Sarah felt herself turning so red that, if the lights were turned off, they could have read a newspaper with her.
“She’s definitely coming down with something,” Eileen said, one eye trained on Sarah no matter how much Nina swirled around her. “Baking… Aren’t you worried you’ll catch what she has?”
“Oh, I’d be far more worried about her catching something from us,” Nina said. As sweetly as ever.
Eileen’s preternaturally smooth brow crinkled slightly; she clearly didn’t know what that meant and neither, quite frankly, did Sarah.
“Well, we should get going,” Eileen said after a moment.
“It’s like being a child again,” Nina said, subtly leaning in their way…and then back out again. “Asking if Sarah can come out to play.”
Before Nina allowed them to leave—the whole thing had the feel of an audience with the queen—she brought Sarah close for a hug. “Get well soon,” she said, her hand cinched in the small of Sarah’s back. With one little twitch, it could be down her pants, on the curve of her ass. And then she’d be Nina’s, right in front of her mother; she’d do anything asked of her.
But Nina released her, like a little fish into a big pond. “Run along now.”
Sarah did, walking briskly to catch up with her mother. Eileen was running toward their home, while Sarah was fleeing away from Nina and all the wonderful, terrible things she made Sarah feel.
She’d learned two things in her night with Nina. First, that Nina held undeniable power over her.
Second, that Sarah couldn’t bring herself to care.
Chapter 11
It took a few more weeks of dating, but Sarah got comfortable enough with the butterflies in her stomach that she could talk about it with a friend—at least, a friend who was hundreds of miles away. She wanted to share the news about Nina, but she needed to talk about the seismic shift in how she thought of herself and what she really wanted.
“She just, she knows so much, she knows what she wants, and she knows her value. She has all this experience, but at the same time, it’s like it’s new to her? Like I’m new to her? So it doesn’t matter as much that I have no idea what I’m doing, because she has no idea what I’m doing either, you know? We’re both figuring it out. But she has a much better wardrobe than I do.”
Jonesy didn’t answer. Sarah turned onto her side, looking at her phone where it lay on the nightstand, doing the speaker-phone thing. “Jonesy? You there?”
“Yeah, I’m just trying to picture Nina Rose going from, like, the Phantom of the Opera to your sugar momma.”
“She’s not my sugar momma.”
“I mean, I know about the older-man thing, but I just never really heard about women finding older women attractive. I guess I get it, though. Have you always been into MILFs?”
Sarah reached over to pick up the phone. “It’s not like that,” she said, bringing it close to her mouth. “She was born in the same decade as me, so shut up.”
“Oh, wow, when did you decide to look that up?”
“Seriously, shut up.”
“Okay, okay. At least she isn’t your professor or something. Just your boss,” Jonesy finished airily.
“Well, not anymore. It seemed weird when we decided to make it official.” Sarah rolled onto her back, dropping the phone onto her chest. She idly tapped her hands on her belly, trying to irritate Jonesy with the slaps.
“That’s probably smart.” A deep sigh traveled from cell phone tower to cell phone tower. “So how are things with, you know, Tyrese and Beck?”
Sarah suppressed a growl. “I wouldn’t know. It’s really not any of my business at this point.”
“They’re your friends. You’ve moved on, they’ve hooked up… Do we all really still have to be bitter about it?”
“Yes! If your boyfriend cheated on you, I would back you up!”
“Maybe I wouldn’t want you to. I mean, I don’t know, isn’t life a little short to have a civil war every time two of my friends break up?”
“He cheated on me!”
“Ty says he didn’t.”
“Well, he’s a liar and Beck’s a whore.” Sarah heard a floorboard creaking somewhere in the house. She lifted her head, wondering if her mother was coming. The last thing she needed was for Eileen to hear her bitchfest. She picked up her mobile and turned off the speakerphone, putting it to her ear. “You still there?”
“Yeah, yeah… Are you listening to yourself, though? A month ago you would’ve kicked someone’s ass if you caught them talking about your friends like that.”
