“If we can beat the elves back a little, maybe we can open things up a bit. Not be so closed off…”
He did take a sip then and set the glass down as the soup arrived. “Yes. We will need to make a plan for the elves. I had hoped to bring in some vampire help, but…it seems we weren’t on the same page, he and I. I will rectify that misunderstanding soon. I believe I have found the vampire in question.”
“Vlad, you mean? Is he the reason you closed everything down?”
To his credit, Lucifer hardly skipped a beat as he reached for his spoon. If I hadn’t been watching for it, I wouldn’t have noticed his surprise. Servants talked. All one had to do is hang around the hallways in one of those invisible spots and listen in. All was fair in tomfoolery and shenanigans, after all.
“Yes. He snuck in. We’re not sure how. I had expected him to report to the castle, but he has not.”
I tried my own soup, reached for the not-quite bread, and dipped it. I filled my mouth and talked around it, much less guarded without Cahal here, watching everything I did. “He’s cunning. He’ll be your best ally so long as you have what he needs. And you do. He’s probably just…” I shrugged and swallowed.
“Finish your thought.” An edge had crept into his voice.
I grabbed my wine and leaned back. “I’m guessing.”
“We’re all guessing at this point.”
“He’s probably creating a network for after we handle the elves. Vampires think of the long game, always, and he’s more cunning than the others.”
“He should know better than to keep me waiting.”
“Agreed,” I said. “He and I…don’t see eye to eye, so much. I’ve threatened him a few times. Nearly followed through the last time, but I was stopped.”
“By?”
“Darius.”
“Ah.” He spooned soup into his mouth.
“I have been wondering where Darius might be. I thought he’d try to save me.”
Lucifer ate a bit more before dabbing his mouth. “He had ample opportunity to get in before I closed everything down. If he was in a hurry, that is.”
“I guess he wasn’t.”
Lucifer watched me for a beat. “Does it pain you, his absence?”
I ticked my eyebrows up. “That’s the first time you’ve asked.”
“I’ve been afraid of the answer.”
I pushed my soup away, no longer hungry. Guilt gnawed at my gut. “I was going to marry him. Maybe try for children.”
“Marry a vampire?”
“I brought out his humanity. We’re not sure why.”
“He is a vampire—maybe he was giving you what you wanted to see…”
“Oops. You must be tired. That little dig wasn’t very subtle.”
Anger flashed in his eyes, and he blinked, leaning forward for the wine. “Yes. You’ve caught me. It would be easier for me if he wasn’t in the picture. If he wouldn’t barge into the picture, I suppose, given he hasn’t tried to assert himself thus far. And yes, that’s another dig, I suppose. Please, forgive me.”
I allowed a smile and waved it away, leaning my head back and downing my drink. “I’m not going to lie. I miss him. I’ve been trying not to think about him. Eventually, though, I’ll need to make some hard decisions.”
“Eventually, but not today.”
“I don’t really want to talk about it, but no, not today. I’m not ready to make decisions. There’s too much going on, what with Archion and practicing my magic and getting a handle on the castle and the kingdom…from the air, anyway.”
“Would it help to visit a lust sect for a few days—maybe sex him away?”
I widened my eyes and then coughed out laughter. “Dude, you’re biologically my dad. You can’t say stuff like that. It’s weird.”
“You are half demon, and within that half is a representation of every facet of this world. Lust, passion, sex—they are meant to be experienced and explored. It’s natural, for all creatures. If it weren’t, it wouldn’t feel good. I don’t think it’s weird at all to bring up.”
I chuckled and shook my head. “It would be if you’d raised me in the Brink, trust me. No, I don’t need to bang it out. I just need to think on things for a bit. I need to consider what I want my life to be. What makes me happiest. Where I can compromise. I just…” I waited for the attendant to fill up my glass again. “I need more time, that’s all. And I need a clear headspace.”
“A clear headspace?”
I looked away, hating myself for what I was about to say. Hating what I was about to do.
“It’s Cahal. I think his usefulness has come to an end.” I smoothed my hair back. “He’s convoluting everything now. I can’t seem to think straight when he’s around.”
