I’m startled by the sound of the sliding glass door open and close behind me. I look back from the chair I’m sitting in and see my mom coming towards me a steaming mug in each hand. She hands me one of the cups of coffee and sits in the chair next to me.
“Okay, honey. Now, tell me everything.” She looks back at me intently and I instantly feel like a child again. I just want to cry it all out. All my feelings I’ve been holding in for Conner, all the anger and embarrassment I feel about Ian. I want to cry and cry until all of it is gone. Completely drained from my body.
My mom watches the tears build up in my eyes and reaches out to hug me. As soon as my face hits her shoulder the tears start to flow.
“Oh, Mom! I don’t even know where to start. I’ve made such a mess of everything. Conner's probably mad at me and I have know idea what to do.” The floodgates open as I sob against her and she rubs my back. One of my favorite things about my mom is her patience. She doesn’t jump in to try and fix things. She listens, she hears me, and she doesn’t jump to conclusions.
“Why don’t you start at the beginning?” she suggests, pulling me away from her chest and giving my arms a squeeze. She eyes the bruise on my cheek with concern but doesn’t ask about it. I sniffle and gather my thoughts. Then I do as she suggests. I tell her everything, starting from the beginning.
I tell her about my feelings for Conner and how he came to find out about them, too. I tell her about my dating Ian and Conner’s trip to NYC. I describe how things ended with Ian and the bruise on my cheek. I tell her what Conner did and what happened between us last night. And finally, I tell her that he told me he loves me and how I left things with him this morning.
By the time I was done unloading on her I already felt one hundred times better. And she didn’t even say anything yet. I watch her as she rubs her hands on her thighs.
“I would certainly say you’ve made a mess of things,” she says, laughing. I smile back at her in agreement and wait for her words of wisdom to come spewing out but instead she says, “Well we’re not gonna figure any of this out on an empty stomach. C’mon, let me make you some lunch.” Her green eyes squint a little as her smile grows larger. I nod in agreement and climb out of my chair, following her inside to the kitchen.
She pulls a bowl of grapes from the fridge and sets them on the island in front of me. I step up onto the stool, pull a grape off the stem, and pop it into my mouth.
“So where’s Dad at?” I ask.
“Oh, you know your Dad. If it’s nice outside he’s out on the boat.”
I smile at her. My parents moved up here a few years ago after Dad retired. He loved to be on the lake for fishing and my mom just enjoyed nature and the quiet. It made me a little sad thinking about her sitting up here all alone, though. I suddenly feel guilty for not coming to visit them sooner.
I watch as Mom bounces around the kitchen like a pinball from the refrigerator, to the cupboard, to the stove and back again. She is definitely where my love of cooking comes from. I rest my chin in my hand and watch her move. I can recall her being exactly the same when I was little. Always in the kitchen baking cakes or pies, trying new recipes, cooking dinners. Other than a few extra wrinkles that now appear at the corners of her eyes not much has changed since then.
She spins around and drops a plate in front of me with two hot ham and cheese sandwiches on it. Mmm, comfort food. This is exactly what I need right now. I take a big bite and it’s exactly as I remember it tasting. Mom returns again with a plate of her own and she perches on the stool next to me.
“This is great, Mom. Thank you,” I tell her. My mouth still full with my last bite of food.
“Awe, you’re welcome, honey. Nwo let’s get back to you,” she says, tapping my hand eagerly. “What are you going to do about Conner?”
My heart sinks to my stomach. “I don’t know, Mom. I told you, I don’t want to ruin our friendship over a bad breakup or something. I mean c’mon. You know how he is.”
She laughs and nods her head in agreement. “Yes, I remember quite well how that boy used to be.”
“Well, not much has changed,” I retort in a depressed tone.
“And why do you think it’s such a bad thing that he hasn’t changed? I always thought he was a very respectable, caring, and generous young man. Especially when it comes to you. He has always had a soft spot for you, Brooke and if you haven’t realized that yet… well I’m sorry but you might be just as blind as he is.”