“Things change.”
“It’s just weird to me. You come back to Bathory for your mom, only you don’t get along with her—”
“I love my mom!”
“Then you’re staying for your friends, only now you’re alienated from all of them. I guess you’re staying for Nina Rose now…”
“What are you even getting at, huh?”
“It’s like you just keep coming up with excuses to stay and then you sabotage them.”
“I didn’t sabotage anything. Tyrese cheated on me!”
“All I know is, a year ago he was crazy in love with you and now—”
“So, what, so I pushed him away?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know. I’m not even in the same zip code.”
Someone knocked at Sarah’s bedroom door.
“Just a minute!” Sarah yelled, pushing the phone against her breast. She quickly put it back to her ear. “I’ve gotta go. Think you can hold off psychoanalyzing me for a while?”
She didn’t wait for an answer, jabbing the disconnect button as Eileen opened the door. Only it seemed more as if she got the door for Nina, since no one could open a door in that woman’s presence without seeming like they were getting it for her.
Eileen was wearing a smart business suit instead of her usual flower-print blouse, but as stylish as it was, she couldn’t hold a candle to Nina in a pantsuit with a black vest and white blouse, holding Barnaby by his leash with the élan of a woman who had sent her dog to obedience school.
“You have a visitor,” Eileen said as Nina came in holding a picnic basket with a towel-covered pie pan on top.
“Apparently,” Nina said innocently, crouching down to unsnap Barnaby’s leash, “your mother just got called in to develop the floral centerpiece for a town-hall luncheon. And I stopped by to see if you’d like to join us for a picnic.”
Eileen gave them a strange look, her eyes quickly darting back to follow Barnaby anxiously as he shuffled around the room, sniffing over the carpet like a very hairy vacuum cleaner. He came to a sit at her feet, his big tail thwacking solidly from one side of his butt to the other, and Eileen gave him a few quick pats.
Distractedly, she said, “Sarah was the fussiest eater growing up. She wouldn’t eat anything I’d put in her mouth!”
“That won’t be a problem for me, I’m sure. Good luck with the contract, Mrs. Kay.”
“Thanks.” Eileen checked her watch. “Oh, I’m late! My purse…” Eileen looked around frantically. “Ah.” Apparently remembering where it was, she left the room, then shouted back through the house, “Bye, girls!” And with that, Eileen was out the door.
Nina stood up, idly strolling over to the bed. Sarah suddenly felt like a maiden being paid a visit by Count Dracula. “I thought you were going to stop teasing my mom.”
“I thought you were going to tell her about us.”
“She’s going to have an aneurism when she finds out and gets all your little jokes.”
Nina waved a dismissive hand. “We can leave this for another time. For now, you should thank me.”
Sarah’s mouth went familiarly dry. “How?”
Nina pulled back the covers. “Get dressed. We’re having a picnic.”
>~~~<
The park was only a couple blocks from home, something Sarah was sure Eileen had taken into account when buying the place. With the sun setting, the streets were mostly
empty and the mossy woods were abandoned, as people had fled in anticipation of an evening chill. But it hadn’t shown up yet, a warm front keeping things crisp and cozy, as if Nina were holding back the night with sheer force of personality. After tying Barnaby’s leash to a nearby tree, they spread out a blanket, sat down on the banks of a lake full of swans, and poured each other apple cider. Barnaby sagged down to the ground to pant animatedly. Nina toasted them both, and Sarah giggled.
“I’ve often eaten in silence,” Nina said, opening an array of Tupperware containers and spreading out dinner for them. “But it’s amazing how much more companionable that silence is when you have someone to share it with.”
“So I’m just here to look pretty in the sunset?” Sarah held out her hand, turned golden by the dying light.
“Nonsense. You’ll also be enjoying my delicious cooking.” Nina reached out and undid the top button of the blouse Sarah had thrown on, but Sarah got the impression it was purely an aesthetic consideration—a brushstroke on the painting she was making of the two of them. Nevertheless, she warmed.
