by Ravi Dabral
Seema said, “The media’s responsibility is to create awareness among the public and highlight the issues to the relevant authority heads. Media’s role is not to take any curative action.”
I said, “Does your highlighting the issues ever lead to any solutions? Media is just doing ‘infotainment’ to increase Television Rating Points (TRP) as its main goal is to earn revenue through advertisements, for which the public pay in the form of higher product cost apart from wastage of their quality family time, particularly during prime time between 8:00 p.m. to 11:00 p.m. Most of the owners of the news channels are puppets of the ruling party politicians. Multi-National Companies (MNCs) and businessmen are using news channels as their advertising, marketing and sales outlets.”
Seema’s eyes flared in anger, “It’s clear to me now that you have absolutely no respect for my profession and you are just saying whatever is popping up in your head without a thought. And, by the way, one of the authorities responsible for bringing about change is the police force. You say you watch the news and are aware of the horrors; then tell me, what action is your police department taking against the white-collar criminals, greedy businessmen, corrupt politicians, and bureaucrats? Do they take any action or even investigate, leave alone arrest them?”
Seema’s comments hit me in a soft spot. I had no answer to her accusations; I could only think of my conversation with Mr. Gupta.
Seema continued accusing and said, “I will be waiting to see what you do as a policeman. I will personally get you proof against the businessmen, bureaucrats, and politicians who are neck deep in corrupt practices and ask you to lodge a First Information Report (FIR); will you have the balls to file one then? The fact is even the police department is not free from the clutches of the powerful politicians. And it is your department’s attitude that causes suffering to the common public more than anyone else’s. Your department knows everything and still does nothing to stop the criminals from roaming free because they get their bones from their masters and gifts on a silver platter. So, how dare you say that the media is a puppet of corrupt politicians and businessmen when your department, instead of acting as a watchdog, is a pet dog of corrupt politicians, doing all the dirty work as their goons in an official dress?”
Seeing the situation going beyond my control, I decided to change the topic to something more light-hearted and said, “I am just kidding around with you, Seema. You know I consider journalism a noble profession, the fourth pillar of democracy.”
“You don’t need to tell me these things, Vijay,” said Seema. “And don’t try to change the topic. But listen carefully; your department is corrupt, and you would do well to keep clear of these illegal activities. Do not tarnish your brother’s reputation by turning out to be good for nothing.”
I gave her my best artificial smile, hiding the materialistic devil inside me through fake facial expressions, and using a soft diplomatic tone said, “You look beautiful when you are angry, your eyes and cheeks go red giving shades of rose, it is adorable!”
“Flattery will get you nowhere, mister. I have known you for far too long, you always do this when you run out of justifications,” replied Seema.
I said in a very mild and sweet voice to lighten the tense environment, “I am concerned about your safety and want to warn you. You should be careful about who you are standing up against. There are some lines that you cannot cross. One should always know one’s personal and professional limits.”
Seema smiled at that and said, “Thanks for showing your care for me. Now, why should I worry when I have a police inspector boyfriend as a bodyguard?”
We had dinner and tried to catch up on matters of the last few months for a while before Seema got up to leave. She had plans to meet her cousins who had flown in from America. I decided to walk home and reached there around 9:30 p.m. I saw Suraj’s diaries on the table in front of me and decided to read the first diary.
5
Suraj’s Diary: His First Love
I was overwhelmed with the same curiosity as earlier. I picked up the first diary that Suraj had dated 25th March 1999. I was glad to know that my brother had begun writing his diaries on my birthday.
Suraj mentioned, “I am delighted! Today is Vijay’s birthday, and he has just turned five years! I love him a lot.”
The next few pages were in the same tone, about the family and Suraj’s daily life. I flipped over the diary until I found something interesting from his college years.
