by Teague, AS
In spite of the depths of my pain, I laughed, the sound coming from deep in my belly. Fuck, it felt good to laugh again. It felt incredible that it was with Mel, and that she was grinning back at me. “It’s a charge I’m willing to catch.”
She shook her head, and the sweet scent of lavender and sandalwood drifted across the narrow space between us where she was straightening my covers. I finally gave up fighting the urge to touch her and fingered a lock of her hair. “You know, your hair has always been my favorite thing about you.”
She tipped her head to the side, letting the silky strand slip through my fingers. “And here I thought you liked me for my unmatchable wit and killer work ethic.”
“Your wit, yes. That work ethic though? Two hours ago, I would have agreed with you, but that was before I was introduced to the real Dr. Holstein’s School of Medicine.”
“I worked you out for over a week before now,” she quipped.
“Yeah, and you were taking it easy on me. I’m pretty sure what just happened was your own personal brand of torture.”
Mel straightened and arched a brow. “Crap. You’re onto me. Now how will I inflict pain upon you?”
Leave me again.
I shook the thought from my head just as quickly as it appeared and lifted a shoulder. “I’m sure you’ll find a way.”
Mel finished putting her implements of pain away and then settled herself into the chair beside my bed. She propped her feet on the edge of my hospital bed and crossed them at her ankle and slid down into the seat. “I’m exhausted.”
I looked at her incredulously, and she wrinkled her brow. “What? You think it’s easy for me to support the weight of a two-hundred-pound one-legged man?”
“You’re an asshole.”
“That I am, Shaw.”
“You know how much I hate it when you call me that. That’s what my teammates call me.”
Her lips twisted. “I’m your teammate now. Remember? Team Aiden?”
“You’re not my teammate. My teammates smell like sweat and Astroturf. You smell like lavender and heaven.”
“Oh my God, that pain pill must have kicked in. You’re starting to get all mushy and romantical.”
“Romantical?”
“It’s a word. It’s a medical term. You wouldn’t know anything about that.”
“You know what I do know about?”
She yawned. “What do you know about?”
“Oh, no. It’s a secret. You have a secret for me?”
“No more secrets, Aiden.” She scrubbed a hand over her face, and for the first time in almost two weeks, I took a good long, hard look at her.
She was stunning. Her skin was smooth like always, her brown eyes bright and her plump lips perfectly balanced. But there were circles under her eyes, and the longer I studied her, the more I realized that she hadn’t smiled nearly as much as she used to.
I couldn’t explain why she’d rushed to my side or why she’d stuck by it despite how callous I’d been with her other than the fact that we’d had some sort of long-lasting affair that had spanned the years that we both couldn’t shake. But, nonetheless, she’d done it; she’d taken all the shit I’d slung at her and let it roll off her back.
I didn’t deserve her. I didn’t deserve her loyalty or her devotion. And I sure as hell didn’t deserve her smiles and laughs. But I was a selfish bastard who had always felt inadequate, even when I’d been on top of the world. And I was going to take what she was willing to give me, whether I thought I was worthy of it or not.
“Secrets are all I have to offer you right now.” I worked to keep my voice even, but the way her eyes widened told me that I hadn’t done a good job.
“Okay, Aiden.” Her voice was warm, soft, and soothing, her encouragement a gentle caress. “Tell me a secret.”
“I spent the week I was in the hospital feeling sorry for myself.”
“That’s no secret. Everyone who came within a ten-foot radius of you could feel the self-loathing radiating off of you. It was like we were back in the nineties again.”
I’d been a kid in the nineties, so I honestly had no idea what she was talking about, but I shook my head nonetheless. “I know that I was nearly unbearable during my stay. But it was because I was throwing the most epic pity party the world had ever seen. That tackle? It was the hardest hit of my career. But the blow that came after that, the one where my family couldn’t be bothered to show up, was worse.” My voice cracked, but I pushed through the emotion. It was time I told her this, no matter how hard it was for me to admit. “The pain of realizing that I wasn’t worth their time was even greater than when I’d felt my bones snap. Then you fucking showed up. The woman who I’d always wanted, the woman who had always made me feel whole, the woman who I’d spent what feels like a lifetime chasing, and you rallied by my side and declared that we were going to fight together, and I just couldn’t fucking take it. The mother of my children, a woman who I’d been with for years, who I still take care of to this fucking day because she’s as much my responsibility as my boys, couldn’t even be bothered to have my sons FaceTime me after the horrific injury that was broadcast far and wide for the entire world to see. I had to call them. But you…” I laughed almost bitterly. “You were there. Day in and day out, ignoring the vile things I said to you, taking the time to find out my favorite food and bring it to me, taking care to keep the television off of the sports channels, letting me watch Game of Thrones over your shoulder and pretending like I wasn’t and I swear to Christ, I was so bitter a bird would have spat me out. What an evil stroke of irony that the one woman I’d always wanted finally came available when I was no longer capable of doing a fucking thing for her.”
I’d just laid myself bare, and instead of feeling like a puss, I felt fucking liberated. I’m sure that if I’d been in a therapist’s office when I’d said that, I would have been declared healed. But that was the way it was with her. I’d never once felt like I couldn’t tell her the way I really felt. It was one of the many reasons that I hadn’t been able to let go of the idea of her, of us.