I take a bite of my sandwich and I think over her words. Has he always had a soft spot for me? I mean sure he’s always been protective but I had always thought that was because he didn’t think I could ever defend myself. Not because he cared extra for me.
“What do you mean, just as blind as he is?” I give her a curious look and she rolls her eyes, exasperated.
“Oh, c’mon. You think coming here and telling me that you love Conner and he loves you is news to me, darling?” She smiles and pats my hand. “I watched the two of you grow up together. I’ve known for a while that you cared deeply for each other. Heck, anyone who has spent more than ten minutes with the two of you would be able to see the sparks flying between you.”
“Why didn’t you ever say anything?”
“Oh, that’s not my place. Besides, I figured when the time was right he would tell you how he feels about you and you would tell him and the two of you would take things from there. I never thought it would turn into a mess like this.”
I push my plate away and stare down at my hands on the island. “So what do you think I should do now?”
“I’m not gonna tell you how to live your life, Brooke. You’re a grown woman. You’ve got to make your own choices. But I will say this. Love happens, whether you’re ready for it or not. You can’t help how you feel. And, yes, sometimes it hurts and sometimes it’s scary as hell but it’s also exciting and beautiful. If you spend your whole life focusing on all the what if’s and the reasons not to, you’re gonna miss all the can be’s and end up looking back on a life regretting all the could have beens.”
I nod slowly and let her words sink in. I was hoping she would’ve told me that I was right to be afraid, that I should be protecting my heart and trying to preserve a decade old friendship but that’s not what she is saying at all. And as usual she is right. I shouldn’t be living my life based on what bad things may happen. I should be taking risks. I’m just not convinced that handing my heart over to Conner Smoak is a risk I’m willing to take… at least not yet.
****
Conner
I close one eye and try to focus on my screen as I scroll through my messages. Where is it? Where is it?
“Ah forget it.” I tap the square in the top corner and start a new message. At the top I start to punch in letters and when her name appears. I tap it and start my text.
Hey! Hey! Pretty lady! Are you gonna tell me where you ran off to?
I smile brightly as I press send. That’s it Smoak. Lay on the charm. She’ll never be able to resist it.
“Hey Marcy! How ‘bout another one down on the end here, huh!?”
Marcy walks up to me and frowns. “Conner, I think you’ve had about enough honey. You’ve been here for hours now. How exactly are you planning on getting home?” She smiles at me and rests her chin in her hand as her elbow is propped on the bar. My eyes travel from her face to her exposed cleavage in her v-neck top.
“I don’t know, Marcy but can I just say… you have beautiful boobs for a woman your age.” I try to wink at her as I say it but I’m not sure I did it right. She laughs loudly at me and shakes her head.
“Now is that anyway to speak to a lady, Conner?” I feel a hard pat on my shoulder and I turn to see Gabe standing behind me.
“When it’s one as beautiful as Marcy it is,” I answer, holding my hand out to her as if I’m making some grand romantic gesture. She laughs at me then looks at Gabe.
“You’ve got him?” Gabe nods and she walks away.
“Get out of here Gabe, you’re cramping my style,” I say, shrugging his hand off my shoulder. Gabe laughs.
“Oh no, Conner. I don’t think you need any help with that. I think you’re doing great all on your own,” he says, looking around. “How long have you been here?”
“I don’t know. A little while I guess.” I shrug, tilt my head back and gulp down the last few swigs of beer in my glass.
“Well, in that case, why don’t you let me take you home.” He puts his hand on my shoulder and tries to lead me away from the bar.
“No!” I shout back and pull away from him, “I’m waiting for Brooke to get here! See! She loves me and she’s coming here to get me!” I hold out my phone and he squints his eyes to read the screen.
“Oh for Christ sake, Conner. Look at the damn mess you’ve made now!”
“What are you talking about? She loves me. See.” I point to the screen and read it slowly out loud, “I love you too, Conner! I’ll be there as soon as I can.” I smile widely at him, so proud of myself.
