by Jana DeLeon
Although Gertie had spent a month teasing Ida Belle with her wardrobe choices for the event, she was turned out in a beautiful satin-and-lace dress in a soft green. She said due to the double layers, she was already sweating before she put it on, but she looked lovely. I had chosen to go with a simple blue dress with tiny white embroidered flowers. It might have been the girliest thing I’d worn since I’d come to Sinful but based on the look Carter gave me when he arrived, I’d made a good choice. Or maybe I should say Ally talked me into a good choice.
Ally was as pretty as ever in pastel pink and looked so young she would have been carded if she’d tried to buy alcohol. Emmaline was as elegant as always in a soft butter-yellow dress with pearl buttons up the back. Carter was looking very casual James Bond in his tan slacks and light blue button-up that matched my dress. We were going to make a nice matched pair when we walked down that aisle ahead of Ida Belle. Walter was so incredibly handsome in his suit, and nothing could have erased the smile on his face. Ida Belle was inside, waiting for the big reveal. None of us had seen her yet, and I couldn’t wait to see what a bride in camo looked like.
But the real kicker was Ronald. He’d come completely decked out for a princess wedding, wearing an actual princess dress in shiny silver. It had more ruffles than I’d ever seen on a single garment. His shoes were a tribute to every foot problem known to man with silver sequins and six-inch stilettos. He even had a matching cone hat with a long train of lace trailing behind him as he flitted from person to person, probably more nervous than the bride.
The surprise guests were Big and Little Hebert, who arrived in their typical black suits. I moved my park bench from the front porch to a seat in the front row, and everyone took their turn passing by to greet the man who silently ran Sinful’s underworld.
Finally, Pastor Don rang a bell and called out to the crowd. “If everyone could take their seats, please. It’s time to begin.”
Everyone hurried to their seats and Walter took his place up front next to Pastor Don. Gertie, Carter, and I went to the back porch to release the curtains over the arch that Ida Belle would walk through. That way, no one saw her until she walked down the aisle. Carter and I were the bridesmaid and groomsman. Ida Belle had asked Gertie to give her away.
I gave Gertie a hug before I placed my arm in Carter’s. “The Dance” by Garth Brooks started to play, and Carter and I walked slowly down the aisle, smiling at all the attendees as we went. When we reached the front and moved to our respective sides, the music switched to the bridal march and I prayed the video was going to capture the expressions of everyone when they saw the bride in camo.
I heard the back door open and a small cry, then a couple seconds later, the curtain parted and Ida Belle and Gertie stepped through.
Everyone gasped, including me.
Ida Belle wore a gown of ivory with rows of pearls around the neck. Her feet were clad in matching ballet slippers, and she wore a spray of baby’s breath and pearls on her head. Gertie was beaming at her as if she were an angel, and she definitely looked the part. Walter’s eyes had already misted up, and I felt a little choked myself. Ida Belle smiled to the crowd as she walked with Gertie but her most special smile and that light in her eyes were all for Walter.
When they made it down front, Gertie gave Ida Belle and Walter both a kiss before taking a step back to stand next to me. Pastor Don began his wedding introductions and then looked at Gertie.
“Who gives this woman in holy matrimony?” he asked.
Gertie squeezed my hand. “Fortune and I do.”
That was it for me. The tears that had been threatening to fall spilled out of the corner of my eyes. Gertie reached into the top of her dress and pulled out some tissue to hand to me, and everyone laughed.
“Get on with it, Preacher,” Walter said. “We’re not getting any younger.”
Everyone laughed again and Pastor Don began the ceremony. When he got to the vows, he said, “The bride and groom have elected to skip the traditional vows because let’s face it, Ida Belle was never going to stick to that plan. They’ve written their own promises to each other that more befit this later-in-life joining.”
Walter and Ida Belle turned to face each other and he took her hands in his. “Ida Belle, I promise to refrain from offering an opinion on the choices you make, knowing good and well it won’t make a difference.”
Ida Belle grinned. “Walter, I promise to share my freezer space, except in deer hunting season.”
Everyone chuckled and they turned to face Pastor Don again, waiting for that final declaration that changed everything and yet probably nothing. But as he opened his mouth to speak, one last guest arrived.
Godzilla.
The gator rushed out of the bayou and onto land, creating a small wake. The smell of awesome food had him lifting his snout and then he proceeded directly toward us. Guns came out of holsters, pockets, purses, and bras. I had a moment of probable impropriety when I removed mine from my thigh holster, but the move got an appreciative wink from Carter and a whistle from someone in the crowd.
“Don’t shoot!” Gertie yelled. “It’s Godzilla. He just wants something to eat.”
Ronald jumped up and dug something wrapped in a dishrag out of his enormous handbag. “I brought a small casserole, just in case.”
Of course he did.
“Well, get down there and fling the thing so we can finish,” Ida Belle said. “Pastor Don, get on with it.”
Ronald looked over at Gertie. “May I?”
“Knock yourself out,” she said.
“By the power vested in me,” Pastor Don started up again as Ronald set out with his wares.
He eased toward the beast, holding the casserole out in front of him like an offering to the gods. When he got within pitching distance, he cocked the casserole back to throw and that’s when Godzilla launched. Ronald threw the casserole straight up in the air and ran. The charging gator didn’t even see it land behind him as he rushed after Ronald, trying to lock in his snack. Everyone watched as Ronald ran across the lawn, the cone hat lace streaming behind him. I figured he’d kick off the shoes and make a better go of it, but he surprised me by moving reasonably quickly in the insane heels.
As he ran, he yelled, “Pronounce them, for Christ’s sake! This dress is Dior!”
More adventures with Swamp Team 3 coming late 2020. To receive notification of new releases, sign up for Jana’s newsletter.
If you’re wondering about Fortune’s call name, Keyser Soze, he is a character from Jana’s all-time favorite movie, The Usual Suspects. If you haven’t seen it, you should check it out!