Mel’s eyes were swimming with unshed tears, and she pressed her lips together to keep them from quivering, and for several long beats of time, we just stared at each other. Just as the air between us was beginning to transition to uncomfortable, she dropped her feet from the bed and stood. Her head turned briefly where she angrily swiped at the tears that began to escape, and then she settled her ass into the fold of the hospital bed, our chests facing each other.
“When the fuck were you ever capable of doing anything for me?” Her voice was gravelly, thick with every emotion that I felt too.
I let out a huff of laughter but was silenced when her lips crashed to mine.
There were things in life that shocked and surprised you. Some of them were bad, like when I’d gone down on the field two weeks ago.
Some of them were good, like when you walked into a surprise party that was for you.
But this… this surprise was more than that. This was like coming home again, a warm apple pie waiting in the oven for you. It was like running a trick play that won the game that you weren’t supposed to have a chance in.
When Mel’s arms looped around my shoulders, I threaded my fingers through her hair and pulled her close, the heady scent of her invading my senses while her mouth moved in perfect rhythm with mine, our tongues gliding and moving in what may have been the most perfectly choreographed dance of all time.
Suddenly, I couldn’t get enough of her. I needed more hands so that I could touch her everywhere at once. I needed a bigger bed so that I could roll her and feel her lithe body beneath mine.
I angled my head, deepening what was already the most erotic kiss of my life, and she moaned, the sound going straight from my ears to my cock. I could have listened to the way her breath caught as my fingertips grazed her collarbone from now until the moment I died, and it wouldn’t be enough.
That was the thing of it.
&
nbsp; I couldn’t get enough of Melanie Holstein.
I had never been able to get my fill of her.
All too soon, way before I would ever be satisfied, she pulled away, her chest heaving as she gulped for air. I couldn’t have given a single fuck about needing oxygen if it meant that I’d have her nails still digging into my shoulders, her body rolling against mine.
“Now who’s getting the sexual harassment charge?” I teased.
Her lips, still pink from where I’d just kissed her thoroughly, tipped up and her eyes twinkled. “Your word against mine. I’m the coach. Who do you think they’ll believe?”
She pushed to her feet, and even though it had only been my hip against hers, I felt the emptiness of where we’d just been connected. “I think that’s enough therapy for today. I’ve got some errands to run. You know, stuff that I’d planned on doing back when you were still an asshole and hadn’t apologized yet.”
“Me? An asshole? I think you’ve got me confused with someone else.”
My phone chimed from the nightstand. “Can you hand that to me? It’s probably Hampton.”
She cocked a brow. “Hampton?”
“Doc’s pretty cool,” I told her.
She grabbed the phone from the nightstand and passed it to my outstretched hand. “Since when were you buddies with Dr. Reed?”
“Since I texted him the other day to get the goods on you. Figured he’d give it to me straight and tell me what Brooke wouldn’t.”
Her eyes narrowed, but her lips twitched as she leaned forward and rested a fist on the mattress. “Get some rest. Torture resumes tomorrow.”
I grinned. “You got it, Coach.”
She righted herself and turned to leave. “Give me one hundred and ten percent again tomorrow, and maybe your reward will look a lot like it did today.”
She threw me a wink and then slowly and deliberately sashayed toward the door, her ass swishing back and forth in what had to have been an exaggerated walk that I was all too fucking happy to watch.
I’d never once in my life been happier at the prospect of being nearly tortured to death. But if it meant I got to touch her skin and feel her lips on mine again, I’d gladly let her push me past the brink.
Chapter Eighteen
Mel
I didn’t have a damn errand to run, but I had to get out of there and catch my breath. Aiden was in no shape for the things that I wanted to do to him after that gut-wrenching speech he laid on me. I didn’t think I was in any shape for that either, although my limitations were less physical than they were emotional.
So, like a coward, I’d lied about needing to get stuff done and then hightailed it out of his house before I did something even more stupid than the kiss that I’d been unable to stop myself from giving him. He’d said those things, his vulnerability shining through more than I’d ever seen or expected to hear from him, and it was a miracle that I’d been able to pull away from his lips when I had.
On the way out, I’d let Sandy know that Aiden had killed it in his session and that I probably wouldn’t be back that evening, but to expect me bright and early the next morning, then I’d gone home and taken a cold shower.
I’d always thought that when a guy said he had to take a cold shower, it was a bit dramatic, but the way Aiden kissed me had me seeing the error of my ways.
* * *
“Things are… good,” I said as I cut my eyes away from the knowing stare of my best friend.
“Just because you’re three hours away and not sitting in my living room doesn’t mean that I don’t know that look on your face. You’re not telling me something… so spill it.” Brooke’s voice was loud through the speakers of my phone as we FaceTimed like we did most every night.
Old habits died hard, and even though we hadn’t lived together for a while, we still didn’t let a day pass that we didn’t do some face-to-face talking. We’d been roommates through college and the years after when we were clawing our way up through the ranks at work. When she’d bought a house, I’d moved in with her temporarily and then ended up staying for much longer than planned when she’d found out she was pregnant with Allie.
