Crossing the Wide Forever

by Missouri Vaun

  “Aunt Hannah, it’s Cody and Ellen.” Cody held onto Ellen’s hand as she slid down from the saddle and then Cody dismounted.

  “Well, I’ll be! I didn’t recognize you.” Hannah walked toward them. “Why Lord, child, you’re thin as a rail.” Hannah touched Ellen’s hair. “And, Ellen, how you’ve grown. You must be twelve by now.”

  Ellen nodded shyly.

  Cody was hungry, that was for sure. And something was on her aunt’s cook fire. The scent of fried meat wafted from the open door. Cody held Shadow’s reins loosely and awkwardly shifted her weight from foot to foot under her aunt’s inquisitive gaze. She thought Hannah looked thin and pale also. She seemed to have aged ten years during the two years since Cody had seen her last. She figured losing your only son took a lot of life out of a person.

  “Well, come on in. I was just fixin’ dinner and I’ve got enough for y’all. Lord knows it looks as if a stiff wind could blow you over.” Hannah motioned for them to follow her. “Your uncle Eli should be back tomorrow. He went to see about a calf.”

  Cody tied Shadow to a post at the front of the house and followed Hannah into the dark interior. Ellen clung to Cody.

  “Don’t be shy. This is your aunt Hannah. You know her.” Cody tried to pry Ellen off, but Ellen only clung more tightly.

  “Come here, surgah, let me have a look at you.” Hannah took a seat at the table and held out her arms. “Come on now. I’m not gonna bite.”

  Ellen eased over and allowed herself to be examined. Hannah brushed Ellen’s long blond hair off her face and smoothed at the front of her crumpled dress.

  “We were hoping we could stay for the night.” Cody didn’t want to say everything just now, not in front of Ellen. Her aunt gave her a questioning look.

  “Well, of course you’ll stay the night. Now let me put another bit of pork in the skillet.” She stood but kept her hand affectionately at Ellen’s back. “You want to help me with supper while Cody sees to the horse?”

  Ellen nodded and smiled up at Hannah.

  Cody’s stomach tightened. Not from hunger this time, but for Ellen’s loss. She’d never gotten the chance to grow up knowing the comfort of their mother, and she could see now how great a depravation that was. Ellen’s face seemed to brighten at the suggestion that she could help in some way.

  *

  Dinner consisted of bits of pork fried in lard and biscuits. It was the best meal Cody had eaten in days.

  The rustic cabin was warm and clean and cozy, with flooring made from split logs, rounded side down. Candlelight from the lantern that hung over the center of the wide plank table cast the room in a soft golden hue. A breeze from the window brought with it a scent of grass and the sounds of night approaching. Tree frogs and cicadas serenaded them as Cody wiped the last remnant of pork from her plate with a biscuit.

  Cody worried that she was poor dinner company as she’d hardly looked up from her plate. Hannah had asked Ellen questions while they ate, and Cody realized that she wasn’t much of a talker herself. It was clear by the sparkle in her eye and the way she hung on Hannah’s every word that Ellen was starved for motherly female attention.

  “Ellen, why don’t I get you settled in for the night?”

  Cody had questions she’d been holding for her aunt. She didn’t want to ask them in front of Ellen. She knew she wouldn’t have to wait long to talk more openly with her aunt because Ellen’s eyes had gotten progressively more heavy lidded during dinner. A hot meal and two days in the open had taken a toll. Ellen looked as if she was about to fall asleep right in her chair.

  Cody sipped coffee and watched Hannah settle Ellen in a low bed along the back corner of the open room, which was divided by handmade quilts strung along lines from side to side.

  Hannah was her mother’s older sister. They resembled each other in both looks and manner. During supper, Cody couldn’t help watching Hannah’s hands. Hannah’s movements were so similar to her mother’s. However, unlike the way she remembered her mother, Hannah’s hands and face were creased and weathered from age. Her gray hair was pulled tightly into a knot at the back of her head, and her gingham cotton dress was clean but worn so thin in spots that the fabric had lost its color.