“Look.” He held out his palm. A goldfish stitched into existence.
“I’m not going to kill him. I might just send him home. Can I do that? You let him leave last time—let him leave this time.”
He steepled his fingers, resting them against his lips. “I don’t know. He has a bad habit of turning back up. At this point, he’ll probably have to be killed. Consider it a mercy kill. He can’t find his true mate, and so he is stuck in a life he does not want to lead. Put him out of his misery.”
“Jesus, you don’t fuck around.” I rubbed my eyes.
“No, I do not. And I see the confusion he brings out in you. I saw it eat the last heir from the inside out. I will not allow him to do it to my daughter. I will kill him before he can.”
“Right, fine, great, but I’m not going to kill him, and neither are you. I just need some space, that’s all. So send him home and lock him out.”
Silence drifted between us, and suddenly I was exhausted. Usually I could hold my own at these dinners, accustomed to dealing with manipulative people—and non-people—but this one felt…different. He wasn’t his usual self. The business he had to attend to was clearly gnawing on him. If I wanted an example of the darkness residing within him, I had it.
“I will not kill Cahal.” I stood. “We can talk about what to do with him when you get back. Until then, he can stay in his room, okay?” I met his gaze. “Just give me that. Give me a few days to sort things out in my head.”
“Yes, of course.” I turned to go. “But Reagan…” I turned back. “Think about what I said. About the mercy you would bring. Ask him if that is something he might want. He could’ve tried to escape, knowing I would inevitably try to talk you into killing him. But he has stayed. He confronted dragons without a weapon. He is taking chances because he is tired of this life. He needs someone stronger to grant him salvation. Ask him and see. I’ll see you in a few days. Be good. I love you.”
I paused by the door, my back rigid with the last thing he’d said. “That’s a dirty trick.”
“Yes, I know. But I do love you. You are my daughter, and it will pain me if something happens to you. I want to protect you. Deal with it.”
“I don’t love you.”
“Yes, you do. You just don’t want to admit it. See you in a few days. Don’t get into trouble.”
Lost to a fog, I barely knew where my feet were carrying me. I’d known his affection for me was growing, that I had wormed into his walls. He’d called me his daughter a couple of times since the dragon thing, and the servants had signaled a change too. I didn’t know if I believed him about the love stuff, though. It was too soon. Wasn’t it? Or was the situation different between a parent and their offspring than it was the other way around?
I was in front of Cahal’s door before I knew it. I didn’t knock, just busted in. Why bother pretending I suddenly had decorum, especially around here?
He sat by the cold fireplace in the two-bedroom apartment, leaning toward a lit candle, book in hand. He straightened up when I entered the room.
“Let’s go for a walk,” I said, motioning him out.
“Did you learn how to make fish?” He put down his book calmly and followed me, bringing nothing with him.
“Is that what you want from me?” I led him down the stairs, noticing the servants and attendants glancing our way before shuffling past, curiosity in their gazes. They knew something was up. News traveled fast.
He didn’t speak as we left the castle and walked down the path to my favorite garden—my mother’s. Once inside, we sat down as we had that first time, only this time I didn’t take his arm or hand. I didn’t sit so close. Over these last couple of weeks, a wedge had been driven between us. This place had done it, but I was ultimately responsible for it.
I rubbed my eyes again. Time to shed the confusion. Time to do what I had to.
“Do you want me to kill you, Cahal?” I asked quietly, looking out at the garden, feasting my eyes on the flowers and the plants. I soaked in the silence for a moment, waiting for him to answer. Or maybe waiting for him to judge my mood and situation. On the island with Darius, he’d grown very good at reading me. Here, he’d gotten outstanding at it.
“Is that what it has come down to?” he finally asked.
“Yes. A mercy killing. Do you want a mercy killing?”
No one would disturb us out here. It was the one place my attendants let me cry in peace, mostly because I threw enormous tantrums afterward and tried to kill them. I’d thrown the fits for fun but also for insurance purposes. Now it would finally pay off.
