I whipped around. “Could you—”
“Lock up?” Allison interrupted. “No problem. Have a wonderful time.”
“After the day we had, I’m not sure if ‘wonderful’ is the word,” I said.
“Don’t let it bother you,” Allison said. “We’ll get through this together.”
Her words lingered in my mind as I raced out of the building and toward the train. Would it be fine? Or were we doomed from the start and too stubborn to see it?
I texted Reese, letting him know I was running late before I lost service in the tunnels. As I descended the stairs toward the subway, I crossed my fingers and prayed that Peter’s encounter was only a fluke.
Chapter 21
In preparation for our date, I picked one of the more exclusive places in the city for us. I’d arrived fifteen minutes early to secure the table. But when it came to exclusive places, the seating was a little tricky. The staff didn’t know me from a hole in the wall, so unless Paige got to the restaurant soon, we were going to have to give up the table. It was hard enough to get seated without the other person in the party, and I skimmed a fine line.
The waitress, a pretty blonde, came by the table for the sixth time in twenty minutes. “Do you need more water?”
She was edging along the slope of getting a shitty tip, but I knew it wasn’t her fault. She probably lived on her tips and knew an entire meal would give her a better chance at making rent this month.
I slicked my hair back and sipped from my water glass. I wasn’t about to order wine if Paige wasn’t going to show up. I had enough money, but I wasn’t desperate for this table. If they didn’t want to wait ten minutes, then fuck them. They didn’t deserve my money.
“I’m good for right now,” I said. “My date is coming. She texted.” I pointed at my phone, even though I hadn’t heard from Paige. The service on the train was spotty, but she had said she was on her way. If these people could hold on for a half hour, it would be worth their while.
The waitress chewed on her lip and glanced at the door. There were several people on the wait list, biding their time for a situation like mine. She didn’t explicitly tell me she wanted me to leave, but her body language spoke volumes.
I decided to wait her out a little longer. I texted Paige again, but if she were on the train, then she’d probably not have service. I should have picked her up for the date. The restaurant was closer to my side of town, but I underestimated how much work she’d have in the new office with her employees. She’d mentioned she wanted to show them the 3-D rendering of the building, but she was never late. Had something else happened to her? Or was she overwhelmed with all her work?
I never really cared enough about anyone to question motives and other things going on in their lives until Paige. She mixed me up in too many ways, and I wondered if us together was a good idea at all. The deal weighed on me, and I had less than a day to figure it out. Jonah’s text earlier in the morning had been on my mind.
I’d already made the date with Paige, so in some ways, it worked out for us. Though, in the end, it wouldn’t work out at all. I had to be sure I’d wrapped up everything with Paige before leaving. This was going to be tough, but I wasn’t going to disappear on her, even if she was the one missing right now.
I sucked down the rest of my water, but my body temperature spiked. My waitress stood by the serving station with another girl, and they both stared at me. I was under enough pressure. I didn’t need their looks of pity.
I watched my clock count down five minutes before I shoved away from the table. I slapped a twenty-dollar bill on the surface. That should be enough for her time. I navigated around the nicely dressed couples and headed for the door. My phone pulsed, and I grabbed it right before I heard my name.
Looking up, I saw Paige standing in the doorway. I couldn’t help the smile splitting my face. I walked over to her and reached my hand out, pulling her close to me.
“I’m sorry—”
“It’s fine,” I interrupted. “We’re over here.” For some reason, I wanted to show off to the waitress that I wasn’t some loser who was stood up by a beautiful woman. She’d get an amazing tip and possibly learn about judging people by their looks.
The waitress hadn’t returned to the table before we sat down. I glanced across the room and caught her eyes before waving her over. Her smug smile flattened, and yet I still held mine. I slipped the twenty from the table before either woman could see it. I didn’t want to let the waitress know that I, in fact, hadn’t been sure if Paige would show up. That secret would stay with me.
“I hope you weren’t waiting long,” Paige said.
I waved her comment away. “Don’t worry about it. You’re here now. That’s all that matters.”
The waitress stumbled over the specials, and I was sure to order one of the most expensive bottles of wine from the restaurant’s collection.
“Very well,” the waitress said and turned on her heel to get our order started.
My shoulders relaxed as I sat back in my chair. All was well with the world when I was with Paige.
Once we were alone, Paige apologized again. “I got in my head about… something today. It was stupid—”
“That’s behind us now,” I said. “Tell me. Did they like the design?”
She smiled so broadly that my insides warmed. “They loved it. I can’t believe how well this all has come together.”
“Well, you’ve done a lot of the work.”
“I could never do what you did,” she said. “You created something so beautiful out of nothing.”
“It wasn’t out of nothing,” I said.
“Well, you know what I mean.”
“No.” I wanted her to know the truth. My heart beat like a hummingbird’s wings. There was so much I wanted to say, one night wouldn’t cover it. But I had to try. I’d been a fool to wait so long to tell her, but my selfishness had won. I reached across the table and took her hands in mine. “You are in every line and stroke of that building. I etched your essence into the structure. The building wouldn’t exist without you.”
