by Kim Nash
I wondered if something like this might even be of interest to Natalia. While I was pretty sure she’d never dream of buying second-hand clothes, her being so glamorous could make her a great help and maybe she’d have some friends she could invite along. I made a mental note to ask Jack for her contact details. Maybe it would bring us closer together. When we got to know each other better perhaps we could even be friends. I just had to get over my little crush on her fiancé, which seemed to have resurrected itself after twenty years. Just a minor point.
Jack knocked on the back door at dead on 6.45. I couldn’t quite meet his eye as we walked out to his pickup truck. He lifted Norman up onto the back seat and I could probably have done with a bunk-up myself as my performance of getting into the vehicle wasn’t my most elegant moment.
The vet’s practice was less than a ten-minute drive away. We pulled through the gates and down a long driveway, into an impressive stable yard, and parked outside the building at the far side of the complex. Jack jumped out of the truck and came round to open my door. Static electricity made us both jump back, before he gave me a hand down, grinning at me. I couldn’t help but grin back. As I turned round to head inside I saw Natalia glaring at me out of a window. She came out and greeted Jack with a kiss on his cheek, leaving a lipstick imprint which I’m sure was intended. When I asked her if I could have a word with her later, because I was after her help, she actually preened and I wondered if maybe she was one of those people who need to feel needed and that this was my ‘in’ with her. I considered that at some point, too, I might have to tell her that she had nothing to worry about with Jack and that he was just being nice to me for old time’s sake. Maybe then we’d start to bond.
The people attending the socialising night were of all ages and there was a multitude of dog sizes and varieties from Chihuahuas to Poodles, Cockapoos, Labradors, Rottweilers and some very bouncy Spaniels. We all sat in a circle in the large function room at the back of the surgery. It was a great space and it did make me wonder whether it might be a good place to hold my event. My mind was working overtime as I wondered whether I could book the room for a small fee and maybe also market it to the vet’s clientele. I’d have a chat with Jack about it on the way home.
Jack hadn’t mentioned that it was him who took the class. We discussed the legalities and good practices of having a dog, and he went through doggy first aid and some basic training methods. He got the dogs and owners in a circle together in the middle of the room and made us keep walking past each other. This would help the dogs socialise.
The hour passed really quickly and when everyone had left Jack asked me if I minded hanging around while he grabbed some stuff from the office. Natalia popped her head around the door and noticed I was in the room alone and came and sat beside me.
She smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes.
‘Can we do lunch, Nellie?’
I cringed. I wished she wouldn’t call me that. That was for people who knew me really well.
‘Are you free tomorrow? You said you needed my help and there’re some things that I think you and I need to talk about too, don’t you?’
My face flushed again. I explained that Dom was coming tomorrow to sort out the final funeral arrangements so we planned for the next day instead. She nodded towards the door as Jack strode across to join us and told Natalia that he’d see her the next day. She asked me to leave them alone for a moment, Jack huffed and threw his keys at me, and Norman and I went to wait in the car. At least it didn’t matter how ungainly I mounted the vehicle this time.
Two minutes later, Jack flung open his car door and jumped in.
I told him I was having lunch with Natalia the day after next and he grimaced and told me to take everything she said with a pinch of salt. He was very quiet on the journey home and even though I tried hard to keep the conversation going, it felt very one way. It was very different to the way he’d been over the last few days. I hoped I hadn’t done something to upset him. Whenever Callum behaved like that, it was always something I’d done. Or so he’d said. Most of the time I’d walked around on eggshells trying to make sure he was happy. Though it hadn’t really occurred to me until then in the car.
Gazing out the window, the more I thought about mine and Callum’s relationship, the more I wondered whether it had actually been very healthy. He’d seemed to not even like me that much most of the time; picking at me constantly about the things I did and the things I said. Why we were even getting married? I supposed when you were in the middle of a relationship, you didn’t notice the things that you noticed afterwards. You thought that because you were in a relationship with someone, that the way they behaved was OK and you just accepted it. Someone constantly picking away at you knocks your confidence and your self-esteem. But when it’s someone who is meant to love you doing it, and it’s gradual, you don’t seem to notice for some reason. I hadn’t realised until I’d taken a step back from it all how Callum’s behaviour had made me feel at the time.
I thought of Aunty Lil and wondered whether she’d have accepted that type of behaviour, and I knew the answer straightaway.
Jack walked Norman and I to the gate. He was still really quiet although he did give me a peck on the cheek. Perhaps this ‘thing’ I had for him would disappear quickly if we carried on this way. Perhaps it was actually safer for him to behave this way for both of our sakes. That way he could get on with his life with Natalia and I could make some decisions about my future too.
Chapter Twenty
The funeral director introduced himself as William as he shook my hand. He was a small man, with kind eyes, and he immediately put me at ease, talking about Aunty Lil with much respect and as if he knew her well.