  Hannah said something softly to Ellen that Cody couldn’t hear and then kissed her on the cheek. She pulled the quilt across the space beside the table to block the light so Ellen could sleep and then returned to the table.

  “I think she was asleep before her head hit the pillow.” Hannah poured more coffee for both of them and then took a seat across from Cody.

  Her aunt didn’t say anything right away. She was probably waiting for Cody to volunteer some clue as to why she and Ellen had shown up out of the blue and asked to spend the night.

  “We can’t go back home.” Cody hadn’t really sorted out exactly what she was going to say to Hannah, and rather than ease into the conversation, she just blurted out the words. She tried to speak quietly so that Ellen wouldn’t hear.

  “Did something happen to your daddy? Is he sick?” Cody couldn’t quite figure out the tone of Hannah’s voice, but she was fairly sure it wasn’t concern or empathy.

  “He’s sick, but not in the way you mean.”

  “I see.” Hannah pursed her lips into a thin line. She held the cup aloft with both hands and studied Cody. She took a sip of her coffee. “Is he drinkin’ then?”

  “Yeah.”

  “I shoulda gone sooner to see about you girls. I shoulda done that for sure.” She looked away from Cody as if she was studying something in the coals on the hearth. “I owed my sister that much.”

  “It’s nobody’s fault. It’s just the way it is.” Cody didn’t want Hannah to feel bad for something that she couldn’t have known. Cody figured it was more her fault for not leaving sooner. She was old enough to know better, but she’d been afraid to leave until now. But she wasn’t going to be afraid any more. Fear wasn’t ever going to run her life again.

  “Well, you girls will stay here with us. That’s all there is to it. Eli will want you to stay.”

  “Hannah, I’m moving on.” Cody tried to sound more confident than she felt.

  “Where to?”

  “California.” Cody took a long swallow of coffee, leaned forward, and rested her elbows on the edge of the plank table. “I was thinking I’d ride as far as St. Louis, find some work, and then, well, work my way west and meet up with Adam and James. They were headed to San Francisco.”

  Hannah sat silent. Her eyes bored into Cody from across the table in the low light. Cody thought Hannah might be formulating an argument for why she should stay, but the argument never came.

  “You could have Charlie’s clothes if you like, and his other things.” Hannah spoke softly, almost as if she was conspiring about something and was afraid someone would overhear.

  The offer surprised Cody, and it probably showed on her face.

  “Us women folk are handicapped by our sex,” said Hannah.

  Truer words were never spoken, and she’d already thought the same thing on more than one occasion. There were logical and pragmatic reasons for a woman to dress like a man. Putting on men’s clothing, a woman might enjoy increased freedoms and the opportunities to find work that paid.

  “Women are usually bound down by domestic chores, but you aren’t.” Hannah placed her hand lightly over Cody’s.

  “I had considered dressing like a boy. Dressed like I am now I’d almost pass for one.” Cody couldn’t believe Hannah was also suggesting she disguise herself as male. The fact that Hannah readily suggested it made Cody almost believe she could pull it off.

  “I daresay putting on a jacket and trousers is a quicker way to achieve equal suffrage than waiting for the vote.”

  Cody and Hannah both laughed.

  She’d had no idea Hannah was such a rebel. Maybe her mother had been the same, but she’d never known her when she was old enough to understand such things.

  “You would need to walk and talk a
nd swear like a man. You think you could do that?”

  “Yes, ma’am.” Cody tipped back in her chair, with her thumbs in the waist of her trousers. “What I meant to say was, hell yes.”

  Hannah laughed.

  Cody tipped forward and ran her fingers through her hair. She felt a bit bashful under Hannah’s perusal.

  “You’ve got no curves to speak of, and I could cut your hair a bit for you.” Hannah motioned for Cody to stand up and then turned her about. “You’re tall enough and you’ve got broad shoulders. You’re thin, but that will only help you pass.” Hannah slowly circled her. “You’ve got no beard, but folks would likely just chalk that up to youth.”

  Cody thought she could pass, and it seemed like Hannah did too. Her arms were lean but strong. She could fight as good as any man her size. She’d taken her older brothers down a notch or two from time to time. Of course, they’d put her on her butt, too.

