she still didn't say a thing, he cupped her chin, leaving her no choice but to lift her gaze to his. "We can fix this---" The unexpected touch of her lips put an end to his words, with Estrella suddenly raising herself on her toes and curving her arms around him.
She had never initiated contact like this before, and he was stunned and perplexed. Worried even. He tried to pull away, but her lips pressed harder just as she started rubbing her breasts against his chest. Please. You know we need to do this. You need a clear mind later. Her hips pushed against his erection as she spoke, Estrella grinding her pussy against his crotch.
Shit.
His control was gone in a flash, his hands ripping her clothes away in the next moment. But she didn't murmur a single protest, and as he pushed her to bend down and shoved his engorged cock into her from behind, he found his wife already wet and quivering for her possession.
Their coupling was fast and furious, his grunts and her pants the only sounds in the room. In moments, both of them were cumming, his fingers dipping into the silky flesh of her hips.
He was breathing hard as he slowly pulled out of her, but the moment he tried to turn her to face him, it was then her tears scented the air, and Lysander immediately became agitated. What's wrong? his wife only shook her head and instead threw herself at him. His arms went around her, just as she pressed her face against his chest. "Just p-please come back safely---" Her voice caught, and it was only then that he realized how much she was struggling to keep her tears in check and not make him worry.
Take care of yourself. Please. She fought hard to keep him from hearing her shame. Making love to him no longer felt right, now that she knew the truth, but she also knew she could never let him go without any contact. The man in him might never have loved her, might never have chosen her, but none of those things would matter to the beast inside of him.