“Everything about you is delicious.”
Nina took a big bite of a cupcake. “Have you given our relationship any thought?”
“I’m twenty. I try not to think about everything. It gives the other kids a bad reputation.”
Nina smiled chidingly. “I mean, are you—comfortable with where we’re at? Sure about what we’re doing?”
“I’m very sure. I’ve had time to sleep on it and everything. In fact, I thought a little about those pictures you showed me.”
“Oh?” Nina wiped her chin with the back of her hand, the gesture slow and deliberate. Above her hand, her eyes were locked on Sarah. “And you want to try it?”
Sarah busied herself with her own cupcake, unwrapping it from its little cupcake skirt. “I don’t know, it’s just, that stuff is really, really—” She almost said “wrong.” Instead she said, “naughty.”
“Is there something wrong with how things are now?”
“No, no, nothing wrong. But you do want more, right?”
“I want—”
“Yeah, I know, you want me to be safe and happy and all of that.” Sarah smiled easily. “But that’s not all you want.”
“I want you; the rest is just details.”
“But a part of you wants that. I mean, you don’t just stop wanting it, do you?”
Nina was quiet for a moment. “There’s want and then there’s priority. The two are linked, but not the same.”
“God, no wonder you’re such a good codebreaker. You have to listen to yourself all the time.”
Nina looked stung. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be—”
“No, don’t, I didn’t mean that. I get it. You want me to want it.”
“That’s not it,” Nina insisted. “I mean…” She looked heavenward. “There’s a difference. There is such a difference, and I keep thinking you know, but then you act like you don’t—”
“So tell me. Just tell me. What is it you want?”
Nina took a deep breath. Took a long drink of cider. “To be perfectly frank: yes. I am interested in…certain scenarios. Not nice. Not normal. But I don’t want them if you don’t want them. I don’t want you to do anything if it’s to make me happy, only if it’s what you want. That’s very important to me, Sarah. Only what we both want.”
Sarah reached into her pocket and took out a much-folded piece of paper. “I’ve been reading up about BDSM. Lots of people complaining about Fifty Shades of Grey.”
“Yes, I assume they would.”
“Because it’s bad?”
“Because it’s the internet. And because it’s bad.”
Sarah unfolded the paper. “I made a list of things I might be interested in. So just look it over, underline the things you’re interested in, and that’s what we’ll do. Only things we’re both interested in.”
Nina took the paper and read through it quickly, her rapidly scanning eyes betraying excitement, even a sense of relief. “Number twelve… You’re certain?”
“That’s the first thing that jumps out at you? Twelve?”
“Oh, I know it’s not the most extreme, but it’s not the most common either.”
“Well, I don’t know if it’ll make me squirt, but I figure it’s worth a shot. You only live once, right?”
“I’m going to be very amused if this turns out to be a fetish for you.”
>~~~<
Sarah was nervous. Of course she was nervous. She was about to feel pain. Not even pain like a doctor’s shot or something, but pain for pleasure. Nina’s pleasure. But of course, that was the important word here. Not pain but Nina, especially Nina’s pleasure. And, if Nina was right, if she could cultivate it like some rare flower in unforgiving terrain—Sarah’s pleasure too.
So there she was, bent over the bed, undressed from the waist down, her ass upturned for Nina’s artistic inspection. Nina so close that Sarah could feel her breath between her cheeks like a light promise. She was scared, but somehow excited in her fear. It was as if she was on a roller coaster. Climbing up, up, up.
Nina’s hand approached her sex, and Sarah thought she might melt before it got there. “I just thought of something…” Nina spoke haltingly; her hand stopped, quivering, before it could touch Sarah. “I’ve been ‘just thinking’ of something for days now.”
Sarah submerged a grumble; Nina couldn’t have picked a better time. But she got it. It was like a blockage, something that didn’t come into focus until you actually tried to go through it. And before you could, you had to get it out.
“I’m all ears,” she said, looking back at Nina as best she could while in this unforgiving position.
