by Amy Cross
“I fear that the day has already been and gone,” he says, with the crucifix still raised. “If you had come to me sooner, Judith, perhaps there might have been something I could have done. But this thing has taken hold of you and I know of no means now by which it can be removed.”
“What would you have me do, then?” I ask, taking another step toward him. “Should I put a noose around my neck and hang myself? Should I cut my wrists? Would either of those sins be enough to cleanse my soul of this demon?”
“I can't help you, Judith,” he replies. “May the Lord forgive me, but I am merely a priest. I have no experience with this kind of possession.”
“Then help me find someone who does have the experience,” I continue. “Please, before it's too -”
Suddenly a great pain erupts in my chest. I step forward and then I fall, dropping to my knees as I feel fire burning the back of my throat. I try to cry out, to beg Father Perkins for help, but I can't get any words out and – as I reach a hand toward him – I feel blood bubbling in my chest.
“I can't help you,” he says, backing out into the corridor. “I know this means that I have failed. I'm leaving Briarwych, and I'm going to go and fight. I should have gone sooner. At least in the army, I can perhaps do some good. I completed my basic training some time ago and I imagine I shall be sent out to France or Belgium almost immediately. I'm sorry, Judith. I should have noticed sooner that something was wrong with you, but only the Lord can save you now. I shall pray for you, but truly... I fear that there is no hope at all.”
“Please,” I gurgle, as blood runs from my mouth and dribbles down my chin, “I need you, I...”
The pain in my throat becomes stronger, as if something is trying to force its way out.
“I need you, priest,” another voice snarls, a voice filled with anger and hatred. “Why don't you come over here, so I can show you just how much?”
Turning, he hurries from view. I try to go after him but I fall forward and land hard on my elbows, then I somehow scramble to my feet and rush out into the corridor. I'm just in time to see the main door slam shut, and then a moment later I hear a key turning in the lock. Father Perkins is locking me in here, and I can only assume that he is worried about me escaping and causing trouble in the village. I stumble toward the door, still bleeding heavily from the mouth, and then I try the door handle, only to confirm that it is indeed locked.
“Do you think this will be enough?” the voice growls through my mouth, as I start clawing at the door. “I'm going to burn the people of this fucking village one by one! Do you think you can stop me by locking me inside this shitty little church?”
“May the Lord have mercy on our souls,” Father Perkins says on the other side of the door. “I beseech thee, Lord, to see this evil and to cast it from our midst.”
With that, his footsteps hurry away, leaving me to drop to my knees as waves of sobs burst through my body.
“Don't go,” I whimper, with tears streaming down my face. “I can fight this, but I can't do it alone. She's too powerful.”
But he's gone.
Sobbing on the floor, I realize that Father Perkins has left me. I reach up and try the handle again, forlornly hoping that perhaps a miracle has occurred, but the door remains locked and I am alone here in the church. Or rather, I am not alone, for I know that this thing is within my body and I know that it is gaining strength with each and every passing second. For now I am able to keep it back, but I fear that soon I shall be possessed entirely. Evidently the demon Shaltak wants to take control of my body so that it can walk out of the church and cause carnage in the world. In that case, there is really only one way in which I can stop the beast. I hesitate for a moment as I contemplate the awful deed that I must now commit, the sin that is my only hope.
“Elizabeth,” I whisper, as I realize that I shall never see her again.
Closing my eyes, I imagine her having already found help. She is charming and kind and beautiful and intelligent, and I am certain she will be taken in by somebody. There are decent people out there in the world, and the Lord will look after my Elizabeth. In time, she might even come to understand that I loved her to the end.
Filled with the realization that I must get this over with, I scramble to my feet and hurry to the stairs.
“Now where are you going?” Shaltak asks. “I'm enjoying your panic, Judith, but time is pressing. I've learned a lot from you but I think it's time to experience more. I want to hurry things along. I want to get out there. I'm hungry for the world!”