  If other places were like Arkansas, remote and restless, then no one would likely look too closely or ask too many questions. It seemed people liked to keep to themselves about personal matters. Cody found most people to be so walled off that they hardly knew each other at all, unless they were close kin, and sometimes even that couldn’t bridge the remoteness.

  “You get some rest and we’ll see about Charlie’s things in the morning.” Hannah tenderly laid her hand on Cody’s cheek.

  “What if Papa comes looking for Ellen?” Cody knew she couldn’t leave until she felt sure Ellen would be protected.

  “Don’t you worry about Ellen. We’ll keep her safe. Eli and me will be glad to have a child on the place. Don’t you worry.”

  Chapter Five

  Lillie clung to Caroline longer than was necessary. She wondered if Caroline sensed her reluctance to release her. Because once she did, Lillie knew she would truly be on her own. And she knew once she was alone her mind would fill with thoughts of what challenges lay ahead of her. Some she probably couldn’t even imagine.

  “You can always change your mind and stay here with me for a while. Philadelphia is beautiful in the springtime.”

  “Don’t tempt me.” Lillie stepped back and fussed with the front of her dress. “I think it’s all just becoming real. I’m traveling to the edge of civilization.” She paused. “I own a homestead in Kansas.”

  “When you say it that way, even I feel nervous.”

  Lillie laughed.

  Caroline hugged her again. “You take care of yourself, Lillie.”

  “I will.”

  “And write me lots of letters about your adventures.”

  “I will.”

  Caroline held her at arm’s length. “And find yourself a dashing frontiersman while you’re at it.”

  Lillie shook her head. “I should be so lucky.”

  “Mark my words, Lillie Ellis. You’re a catch. You’ll be turning down offers left and right before you even reach St. Louis.”

  “Okay, now I know you’ve been standing in the sun too long.” Lillie climbed up the first two steps to the train compartment. Steam drifted past and brakes released loudly a few cars ahead of where they were. Then the cars lurched forward, slowed, and edged forward again. Lillie waved to Caroline from the open door. “Wish me luck!”

  “You won’t need it!” Caroline blew her a kiss.

  *

  Cody knelt down and hugged Ellen tight, then held her with outstretched arms so she could look at her face.

  “You look different in Charlie’s clothes.”

  “Do I?” Cody removed her hat and ran her fingers through her hair. Hannah had given her a good trim right after breakfast. “I needed to borrow these things for my trip. Charlie’s jacket is much warmer than mine.”

  “You look good.”

  “Thank you.” She held Ellen’s face in her hands. “You mind Aunt Hannah.”

  Ellen nodded and looked as if she was about to cry.

  “Don’t you be sad, Ellen. Things are gonna be better for us now, you’ll see.”

  “But I want to go with you.” Ellen pleaded softly.

  “I’ll come back and see you, okay? And in the meantime, I’ll write. But for now you can’t go with me because I don’t know where I’m going to end up.” Cody brushed a wisp of hair behind Ellen’s ear. “Listen, Aunt Hannah needs you. Do you think you could stay and help her and Uncle Eli out for a while?”

  Ellen nodded. Tears were gathering at her lashes, and Cody didn’t think she could hold hers in check if Ellen truly broke down and clung to her. Luckily, Hannah edged closer and put her hands affectionately on Ellen’s shoulders.

  “We’re going to make Ellen a new dress, first thing. Would you like that, Ellen?”

  Ellen’s expression brightened as she looked up at Hannah.

  “I’ve got some fabric I’ve been saving for something special, and I think this is the time to pull it out.” Hannah looked at Cody. “You don’t worry about us girls. We’re gonna be just fine.”

  Cody swallowed down the knot in her throat. She never thought she’d be the sort of person to leave her sister with anyone else, but she really had no choice. She could hardly look after herself, and there was no way they could stay one more day with their father. No, she’d made the right decision. And once she made a place for herself out West, she’d send for Ellen.