Dom had been in to see him beforehand and had organised most of the things that Aunty Lil had left instructions about. She’d been quite specific, which had taken a lot of the pressure off me. She’d already chosen her casket, some music and where she wanted her get-together (she didn’t want to call it a wake) to be, and Dom had very kindly already made the provisional arrangements. The funeral was confirmed for the following Monday at 11 a.m. All that was really left to do was to drop in any clothes that I wanted her to wear, unless I wanted her in one of the gowns that they could provide, along with anything else I wanted to include in the coffin. I had no clue what that might be, if anything, but promised to give it some thought and to return on Friday with some clothing. I didn’t want her in a gown. I thought she should wear something very special.
William had asked me whether I wanted to see Aunty Lil, but I couldn’t bring myself to. Memories flooded back to when I’d had to organise Mum’s funeral. I’d insisted on seeing her and had regretted it ever since. She hadn’t looked like my mum. She’d looked dead, which obviously I knew she would, but she looked like a doll version of my mum in the sort of gown-cum-nightie that she wouldn’t have wanted to have been seen dead in. Literally.
The funeral itself had been a quiet affair and Shivani and her family were there holding my hand through the whole process. At just seventeen years old, it was the worst thing I’d ever had to do. Drink had stolen my mother from me. She was way too young to die and I was way too young to have been left alone. I spent a long time being angry with her and it tore me up inside.
I’d found a letter with my father’s phone number in it, which she’d clearly hidden from me, and I’d plucked up the courage to ring him. He’d told me in no uncertain terms that he wasn’t prepared to come to the funeral and asked me not to contact him or his family ever again. He’d said he had a new family and he didn’t want them upset by his past catching up with him. I was totally and utterly devasted. He couldn’t even be there for me. His own flesh and blood. I’d vowed then that I would never have anything to do with him again.
It wasn’t until I went to counselling, which Shivani’s wonderful mum insisted that I went to, that I started to make some sense of it all and began to forgive my mother and to see the demon drink
as an illness she had no control over.
I shook my head now to try to shake away the memories because I still, all these years on, found them hard to deal with.
* * *
Dom’s Jaguar glided to a stop outside a pub that was only a short drive from the village. The freshly painted name sign was swinging in the breeze. It had been called The Fisherman’s Haunt and we’d gone there for lunches years ago, but now it was called the Cock Inn. I knew it was childish of me, but I couldn’t help but smile at the name. I’m sure Aunty Lil had chosen it on purpose for her ‘get-together’. It was typical of her sense of humour. Being there brought back lots of happy memories but at the same time it seemed sad to be holding her get-together there.
Mary and Bill Potter, the landlady and her husband, were such a lovely couple and were so kind to us when we made all the final arrangements that I knew it was all going to be OK and bearable. It just seemed odd that I’d be going to her funeral and wouldn’t know that many people there. She’d had a whole life without me over these last two decades, that I knew nothing of, although I was looking forward to learning all about it.
Lunch itself was really lovely. Dom was so easy to chat with, such good company. Not the stuffy, uptight person I thought he was when we’d first spoken. He talked about his friendship with Jack, that they’d been at university together and how wonderfully accepting and supportive he had been when Dom had announced his sexuality. Hearing more about Jack from someone else who knew him was wonderful.
‘And do you like Natalia?’ I asked casually. ‘She seems nice.’
‘All I’ll say is that Natalia is not always as she seems. I won’t speak ill of the girl, and I’m not one to gossip, but just be wary, Nell, that’s all I’ll say.’
I found Dom’s advice very interesting. But I didn’t want to ask any more at that point, and reminded myself that Jack’s choice of partner was up to him.
I mentioned the swishing idea to Dom. I thought he’d be a sensible person to talk business with and he said that he thought it was a cracking idea and that Aunty Lil would have been absolutely delighted with my decision. When I talked about a venue, he said that he was sure the right place would come to me when I was looking around and that he trusted me to make a great choice.
When he dropped me back at the house I realised I’d forgotten to ask him if he knew anything about the falling out between Mum and Aunty Lil. I went back up to Aunty Lil’s room, annoyed with myself for not remembering, and worked through more of her stuff. There were two other wardrobes in the other bedrooms too, stuffed full of clothes. It was such a delight to go through them all, imagining where she might have gone in them, and what she might have done. There were loads of pretty dresses that I couldn’t wait to try on and still another growing pile of items that I either knew wouldn’t suit me, or wouldn’t fit me. I picked up a green-and-orange taffeta party dress and held it against my body. The bodice would be a snug fit but the overskirt and net underskirt would make it look absolutely stunning. I swung from side to side and imagined Aunty Lil being whirled around by a handsome partner as she danced under the moonlight. Old-fashioned dancing was so romantic. Maybe he would have dipped her backwards and leaned in for a kiss.
Yapping brought me back to the present.
‘Oh Norman, what’s up?’
He circled around himself, which was normally a sign that he wanted to go out. I looked at my watch and couldn’t believe it was nearly 8 p.m. I’d been upstairs for hours. I laid the dress back on the spare bed and he trotted alongside me across the landing before running full pelt down the stairs and wagging his tail against the floor tiles. I ruffled his head as I got close and he nuzzled into my hand. We were definitely becoming friends and I surprised myself by how much I enjoyed his company. Who needed a man in their life? Perhaps Norman was all I really needed.