I start rushing up the stairs, although in my haste I stumble several times. By the time I reach the next floor and make my way to the second set of stairs. I need to get up to the bell-tower before fear makes me change my mind.
“Poor little Judith,” Shaltak laughs. “Did your boyfriend say mean things about you? You really thought that he'd marry you one day, didn't you?”
Finally reaching the bell-tower, I stop for a moment in the doorway as soon as I spot the open archway. I can feel myself starting to fill with doubt, but I also know that I have to stop Shaltak.
I reach into my pocket and take out the small crucifix that I first saw on that day with Prue. I hesitate for a moment, before closing my fist and holding the crucifix tight, in the hope that in some manner it might grant me strength.
“Forgive me,” I whisper, “but this is the only way.”
Rushing forward, I throw myself out of the tower. I see the ground far below, but at the last second my right hand reaches out and grabs the side of the arch, holding me in place, and then I'm pulled back until I slam down against the bell-tower's wooden floor.
“Judith, I'm impressed,” Shaltak says. “I never thought you'd have the guts to do something like that.”
I rush back to my feet and throw myself once more at the opening. Again, however, Shaltak forces my body to hit the arch and I instead fall back. This time my right hand slips open and the crucifix falls out of the tower.
“I just want this to end!” I sob, as tears run down my face. “I can't live like this!”
“I'm afraid I can't let you do this,” Shaltak says. “I need your body.”
Shivering with fear, I start to once again haul myself up from the floor. I turn to look at the arch, and I tell myself that this should be easy. All I have to do is throw myself through the gap, and then this madness will be over. I don't know what'll happen to Shaltak, but at least the threat to Briarwych should be ended. I just need to find the strength to push past Shaltak's efforts, so I take a moment to catch my breath and then I clench my fists. I can do this. I will do this.
“I love you, Elizabeth,” I whisper, with tears in my eyes. “Dear Lord, help Elizabeth to understand everything. And keep her safe.”
With that, I run at the arch and throw myself through harder than ever. I feel my feet leave the stonework, and for a moment it's as if I'm suspended in the air. Then, with shocking ferocity, something drags me back into the bell-tower. Reaching out, I grab the side of the archway and hold myself here, teetering on the very edge. I can feel Shaltak still trying to pull me inside, but I just need to move a few inches forward and then I'll fall. A cold wind is blowing against me, ruffling my hair, and when I look down I see the hard ground far below.
I can do this.
“Stop misbehaving,” Shaltak says firmly. “You're starting to irritate me, Judith.”
“I never wanted any of this,” I whimper, as I try once more to find the strength that I'll need. “I will not allow evil to prosper in this world.”
I try to step forward, but Shaltak pulls me back with more force. My fingertips are clinging to the stone wall, but I can feel the tips starting to bend as Shaltak tries to drag me inside. She's so strong, and I have to keep telling myself that I can force my way out. All I need is one moment of strength, one moment in which I'm able to overpower this monster. One moment in which I'm strong enough to save everyone from a demon.
“Be a good girl,” S
haltak sneers, “and do what you're told.”
“In the name of all that's holy,” I reply through gritted teeth, “you can go to Hell.”
Finally I throw myself forward. For a fraction of a second I feel as if I'm about to fall, but then Shaltak forces me back and sends me slamming back across the room. I scream as I land, and then my head hits a wooden edge and I feel a sharp pain crack through my skull. Everything goes black, and then for a few seconds there's nothing. I feel the weight of my body as it slumps against the floorboards, and then even the weight is gone. For a moment there's nothing, and it takes a few seconds before I'm even aware of myself again.
Groaning, I sit up and look toward the archway. I don't hear Shaltak's voice right now, but I can feel her presence still rippling inside my body.
I have to do this.