  “You should get going. You’ve got a long ride ahead of you.” Hannah handed Cody a linen sack of dried beef jerky and the leftover biscuits from their breakfast.

  Charlie’s gear was already stowed behind the saddle in two leather bags. There was a bedroll, and Hannah had given her Charlie’s bowie knife along with two cans of beans that she could spare.

  Cody pulled her hat low enough to shadow her eyes and nodded one last time before she climbed into the saddle. She pointed Shadow toward the rutted road.

  “You take care of yourself, Cody Walsh,” Hannah called out to her. “You remember that you are your mother’s daughter. You hold your head high.”

  She waved back at them and then turned away so that Ellen wouldn’t see her cry. She couldn’t help herself now. The mention of her beloved mother had brought the knot to her throat again that she’d tried her best to choke down. She let the tears come. It felt good to let go.

  Shadow snorted. She patted his neck and spoke softly as much to herself as to him. “We’re going to be okay, boy. We’re going to be okay.”

  Chapter Six

  Lillie found travel by train exhilarating.

  The wooden seat was hard, and every so often she’d have to stand up and walk the length of the car to stretch her back, but still, her spirits were high. This was an adventure and she planned to relish every minute of it.

  She’d sketched and made notes in her diary all along the way. Each segment of her journey presented a landscape unfamiliar to her, as she’d previously never traveled farther west than Philadelphia. Other passengers were as foreign and unknown as the landscape, and when they were unaware, she sketched their faces and clothing; she even jotted down bits of conversation.

  As a woman traveling alone, she was ever aware of her surroundings and cautious with strangers, especially men. But she didn’t feel afraid. Somehow she felt empowered by her newfound freedom in the world.

  She had accepted a post as a schoolteacher to at least partially support her westward move. She wasn’t so naïve that she didn’t realize she knew next to nothing about owning or maintaining a farm. She hoped teaching would provide a certain amount of income until she figured things out. It seemed frontier communities were hard-pressed for teachers so her application had been readily accepted.

  Her plan was to travel by train to St. Louis and then by steamboat up the Missouri River to Independence, where she would meet with her uncle’s estate attorney. He’d been the one to arrange the teaching position for her. He’d been extremely helpful in every way during their correspondence. If she looked at the trip all at once she’d have been overwhelmed by it, so she reasoned she would only focus on eac
h small section of the journey as it unfolded.

  First she’d focus on getting to St. Louis. Then she’d book passage by steamship up the Missouri. Once she arrived in Independence, she’d meet with her uncle’s attorney and finalize details for the last leg of her trip. How hard could that be?

  Lillie had slowly walked the length of the car twice and settled back into her seat to look out the window. Don’t let the details overwhelm you. She coached herself as she watched the landscape sweep past.

  “Did you do that drawing?” A female voice pulled Lillie’s attention away from the window. It took her a moment to realize why the girl was asking. Then she looked down to see that her diary had fallen open. The loose sketch paper had slipped to one side and was visible on the seat next to her. “Yes, those are my sketches.”

  “Sorry, miss, my daughter is too inquisitive sometimes.” A man walked up behind the teen, placing a hand on each of her shoulders.

  “It’s no problem. Are you interested in art?” asked Lillie.

  The young woman sat on the bench seat across from her. “Yes, very much. But I don’t draw as well as you. I’m Anna.”

  “My name is Lillie.”

  “This is my father. We’re traveling to Columbus and then taking the stage west.” Anna’s father took the seat next to her.

  Lillie wondered if they’d just gotten on the train in Pittsburgh. If they’d been in her compartment for very long she was sure she’d have noticed Anna, who had a mane of red hair that hung almost to her waist. Her fingers were slender and delicate, and her neck was thin and elegant. She was strikingly beautiful.

  “My daughter saw you sketching shortly after we got on the train. Sorry for the intrusion. I’m James McElvy.” He tipped his dark felt hat to Lillie.

  “Lillie Ellis. Pleased to meet you both.”

  “May I look at your drawings?” Anna asked. Lillie hadn’t really been inclined to share the sketches, but Anna’s sweet open expression won her over.