She dipped her chin to her chest. “You sure know how to flatter a woman.”
“I’m not trying to flatter you,” I said.
She raised an eyebrow, trying to call my bluff.
What was I trying to do? “It’s the truth about the craft. I wanted to let you know that you had more to do with it than you think.”
“Well, in any case, everyone loved it.” Her smile faltered.
I cocked my head to the side, narrowing my eyes toward her. Something still bothered her. Had one of the employees not impressed her? She would tell me if there was something wrong with the building. So, what could it be? A question stalled on the tip of my tongue. The employee’s approval meant a lot to her, and she received it from them. But if there was something bothering her about our relationship, I also didn’t want to say anything. Unlike the other night, I wasn’t going to give her a false sense of security. Hell, I shouldn’t have even done it then.
Was this the time to discuss it? I didn’t see any better night. Jonah would send me wherever he needed me, and I doubted he’d make it easy and have Paige in the same city, let alone the same state. He already knew how much she meant to me. He’d never give me the opportunity for distraction. Maybe it was better this way. At least I could sever the ties cleanly, no matter how much it hurt.
I decided to wait until after dinner. I wanted some good last moments with Paige that I could look back on during whatever assignment Jonah gave me.
My steak tasted like cardboard, which wasn’t the chef’s fault at all. My nerves about what was to come sneaked into my head, and I couldn’t seem to shake them loose. I tried to pay attention to Paige and the conversation about her work. I knew I did okay, since she didn’t question me, but I almost wished she was in my head. I tried to take mental snapshots of her smiles and laughter, but each image blackened and frayed at the edges as the looming deal crept
closer.
Soon enough, the large dining room started to close in on me, and I needed to get some air. I no longer held the confidence I had when I came back into the restaurant.
When the waitress came over to ask about dessert, I told her I wanted the check. Even Paige seemed surprised by my bluntness, but I couldn’t help it. I could barely sign my name on the receipt.
“Is everything all right?” Paige asked.
I put the pen down, even though my hand still trembled. “I need to talk to you about something.”
“Okay,” she said, narrowing her eyes.
“Do you want to get some ice cream?” I asked.
“Sure,” she said. A smile quirked her lips but didn’t quite reach her eyes. She knew something was going on. She wasn’t an idiot. But I had to get out of the restaurant. I needed air, and I didn’t want Paige to stifle her reaction to be polite. I wanted her to react and scream at me if she felt like it. I was about to turn our relationship upside down, and I owed her as much as I could.
On the way out of the restaurant, I took her hand in an attempt to memorize the way it felt in mine. I wished I had more time to prepare for this. I’d ignored it until the last second, and instead of having the perfect speech in mind, my mind was a jumble of words, none of them in the correct order or with the opportunity to make any sense if I tried to speak them aloud.
I wasn’t about to get into a car with her because I knew she’d want to talk in a more secluded setting. With each passing second, I became increasingly aware of how much I acted like a dick. The other night stuck in my head. I assured her that nothing was wrong and then slept with her. If she looked back to that moment, she might think I’d done it to get one last lay with her before leaving. But it wasn’t the case.
Using that as a jumping-off point, I thought of what I could say to convey how amazing she was, but that I wasn’t the right fit for her. It was the only way to go. Paige was perfect in every way, and I wasn’t about to become that dick guy in her past who used and abused her. I wouldn’t be able to move on if she looked at me that way, even though I completely deserved it.
We walked toward the bright sign with the dancing ice cream cone ahead of us. I allowed Paige to walk into the parlor first, and we silently browsed the menu. My stomach flipped, and I doubted it could handle anything else, but I needed something to do with my hands.
We ordered, and I paid. We both had small cups of ice cream in our hands as we came out onto the sidewalk. There was a small park across the street, and it was the perfect open location to have the discussion. My car wasn’t that far away, so I’d be able to make a quick getaway as needed.
God, I was such a dick. Or at least, that was what it would look like to her.
“What’s going on?” Paige asked. She’d barely touched her ice cream, and I knew the time had come where I had to be completely honest with her. Well, at least as honest as I could be, considering the circumstances. I took a breath and spoke.
Chapter 22
Nothing seemed out of the ordinary when I stepped into the restaurant. I barely had a chance to look at the upscale decor before Reese appeared in front of me. His quick greeting and waving off my apologies felt strange, almost as if he were in a rush to tell me something. Or maybe I thought too much about it. I already felt bad for walking into our date late, but he knew me well enough to know that I wasn’t late without a reason. Today, he didn’t need a reason. It seemed like as long as we were together, everything was fine.
At least until after we ordered. As much as the threats against my company bothered me, it appeared as if whatever plagued Reese’s mind continued to stilt the conversation. His gaze rarely touched mine. A pressure built in my chest, and I wasn’t sure why. I wondered if he’d been in contact with the people threatening me too. If whatever he’d done the first time backfired, I wasn’t going to be the reason for him to be upset.
