by Kim Nash
‘I can’t believe it. I really can’t.’
‘I do have a letter for you from Lilian that she asked me to pass on to you following the event of her death. I’m going to pop out of the room and leave you in private to read it. I’ll chivvy along that coffee while I’m out.’
An envelope appeared in front of me on the edge of the desk.
Mr Cash rested his hand on my shoulder as he passed by and he smiled as I looked up at him, still totally discombobulated.
With trembling hands, I ripped open the envelope, took out the letter and smoothed it down.
* * *
My dearest Nell,
* * *
I’m sorry if this letter and news has come as somewhat of a shock to you. Some of the fondest and most treasured memories in my life are of you, my darling girl. Those summers we spent together were very special and they meant the absolute world to me.
I’m not sure if you ever knew that I had a daughter, Sophia. She was the most beautiful, sweet, golden little girl who was the absolute and utter love of my life. Sadly, and it still pains me today to say these words, but when she was six months old she became ill and I was totally and utterly devastated when her beautiful life ended. We tried again a few months on, but my heart was so badly broken that I didn’t really want to go through it all again, and when the doctor confirmed that they had discovered that I couldn’t bear children from the complications in my first pregnancy, there was a little bit of me that was relieved. How could I ever have replaced my beautiful girl?
I suffered from severe depression for many years, sometimes staying in bed for days on end. I lived in a bubble of sadness, refusing to accept my life the way it was. Nothing and nobody could give me what I wanted, which was my darling Sophia back in my life to watch her grow up. I felt our futures had been cruelly stolen from us. In my darkest of days I considered taking my own life, all I wanted was to be with my daughter whatever that meant.
It was you, my beautiful Nell, who saved me, when I felt as if I had nothing to live for. Those summers that you came to stay made me feel that life was finally worth living again. In your presence, I could once more see the colours of the flowers in the garden and smell the salty sea air. The world came back to life. And it was because of you, that I thought about my daughter again, with love and wonder for what Sophia might have been like and how our lives might have been, and gratitude for the short time that I did hold her in my arms. You’ll never know how you saved me.
When your mum and dad parted company, I was sad again and hurt. Your mother said some very cruel things to me and I behaved rashly and told her to leave and that I never wanted to see her again. What I didn’t bargain for was that she took me literally and from that day I saw neither of you ever again.
Once again, I had to make a new life for myself and I did exactly that. You had given me the will to live again, and to live my best life. I owed it to Sophia and I owed it to you. I had a wonderful life and I was lucky that I had love in my life in many different way. Not everyone does. I hope that you are loved by someone, my Nell. You deserve to be. And if you are not, I hope you will find your one true love.
When I met Norman for the first time, I fell immediately head over heels. I loved him more than I thought I was capable of loving again. I’m sure you will be meeting Norman very soon. I hope that, in time, you become fond of him too.
Take the money, take the properties and do with them whatever you wish. I trust you to make the decision that is right for you. You gave me my life back, and now I’m giving you a head start in yours.
Live your life with love and passion and be brave! Don’t save things for best. Today is good enough. Eat from the best crockery, pour your tea from a pot into the best china, drink gin from cut glasses, wear your best clothes today. You deserve the very best of everything. Tomorrow is never promised, my love, so live life for today.
Goodbye, my love, and I hope you think of me from time to time with fondness. I will be forever grateful for what you gave to me.
* * *
With much love.
* * *
Your Aunty Lil xxx
Chapter Seven
A subtle cough, brought me back to the room. Mr Cash was standing in the doorway.
‘So, Miss Wagstaff, have you got any thoughts yet? Would you like to go straight to the house, or check in at the hotel? Or?’
‘I really don’t know. I’m just flabbergasted. Or as Aunty Lil used to say—’
‘Jiggered!’ he said.
And at the same time I said, ‘Jiggered!’
We laughed.
‘How about I make a suggestion? Would that be acceptable?’ he asked.
‘Please do. I really can’t think straight right now.’
‘How about I drive you round to the house now? You can see how you feel when you get there and if you feel like you want to stay, then that’s fine, but if it doesn’t feel like the right thing to do then I can take you to the hotel.’
Nodding, I thought of how kind it was for him to offer. But then I realised he must be too busy for this type of errand.
‘I could get a taxi. I don’t want to put you out.’
‘Miss Wagstaff—'
‘Nell, please call me Nell.’
‘Thank you. Then in that case, Nell, I insist that you call me Dominic, or Dom. It would be my pleasure to do this. When Lilian and I last spoke a few weeks ago, she asked me to make this as easy for you as possible, when the time came, so I wiped all my appointments and I have a free diary this afternoon so that I can take you. It’s what Lilian would have wanted. But only if you want me to. I don’t want to impose.’
‘It really is kind of you and I appreciate it very much. Yes please. I would like you to take me, Mr… erm… Dominic.’ My hands were shaking and I wasn’t sure how I’d even get to the house alone in my state.
‘Let me take your case, and we’ll go down to the car park. The house is just a two-minute drive away.’