Stumbling to my feet, I'm shocked to find that I feel dizzy. I take a couple of faltering steps toward the archway and then I have to stop and lean against the wall. Then, with the last of my strength, I step up onto the ledge and begin to lean forward, only to find that I cannot.
I try again, but I am being held back. This time, however, the force is very different. This time, it's as if something outside the church is holding me in place. Shaltak must have found some other way of trapping me, and I feel a rush of panic as I realize that I might have missed my chance to get out.
“No!” Shaltak sneers suddenly. “I swear...”
Suddenly she screams. Clutching my hands against my ears, I try to block the sound out, but her scream is ripping through my mind with such immense power that I can barely even hear my own thoughts. I stumble away from the window and finally I drop to my knees, and at that moment the scream – which already seemed to be as loud as any scream could ever be – becomes louder still, threatening to crack my skull open. I cry out, wailing in agony as I wait for the sound to end, but it's getting louder and louder with each passing second. It's as if Shaltak is consumed with rage.
And then it stops.
Letting out a pained gasp, I fall forward onto my elbows. I wait, terrified in case the scream returns, but after a few seconds I realize that I can instead feel a slow, rumbling anger in the back of my mind. I raise my face slightly and look across the bell-tower, and then to my surprise I note that there is a shape slumped on the floor just a few feet away.
I stare for a moment, before tilting my head.
There is somebody else up here.
Getting to my feet, I stare down at the collapsed figure and see that there is blood pooling beneath its head. My vision is a little blurry but, as I take a step forward, I realize that the figure is wearing a dress that seems rather familiar. Indeed, the figure is wearing the same dress that I wear now, and its hair is in the same style, and...
Suddenly I let out a horrified gasp as I see a pair of dead eyes.
The figure is in the exact spot in which I fell just a moment ago, and somehow I seem to be looking down at a facsimile of myself. Slowly, cautiously, I kneel to take a closer look, and then I reach out and place a hand on the figure's shoulder. I do not understand what can have happened, but it is as if somebody has made a second version of me and has placed it here as part of some cruel and unusual joke. Yet that explanation itself does not make any sense, and as I stare at the dead face I cannot help but remember the moment when I felt my own head crack against the wooden step.
“Judith,” Shaltak's voice says slowly, “I'm very disappointed in you.”
“What is this?” I whisper, as a slow sense of dread begins to rise through my chest.
“Why did you fight me?” Shaltak continues, and I can hear the anger starting to rumble in her voice. “Look at your body! You've ruined the vessel I was going to take out into the world, and now...”
I continue to stare at the dead face, unable to avert my gaze.
“And now I am intertwined with you,” Shaltak growls. “I was part of you when you died, and now somehow we are fused together.”
Before I can respond, I feel an immense tearing sensation in my chest. I try to pull away, but for a few seconds it is as if part of my soul is attempting to rip itself free. Looking down at my hands, I worry for a moment that my vision has become blurred, but then I realize that it is my hand itself – indeed, my entire body – that seems to be rippling and doubling as if two versions are fighting for supremacy.
“You have no idea what a mistake you've made,” Shaltak stammers, sounding a little panicked now as the sensation fades. “I'll find a way to cut this tie with you, Judith Prendergast. And when I do, you're assured of the slowest, most agonizing death that's possible. I won't stay trapped here with you for long.”
I open my mouth to reply, but then I once again spot the dead body on the floor.
“How does it feel?” Shaltak asks. “You know you're dead, don't you? You're a pathetic imbecile, Judith, but even you must understand by now that you died in your struggle with me. I suppose it's partly my fault, though. I forgot just how fragile your worthless forms can be.”
Still staring at the body, I slowly shake my head.
“What a pitiful death,” Shaltak continues. “Do you think anyone cares? Do you think that even your dear daughter will give a damn now that you're gone? The whole village will probably have a party to celebrate. That's if they notice at all. Maybe they'll just get on with their lives.”
“No,” I whisper, “you're wrong. I'm not dead. I can't be dead. If I were dead, I wouldn't be here.”
