Cody had to hide her smile behind her napkin.
“When did you and Cody arrive?”
“Just a couple of days ago.” Lillie looked at Cody across the table and smiled.
“Well, days will pass quickly. It’s time to plant, and that will take up most of your time. Before you know it autumn will be here.”
“I’ll be teaching at the schoolhouse near Emporia by summer’s end. I haven’t let them know I’m here yet, but I probably should.”
“We’ve needed a school. There hasn’t been a teacher here the entire time we’ve lived here. The schoolhouse was built at least a year ago, but it’s just been standing empty.”
“Well, hopefully, I can help remedy that.” Lillie’s expression brightened and she sounded genuinely excited.
“Was it Mr. Sawyer who hired you?”
“Yes, I should meet him in person I suppose and get the particulars.”
“He owns the mill. He also donated the lumber for the school building. He has four children of his own. You’ll have a full house I’m sure.”
“I hope I’m up to the task.”
“You’ll do well, I’m sure.” Beth served a bit more food onto Patience’s plate. “Did you hear that, sweetie? Lillie is going to be your teacher one day.”
Patience grinned. “I like Lillie. She’s pretty.”
“Yes, she is. And I’m guessing smart too.” Patience nodded in agreement with her mother.
“So, Cody, are you from New York also?” Beth offered more food to Cody.
“No, I hail from Arkansas.” She took the dish from Beth.
“Hmm, I’m guessing there’s a story there.” Beth’s tone was playful, and Cody felt her cheeks heat up. It was strange to meet new people. People who would likely become friends and have them not really know you. That was what Cody was thinking as they finished lunch.
She was sitting at their table, and they had certain ideas about who she was, but the biggest truth remained hidden. And yet, somehow, at the same time Cody felt as if she was truly being herself for the first time in her life. The trappings of femininity had always been a burden for her, an odd fit, never quite right. Dressed as a man, she was allowed to be more fully who she really was.
*
Lillie watched Cody follow Joshua out to the porch for a smoke. She wondered what they’d talk about, if they talked at all. Neither of them had said much during lunch, but maybe that was because she and Beth had taken over the conversation. It was a real joy to have someone to talk with.
Beth seemed close to her age, maybe a few years older, but definitely still in her mid-twenties. Patience was adorable. As she helped Beth clear the table, Patience sat on the floor and played with a doll. There was a small amount of pie left, and Lillie was debating what to do with it.
“You should take that home. It’s barely enough for two pieces.” Beth reached past her for another dish.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, please take it. I’m sure you’re barely set up if you’ve only just arrived. Cody will be glad you did. He looks like he could stand to gain a few pounds anyway.”
“He does like to eat. And I’m trying my best to fatten him up a bit.” It took a conscious effort on Lillie’s part to use the right pronoun when referring to Cody. “I think we’re both tired from our trip. We walked for days. It’ll take some time to feel settled and rested.”
“I can’t tell you how glad I am you’re here, Lillie. Truly.” Beth put her hand on Lillie’s arm. “I love my husband, but I’ve really been missing the company of other women.”
“I’m so happy to meet you, Beth.”
“Let’s sit and enjoy our time together. I can clean this up later when I have nothing better to do.” Beth wiped her hands with a towel hung near the stove. They’d piled the dishes beside a washbasin, but there was no water in it yet.
“Are you sure?” Lillie surveyed the dirty dishes with her hands on her hips.
“Absolutely.” Beth put a kettle on the stove. “I’m going to have some tea. Will you join me?”
“Yes, that sounds lovely.”
Patience was talking quietly with her doll. Lillie couldn’t completely make out what she was saying, something about a walk in the forest and possibly a deer.
Beth served them both tea and sat down across from Lillie, resting her elbows on the edge of the table.
“Do you miss your life in Cincinnati?” Lillie had been wondering when the separation would hit her. She’d been too distracted with the journey up to this point, but she knew the day was coming.