Dominic stopped and pointed his key fob at a smart black Jaguar saloon. He popped my case into the boot and opened the door for me. He really was very kind. I looked over at him while he was driving. He was quite handsome in a geeky type of way. He had blond hair, which looked like it needed a cut, but strong cheekbones and his glasses sat on quite a large nose, but it suited his face perfectly. I had no idea how old he might be, maybe mid-to-late thirties. I had to stop myself from staring. He could be married with four children for all I knew about him.
My heart was racing as we approached Larkspur Lane and glided to a stop outside of number 37. I gasped. It was exactly as I remembered it. How, after all these years, could it look the same? I couldn’t move from the car, I needed to breathe it all in.
The front garden was as immaculately maintained as ever. Behind the wrought-iron railings and gate, two glorious hydrangea bushes stood proudly either side of a stone path, with bedding plants all the way along, that led to the house. It showed no signs of neglect by being owned by an old lady.
I had always adored this house. The identical big bay windows either side of the double wooden front doors were perfectly symmetrical. Above the front door, set back quite a way, was an impressive stained-glass, arched window, flanked by beautiful French doors, which I knew belonged to the two front bedrooms. They opened onto that stunning veranda balcony, the thing I remembered most, which stretched across the front of the house with wrought-iron railings all around to match the garden fence. The house was still as stunning as I remembered.
Since receiving the letter, my memories of the house and the time I spent here had been gradually coming back, more every day. I glanced at the house to the right, remembering Jack Shepherd. The first boy I ever had a crush on. He was the boy who gave me butterflies deep inside my tummy. The boy I shared my innermost thoughts with. I loved him deeply but he never knew. No-one did. It was my secret.
We spent many summers on the beach just over the road, collecting shells, crabbing at the
quay down the road and sometimes just chatting about life and how our lives would turn out. His love of animals sprang to mind just then and I smiled. It had helped to have a friend while I was here for those summers. He was the only one I told that my parents were having difficulties. I was fourteen the last time I saw him.
I wondered what sort of man Jack had grown into, and how his life had turned out. I’d probably never know. He and his family had probably long gone from here.
‘Ready?’
Lost in my memories I had forgotten that Dominic was sat beside me and his voice startled me.
I gave a little shiver, looked at him, then up at the house once more, and after taking a huge deep breath, nodded.
‘Yep. Let’s go.’
He let me lead the way. Either side of the gate which led up the garden path, someone had painted on some large rocks. On the left side the word on the rock was Welcome. On the right side it said Home. They were so pretty and it felt as if they’d been placed there just for me, although when I thought about it logically, they could have been there a while. I’d read a lot this year about people painting rocks for others to find to try to cheer them up. I smiled as I walked up the garden path and put the key in the front door’s lock. I hesitated before pushing the door open and entering the large square hallway. The first thing that hit me was the smell. It smelt just like Aunty Lil. It was a mixture of Lily of the Valley perfume and talcum powder and it took my breath away. I half expected her to come out of the kitchen to welcome me with open arms, just like she always had.
The next thing I noticed was how quiet it was. Aunty Lil always had the radio on. She used to sing and dance around the house all the time. She was such good fun to be with and had said that music and dancing lifted the spirits. When I was sad, she’d drag me up to dance and – she was right – it had made me smile every time. I grinned now at the thought of her swinging me around in the huge hallway.
I was aware of Dominic’s presence behind me, and found it reassuring. I knew that Aunty Lil had passed away in the house, and though I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to know where, I knew that if I didn’t ask, I would always wonder.
I turned quickly and collided with Dominic’s chest. Woah! I wasn’t expecting it to be that firm. What was he hiding under that dishevelled appearance?
‘Shit! Sorry!’ I laughed.
‘Erm, oops, I’m so sorry,’ he muttered as he went bright red and fumbled around in his top pocket as he stepped back and pushed his glasses back up his nose. He brought out a packet of mints as if he’d been looking for them intentionally.
I shook my head as he offered me one.
‘Dominic. Where did she…?’
He bit his lip, and I think he was wondering whether to tell me the truth.
‘She was in the lounge, in her favourite chair, looking out of the front window.’
I smiled. She’d loved the view from that window and I didn’t blame her.
Walking through the door on the left, I entered that very lounge. I walked over to the winged back armchair. It would have been at least thirty years old, as she’d had it ever since I’d been coming here. A gasp escaped my lips. The sun sparkled off the turquoise-blue water of the bay, lapping the soft white sand. I rested my hand on the back of her chair and knew that she would have loved that view being the last thing she ever saw.
I wandered from room to room downstairs, breathing in the familiarity of this beautiful old house. The rooms flowed perfectly, each a continuation of the other; a sunroom, which I’d always loved, overlooked that pristine garden at the back of the house and led into the large kitchen, which in turn led into the dining room and then back into the hall. It hadn’t changed much over the years apart from being modernised and it felt as if I’d never been away. Being here felt completely right. It felt like coming home.
