by G. K. Brady
That stellar news had shredded his fledgling hopes and sent them crashing to the ground. He hadn’t spoken to Herb yet, but there was no doubt going to Arizona was off the table. As for Colorado, they’d either ship him off to God-knew-where or buy out his contract.
Fuck! Can this get any better?
Instead of texting Ellie, Dave sent a short one to Finn, who replied immediately that he’d heard from Ellie earlier and she seemed fine. Dave blew out a sigh of relief. He’d try to reach her once they landed. For now, he closed his eyes and focused on locking out the pain while the plane climbed.
Once they’d leveled out, guys started milling around. Across the aisle, Quinn juggled his damn beanbags. “Interested in a game of poker, Cap?”
“No. Think I’ll watch some NHL Tonight and see what’s happening around the league. Besides, it’s a little tough to play one-handed.”
In the seat ahead of him, Wyatt laughed. “Which is exactly why Hads asked. He figures he can finally beat you if you can’t handle all your cards.”
Quinn threw a beanbag at Wyatt’s head. A few more guys drifted back to ask about Dave’s hand, and soon he was surrounded by a half dozen or more teammates who ribbed him about his injury. They accused him of doing it on purpose to get out of spending New Year’s playing in St. Louis, or because he was going for a permanent “pinky-up” look. The more good-natured shit they gave him, the more his sour mood lightened.
Much later, when guys had gone back to their seats or fallen asleep, Coach LeBrun ambled to Dave’s row and leaned against the seat. “Hey, Coach.”
“How’s the hand, Grims?”
“Hurts.”
Coach nodded. “I expect that’s not the only thing hurting.”
Dave simply nodded.
“I know it sucks, but try not to let it get you down. Things have a funny way of working out.”
Huh? “I’ll keep that in mind, Coach.”
Dave was still trying to puzzle that one out hours later as he stood on Ellie’s stoop. It was late. Really late. She hadn’t exactly invited him over, but she hadn’t said not to come over either. Because she hadn’t talked to him. The key wasn’t where she’d left it before, which any smart man would have taken as a sign she didn’t want to see him tonight. But damn it, he wasn’t smart. He was still worried about her, and besides, she had his dog. Plus, he was tired from pain meds and lack of sleep, and it was damn cold; seeing her would warm him up.
Breath steamed the air in front of him, and he knocked, gently at first, then louder.
The first sound he heard was a dog snuffling. Then the front door cracked open a few inches, and long strawberry-blond hair glinted in the light. Ellie peered at him with one eye. “What, Dave?”
“Can I come in? It’s cold.”
“Suit yourself,” she grumped, adorably sleep-tousled, wrapped up in her robe.
As soon as he closed the door behind him, he reached for her. “Aw, I’m sorry. I woke my girl up and made her all grumpy. I’ll get Benny and go.”
She sidestepped him and folded her arms over her chest. “Benny’s not here, and I’m not your girl.” Her eyes darted to his splinted hand, but she said nothing.
“Am I in the wrong house?” He chuckled mildly.
“As a matter of fact, yes, so please leave. You’ll find Benny with Nicole, wherever that is,” she bit out.
“Wait. What?”
Even in the dim light, he could make out the daggers in her eyes. “I said, Benny is with your girl, Nicole. She picked him up this evening.”
Questions bombarded his brain all at once, and alarm rose inside him like bile clawing its way to his throat. He held up his hands, palms out. “Whoa, whoa, whoa. Back up. How did she know where you lived? Or that Benny was with you?”
“She said you told her. She had a lot of other things to say too.”
Shit! I’ll bet she did. His mind whirring, he dragged his hand over his jaw. How much damage control was he facing? “Like what?” He cringed inwardly, imagining the crap Nicky might have filled Ellie’s head with.
“How about we start with the ten-thousand-dollar bracelet you gave a woman you supposedly don’t care about?”
“What are you talking about?”
“I saw the bracelet you gave her for Christmas, Dave. I don’t consider five carats’ worth of diamonds and sapphires a ‘piece of crap.’ And it’s not that I give a damn about you giving her extravagant gifts. Just don’t lie about it.”