27th July 2009
I was born and brought up in a village in Uttarakhand. After my class twelve boards, I got my degree in Bachelor of Science and started my post-graduation in journalism from DAV Post Graduate College in Dehradun. I participated in a lot of debates about current affairs. Mr. Raghunath Bhatt, my sociology professor, always taught me to have concerns for weaker sections of society and never give up on my dreams no matter how bleak the circumstances were.
Yesterday evening he invited me to his home for tea. Needless to say, I was honoured. Today, I made my way to his house after my day was over. He introduced me to his two daughters, Anjali and Seema. I was told that Anjali and Seema had lost their mother at an early age. Anjali was in class twelve, studying to join the medical profession, and Seema was in grade ten. He told me that after seeing my disciplined approach and dedication towards studies, he wanted me to tutor both his daughters in mathematics and science. I was a little surprised to get this offer from Professor Bhatt, but to be honest, I also felt very flattered. I do a lot of tutoring to pay for my college fees and to have some extra cash for small needs. However, he wanted me to come to his house for tutoring. Now, that was difficult for me, because I would have to commute quite a distance to reach his house. But out of respect for him, I couldn’t refuse.
I could understand why Professor Bhatt wanted someone to tutor his daughters at home. It was not safe for them to be roaming out of the house at odd hours, and it would also save their commuting time if they had tuition classes at home. If I were in his place, even I would be worried. Especially Anjali, I am strangely drawn to her. I mean she is smart and well cultured, but it is her looks that are captivating, round face, pink lips, beautiful smile, well-toned nose, her long black hair reaching up to her waist, soft brown eyes, and a figure that only an Indian girl can have, with a height around 5ft 8inch, ideal for models. She was dressed plainly in a salwar kurta, embroidered with red lily flowers. I was captivated and stunned at first sight. Till now I had never paid attention to the girls in college, but I couldn’t help staring at her. What am I doing! I should be careful; Professor Bhatt has trusted me to teach his daughters, not to fall in love with one of them. But Anjali, how am I to get her out of my mind?
30th July 2009
I stopped by the professor’s house today to collect Anjali’s books as I had to make notes for her tuition classes. Actually, that was not the only reason. I had to see her again to make sure if she was as pretty as I remembered, or whether my imagination was running wild. I can attest to the fact that love is the greatest human folly. It renders one’s intellect useless and destroys their peace of mind. Trust me when I say it, I haven’t been able to think of anything but Anjali since yesterday. I might be losing my mind! She is my professor’s daughter. How can I even think about it? It will be considered a betrayal of trust shown by the professor towards me. And why would she even like a simple person like me?
I am not unattractive, but, in my experience, girls seem to see past me. One of the reasons could be my fashion sense. Frankly speaking, I don’t have money to spend on costly and branded outfits which help in making the overall personality look smart to impress college girls. Instead, I focus on developing inner qualities as long-term assets, rather than the outer looks with hairstyle like a hero, Ray-Ban glasses, and a stylish motorbike to roam around with girlfriends.
When I see many college girls roaming around on bikes with smart boys, I realise that girls do like these things. My perspective may be wrong as ‘
law of attraction’ works with testosterone and oestrogen hormones on the driving seat at this age instead of intellect and reasoning power. Oh well, I have another three days till I see her again, when I go to teach them on Monday. Unfortunately, I can only accommodate them twice a week in my busy schedule - Mondays and Thursdays. Can time crawl any slower?
3rd August 2009
I reached Anjali’s house fifteen minutes early and stood outside the door, breathing deeply because I was on the verge of a panic attack. Bottling up emotions and hormones is never a good idea. When I saw her, my heart was ready to burst out of my chest. I hoped Anjali couldn’t see it beating through my shirt! It was like being in front of a firing squad, but instead of bullets, I got sensory overload. Anjali did not even seem to notice my discomfort. She was too focused on what I was teaching. Both Anjali and Seema are very dedicated students. They study seriously and are quick to understand the new concepts and topics I introduce. It was a pleasure teaching them. I can’t believe I have another two days to go before our next class.