I wanted to ask him about it, but he was distracted. His eyes were far away and lost in thought. I had a nagging sensation in the back of my mind that there was something more. Unlike other times, I didn’t want to talk about it. In the past, I wanted to be open, but throughout dinner, I had the worst feeling that something had shifted in our relationship, and not in a good way. I didn’t want to be right, so I didn’t test it.
When Reese asked for the check before dessert, I knew something was up. If I didn’t ask about it, then it would be my fault when I walked into an unpleasant situation.
Reese assured me everything was fine, but it was strange that he wanted ice cream after leaving an upscale place. Maybe he preferred the ice cream there. But when we arrived at the ice cream shop, it didn’t seem as if he cared one way or another. He ordered robotically, seeming to pick the first thing in front of him.
My insides twisted as the teen girl took our order and scooped ice cream into small bowls. I glanced at Reese, and his gaze didn’t move away from the girl’s hands. I tried to slow my breathing, but it seemed almost impossible. What was going on? He couldn’t be upset about my tardiness. He had seemed sincere in dismissing my attempts to apologize. And what did he want to talk to me about? Was he going to break up with me?
It didn’t seem like a typical break up. Normally, people tried to get it over with quickly. He could have easily done it at the restaurant. Why drag it on?
When we left the building, Reese led us across the street to a small park. Since it was warmer outside, a lot of people were walking the sidewalks and mingling in the park. Even some families had small children running around, probably trying to tucker them out before bed.
Reese and I sat on a bench, but the moment his butt hit the seat, he stood up again. He paced the length of the bench three times before I opened my mouth to ask, “What’s going on? What did you want to talk about?”
The suspense was too much for me to handle. If he was about to break up with me, I needed him to say it. The span of our relationship flitted through my mind, and I couldn’t pinpoint a reason for him to end things.
Reese placed his cup of ice cream onto the bench and raked his hands through his hair.
I couldn’t stand looking up at him anymore, so I stood too, but I didn’t put the ice cream cup down. My hands were frozen in place, tightly curled around the bowl.
“I’ve had a rough past,” he said in a harsh whisper.
“I know—”
“Please let me get this out,” he said, holding up his hand.
I clamped my mouth shut.
“This relationship we’ve built. It’s something I never thought I could have.”
I waited an appropriate amount of time before I blurted, “What are you trying to say, Reese?” I couldn’t bear to say the words aloud. If he wanted to break it off with me, he had to do it himself.
His blue eyes lifted to mine. “I’m not who you think I am.”
Heat bloomed in my cheeks. “You’re not an architect? A professor? What? I’m having trouble figuring out what you’re trying to say.”
Those warning bells I had from the get-go started to ring in my ears again. He had been the one to push me into this relationship. Was it all for sex? Had it gone stale for him? He never seemed like the type of guy to play games, but from how he acted right now, I wasn’t sure if I knew him at all.
“My past is much worse than I’ve told anyone,” he said.
“That’s obvious,” I said. “You have tattoos and scars all over your body, yet you won’t talk about it. I’ve been available and waiting for you to open up to me. I don’t want you to blame me for this. You didn’t want to talk about them, and I never pushed after you told me you didn’t want to talk about it.”
“I know,” he said quickly. “And I appreciate that more than you will ever know.”
Ever know? The words seemed so vague when it came to discussing our futures. This had to be him breaking up with me. But what was the other night about? There wasn’t time for him to find fault with me. Or was this really about him? Was his past so
horrible that he thought I wouldn’t be able to forgive him? If it were that bad, I wasn’t sure I could.
I regretted not pushing harder, sooner. At least then, maybe I wouldn’t feel the cracking of a breaking heart in my chest.
“Can you spit it out, Reese? You’re making me nervous.”
He sighed. “I have a meeting with an old friend.”
I waited for him to explain more. That was it?
“Are you going away?” I asked, probing him for more. He couldn’t leave it at that. Maybe I was the one overreacting.
“Yes,” he said.
“Okay,” I said, not intending to let distance get between us. Unless he planned to move away for good. But that didn’t make sense. He was supposed to help me with my building. “Was that it?”
“No.”
My chest tightened.
“I have to decide something.”
Could he be any vaguer? This was the time for me to question him, yet I couldn’t bring my mouth to form the words. “Do you need to bounce ideas off me?” Why couldn’t he be straight with me? The tension was torturous.
“No, that’s not—shit—sorry, I didn’t intend for this to happen this way.”
“For what to happen this way?” I couldn’t help the tremble in my voice. He was acting so strangely. I wanted him to tell me what he needed to say, but I already knew how it would turn out.
“Are you happy with your business?” he asked randomly.
“What?” Where had that come from? He was speaking nonsense.
“Are you happy?” he repeated. “With the way your business has flourished and the building I created for you?”
“Is that what this is about? Of course, I’m happy. I told you that already. Did you think something else?”
“I wanted to be sure, before…” He trailed off, further confusing me.
Trying To Be Good Book 2 Page 13