“Ellie, I gave her no such thing,” he sighed. “The bracelet I gave her was silver with an onyx stone or some crap like that. You can even ask Sonoma because she was with me when I got it.” Should have listened and gotten Nicky the poinsettia … although it wouldn’t have stopped her from coming over here and pulling her stunt. Goddamn Nicky.
They stood, facing-off at opposite ends of the living room. Casper was leaning against Ellie’s leg like a marble sentinel. Something told Dave they wouldn’t be sitting anytime soon.
He pulled in a lungful of air. “Forget about what Nicky said. She’s a manipulator and a liar and—”
“Then why is this woman still in your life? You say things about her like that, yet she seems to have control over what you do. You take her calls, you cater to her, you put up with her bullshit. I don’t get it. Can you explain it to me?”
He’d been asking himself the same thing, but he had yet to come up with an answer. “It’s because of Isaac.”
“A boy who’s not yours and who’s not in your life anymore? No, that one doesn’t fly. How about this for a reason: you’re hoping to get back together with her. She said you’ve slept together since you broke up.”
Fuck! He hadn’t seen this coming—because he’d never imagined Nicky confronting Ellie—and he wasn’t prepared to deal with it tonight. He pinched the bridge of his nose.
“Oh my God, you mean it’s true?” Ellie’s voice pitched high, and she laughed mirthlessly. “And here I was, giving you the benefit of the doubt. My mistake. I seem to make a lot of those.”
A slow simmer started inside him. “You’re putting words in my mouth. Look, what happened between her and me was just that. Between her and me. It was never about you and me. You didn’t need to know about something that happened in the past for this very reason. I didn’t want it getting blown up into something it’s not.”
“Excuse me?” One fist went to her hip, and she held up her index finger. “Wait a minute, wait a minute. You’re telling me it’s okay that you’ve been sleeping with her, and I didn’t need to know?”
“That’s not what I said.”
“Pretty damn close. Want me to repeat it to you?”
“No, damn it, and I haven’t been sleeping with her! You make it sound like this is recent, but it’s not.” A few times over the course of several months not long after they’d split, and he’d been lonely and stupid and drunk. And it had been a mistake every time, but he couldn’t turn back the clock no matter how much he wanted to.
“So she’s the woman you had the ‘lapse in judgment’ with because of ‘too much alcohol’? You made it sound like once with a random hookup, but obviously that was a bendy truth. Guess you not only had a lapse, but you had some relapses too.”
“This is why I didn’t want to be in a relationship,” he muttered, never thinking she’d hear him. Yeah, definitely not a smart man.
“Excuse me?”
“You sound like that woman in Holes,” he huffed. “I said I didn’t want to be in a relationship with you. Wait. That didn’t come out right. I meant I hadn’t planned it.” He shook his head. “Ellie, I’m tired and things aren’t coming out the right way. Can we please talk about this in the morning after we’ve both had some sleep?”
“I don’t know about you, Dave, but I haven’t slept so far, and I doubt I’ll get any sleep the rest of tonight.” Her jaw clenched as she spoke, and a little muscle jumped. “I don’t want to drag this out until tomorrow. I want it all out now, and I want to get it
over with.”
Over with? He gaped at her.
Her eyes blazed, and she stood straight and beautiful and completely untouchable. “Actually, I have my answer. I do get it.” The angry quaver in her voice was gone, replaced by something calm and chilling.
“Get what?”
“Why you’ve been blowing hot and cold. One day you act like we’re in a relationship and you’re talking about things we might do in the future, and the next day you pull away—it’s because you are getting back with Nicole. You used me to make her jealous, and it worked! Well, leave me the hell out of it. I don’t want to play this game anymore.”
“Jesus fucking Christ, Ellie! You don’t understand! This isn’t about getting back with Nicky. I’ve been trying to get traded to Arizona. If I’ve been swinging back and forth, that’s the reason.” He held up his splinted hand. “And now my chances are shot to hell.”
Now she gaped at him. “Since when have you been trying to get traded?”
“Since before I met you. Now do you believe me?” Christ, please let this be the end of the argument.