However, I also felt so sad that she wasn’t here with me. And I regretted that we’d missed out on spending time together over the last twenty years or so. Whatever had been said between her and Mum must have been very serious for it to have created such a rift. I wondered if I’d ever find out the truth. I felt guilt, too. Guilt because I never did anything to try to get in touch with her.
Once back in the hall, I felt the pull of upstairs. The staircase was directly in the middle of the hall and split halfway up, to ascend either way. At the top was the large bathroom, with a bedroom towards the right. To the left was the library cum spare room, in which I used to stay when I visited, and Aunty Lil’s bedroom. I meandered into the library. It still looked exactly the same – dark wood shelves filled with classic novels. I turned my head sideways to read the titles and I wasn’t surprised to see that Dickens still sat amongst the Bronte sisters, and that the left-hand side was filled with many volumes of the Encyclopaedia Britannica. She’d collected them in a subscription and she used to wait until I visited so we could put them together, sitting side by side, listening to old records on the radio. Such happy memories.
Dominic’s nervous cough brought me back to the here and now.
‘Do you have any thoughts about what you’ll do with the property, Nell?’
‘I have no flipping idea, Dominic. Two hours ago I’d never owned a property in my life. I could only ever afford to rent. And now I have this.’
‘And a beach hut don’t forget. And a substantial amount of money.’
‘Oh don’t! It makes my head hurt.’
‘I can only imagine. And please do call me Dom. Only my mother calls me Dominic.’
We grinned at each other. He really did have a lovely, kind face. I liked him.
‘Well, how about we take things one step at a time? Maybe for right now all you need to think about is whether you’d like to stay here tonight, or whether you’d like to stay in the hotel. We should probably let them know soonish.’
‘I don’t think there’s really a choice. I want to be here. I can feel Aunty Lil here all around me, and I don’t think I could be anywhere else. This is where I feel I belong.’
‘OK, let me message Sally and get her to cancel, if you are absolutely sure. And I’ll make sure that she’s transferred the money into your account now we have the details.’
‘I am and thank you. Thank you for everything so far, Dom. You’ve been brilliant and I don’t know what I’d have done without your support.’
‘My pleasure, Nell. It’s what Lilian would have wanted me to do. She’d have told me off had I not brought you here today. She knew what it would mean to you and wouldn’t have wanted you to be alone. Oh and don’t forget, the car is in the garage too.’
I tittered at the thought of me driving around in a little-old-lady car and thought that Aunty Lil would be laughing at me from above.
‘Great, let’s go take a look.’
Chapter Eight
To get to the garage, you had to walk through the back garden, and as we headed that way I noticed just outside the back gate that there was another painted stone. Perhaps Aunty Lil had painted them. This one was pink and green and the word hope was written in sparkly silver.
All the keys I’d been given were labelled, so I pulled out the one that said ‘garage’ and unlocked the door. I leaned down and pulled the garage door up and had the biggest shock of the day when I saw a silver Mercedes badge glinting in the sunlight. I looked around at Dom, who had the biggest grin on his face.
‘Lilian was no little old lady you know. She was such a character. I told you she never wanted for anything. I take it you can drive?’
‘Absolutely, I just couldn’t afford a car on the wages I earned before I lost my job.’
‘Oh I’m so sorry to hear that you lost your job, Nell. That must have been a shock.’
‘My job and my fiancé in the same week. Careless, eh?’
He looked at me, with his head tilted to one side, as if he was about to say something, but then he looked away again.
‘Well this seems very serendipitous in that case,’ he said.
‘Doesn’t it just. Tell me I’m not dreaming.’
‘I promise you are not dreaming, Nell.’ He swept his arms around him. ‘This is all yours.’
‘It’s just incredible. I can’t take it all in.’
‘Why don’t we walk over to the beach, have a look at the beach hut and we could grab a coffee at the little café on the front. We can have a chat through some of the possibilities. I have a change of clothes in the car, would you mind awfully if I used the downstairs bathroom to get changed? I’d feel a bit daft in my suit walking on the beach.’
‘Of course, be my guest.’ I giggled. This was my house now after all. ‘A walk on the beach would be delightful.’
Dom grabbed a small rucksack from his boot, and brought my case in too. I was so grateful to him for his kindness and his help. What a nice man he was. I stood at the front window and looked at the view beyond. It really was quite spectacular and took my breath away every time I looked at it.
‘Shall we go?’
The sound of his voice, jolted me from my thoughts. I was daydreaming again. In jeans and an open-necked shirt, along with a pair of trainers, he looked ten years younger. And pretty hot too, I couldn’t help but notice. I couldn’t wait to text Shivani and tell her everything that had happened so far today. She’d never believe me.
Locking the door behind me and glancing up once more at Aunty Lil’s house, or should I say my house, I shook my head.
Dom laughed. ‘It’s been a big day for you, Nell.’
‘You can say that again.’
‘I said, it’s been a big day for you, Nell.’
We grinned inanely at each other and held the other’s gaze.