5th October 2009
Almost two months have gone by since I started my classes with Anjali and Seema. They are getting better by the second. Every time I assign them some work, they outdo themselves. I am not sure whether I am attracted more to Anjali’s brain or her beauty. Their term results came out a few days back, and both of them did outstandingly well. Both Professor Bhatt and I felt very proud. He congratulated me on my hard work. Though with these two, I hardly had to put in any effort at all. After spending so much time with Anjali, even I have got better at hiding my emotions. But one-sided affection is very frustrating. I should be careful, I don’t want to do anything that gets me humiliated or expelled.
I rubbed my eyes and turned to check the time; it was just past midnight. But I couldn’t put down Suraj’s diary just yet. I had decided to sleep early tonight, but the diary was proving to be a far more interesting read than I had imagined. It was hard to believe my uptight brother had been a lovesick young boy. I decided to read a couple of pages more before sleeping.
26th October 2009
Today I had a bizarre encounter with one of my friends, Sanjay Pant. We are in Professor Bhatt’s class together. This morning during class, he asked me about my classes with Anjali. I told him they were going well. Before I could finish, he started talking about how beautiful Anjali was. As soon as he took her name again, my blood began to boil, but I kept my emotions in check. I used to think of him as a close friend, but I am not so sure anymore.
Sanjay told me that he had seen Anjali at the local market with Professor Bhatt, and the moment he saw her, he knew he had to get to know her better. He asked me if I would help him become friends with her, considering I was her tutor. Can you believe the nerve of that guy! By this time, I had heard enough, but I couldn’t tell him she was already taken without admitting that I liked her. Besides, she did not even know of my affection.
I told him it would be better for us to focus on our studies and not get distracted. He still insisted that I introduce them. I told him outright that I couldn’t help him and that he should know better than to have a crush on the professor’s daughter. He could get into serious trouble. He told me that I did not understand how he felt and that these emotions were only natural and should not be suppressed. I, of all people, didn’t understand? What a joke. Even though I advised him to not focus on it… I know it is easier said than done.
29th October 2009
Sanjay has been missing college for the last two days, so I confronted him about it. I was afraid he would be trying to get in touch with Anjali. And as luck would have it, he had. He told me that he had been going to Anjali’s school to observe her comings and goings, and hopefully get a chance to talk to her. I asked him if he was that desperate to go to the level of stalking. He said that since I was not willing to help him, he had to be courageous and creative to propose to her.
I couldn’t believe him; I was so shocked! I told him that his actions could have severe consequences and he should seriously focus on his studies rather than chase after girls. This could not be good for him. He argued that loving someone could never be wrong and that ever since he had seen her in the market, he couldn’t get his mind off her. He had even been dreaming about her. I felt a surge of protectiveness towards Anjali, not only as someone who cared for her but also as her tutor. I asked Sanjay to back off. But since I couldn’t tell him about my feelings, I told him she had her board exams coming up soon, and she needed to focus on studies rather than be harassed by some guy. I repeatedly said to him to stay away and not distract her.
I sincerely doubt he heard a word of what I was saying. He is of the belief that since he is a boy in his youth, he has every right to fulfil his base desires. How do I convince a guy like that? Despite knowing Sanjay’s obstinacy, I told him that if he really cared for Anjali, he should leave her alone and let her focus on her studies. Sanjay told me to keep my practicality and virtues to myself. He insisted that he was a normal person with normal biological and hormonal urges and if suppressed they may create complications. He felt love is meant to be expressed and went off angry with me for not helping him and also for giving him unwanted advice.
Knowing him, I was sure he would propose to her no matter what I say. I have never been more tempted to murder than I was at that moment. In any case, I decided to warn Anjali about this guy. But that proved more difficult than I had imagined. She and I have never had a conversation outside of studies, so I was a little hesitant in bringing up the topic of Anjali’s very own stalker. I had to think hard to come up with a neutral topic without giving the wrong signal. I asked her about the students in her school and if any of them were in relationships. I could see Seema smirking on the side; I wondered what it was about, but I had a somewhat difficult conversation going on.