Instead of the end, he got Car-Crash Ellie, and she ate up the distance between them and smacked his chest with both palms. “You mean you’ve been planning to get traded this whole time, and you never said a damn thing to me? Instead, you strung me along and let me believe … Was this some kind of game to you? ‘Oh, I’ll just buy the landscaper a new van and watch her fall all over herself.’ You were just biding your time. At my expense, asshole!”
He lifted his hands to reach for her, but she evaded him again. “Ellie, you’ve got to believe me. It wasn’t like that.” I never meant to fall in love with you. That’s what he should have said—because it was the truth, but it also left him wholly, painfully exposed.
“Then what was it like, Dave? Please explain because I’m having a real tough time understanding how this wasn’t all about you having some fun before you moved on to the next city and the next idiot.” Her blue eyes were dark and stormy, her mouth firmed in a hard line he didn’t like.
“I can’t win.” He clapped his hands on top of his head and blew out a frustrated breath. “You’re reading more into it than there is.”
“You mean like reading you actually gave a shit?” She yanked at her hair. “God, I am such a sap! Why did I let myself … I thought you were different, that I was different. I thought I was smarter now, but no, I guess some things never change. Fool me once … At least I found out who you really are before it was too late.”
“If you’re comparing me to Will, then you’re way off base,” he snapped. The slow simmer was rolling into a slow boil.
“You know what, Dave? Just … I am sick of worrying about being all things to all people. I haven’t been fair to myself. Well, I’m over it, and I’m going to take care of number one from now on. You’ll be much better off with someone flashy who’s more your speed. That girl is definitely not me.”
“Ellie, for fuck’s sake! I don’t want someone flashy.” I want you. “You’re being ridiculous.”
“Well gee, thanks for confirming my looks aren’t on par with Nicole’s.” He opened his mouth to argue—God, he couldn’t say the right thing!—but she held up her hand. “But you know what? I’m good with that. What I’m not good with is people who slip and slide around the truth and blame everyone else when things don’t turn out their way.” She marched to the front door and opened it. “We’re done here. You can leave now.”
“Wait. That’s it?” He was stunned. Frozen. Suddenly, he wanted the argument back—didn’t matter what it was about anymore, only that they argued because it meant they weren’t giving up. But this—
“Yep, that’s it. Have a great life, Dave.”
Chapter 37
When Chickens Come Home to Roost
We need to talk.
Those were the first words Dave tapped after a sleepless night.
When? Nicky texted back.
An hour, Griffin Coffee at Sloan’s Lake.
He didn’t wait for her reply. Just rolled out of a bed tangled from restless tossing and downed his first cup of coffee, though he couldn’t chase the sand from his eyes or the dull weight sitting in his chest. Part of him was still pissed, part of him still stung, and another part was suspended in disbelief. How the hell could this have happened?
He stared at his reflection in the mirror. “You let it happen, dumbass. That’s how. Just like you let the doping take over, and like you let your team slip away.” And Ellie.
That last admission, losing Ellie, hurt far more than the other two combined.
It was time to pull his head out of his ass and own his life, starting with putting his toxic relationship with Nicky in the dump, where it belonged.
Tossing and turning all night had shaken loose a few other realizations. Like how he’d wasted too much time, energy, and heartache on a woman who was all wrong for the future he wanted—had always been all wrong, but he’d either been too blind or too stupid to understand exactly what he truly had wanted. In the past year, his fuck-ups had come home to roost, and he’d spent last night reconciling his shortcomings, re-evaluating. For the first time in a long time, everything was as clear as a Rocky Mountain winter sky.
Because of Ellie. She’d given him an appetite for that life he wanted, and it had woken him up. Now he couldn’t imagine living without it, and he was lining it up in his sights.
Nicole waltzed into the coffee shop, her camera-ready smile plastered on her face. He nodded in return and pointed at the counter, indicating she could get her own drink. Yeah, he should have hopped right up and gotten it for her, but he wasn’t feeling that generous. Though she seemed surprised at first, she got her frothy coffee-that-wasn’t-really-coffee drink and joined him at the table. When she leaned in for a kiss, he turned so her lips landed on his cheek.