Gabe shakes his head in disapproval. “I swear, Conner, I don’t know why I’m still shocked by you anymore.” He snatches my phone out of my hand, slams it on the bar, and points to the name at the top of the message. “Rachel,” he reads out loud to me and my heart sinks into my stomach. Ahh, shit!
I look up at Gabe, the wind has completely left my sails. “You think you could give me a ride home, Bud? I don’t wanna be here if Rachel’s coming.”
Gabe shakes his head again but appears calmer. “Let’s go. Hey, Marc, can we get a bottle of water to go please?”
“Sure thing, Gabe.” She grabs a bottle and hands it to Gabe and we both head out the door together.
****
It’s pitch black by the time I get home. I stumble through my front door, Gabe following closely behind me, and am almost knocked to my ass by Bruno who jumps up at me excitedly. “Hey, there Bruno! Hey Brun Brun! Who’s my best buddy? Who’s my bestest friend in the whole wide world? Who will never ever ever break my heart?” I talk to him in a baby voice that only makes him more excited that I’m home. I grab his leash from the counter and try to hook it to his collar. I miss the first few tries but then I finally get it hooked.
I take Bruno out the back door and let him do his business. I hear Gabe follow out the door behind me. “Beautiful night, isn’t it?” I ask over my shoulder as I hook Bruno’s leash around my arm and reach into my pants. I pull out my dick and start pissing in the backyard.
“What the hell is wrong with you, Conner?” I hear him snap behind me.
“What?” I ask angrily as I finish up and tuck myself back into my pants. “What makes you think I’m the one with the problem?”
“Look at yourself,” he gestures to all of me. “You sit at the bar all night long. You’re piss ass drunk. You’re a damn mess!”
“What the hell does it matter? She doesn’t want to be with me anyway.” My tone grows louder as the anger builds inside me.
“Have you seen yourself lately? I mean honestly, Conner, what exactly do you expect? She’s out of town for one day and you’re back to your same old bull shit. Hitting on every woman you see, drunk texting your ex’s, all because she’s not ready to give you her heart?...Can you fucking blame her?” He’s shouting now and my expression grows serious.
“If you know her so well why don’t you tell me what the hell I’m supposed to do now because all I know is that I can’t get her out of my head. I think about her constantly and I just wanna be with her… And she doesn’t want me. I’ve never felt pain like this before, Gabe. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do about it.” I hold my arms out to my sides and shift my weight from foot to foot. Talking and yelling about this has sent my adrenaline into full blast and I can’t stand still.
Gabe steps toward me and says calmly but firmly, “You get your shit together, Conner. You get your shit together and you be whatever she needs you to be right now and before you know it, she’ll need you to be more than her friend.”
“And what if I can’t do that? What if I don’t want to just be her friend anymore?”
He narrows his eyes at me. “If you can’t do that for her then she was right about you. You don’t love her the way she loves you. Because I watched her do it for you for years. She sacrificed her own happiness for you for years. And if you can’t do the same for her then you have no business telling that girl that you love her. You have no business using words you don’t understand.” He shakes his head and backs away from me, disappearing into the house.
The argument has sobered me up a bit. I tilt my head up to the sky and put my hands on top of my head. I stand in my backyard in silence, trying to let Gabe’s words sink in. So what’s it gonna be, Smoak? Do you love the girl or not?
Three
Brooke
I hold tightly to Mom and Dad. I wrap one arm around each of their necks and pull them in close. This week has flown by but it was exactly what the doctor ordered. I spent most days with Mom, taking turns cooking meals, and swapping recipe secrets. And at night we would stay up late watching romantic comedies and drinking wine in our pajamas or sitting out on the porch under the stars.
We even went out on the lake with Dad one day. Mom and I mostly sunbathed rather than fished but it was still fun. I need to make a better effort to come visit them more often. I’ve forgotten how much I’ve missed them. They wave me goodbye from the porch as I climb into my car. Now that the week is over I feel rejuvenated and refreshed and ready to take on life back home.
