by L A Cotton
“Four years and it all comes down to this. Whatever happens, I’m proud to call myself a Raider, and you should be too. Hands in, Raiders on three.”
The huddle grew tighter as my teammates dropped their hands on mine. My eyes found Asher on the sideline and before I could think about it, I yelled, “Yo, forty-two, get your ass over here,” giving zero fucks he wasn’t supposed to move from the bench. He deserved this as much as the rest of the guys.
“Feeling the pressure, QB?” he smarted as he jogged over to me.
“You deserve to be here.” I held his eyes, silently telling him everything I’d been too chicken shit to say.
Thank you.
I owe you.
You’re the best friend a guy could ever have.
He gave me a curt nod and then said, “Are we doing this or what?”
“On your word, Ash.”
“Raiders on three. One. Two. Three…” Our battle cry rang out around me for the last time, our six-thousand strong crowd echoing the word at us.
It was something to behold, standing there on Hershey Stadium’s now tarnished field, the blinding Friday night lights blazing down on us. Making us seem larger than life. Worshipped and adored. The next time I did this, my jersey would be Penn Quaker red, white, and blue, and I’d be a rookie. But I was ready. Hungry for it.
College.
Football.
A fresh start with Felicity.
It couldn’t come soon enough. But first, we had a game to win.
Felicity
“Are you sure this is a good idea?” I asked no one in particular as I stared up at the neon sign reading Ink City, nervous energy vibrating through me.
“He’ll love it,” Mya whispered in my ear as the guys jostled one another, the effects of our few celebration drinks showing. “Besides, it’s the last item on your list, you can’t back out now.”
I nodded slowly, watching the guys. They were buzzed, we all were. Still riding the high of the win. The Raiders had done it, in the last minute of play. Cam getting the final touchdown.
“My parents will—”
“Never find out about it. Stick to the plan.”
“The plan, right.” I took a deep breath. Hailee caught my eye and frowned.
“What are you two up to?”
Ignoring her, I moved to the front of our group and grabbed the door handle. “Are you guys doing this or not?”
“Fuck, I love it when she takes charge,” Jason smirked, and I rolled my eyes right back.
“Oh, I’m in,” Asher bounced on the balls of his feet. “I’m so fucking in. State Champs 2019, here I come.”
“I hate to break it to you, Champ,” Mya clapped him on the shoulder, “But can you claim the title if you didn’t actually play?”
“Way to burst a guy’s bubble.” He scowled but it quickly melted away. He was too damn wired. We all were. The after-game celebrations had been crazy, everyone rushing onto the field to celebrate with the team. Then there had been dinner at the hotel’s restaurant with close family and friends. Afterwards, Coach finally let us off the hook. Officially, we weren’t supposed to leave the hotel, but unofficially, Coach agreed to turn a blind eye as long as we all surfaced tomorrow morning for the buses home.
“Either way,” Asher went on, “I’m getting it done. No girls at college are going to know I didn’t play. They’re only going to see ‘State Champ’ and flock to me like—”
“Flies to shit?” Mya deadpanned.
We all streamed into the store, instantly assaulted with the sound of tattoo guns and rock music. Jason walked up to the desk and did all the talking. “Three?” he called over to us and the guys nodded. But before he could confirm with the receptionist, I called, “Make that four.”
“Holy shit, Fee,” Asher whistled between his teeth. “For real?”
“Just something small,” I said, my eyes sliding to Jason. “It’s the last thing on my list.”
“Hell yeah, you heard my girl, make that four.”
His girl. I don’t think I’d ever get used to hearing him call me that.
“Take a seat and Auden will be with you shortly.”
Jason came over to me, dipping his head to my ear. “You sure about this?”
I gave him a little nod, not trusting myself to speak. We’d talked about what I might get if I went through with it. After all, it was the only remaining item on my list. But when he saw it, he was going to freak.
I’d already fallen in crazy messy love with him, so I might as well get the crazy messy tattoo to go with it.
Jason
“What’s taking them so long.” I growled, pacing back and forth outside the room where Felicity currently was, alone with Auden, with his hands on her body, touching her.
“Chill, man.” Cam’s hand clamped down on my shoulder. “He’s only doing his job.”
“Yeah, well, she should have let me in there with her.”
“Maybe she was worried about passing out or getting sick.”
I threw Ash a hard look. Like I gave a shit about that. My favorite version of Felicity was first thing in the morning, hair all mussed up and crazy, her eyes heavy-lidded with sleep, her skin damp from my touch.
I loved sleeping with her, but it usually didn’t lead to much actual sleep. It wasn’t my fault she was so irresistible, and I was a hot-blooded guy who was powerless against her voodoo magic.
The vibration of the gun behind the door finally stopped. “Thank fuck,” I grumbled, moving closer.
A few minutes later, it swung open and Felicity skipped out.
“About time.”
“Sorry,” she said meekly. “It hurt more than I expected.”
“Can I see?” I asked expecting a tiny heart or some script-font life quote girls liked to get. She’d had a few ideas but had been tightlipped about a decision. So when she said, “Don’t freak out,” the floor went from under me.