Anjali informed me that it was fairly common for teens of her age to be dating. I was a little surprised when she asked me if I had a girlfriend. Hiding my feelings for her, I told her that the only love of my life was books. Seeing my facial expression, Seema burst out laughing. Although my inner voice was pushing me to express my feelings, saying that it was the right time, my heart and brain just stopped functioning for a few moments not allowing me to say anything.
I wanted to ask if she was seeing someone, but honestly, I was a little afraid of getting my heart crushed, so I kept my mouth shut. After hearing about her views on dating, I realised that if Sanjay did propose to her, she might say yes to him seeing Sanjay’s overall personality and oratory skills in impressing girls. I don’t know what kept me from expressing my feelings for her. Maybe, the thought of a big ‘F’ on my papers when Professor Bhatt found out about it, or perhaps the thought of her rejecting me. Maybe my intellect, sanskar, and values were not allowing me to voice my innermost feelings to her openly and tell her that I loved her. That she was the joy of my life, and my life would be hollow without her. I left in such a hurry from there; I even forgot to mention Sanjay’s plan to her. I am so confused. I really don’t know what to do!
I looked at the clock again, and it read thirty minutes past one. I got up to stretch my legs and headed toward the bedroom. As fascinating as Suraj’s love story was, I didn’t want to miss out on my work the next day. I put the diary on the bedside table and fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.
6
The Villain in the Love Story
I was all set to start my second day, armed with the knowledge that I had gathered from Mr. Gupta.
I spent most of my day at the police station establishing connections with other officers. All of them pretty much told me similar things as Mr. Gupta such as, to make as much money as possible and to not worry about crime and criminals. This is a dark world with a parallel economy where everyone considers money as God. Ruling party politicians are our real bosses. These politicians know the art of how not to work and still win the elections every time. They know how to keep the public engaged by highlighting publ
ic welfare freebie schemes and subsidies funded through taxpayers’ money and borrowed funds from international funding agencies. They are also aware of how to blame the opposition for their past misdeeds with the support of media.
I actively avoided facing Mr. Tiwari throughout the day because I was not interested in listening to his preaching all over again to follow the righteous and virtuous path. I had already chosen my path – the ‘money-minting path’ under the mentorship of my senior Mr. Ashok Gupta, and I didn’t need to be reminded of my brother’s shining personality and golden heart which in any case would not help me to recover the 50 lakh rupees which was my first goal.
By the end of my second day I realised, the only work I had to do was close my eyes whenever there was any crime, and in the words of Mr. Gupta, diligently follow the ‘just ignore’ policy.
I rushed home at 7 o’clock. I was eager to get back to the drama surrounding Suraj’s love life.
17th November 2009
It was difficult for me to fall asleep; my thoughts keep returning to Anjali and Sanjay. Even in my dreams, Sanjay wore the mask of the devil. I don’t need to be an interpreter to know why he is the devil in my dreams; he is the villain in my love story. Sadly, a love story only I am aware of. Although he is a good friend of mine, right now I can see him as an enemy. If he is such a good friend, perhaps he should have sensed my feelings for Anjali and left her alone or should have at least understood what I was trying to convey to him and why. Sanjay is an obstinate person and often behaves stubbornly, and when he sets his heart on something, he has to have it in any way possible. When I asked him about this habit of his, he said it is our right to satisfy all our needs and desires. God has given us only one life to live, and we do not know what will happen after our death, whether we will come back to Earth or not. So, enjoy life fully. He argued with me over my habit of controlling my desires and wishes with a wall of values, morals, and sanskar, that society and ancestors had laid out for me. For him, bodily enjoyment forbids suppression of desires, wishes, and emotions particularly when it comes to the expression of love.