The drive home is quiet and peaceful. I feel so relaxed the entire way back but as soon as I approach the small bridge that takes me back into town my heart starts to beat hard in my chest. I’m not ready for this. I wanna go back. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before crossing the bridge into town. It’s Friday night so everyone will probably be at Micky’s.
As much as I want to see everyone, I’m not ready to see Conner yet. Plus, it’s getting late and I haven’t eaten. I pull in and park my car. I walk up to my front door to open it before bringing my bags in. I open the door, grab the handful of mail stuffed into my mailbox, and walk inside. I set the mail down on my coffee table and head back outside for my bag.
Once I’ve unloaded my car I go to the kitchen to check out my food situation. I’ve been gone for a week so I know none of my left overs are any good. I bend over trying to look deep into the fridge but I don’t have many appealing options. I spot the eggs and smile. Breakfast for dinner it is.
I whip myself up some scrambled eggs snuggle up on my couch and turn on the t.v. I glance at the stack of letters left on the coffee table and groan. I put my plate down and start looking through them. Electric bill, phone bill, credit card bill, what’s this? I hold up the blue envelope with my name on the front written in large red letters. I flip it around, to check it from all sides but there is nothing else written on it.
I let out a ragged breath. “Conner.” It’s got to be from him. I don’t know who else it would be. I inhale deeply and hold my breath preparing myself for whatever beautiful thing he’s written inside. I tear the envelope open across the top and pull out the tri folded piece of paper inside. It’s typed? I start to read and my breath hitches. My eyes grow wider and wider as I continue reading. My heart starts racing in my chest as the fear builds inside me.
You stupid bitch. You really think you can do what you did and get away with it? Well you’re DEAD wrong. You’re going to pay for what you took from me. Mark my words. This isn’t over. We’re just getting started.
P.S. If you try to tell Conner or anyone else about this, you’ll just be digging their graves too. Don’t be stupid, Brooke.
X Sweet Revenge
My hands are trembling by the time I get to the end of the letter. I jump up from my seat and rush to my door locking it at the knob and then at the dead bolt. I do the same at my back door and rush around the house checking all the windows. I grab a large butcher’s knife from t
he block as I pass through the kitchen and carry it with me.
I know the intention of the letter is to scare me and it works. I sit on my couch with my knees tucked up to my chest knife in hand. My whole house is silent. I listen intently and jump at every small tap, creak, and scratch. My eyes dart around the room searching for movements. My heart is beating so hard that I can feel it on my legs. What am I gonna do? I try to talk it out quietly to myself.
“This is crazy. I can’t just sit here like this all night.” I pick up my phone and check the time. It’s only nine-thirty. Everyone will still be at Micky’s. Maybe I should go there. It’s better than sitting here alone by myself feeling paranoid. Besides, I don’t even know when this letter was left here or who actually sent it. I mean I have a pretty good idea of who sent it. Ian. I don’t know that for sure. But who else would it be? I argue with myself back and forth in my head.
I hear a creaking noise coming from upstairs and I practically jump out of my skin. “Okay, I can’t keep sitting here like this. I need to get out of here. Be around people,” I mumble to myself as I slip on my sneakers. I grab my keys and phone and head out the door. I sprint to my car like the last victim standing in a horror movie. When I get there I quickly use the flashlight on my phone to check the backseat then jump inside. I lock the doors as soon as my ass hits the seat.
My breathing is heavy and my heart's still pounding in my chest. Strangely, I feel a little safer already just being in my car. Maybe because I know there’s nowhere in here for anyone to be hiding. I let out a few slow breaths to settle myself down before starting my car and driving to Micky’s. I repeatedly check my rearview mirror as I drive making sure I’m not being followed. “This is exactly what he wants, Brooke. He wants you to be paranoid. You’re fine. Everything’s fine,” I say quietly to myself.
There's Danger: A Friends to Lovers Romance Page 2