“Sometimes. I was trained as a nurse back in Cincinnati. I’ve been called on to do a bit of midwifing out here. There’s a doctor, but he travels, so he’s not always close by when people need help. And now we’ll have a school. Emporia might turn into a real town before we know it.”
“I’ll bet there’s a big need for a nurse here.”
“I do keep busy, and it brings in a little extra. Most people pay with labor or food, which is just about better than cash out here.”
“I was actually trained as an artist, a painter, so I have to admit that I don’t know very much about running a farm. Cody is the farmer.” Lillie was almost afraid to admit how much she didn’t know. That fact was becoming painfully obvious. She debated mentioning her art training because she’d only recently started painting again as they traveled.
“You’ll catch on. Once you get used to the solitude, you’ll be fine.”
“Did you know my uncle?” Lillie sipped her tea.
“I didn’t know him well. I think Joshua had more time with him than I did. They occasionally helped each other with plowing and things.” Beth paused and for a moment, looked more serious. “I’m sorry for your loss. I should have said something sooner.”
“Thank you. I hadn’t seen him in several years. I was surprised when he left me this place.”
“I thought it was curious that he never married. He must have been lonely all the way out here.”
“He was a solitary sort of person, I think.”
*
Lillie looped her arm through Cody’s as they rode back toward home. They’d stayed until midafternoon. Lillie had what was left of the pie in a covered dish on her lap. Shadow loped slowly along. The wagon bounced and rocked over the uneven trail.
“Did you have fun?” Cody asked.
“I did. I really like them.” The rocking of the wagon forced Lillie to release Cody and hold on to the edge of the bench seat for a few minutes while they crossed a narrow rough creek bed. Just a trickle of water ran across the roadway, not enough to mire the wheels. “Did Beth and I talk too much? I think we hardly allowed you and Joshua to get a word in.”
“I was fine. It was a pleasure to listen to the two of you.”
“What did you and Joshua talk about?” Lillie wondered what it was like for Cody to be relegated to male company all the time. Maybe she preferred it. Maybe it felt comfortable to her. If Lillie were in that situation she wasn’t sure she’d know what to say, or how to make conversation.
“We talked a bit about planting. I asked him about where to get a milk cow.”
“A milk cow?”
“Yeah, and a calf. I think I’ll see about that when we go into Emporia. He said there’s a Mr. Dawson who sometimes has livestock for sale.”
Chapter Twenty-two
A few days had passed since Sunday lunch, and the tasks of settling into farm life had begun in earnest. This particular afternoon, Lillie had set aside some time late in the day to paint. She sat with her easel in the open field facing away from the farm, facing west. Lillie sat for more than an hour, and Cody had not disturbed her, but neither had inspiration. The paper fastened to the board remained blank, void of color.
At one point, Cody walked past, far enough away to not be intrusive, but close enough to probably see that there was nothing on the paper mounted in front of her.
Something wasn’t working. She was emotionally wrought
up and distracted. She watched Cody walk back toward the barn and felt a penetrating urge to follow her.
They’d been on the farm for several days and nights now and had hardly been romantic with each other. Maybe it was the new surroundings. Or maybe Lillie had been initially distracted by all the tasks to get the house in order. But each night they’d talk a little and then fall asleep side by side, and it was making Lillie crazy. She was feeling so on edge whenever she was physically close to Cody that her skin practically tingled. And now to top it off, she couldn’t focus enough to paint. Something needed to change, and she decided she would be the one to change it.
Lillie left her easel and strode toward the barn. Her long skirt rustling through the tall grass as she walked made every step feel labored. The barn’s interior was dark, and it took a few seconds for her eyes to adjust. Cody was at the back of the barn with a confused look on her face.
“Lillie, is something wrong?”
Lillie marched over to Cody, fisted the front of her shirt, and kissed her possessively. Cody almost stumbled backward, and if Lillie hadn’t been holding on to the front of her shirt she might have.
“I can’t paint, and I think it’s your fault.”
“My fault?”