“Sometimes, yes, I do. I’m the best at what I do. I’m god-touched, which should be something to envy, but I think that’s why I’m so incredibly alone. It makes me different from my kind. I believe it has also made me incapable of finding my true mate. That, or she just isn’t out there.”
“Maybe it’s a he?”
“I’ve left that possibility open. Same result. Those of my kind who don’t find their true mate typically die in the line of duty. I don’t know that I ever will. Sometimes the solitude is unbearable.”
“Christ, I didn’t realize I’d get a truth bomb.”
“You asked.”
“Yeah, but…not really, know what I’m saying? I’m not going to mercy-kill you, Cahal.”
“Then why did you bring me here?”
“I have no fucking idea. This place has always been a mind-fuck. I feel like I’m slipping in and out of sanity.”
“No, you don’t. You’re happy here.”
“Under the circumstances, I’m happy, yes. Under the circumstances.”
“He didn’t read you very well. You are very like him. He should’ve known you are not a person who could ever get used to a cage. Darius has always understood that.”
A pang hit my heart so fiercely that my vision flickered and I swayed, my longing for Darius nearly dragging me under. Cahal’s arm was around me immediately, holding me up.
“Sorry,” he murmured.
“Yeah, keep that stuff to yourself. I can’t let Darius distract me right now. Time has run out. It’s time to leave. We need to put the dangerous part of our plan into effect. I think Lucifer has found them. He’s leaving for a few days. He said something about a public display. Obviously that means he’ll kill them gruesomely. He asked about Darius for the first time tonight. He knows I’m headed for heartache, and while I do think he cares that I’d be in pain, he’s still going to go kill my boyfriend, I have zero doubt. Zero doubt. If not now, then when he eventually finds him. I would think I’d fucked up at dinner, maybe revealed my hand, except he was all over the place too. I don’t think he caught my attempts at information grabbing. We were both off our game, but I’ve still got him hook, line, and sinker. He won’t realize his slip-up until I’m long gone.”
Because I was leaving. I’d been planning to leave all along; I’d just had to disguise my intention so he didn’t clue in. I had been playing him from day one. From the moment I knew Penny had gotten through. I’d known he’d be on top of things. That he’d shut this place down and find them before they found me. When he did, he would make sure they didn’t jeopardize his plans. All the while, he’d be trying to manipulate me into wanting to remain here. He’d trapped my body in the hopes of trapping my mind. It wasn’t a new strategy—kidnappers had been doing it for ages.
I’d started talking to Cahal in whispered tones the very next morning, after my freak-out the night before, careful not to let the watchers overhear. We’d worked out a plan, one we’d never overtly mentioned to each other since, until now. We’d mostly never broken character. There were too many invisible watchers around the castle, and I didn’t trust any of them.
My ultimate goal was to get enough wiggle room to slip out. That would require Lucifer to trust me, and that meant I had to let him believe this place was winning me over. I already had a playbook from the last heir, complete with a villain who would play on his fears—Cahal. I had all the pieces. I just needed to sell it.
And that was where the personal confusion had come in. Honest, genuine confusion. I did really like it here. I liked Lucifer. I didn’t want to leave. All of that was true.
The trick was honestly feeling it—getting lost in it—and then letting Lucifer see my reactions to it. He wouldn’t buy my confused mental state if I wasn’t genuinely feeling it. I had created an illusion with my emotions as surely as he could create one with magic. I’d let it progress naturally, responding to each new situation as it arose. And Cahal had been right there beside me, always playing whatever role the moment called for—the martyr, or the villain, or sometimes the much-needed friend.
He had played his part perfectly, spinning me up when I needed it. Confusing me a little more by mentioning how happy I seemed here, how fulfilled. Careful to only mention Darius and the others when I needed to be pulled back just a bit. He’d kept me on target like a champion, though it had been hard to forgive him the day of the dragons. The day that he’d thought was the most crucial, the butthead.