She settled into her chair with a perturbed purse of her lips. “How have you been?”
“I was great until I got home last night and talked to Ellie.”
Nicky lifted her nose a little higher. “So this is how you’re going to play it? Right out of the gate, you’re going to take her side and accuse me of God knows what?”
“I’m not accusing you of anything—yet. Let’s look at the facts first. You obviously figured out where she lives—I can only guess you followed me at some point—and you showed up on her doorstep while I was on the road and she had Benny. You timed your little visit well. My game had started; I was unavailable.”
Nicky sipped her drink and didn’t look at him.
“Would you agree those are the facts?” he pressed.
“Maybe,” she said.
“Then you had the unmitigated gall to barge in and lie, telling her I’d told you to get Benny. You weren’t even supposed to be in town, so either your plans fell through or you had your little showdown planned all along.” She opened her mouth, but he held up his hand. “At this point, it doesn’t matter. What matters is you showed up when you weren’t welcome, you pushed your way in, and you lied some more—about your damn bracelet, saying I bought you something far more valuable for Christmas than what I actually got you, which cost less than a hundred bucks.”
“I knew it was cheap.” Her tone was icy; he didn’t give a shit. “But I didn’t lie because you did buy the expensive one for me, Dave. Don’t you remember that weekend in San Francisco—”
“That was years ago, Nicky, and as I recall, you pulled out all the stops to get me to buy it,” he gritted out. The bracelet hadn’t been a gift; it had been a way to shut her up. Another manipulation—he was seeing them all so clearly now—and he’d played right into it because it had been easier to maintain the “status quo.” Suddenly, he was exhausted. “I’m so tired of your games. Tired of how you twist the truth and use people and hurt them without a thought for anyone but yourself.”
“How dare … You can’t talk to me like this!” Her voice was a hiss.
“I can, and I am. It’s long over
due.”
“If that’s true, then why didn’t you do it sooner?” she huffed.
“I’ve given that a lot of thought. I’ve been in denial for a long time, and your stunt woke me the hell up. The reason I’ve been hanging in there is because I didn’t want to pull out on Isaac. But irony of ironies, you’d already pulled me out of his life. I was clinging to an impossible commitment. He’s a good kid, and I wanted him to understand he’s worth something to me. That I wouldn’t just walk away from him. I hope he remembers that and that someday he realizes it was beyond my control.” He sighed. “I also realized I’ve been letting you use Benny against me, just like you used Isaac against his dad when we were together.” He paused to gather his words and swallow the lump in his throat. “Benny’s yours, Nick. I gave him to you. That means the next time you need someone to watch him, you call a dog sitter. The next time you let him get into rat poison, you call the vet, and the bill’s on you. I’m not your fix-it guy anymore. I’m not your bottomless bank account. In fact, the next time you want something from me, you call my attorney.”
Her eyes popped. “Are you nuts? Have the drugs fried your brain?”
He shrugged off her worn accusation. “I’ve let you walk all over my boundaries, but it ends now.” A mirthless chuckle rumbled inside him. “You know, you did me a huge favor when you dumped me. I would have hung in there, taking the abuse, letting you work me. But you made the decision for me, and God, am I grateful you did.”
She sat back as though she’d been slapped. Her eyes turned stormy. “Dave—”
Ellie’s words, fresh and raw, had dug a hole deep inside him. He stood and used them on Nicky. “Have a great life, Nick.” He walked away without a backward glance.
A week later, Dave hadn’t gotten so much as a “Happy New Year” from Ellie, and he was still numb. The holiday had come and gone, with him keeping his own miserable company in his stark town house. He’d meant to check out the dogs at the Dumb Friends League, but every time he so much as pulled up the website, he talked himself out of it. A few saving graces had been his teammates inviting him to parties he didn’t attend and him visiting the only guy he knew who was almost as miserable as he was: Nelson. The two of them watched hockey or attempted playing poker, which looked more like a comedy routine, what with Dave forever spilling his cards and Nelson grunting at him. Sonoma had texted him too, wishing him a happy New Year, but mostly she’d gushed about what she and Finn were doing to celebrate.