“What did you do?”
Felicity glanced around the store, and moved in closer. She lifted her sweater up, yanking the neck of her tank down, and everything slowed down.
“Tell me that says what I think it says.” My heart was pounding so hard I thought I might pass out.
“Oh, it says it all right.” Asher was beside me, staring at the curve of Felicity’s perfect breast like he’d never seen a girl’s naked tits before.
There in tiny Varsity font, stamped right across where her heart lay, were four little words that shouldn’t have pleased me so much.
Property of a Raider.
“Flick,” Hailee gasped, her eyes growing to saucers, “Please tell me that’s temporary.”
“It’s not.” She dropped her sweater, meeting my gaze. “Now, no matter what happens, a part of my heart will always be yours.”
“Holy fucking shit,” Asher slapped his hands against his thigh. “If you don’t put a ring on it, I will.” He smirked at me and I glared back, sending him a silent message.
Over my dead body.
The Harder You Fall
To My Readers
Thank you for loving the Raiders as much as I do!
Mya
I woke startled, grasping the barely familiar sheets in my fingers as I tried to regulate my breathing.
It was just a dream, I silently whispered.
Just a messed up, distorted version of things. It wasn’t real.
“It’s not real,” my shaky words pierced the silence.
When I’d first moved to Rixon from Philadelphia, the nightmares had been every other night. My aunt wanted me to see a therapist, but I wasn’t about to sit in front of some shrink and let them dissect my dreams. I knew what haunted me in my sleep. I didn’t need to give it a name or reason or excuse.
Sometimes people experienced bad things and it left marks. Scars invisible from the outside but so real on the inside that you never forgot. You just learned how to deal. How to get up each day, paste on a smile, and survive.
Surviving in a place
like Rixon might not have been a matter of life or death, but it still had its moments.
I finally pushed back the cover and climbed out of bed, trying to tame the dark, unruly spiral curls out of my face. My bedroom in my aunt’s house was small but cozy. She’d never had children, but she had tried her best to make it homely for an eighteen-year-old girl who was more of a stranger than family. Lilac wasn’t my color, but I appreciated the effort.
My favorite thing about my new space was the small adjoining bathroom. Aunt Ciara’s room adjoined the master suite which meant we didn’t have to share. A luxury I hadn’t been afforded back in Philly.
After washing my face and brushing my teeth, I pulled on some clean clothes and made a second attempt at fixing my hair, eventually settling on dragging it into a ponytail. The girl in the mirror looked like me but she hadn’t felt like me in a really long time. I guess that’s what happened when you were forced from your home, your life, and shipped off to live in the ass crack of nowhere. If I hadn’t been paired with Felicity Giles on my first day at my new school, Rixon High, I didn’t doubt my existence here would be almost intolerable.
As it was though, I had become fast friends with Felicity and her best friend Hailee Raine. Those girls were something else; refusing to conform to the Rixon way of football and more football. I decided to overlook the minor detail that they were both dating football players now. And not just any football players; Rixon Raider royalty to be exact. The irony wasn’t lost on me, or them for that matter. But you couldn’t help who you fell for. I knew that better than anyone.
My cell phone vibrated and I grabbed it off the desk, reading Felicity’s text.
Flick: Running late... I stopped over at the Ford’s.
Rolling my eyes, I typed a quick reply.
Me: Say no more. I’ll see you in a few.
That was what I loved about Felicity. Despite being in a relationship with one of the broodiest, meanest, and downright arrogant guys I’d ever met, she hadn’t wavered in her friend-ability. Every morning, even if she was a little late sometimes, Felicity picked me up for school. And every morning, we talked about all the things girlfriends should talk about.
My cell vibrated again and I smiled, eager to see whatever zany reply Flick had cooked up. But when I ran my eyes over the screen, I froze.
J: I need you, Mya. Please...
I quickly deleted the message and shoved my cell in my jean pocket. Trying to ignore the way it burned a hole. If I texted him back, we’d go around and around in circles like we always did.
Jermaine might have needed me.
But it wasn’t enough.
I wasn’t enough.
I never would be.
So I did what I’d done every day since arriving here. I grabbed my school bag, headed downstairs and waited for my ride.
Because sometimes pretending was better than facing the truth.
“Mya, come in,” Miss Hampstead, the school guidance counselor, smiled up at me from behind her desk. “How are you?”
“Okay, I guess.”
“You guess?”
“It’s Monday morning,” I said. “Can things ever really be okay on a Monday morning?” My lips curved into a tight smile.
“Oh, I don’t know.” She laughed softly. “I quite like Mondays. The start of a new week, the endless possibilities, the chance to be better.”
“Spoken like a true guidance counselor.”
We both laughed at that.
“So I just wanted to check in and see how you’re doing? Your teachers are all very pleased with your progress and your grades are looking great. Have you given college anymore thought?”
“Actually, I have.” I unzipped my bag and dug around inside, pulling out the stack of papers. Handing them to her, I sat back and waited. Miss Hampstead took her time, running her eyes over my notes.
“Excellent. We can set aside some time before the holidays to get these submitted if you’d like?”
