Chapter 13 – Super Auditor
Today was going to be a good day. I just knew it. Halloween was making a come back for me. Not that I dressed up or went to parties or anything of that nature, but more that Riders was having a party ( party where most of the claims girls would be in the usual slutty costumes that hot chicks wore). Also, we were allowed to tick-or-treat in the building. Maybe the tick-or-treating was the kicker. Halloween lost its fun when I got too old to run from house to house with a pillow case asking for candy from strangers. I didn’t eat much candy back then, but I think it was the fact that Halloween was the one night that it was ok to take candy from strangers.
The costumes were a necessary evil. I didn’t get the point of Halloween costumes until my family spent Halloween in Hawaii. It wasn’t that my mom didn’t put effort into my costume because she did, but more that I grew up in Colorado. Every October in Colorado, parents dressed there kids up in elaborate costumes just like anywhere else. And just like anywhere else, they’d take cute pictures of those kids. But here is the kicker: in Colorado, after mom and dad take those pictures, they wrapped you in a goose down parka, gloves, a scarf, boots, and a hat because Halloween isn’t warm here. It’s dang cold. You don’t just run from house to house to get more candy. It’s a matter of survival. Hypothermia sets in fast for children, so you have to move quick or you won’t get the chance to enjoy your plunders for the night.
Now I sat warm and cozy in my enclosure at work waiting for Adrian to come in. I didn’t make a habit of waiting for her to arrive at work but today was special. Today was special because Adrian lost a bet, or I should say her and her boyfriend Jim lost a bet. The bet was a close one I had to admit, but in the end, Cory and I won.
Adrian, her boyfriend Jim, Cory, and I were growing into good friends in the way only couples could. Cory and Jim loved the stories about Riders and that’s where the bet came from. It was last week at dinner when we started to speculate what people in the office would dress up as for Halloween. Star Wars was easy and took no time, but there were other harder ones to figure out. Chester was the one we were worried about. Well, not worried per say, but curious. Kids would be in the building on Halloween walking from cube to cube with their parents. So would Chester stay true to form and chose a costume that worried parents, or would he come in regular clothes and still worry parents? I chose option one, Adrian and Jim disagreed with me and so we made the bet. The bet was if Cory and I were right then they had to dress up as whatever we wanted. If they were right, then we would dress up.
I was worried about who was going to win, but I knew Chester and I wasn’t disappointed. I thought back, remembering the look of defeat on Adrian’s face when he told us that he was coming as a clown of all things.
Now, I waited for victory. Chester was here in the full clown getup; it was priceless. He still wore the same molester glasses and had that creepy feel about him. I looked at my computer noting the time. Adrian should be here soon. She better not have called in; I would kill her.
I felt a smile almost split my face in half as she entered the room. Acid green boots with matching stretch sweatpants and top lit up the room. On the long sleeved green shirt was a giant yellow ‘A’ inside a blue circle. A long green cape waved behind her. As Adrian blushed with embarrassment, the red of her cheeks seemed to accent the green lipstick and fake eye lashes. The best part was the hat. Oh yes, the hat. The same hat that was the company’s coveted logo, the same we had received so long ago. As she walked to her desk, Fiasco and Junior started to clap and cheer loudly bringing everyone’s attention to Adrian.
“Woo, yeah! Is the ‘A’ for Adrian?” Fiasco taunted. He knew what the ‘A’ was for; everyone did. But she had to say it.
Adrian scowled playfully at everyone. “It’s for Super Auditor, so don’t mess with me.”
Everyone burst into laughter. She gave me a murderous stare as I pulled out my phone and snapped a picture.
“I guess I get to hear you gloat all day, don’t I?”
“And this evening. I can’t wait to see Jim.”
I sent the picture to Cory’s phone. Normally, I wouldn’t have sent her anything so early in the morning but she would be looking forward to this and I knew she was already up.
“Sending that to Cory?” Adrian asked raising an eyebrow.
I smiled. “Maybe.”
“It’s seven in the morning. It’s a little early isn’t it…or do you know she’s up?”
I chuckled. “I know she’s up.”
“Really, you do. Why were you at her place last night or was she at yours?”
“Shouldn’t your super audit powers be able to tell you the answer to that question?”
She glared at me. “Ha, funny guy.”
She walked into her cube and I decided to try and finish some work before the distractions started. I didn’t have to wait long. Soon, Star Wars came strolling by my desk. He was a full-fledged member of his Jedi Order but he was dressed as a Storm Trooper. I didn’t really understand how a Storm Trooper could be in the Jedi order. Maybe that kind of Trooper was from one of the new movies before they killed all the Jedi. Either way, Star Wars spent a fortune on his stuff. He had on a traditional Storm Trooper suit and from the looks of it, it wasn’t just for fun. More than likely, he considered this thing to be a uniform. There were even ranking decals on it. He wasn’t allowed to wear the helmet in the building because it could keep him from hearing the phone or something like that. The company wasn’t all that fond of him bringing in his blaster either but I didn’t see why. I mean sure, Star Wars was that guy who everyone thought was going to shoot up the place someday but still, people who wear fanny packs should not be considered dangerous. From my understanding, Star Wars was very anti-gun anyway. And, the iLight Saber wasn’t due to come out until at least June.
“Bill, what are you dressed as today?” he asked me.
“8810”
“8810?”
“Yeah, you know a clerical employee, code 8810 for workers comp?”
“I know what code 8810 is. Well it’s a good costume then. You’re dressed like its casual Friday, jeans and all.”
That was because it was casual Friday, just like every Friday. Saying I was dressing as a clerical employee may have been a little boring but I did work for an insurance company; we weren’t exactly exciting people. I was worried Star Wars was going to keep talking to me; he never left people’s desks. But to my great relief the phone rang. It was a local number some 720 one. Star Wars walked away as I reached to answer.
“Riders Premium Audit Department, this is Bill. How can I help you?”
“You owe me,” Yoda’s voice said and then hung up.
Calling people from your cell phone to get rid of irritating coworkers was standard operating procedure in our department. There were six of us in the office that were part of the WTF pack. The pack was made up of Yoda, Adrian, Fiasco, Ankle, Chester, and myself. We all had each other’s work numbers on our mobile phone’s speed dial and we weren’t afraid to use it. Calls were common and we watched out for each other. Adrian and I sat too close together to pull off a call but if one of us heard the other under attack, we would IM someone else in the pack. The same went for Yoda, Fiasco, and Chester. Ankle was the only one in the pack that didn’t have a spotter, as we liked to call the person doing the IM’ing. For him, being on the phones was a bit of a natural protection.
I was looking forward to hearing the rest of the building’s opinion about Star Wars and most importantly, Adrian. Part of the deal of being Super Auditor came with some responsibilities. Like telling people who asked who you were that you were in fact Super Auditor. Oh, and she couldn’t say she lost a bet either.
I didn’t see the responses that I was hoping for. Sure the rest of the building went buck wild dressing up, but between Super Auditor, which consequently everyone thought was odd, and Star Wars letting everyone know that his costume wasn’t just a Halloween getup, most of the
building started to steer clear of audit.
Manager-lady came bouncing to my desk in a cat girl costume. “Hey, we’re going trick-or-treating. Do you want to come?”
“Do I get credit time for it?”
“Yes,” she huffed rolling her eyes. “It won’t go against your production.”
“Ok, I’m in.”
“Well you need a costume, so…”
I grabbed a piece of scrap paper and with a big permanent marker wrote ‘8810’ and taped it to my chest. Manager-lady rolled her eyes at me again but didn’t complain.
8810 Page 13