“My mind keeps drifting to questions.” She released Cody and took a step back. “Why haven’t we…done things since we got here?”
“What do you mean?”
“I felt as if we were moving toward more intimacy, more physical intimacy, but since we’ve arrived we’ve hardly kissed and I’m…I’m…have I done something wrong? Have you changed your mind about how you feel?”
“Lillie, no.” Cody reached for her hand and pulled her close. “I thought, I don’t know, I guess I thought you wanted some distance.”
“Why would you think that?”
“I don’t know. Sometimes…sometimes I don’t know how to tell what you’re feeling.”
“I’m feeling unsettled. There’s this ache that gets worse when you’re around. I want to be close to you.” Lillie was clutching the fabric of the bodice of her dress as she talked, then she looked at Cody who had the most confused expression on her face.
Lillie captured Cody’s hand and tugged her out of the barn and toward the house. The sun was low on the horizon, but it was probably at least an hour before sunset. Lillie didn’t care. There was only one thing she wanted to do with the rest of this day, and it wasn’t painting, planting, or plowing.
She was breathless by the time they reached the bedroom. Lillie held Cody’s face in her hands and kissed her deeply, fervently, without reservation.
Lillie felt Cody’s strong arms around her shoulders and her waist. Cody gathered the fabric at the back of her dress in her clinched fingers. Lillie was unbuttoning the bodice in the narrow space between them. Cody’s grip at the back of the dress created tension so that her shoulders slipped free of it. Cody placed kisses all across her shoulders as she pushed the garment over her hips and let it pool on the floor so that only her slip remained.
Lillie pulled Cody’s shirttail free and slid her fingertips lightly up Cody’s ribs and then slowly repeated the tantalizing path back down to Cody’s pronounced hipbones. Her thumbs dipped lower, pressing against the hollow space just above the curved muscles that plunged lower, just below the waistband of her trousers.
Cody half lifted Lillie and moved them toward the bed. Lillie pulled the slip over her head before she crawled backward onto the mattress. She pulled the coverlet back as she slipped to the center of the bed. Cody shucked hastily out of her clothes and followed.
Lillie’s head had hardly rested on the pillow when Cody was on top of her, kissing her deeply.
Lillie moved against Cody’s taut thigh between her leg. She drug her fingernails lightly up the outside of Cody’s hips, and then clenched her fingers, holding on tightly as Cody began to move on top of her.
It was as if she’d untethered some wild thing. She wasn’t afraid, but Cody had set upon her with such passionate fury that Lillie was struggling to orient herself to what was happening.
Cody kissed Lillie’s neck and then her breasts. Lillie wanted nothing to separate them. She slid her underwear over her hips and kicked them off under the covers. She started to help Cody with her underwear but then hesitated. Cody answered her unasked question by shedding her briefs and settling back on top of Lillie.
Every nerve vibrated. She swept her hands up Cody’s back and pulled her close, savoring the weight of Cody on top of her.
Lillie became acutely aware of every place on her body with contact against Cody’s. Cody’s thigh between her legs, Cody’s fingers caressing her cheek, Cody’s stomach against hers and their breasts, making light contact with each breath.
As Cody kissed Lillie she began to caress the highly sensitive place between Lillie’s legs. Tentatively at first, then slowly, steadily, and a realization rose out of the fog that she was losing control.
She fought to breathe, her heart raced, and then she felt Cody inside. She gasped involuntarily so that Cody rose up and looked at her with a gaze that sliced right through her. Her lips moved, but no sound came except the crush of blood in her own ears.
She opened her legs in invitation, and Cody met her there, slowly at first. As Lillie arched into each thrust, Cody pressed her wet center against Lillie’s thigh and drove them both higher, into a near frenzy. Cody’s fingers were in her hair, holding her firmly as they took from each other what they needed, what they desired. She clung to Cody’s shoulders, her full weight pressed into Lillie, her caresses brought Lillie such pleasure that she could hardly stand it. But Cody would not relent until Lillie tossed her head back and cried out. She writhed beneath Cody, rising to meet each thrust until her body tensed, and then, in a blinding white moment, toppled over the edge to release.