“Sounds good to me.”
“I noticed you’ve picked two out of state schools and Temple University.”
I nodded, feeling my throat close. “I want to keep my options open.”
“Having options is good. Not that I suspect you’ll have any problems, with your transcripts looking as strong as they do.”
I tapped my knee rhythmically, forcing a smile. “Great, can I...?” I thumbed to the door.
“Actually, before you go, I just wanted to ask how things are... socially.”
“Socially?” My brows pinched.
“Yes. I’m aware you’ve made quite good friends with Hailee Raine and Felicity Giles.”
“That’s correct.”
“And they are currently dating Cameron Chase and Jason Ford.”
“Miss Hampstead, if you have something to say, just say it.”
She let out a small sigh, her expression softening. “I’m sure you’re more than aware of the recent issues between Jason, and Lewis Thatcher over at Rixon East High.”
“It’s hard not to be aware.” Football was to Rixon what oxygen was to the human race.
“I just want you to be careful, okay? You’re new here and you’re...” She swallowed hard.
“You can say it, I am fully aware that I’m the odd one out.”
“Rixon is a good town with a lot of good people, Mya. But small towns like this can also be difficult places for... outsiders.”
“You mean people of color?” My brow rose sardonically.
She sighed. “Rixon High likes to pride itself on being inclusive, Mya, but the reality is over ninety-six percent of our students are White American.”
“I’m in the four percent club, got it.”
“Mya, I know this isn’t an easy conversation to have, but I just wanted you to know that I’m here, if you need anything to make your time with us easier, or if a problem arises.”
“Sure thing, Miss Hampstead. I appreciate it.” But what I really wanted was to get the hell out of her office.
“Okay, well, I think that’s it for now. My door is always open.”
With a small nod I left her, only to bump into another face of concern.
“Hey, everything okay?” Felicity was waiting for me.
“Yeah, just the usual. Newsflash, did you know ninety-six percent of the student body at Rixon High are white?”
“She said that?”
“Yep.”
“Wow, that’s… I don’t really have any words.”
“Welcome to my world,” I grumbled as we made our way toward class.
“So, me and Hailee were talking at the weekend and we think we should do something epic for New Year.” Felicity looped her arm through mine.
“How epic are we talking?” I gave her a sideways glance. “Because the last time you wanted to do something epic you got a very real, very permanent tattoo.”
Her cheeks flushed. “Not that epic. But Rixon on New Year’s Eve is hardly anything to shout home about. Usually, Asher has a big party and everyone gets so wasted they can’t even remember what year it is the next morning.”
“I thought you never went to his parties before this year?”
“We didn’t. But people talk.” She shrugged. “Anyway, I told you about the time we went to New York with the guys?”
“You mean the time you gave it up to Jason?”
“Ssh!” She hugged me closer. “That is not the point right now. Asher’s cousins are super rich and know all the best clubs. And this time, you can come with us.”
“Hmm, I’m not sure. That sounds kind of—”
“You have to come. Even if we don’t go clubbing, we can stay in the swanky penthouse again and have our own private party. It’s our last New Year’s before college. We’ve got to make it one to remember.”
“It sounds kind of expensive.”
“Oh hush, we’ll probably just throw in some cash for gas. Asher’s dad will handle the penthouse and the guys will buy all our drinks. The only thing you’ll r
eally need is a killer outfit.”
“It’d just be the six of us?”
She shrugged again. “I guess, unless Vaughn and Riley join us again. But I’m not sure how I feel about her coming around Jason.”
I grabbed her hand, inspecting her nails. “Is that your claws I see coming out?”
“Uh, Mya, you didn’t see her. She was like a freakin’ model.”
“Hmm, have you looked in a mirror lately? You’re gorgeous, girl. Besides Jason loves you.” Even I couldn’t deny Rixon’s star quarterback loved my friend something fierce. He’d softened a lot since they’d finally got their act together.
A bolt of pain shot through my heart but I ignored it.
“Yeah, you’re right. You’re totally right.” She gave me a warm smile. “Oh look, class calls. See you at lunch?”
“Yep, if I survive two hours of biology.”
“Good luck with that.” She chuckled.
We parted ways and I headed into class. Felicity knew bits and pieces about my past, about Jermaine. But she didn’t know all the gritty, painful details.
No one did.
And I never wanted them to.
Before I joined Felicity and Hailee in the cafeteria for lunch, I headed to my locker to trade some books. Once I was done, I finally caved and checked my cell phone, instantly regretting it. Four messages. Three from Jermaine, and one from my girlfriend, Shona.
J: Call me, I need you.
J: Why you gotta be this way, Mya? I miss you. I love you. I need you... I’m nothing without you, baby girl.
J: For real, it’s going to be like that? Your mama won’t even tell me where you’re at.
Shona: It’s bad, girl. Call me xo
My stomach sank, my insides torn apart as my head and heart warred over what to do. Part of me, the part who would always be a young naïve girl in love, wanted to call Shona and see what was going down. But the other part, the part who knew making that call only led down a road to more hurt and heartache, quickly deleted all four text messages.