“You're trapped here forever, you stupid bitch,” Shaltak replies. “Some souls fade into the ether after death. Others cling to certain places in the world. And now, thanks to your idiocy, I'm trapped here too. At least until I can figure out how to break away from you.”
“No,” I sob, as convulsions of horror start flooding my body. “Please, it can't be true.”
And then, as I continue to stare at the corpse and as Shaltak's voice laughs in my head, I start screaming.
Chapter Eighteen
Several weeks later
“Dear Lord, I beg you to hear me,” I whisper, kneeling before the altar in the cold, empty church. “I have been your humble servant but I have erred. I have sinned and I have brought great suffering into this world and I beg for your -”
Suddenly there's a bumping sound somewhere nearby, and I flinch.
With my eyes still closed and my head still bowed, and with my hands still clutched together, I wait as silence returns. I don't know how long I have spent on my knees in prayer, but it must be many days now. I don't understand what is happening to me. I know only that the Lord will find a way to help me. I just have to show, first, that my repentance is real.
“I beg for your help,” I continue, “not for my own benefit, but for the benefit of others. If my soul must burn in Hell, then that is right and proper. But help the others, Lord. Please, there is a demon among us and it must be stopped.”
I wait, hopeful that this time I have finally been heard.
“Bless you, my child,” a voice says suddenly. “I shall help you immediately.”
A shudder runs through my chest as I realize that this is Shaltak again, playing another of her tricks. I refuse to respond, to give her what she wants, but I have no way to push her away.
“What's wrong, Judith?” she continues. “Has the cat got your tongue?”
I shall not be fooled.
“God doesn't answer you,” Shaltak says. “Nobody cares about you, nobody except me. Won't you miss me when I find a way to leave, Judith? You and I have been rattling around in this place for weeks now, with just one another for company. And you're not exactly the most interesting of companions. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that you're rather boring.”
“Lord, hear me,” I whisper. “I am not -”
Suddenly I hear more voices in the distance, and this time I turn and look along the aisle. I can hear children outside, and I realize after a moment that they must be in the cemetery. Then, telling myself that perhaps
they are merely another trick used by Shaltak to fool me, I look back at the altar.
“That took a while,” Shaltak says. “I was beginning to think that the people of this little village were never going to come anywhere near the church again.”
The voices continue, and finally I get to my feet. There is still a part of me that worries I am being tricked, but somehow I feel increasingly certain that the voices are real. I start making my way along the aisle as I listen to the children heading around the side of the building. As I hurry out into the corridor, I feel as if I am drawn to the voices, as if – hearing sounds of the living after being alone for so long – I cannot help myself. Indeed, as I head through to Father Perkins' office and then to the window, I am filled with hope.
As soon as I stop at the window, I see that there are two young children playing outside in the grass. I recognize one of the children as the Lansley girl, I believe her name is Audrey; the other child, a boy, I am not sure I have seen before. The sight of them fills me with such hope, and I almost tap on the glass before – at the last moment – remembering that perhaps I should not. For a moment, I merely watch them as they go about their innocent business. I remember what it was like to be a child. I remember what it was like to be free of sin.
“They really don't care about you, do they?” Shaltak's voice says after a moment. “I mean all the people of the village. I mocked you before, but even I didn't quite believe that you'd be ignored and forgotten like this. The people of Briarwych possess a special degree of hatred, don't they? It seems they're happy to just forget all about you.”
The Lansley girl laughs, and I instinctively smile at the sound.
“Are you jealous, Judith?” Shaltak asks. “Do you miss the feeling of blood pumping through your veins?”
She's right.
I'm not jealous, exactly, but I do miss the feeling of warmth. I miss the sensation of my heart beating in my chest. That's not something I ever noticed when I was alive, but I notice its absence now. I have no right to feel sorry for myself, but I would so dearly like to feel alive again.