Cody watched Lillie’s face intently, trying to read her expression. She settled fully on top of Lillie, breathing fast and shallow.
Lillie shuddered. Cody held her tightly until she finally relaxed against the pillow. Cody kissed her cheek and her forehead and finally, her lips.
She looked at Lillie’s face and wondered if she was as surprised as Cody by what had just happened. It was as if everything Cody had been holding inside for so long came unstrung. She’d completely acted on instinct. She’d done things just now she’d fantasized about while she lay next to Lillie but had never imagined could happen for real.
She’d gone up in flames and hadn’t been able to stop herself. Suddenly, she was afraid she’d gone too far. Her fingers were still inside Lillie. Should she move her hand? She shifted a little and looked at Lillie.
“Do you want me to move? Am I too heavy?”
“No, don’t move,” Lillie whispered.
“Was this…was this too much?” Cody worried it was. It was one thing to kiss and hold hands. But this had traveled way beyond that. This could definitely not be called friendship any longer, but something much, much more.
“It wasn’t too much. It was exactly what I wanted, only I’m not sure I knew that until now.” Lillie caressed Cody’s forearm. “Maybe you should move your fingers, just for a minute.”
Cody started to shift to the side. She braced herself above Lillie on both hands, but her thigh was still between Lillie’s legs as was Lillie’s between hers. She made a move to roll over, but Lillie stopped her.
“I don’t want you to move entirely.” Lillie slipped her hand between them and began to caress Cody. “Is this okay?” Cody nodded, her breathing growing rapid and shallow.
Cody groaned and squeezed her eyes shut. The ache in her gut had settled between her legs as she made love to Lillie, and now Lillie had gone right for it. Her slender fingers teased and then slowly slid inside.
Cody looked down at Lillie, her breasts rising and falling as they moved against each other. She was beautiful.
Cody settled her full weight on top of Lillie so that she could grasp Lillie’s hips. She rocked back and fo
rth, riding Lillie’s hand until the ache gave way to glorious relief. She squeezed Lillie so hard when she climaxed that she was worried she’d forced the breath right out of her. Then Cody realized she’d been the one holding her breath.
She buried her face in the pillow next to Lillie’s cheek, her cry softly muffled by the down filling.
Lillie caressed her hair as she kissed her neck and shoulder lightly. She rolled onto her side, and Lillie rolled over to face her. She pulled their bodies close, and Lillie kissed her tenderly.
“This is much better than friendship.”
Cody laughed, suddenly out from under the weight of her desire for Lillie. She’d been holding it back, keeping it tightly coiled. Lillie had given her permission to feel what she’d been feeling and finally act. She kissed Lillie’s forehead.
Lillie pushed Cody over onto her back and lay on top of her. Lillie tucked her head up under Cody’s chin and traced circles with her fingertips on Cody’s shoulder. Cody let her fingers drift lightly and luxuriously up and down Lillie’s ribs to her hips. Then she wrapped her arms tightly around Lillie and squeezed, burying her face in Lillie’s hair.
“Lillie, I wanted you so much.”
“I wanted you too.”
Want was such an insufficient word, but at the moment, it was the best that Cody could do. She caressed Lillie’s hair and cradled Lillie in her arms like she was some newly discovered rare and fragile thing.
Even though the room had been cool, their skin gleamed in the twilight with a light sheen of perspiration. Cody kissed Lillie’s neck. She tasted of salt.
“Cody, kiss me,” whispered Lillie.
So Cody did. Openmouthed and deep, a kiss full of passion and promise.
Chapter Twenty-three
Lillie wiped sweat off her forehead with her sleeve and squinted up at the late morning sun. She was helping Cody plant potatoes. She had no idea what she was doing and was at this moment reevaluating her earlier romanticized view of a farm life.
Crossing the Wide Forever Page 16