We’d been for another walk along the beach first thing that morning and that time I hadn’t been so anxious about letting him off the lead, and he’d been golden and came back to make sure I was still there too every so often. He really was a pleasure to look after. There was a woodland area at the bottom of Larkspur Lane, but we hadn’t ventured that way yet, favouring the beach every time. Maybe when I got used to being by the sea, we’d explore other walks too. We’d walked back through the village for a change. It was only small, but there were two pretty rows of shops with brightly-coloured bunting which draped from one side of the street to the other. The shops that I noticed the most were those which were quite practical – a trendy-looking hairdresser, a bakery which had the most delicious-looking cakes and pastries in their bay window, a butcher, an off-licence and a couple of others that I couldn’t quite see what they were. As we walked past the final shop in the left-hand row, an attractive blonde lady came out wearing a tabard and Norman pulled on the lead to get to her, eagerly wagging his tail.
‘Hello, dear, you must be Nell. And as you can see, I already know Norman. I’m Pamela.’
I gave a little wave and looked up at the sign above to see what type of shop it was. Pamela’s Pet Shop and Pampered Pooches. No wonder they knew Norman.
‘I was so sorry to hear about Lilian, my dear. Such a loss to the local community, she was such a wonderful soul. Always had time for everyone. A real gem. She’ll be sadly missed.’ She felt around in her tabard pockets and asked if it was OK to give Norman a treat.
‘Thank you, and of course.’
‘But we’re all delighted that you’ve come down to spend some time here. Do you know whether you’ll stay or not?’
Crikey. Talk about getting straight to the point.
‘I’m not going anywhere in the immediate future but obviously there’s lots to think about.’
‘Well, we’ll be seeing you on Monday at the funeral, my dear. It’s going to be a sad day but a good one too. You’ll get to meet lots of Lilian’s friends and hopefully learn more about her through them. It really has been lovely to meet you. Lilian loved you dearly and talked about you often.’ Pamela reached across and squeezed my hand.
Her words had surprised me. I’d thought that Aunty Lil might not have mentioned us to her friends, but I suppose they might have been around to pick up the pieces after we’d left that night.
I’d asked Pamela for a business card. She’d told she usually groomed Norman every couple of months, and that she could keep delivering his pet food too. It made sense to me not to change anything. She’d seemed lovely. And perhaps she’d be able to give me some tips about how to look after Norman.
I’d never have chosen to have a dog, but there were worse things than having one thrust on you at very short notice. I had wondered at first if I’d be lonely in Aunty Lil’s big old house on my own, but I found having Norman around was lovely! He was good company and didn’t answer back. The perfect male companion.
Chapter Twenty-One
I spent longer choosing an outfit to wear for lunch with Natalia than I did choosing my wedding dress – which reminded me that I needed to crack on with the cancellation list for the wedding. Eventually I settled on a pair of fitted black trousers, a white chiffon camisole, a sparkly belt and some silver ballet flats. A black blazer with three-quarter sleeves would look smart but casual. As I looked this way and that in the bedroom mirror, I decided that I looked pretty presentable, even though the outfit didn’t particularly bring me joy, but perhaps that was more about where I was going and who with.
As I walked out of Aunty Lil’s room, a multicoloured silk scarf hanging on the back of the door caught my eye. I tied it around my neck in an air-hostess style, and it definitely bought a little brightness to the outfit. I’d seen someone wearing something similar on TV recently, and thought that it looked elegant yet simple.
Slicking on some black mascara, giving my cheeks a little brush over with some bronzer and slathering on a little natural-coloured lip gloss, I reminded myself that I wasn’t, and couldn’t ever compare or compete with, Natalia. If Jack had chosen her to be his wife
, then that was his decision, and I needed to let Natalia know that I would really like to get to know her better and be her friend as well as his, and that I would be happy for them. Yes, I would. Perhaps I needed to work on my convincing face. I just needed to work through the feelings I had for him. They were just childhood emotions that had resurfaced with seeing him again and were playing havoc with my mind. Yes, that’s what they were.
Natalia had sent me a text message the day before and had suggested meeting at the café on the quay. She was already there when I arrived. I could spot her fuscia-coloured lipstick from the door. She stood to greet me, kissing me on both cheeks like we were old friends. Her perfume was really overpowering and tickled the back of my throat. She was most pleasant at first, asking how I’d got on with Dom yesterday. Though after I’d ordered chicken, ham and leek pie and chips for lunch, she ordered a Caesar salad which I’m sure she did on purpose to make me feel like a big fat greedy pig.
‘If I have a cooked meal now, I won’t have to cook later,’ I excused myself, knowing full well that I’d probably stuff my face with a Chinese takeaway for tea later. But she didn’t need to know that. I did like my food and my size-16 figure reflected that. Natalia’s perfect size-10 figure and permanent scowl reflected that she probably needed a good pie for lunch instead of a salad.
‘I’m sure you’ve wondered why I’ve invited you out to lunch, Nellie.’
God, the way she said my name really grated. I smiled sweetly.
‘I thought we should clear the air over the’ – she made speech marks in the air – ‘Jack situation.’