It was like Nina was hiding behind her own body. “You trust me, don’t you?”
“With all of me,” Sarah said firmly. She didn’t want to sound as if she was pleading.
She could sense Nina’s smile. The hand dipped closer. “So you know I won’t think less of you if you use the safe word. I won’t be disappointed one bit. I’ll be proud of you for knowing your limits and stopping me before I hurt you. I never want to hurt you, Sarah. Not for real. I couldn’t bear it.”
“You won’t. I know how you feel about me. You can’t love someone and hurt them.”
Nina’s smile was achingly perfect. That was the look of a woman in love, Sarah thought. It had to be. It was so beautiful. “You’re so young, Sarah, that you make me feel old. Remember, this isn’t about me. We’re not doing this to please me. We’re doing it together. Partners.”
Sarah had thought it would be odd to feel pain and know it was meant with love. But how much odder would it be to not be able to feel love at all? “Partners.” The word flew out of her mouth. Then she giggled. Damnit. She couldn’t help feeling like a schoolgirl. “That always seemed like such a weird way to put it. But now I kinda like it.”
“I like it too.” Nina darkened, brow furrowing. “Part of me almost doesn’t want to share this with you. It’d be so much simpler if you just didn’t want this than if you’re willing to try. There’ve been other girls, but they were…arrangements. There was fondness, affection, but we always understood there was a limit on it. With you—I feel like I’m someone else. Someone I can’t control.”
Sarah’s mind was racing—no, exploding. She’d never even imagined this. She’d gone into this thinking she might have a fling. And that could have been enough, more than enough. But when Nina talked like this, she wanted more. Always more.
But just like that, Nina was solid, impenetrable. “I’m going to use you,” Nina said as she dipped her head, her face just briefly touching Sarah’s flesh. Her nose, her lips, her cheek—Sarah felt them where she was naked and couldn’t believe the simple intimacy of that. Her heart was racing, and she’d barely been touched. “Like a good hunter doesn’t waste any meat from their kill. All this virgin flesh—all this unmarked skin—I’m going to take it and I’m going to make it feel things it�
�s never felt before. Every inch. Every nerve. When I’m done, you’ll be painted red.”
“I’ve been spanked before,” Sarah said. She didn’t know why.
“With a belt?” Nina asked with a little kiss at Sarah’s tailbone.
“No. My parents threatened me with that, but they never actually did it.”
“Mmmmm.” Nina rested her chin on Sarah’s bottom. “But then, you’ve never been so bad.”
She reached down and hooked her fingers in her studded leather belt. Sarah heard the buckle rattling as the belt worked its way through Nina’s pant loops. She looked up, as carefully as she could, to see Nina folding the belt up. She brought it down on her other hand; it sounded like a crack of thunder.
“Now, Sarah,” Nina began, and Sarah could barely think to listen with the belt smacking into her palm. Thunder rumbling in distant clouds. “Remember. The safe word is ‘Fermi.’ You can cry out all you like, say ‘stop’ or ‘no’ or whatever you need to say, but unless you say ‘Fermi,’ I’ll keep going. Do you understand?”
“Yes.”
“What makes me stop?”
“Fermi.”
“What doesn’t make me stop?”
“No. Stop. Don’t.”
Nina smiled, and as beautiful as Nina’s smile usually was, it looked even better when Sarah had made her smile. Sarah turned away, looking straight ahead, pleased with herself. The belt stopped against Nina’s hand.
“You have been naughty,” Nina said. It sounded like disapproval. Really, it was glowing praise. “And naughty girls get punished. It’s the only way they learn.”
Sarah felt tension kinking up her body. She couldn’t stop it. Her body knew what was coming, and it didn’t trust Nina the way her heart did. She closed her eyes. She let herself tremble. She felt small, and frail, and she let herself feel that way. Nina wasn’t just a lover, not in Sarah’s present state. Now, towering over Sarah, she was a goddess, and that was both a danger and a comfort.
The Woman at the Edge of Town Page 16