Ultimately, though, I owed this Academy Award to Darius. I never would’ve been able to keep everything straight if not for my crystal-clear memory from the bond, and I never would’ve been able to compete with a master manipulator like Lucifer if I hadn’t had a lot of practice with a cunning and intelligent elder vampire. I didn’t love the manipulation game, but obviously I could handle it when I had to.
And I’d had to, there was no doubt. My superpower was my drive to survive. I’d brought that to the table all on my own. I’d been surviving all my life—hiding my truth from people. The stage had changed, but the show continued on.
One day, maybe I could just be me. One could hope. But this wasn’t the time to get soggy about it.
“Did you reveal any part of the plan?” Cahal asked.
“No. He brought up Archion. Thank God I followed your advice and came clean with Archion. Apparently I picked out a dragon who is as good at lying and pretending as I am. He’s eager to finally see the Realm. And maybe the Brink if I can sneak him in. Roger has tons of land in California—he should be fine with me borrowing some… Anyway, we leave tonight.”
“Will you be sad to leave?”
I chewed on that question for a long time, needing to disentangle the game from reality.
“Yes. I like it so much, it hurts to think of never coming back. But I would never consent to staying here under these conditions. If I come back, it needs to be my choice, not Lucifer’s. I would never sacrifice my friends.” I pushed his arm from around me, trying to loosen up a little. It had been a tough few weeks as I purposely pushed away the things that really mattered to focus on the shallower pleasures and joys of my day-to-day existence. “Good thing we trained together, huh? I don’t need to worry about Darius or the king of the Underworld manipulating me, but you can clearly read my cues like a book.”
“I helped you do what you wanted. That’s the only reason my influence worked. If you didn’t want me pushing you around, you wouldn’t have allowed it.”
That was probably true. And it made me feel a bit better about letting him see me run the gamut of emotions.
“Right, okay. We need to get back in character, and then we nee
d to sell the next leg of the journey. We don’t have any time to lose. We have to get to Penny and them before Lucifer does.”
“You’re sure you know where she is?”
“Yes. Her spells are like bright beacons in this place. They almost vibrate with magic. I thought for sure Lucifer would’ve noticed her concealment spell the other day, when we first flew over the kingdom. His magic is definitely different than mine. It must be because my mother was a mage with godly magic, but yeah, finding her trail hasn’t been very hard given how low we’ve been flying these past few days. I’ll need to talk to her about that. She needs to rip those down when she moves from place to place. Regardless, if they haven’t moved, I know where they are. And if they have, I can track her—it’ll just take longer. Worst case, I have a very foggy idea of Darius’s direction. The bond is still muffled, but there’s a wisp of direction. That might take too long, though.”
I moved to get up, but he didn’t follow. Given I had to escort him back in a terrible temper, I did actually need him to join me.
I sat back down.
“What is it?” I asked.
“Lucifer did open himself up to you. He regards you as a daughter, not an heir. He never called the last heir a son, not that I heard. You two have a connection. I can see it. Lucifer can see it. How can you so easily discount it?”
“I barely know the guy. He’s cool, and we have a connection, sure, but it is more teacher and student than kid and dad. I can pretend otherwise with some conviction, but that’s the honest truth.”
“Why is that?” he asked, giving me a searching look.
“Because I barely know the guy, like I said. It bugged me that he pretended to understand my pain, when he so clearly doesn’t. He asked me not to destroy this garden, hinting that it was special to him. That we shared the same grief. We very clearly do not.”
“I’m not following.”
“As if I could destroy something that reminded me of her. As if I could do anything but treasure it for the rest of my life. I miss her so much it feels like the blackness is going swallow me whole, even now, after she’s been gone for a few years. If he thought he had to say that, then he doesn’t understand me at all. He was trying to manipulate me, and to do that with my mother—with the pain that is locked inside of me at her passing—is all kinds of wrong. It is a forgivable offense in the grand scheme of things, since it was early in our relationship and he has goals, but I won’t forgive him until I’m safely out of here. You were absolutely right— her memory has kept me grounded, especially since I couldn’t let myself think of Darius and Penny and everyone else. He doesn’t have that kind of pull with me yet. We need to work on real trust before I can let him in.”
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