I’d never wanted children of my own, but I loved Little Bean as though she were my own flesh and blood. I was the cool aunt, the person who I hoped she would always come to when she needed advice that she was too embarrassed to ask her mom or dad. After Brooke and Griff had ended up together and decided to move to Chicago, I couldn’t stand the thought of not being a part of her daily life and luckily, I hadn’t had to give that up. But now that I was in a different state helping Aiden, I was starting to really miss the family I had created for myself.
“How’s Smelly?” I asked, ignoring her order to spill it. I’d get around to telling her what had happened between Aiden and me, but I knew the moment the words passed through my lips, I’d never get anything else out of her but rapid-fire questions about our relationship. I wanted to hear about her and Allie and Griff, and most of all, my stupid cat that I missed.
She narrowed her eyes. “You’re deflecting, but I’ll let it slide. Smelly is fine. He is not enjoying living with two dogs, however, and has pretty much taken up residence in Griff’s closet.” Brooke laughed, and I giggled with her.
“Jeez, that cat is really good at crawling under the skin of the one person who likes him least.” I’d moved in with a boyfriend, temporarily, a few years ago and had wanted a pet of our own. We’d gone to the shelter, and I picked out the ugliest cat you’d ever seen because he’d howled a broken meow when I walked past his cage. Despite the asshole’s protests, I’d immediately declared that the scraggly cat was meant to be ours and taken him home.
Smelly Cat had promptly thrown up on my boyfriend’s clothes and then proceeded to do a variety of things to let us know how much he despised that jerk.
I’d known that I was making a huge mistake shacking up with him, but I’d been hopeful that maybe things would turn out okay.
They hadn’t.
Smelly had known that the douche was, in fact, worthless and had been trying to tell me the only way a mangy cat could.
I’d be eternally grateful to that stupid cat for clawing the crap out of my ex-boyfriend when I’d come home and found him in my bed with another woman.
The very short two weeks that I’d lived with him had been the last time I’d not listened to my gut about a guy.
Until now.
Now, my gut was telling me something about Aiden Shaw, and I wasn’t sure whether I should listen or run like hell. It was telling me that I was exactly where I was supposed to be.
“Fine, Brooke, I’ll tell you so you will shut up,” I groaned.
Brooke’s brow popped. “I didn’t say anything.”
“When this gets back to Aiden via Griff, you tell him that you threatened to harm my cat if I didn’t tell you that I kissed him after a rigorous PT session that ended in him spilling his guts to me.”
Brooke’s eyes widened, and the word ‘saucers’ came to mind when I stared at her disbelieving face. “I’m not sure I heard you correctly, so I’m gonna need you to say that again.”
I shook my head. “Nope, not repeating it. If I say it out loud again, that’ll make it officially real.”
Brooke leaned in close to her phone, her face filling the entire screen, and dropped her voice. “I need all the details. But start with the kiss.”
I shook my head. “I have to start with him pouring out his heart. It’s what led to the kiss. Honestly––” I stopped midsentence and tried to peer around her. “Where’s Griff?”
She turned and looked over her shoulder, and I heard her yell, “Go upstairs or something. Mel and I are talking!”
I could hear Griff grumble in the background, but a second later, Brooke’s smiling face turned back to me. “He’s gone. Continue.”
“I told you how he’d been a real asshole since I’d shown up in the hospital in Atlanta, right?”
She nodded.
“
Well, we reached a boiling point a few days ago; I told you that too. And you know I was ready to pack my shit up and come home. I miss you guys and I don’t deserve his crap, ya know? Anyway, I decided to wait a few days, see if things cooled off, blah blah, and then he texted me. So, I went over there and proceeded to work him really hard. Like, honestly, Brooke, I can’t believe he lasted as long as he did.”
She smirked. “That’s what she said.”
I giggled at her ridiculous joke. “He doesn’t quit, for sure. Anyway, after we were done with the session, I dunno, we were just trading jabs, like always, and then he just let it all hang out. He admitted that he’d been an ass to me because he was upset. And then he said the saddest thing I’ve ever heard.”
Brooke’s face was frozen, her eyes wide while she waited for me to elaborate.
“Brooke, he said… God, don’t you fucking dare tell Griff this.”
Her head flew back and forth. “I’m not telling him a damn thing. He never tells me stuff anyway.”
My stomach dropped as I heard his voice in my head, thick with pain and self-loathing, sadness like I’d experienced before but never from him. “He said that it figured that I was finally available when he couldn’t give me anything. Like, you know, his career was what made him, him.”
It hurt to say the words aloud. I’d grown up feeling worthless, not wanted or loved, but along the way, I’d learned that I was worthy of affection. Brooke had taught me that. She’d been there for me when I couldn’t show up for myself, and I’d managed to build myself back up, bit by bit.
But Aiden? Jesus.
I knew that he’d always felt inferior to his brother. I knew that he worked hard to show the people who were supposed to love him the most that he was worthy of their affection. I knew that football had been more than just a career for him. But I’d never realized that football, being a good player, had almost begun to define who he was as a person. At least in his mind.