Derrick shrugged. “I’ll go with him and keep us both alive. Sorry, Judson. I don’t do that on purpose. It’s just how I’m made.”
“You didn’t used to be this way, actually.” Warden sighed. “Not when you were younger. There was no one more open than you. You losing the ability to do anything but win came after Alyssa.”
I didn’t want to open the door to analysis this way. I was pretty sure we’d all fair badly in the “who was mentally the least unhealthy” discussion. It wasn’t the time to open these doors, and maybe I was lost in a good case of denial, but I didn’t know if we ever needed to do this. Why strip bare to our soft underbellies when we had to stay strong?
My psych professors would have been horrified, but I was all for bottling up my shit and dealing with the explosions or meltdowns when they happened with some booze and pills. Yes, I had officially become that woman. I was perfectly comfortable in my box and fuck anyone who tried to take me out of this.
“Okay. Not now.” I held up my hand. “We’ve already done the pretending thing. Trace did it really well at the bar the last night we were together in Boston during the aforementioned killing-of-my-father vacation.”
Trace snorted. “Is that what you’re calling it?”
“Don’t encourage her.” Jud shook his head. “And for the record he didn’t manipulate me. I saw what he was doing straight off.”
I ignored the exchange. What was the answer? “They won’t see us coming if we just arrive. The six of us together. They won’t take any shots if we have Derrick with us. And me. They don’t know it yet, but I’m deadly. We ring the doorbell and go inside.”
I walked to the screen doors and looked outside at the beach. I’d gotten used to the sound of the ocean so much I didn’t notice it that often. But it was a soothing sound and it somehow led some credence to the idea that what we did here was important.
Background noise mattered in life.
“We tell the truth. We’re done with hiding. Done with bullshit. We don’t want a war. We want nothing.” I looked over my shoulder at Trace. “We don’t say a thing that isn’t true. We tell them they can take the world and fuck it for all we care, we want to be left alone, the six of us to get on with getting on. We tell them all they have to do to never have a problem from us again is leave us alone.” I turned to look at them. “That’s what we want, right? If that isn’t what you want we should get that out there now. Who here still has dreams of world domination?”
Trace shook his head. “Don’t look at me. I’m done with it. I want you, Everly. I want to be where you are. Tell me where that is and I’ll fit my life around it.”
Oh how times had changed. Not so long ago—and yet sometimes it felt like two lifetimes had passed—Trace had been suggesting I fly around the country following them. “You’re sure?”
“Positive.” He nodded. “Kade? Do you want out? Can you stay away from interfering with things?”
My K blinked rapidly. “I’ll never stop doing whatever I have to do to keep us safe. But can I leave the rest of it alone? Easily. I told Everly, my home is with her. Judson?”
Judson nodded. “My practice is over. I’ve been away from it too long. You can’t vanish like I do and have any hopes of it continuing. But I’d like to try to reestablish elsewhere. I don’t need the Alliance to be happy.” His gaze met mine. “I need you.”
Goosebumps broke out on my skin. These men were laying their souls out in front of me. They were braver than I was. I didn’t even belong in the same emotional category.
Judson turned to Derrick. “Mr. Attempted Manipulation? How about you? Ready to stop?”
He shook his head. “There will never be a time that I won’t be prepared to kill for this family. Other than that, yes. I want quiet. And don’t worry, Evs, I’ll never make guacamole again. If you had told me you had such an aversion, I’d not have done it in the first place.”
My cheeks heated up. “I thought I covered.”
“Took me too long. Did you not think to say something when I bought the avocados?”
I held out my hand. “You could have done anything with them. Hold this thought. Warden?”
He nodded. “I’m done with it all. I can make money without needing to be in everyone’s business. I had years of this. I’ll gladly put it aside if that is possible, but do you really think it’s going to be that easy?”
“Maybe. Maybe all it will take is to say Marcus we’re done. Leave us alone.”
Warden rose and crossed to me. “And when he says no, no one leaves the Alliance and demands the five of us take an oath to him and locks you in his fucking basement?”
I waited for the cold terror his words should have evoked. Instead, I simply remained calm. “No one is locking me in another basement. I’ll slaughter the whole house first.”
Warden searched my face. I didn’t know what he looked for, but whatever he saw had him nodding. “I’ll destroy the world before I take an oath to him. We get what we want or we leave bodies in our wake. Screw the Alliance. Let the world burn.”
I loved his pronouncement so much that I kissed him—hard. He smiled against my mouth before he returned the embrace. Kade walked over, taking his place and kissing me the same way. I felt Trace before I opened my eyes to see him. He slipped his arm around me, taking me from Kade. His lips were soft, but his embrace spoke of ownership. Derrick was next. He made no preamble of gentleness. His mouth felt almost punishing. And finally, it was Judson who kissed me like he needed me to live.
We were all in this together and one way or another we’d know soon what was going to happen.
* * *
Warden slipped into my bed that night. I opened my eyes. If they’d worked out a schedule of who was with me when, I didn’t know it. I loved them all. It didn’t matter who it was. I just loved that one of them came every night.
I cupped my W’s cheek. “You’re up for this?”
“I’d better be because I can’t go another night without putting my cock inside of you, Evy.”
His words made me wet almost instantly. I squirmed my way over to him, pressing on his good shoulder until I pushed him flat on his back. “I’d promise to be gentle with you but I’d be lying.”
14
Warden’s lips were cool against my own, and for the longest time, we didn’t do anything but kiss. I smiled against his mouth. This was a little bit like being back in high school. Even knowing the excitement that was coming, there was something so incredibly wonderful about just making out like a teenager again.
I didn’t know if he understood why I grinned or if he was just happy, but he smiled against me too. With his good arm, although he was getting strength back in the other, he rolled me over so that I was under him.
I ran my hand over his face. “We’re all here because you showed up at my bar. Thank you for that.”
He stared at me, his expression turning serious. “I love you. I tried to stay away, to give you what you wanted, but I couldn’t. It was selfish, but I needed you. I almost didn’t come because I didn’t want you to see me weak. But I couldn’t deal with the idea of dying and not looking at your beautiful face one more time.”
I kissed him, leaning up to reach my lips to his. “I love you, too. I’m dark inside. Don’t tell me I’m not. I really am. But my love for you is real. If there’s anything left inside of me that was me before, I had to kiss that part of me goodbye. I have it to give to you.”
He ran his thumb over my lip. “Sweetheart, whoever you are, that’s who I love. You don’t need to be sunshine and light for that, if anything, I like your rougher parts. They match my own. And I don’t think you were ever as… innocent… as you’re remembering yourself being. You weren’t afraid to run off barefoot from the house in Vermont. That took internal steel and a sophistication a lot of people don’t have. Trust me on this, most people crumble when faced with that stress. You didn’t.”
I ran my hands over his chest, holding onto his shirt like it
was a lifeline. This shouldn’t have been sexy, and yet speaking my truth in the darkness pressed to Warden was maybe one of the most vulnerable things I’d ever done. And with that came intimacy. I wanted him more than ever.
“I did in the basement.”
He pressed his forehead to mine. His breath was warm. “Anyone would. You survived, and you are so strong now it’s almost frightening to me. Part of me wants to protect you. Wrap you up in a bubble somewhere and just love on you from now until I die.”
I wrinkled my nose. “I might die first. Death is unpredictable that way.”
“I’m older than you and more nefarious. Let’s assume I’m exiting this life first. It’s a pretty good chance. But you’d never let me do that anyway. You’re too strong. You always were. I won’t stifle you, Everly. So if I seem like I’m battling sometimes, that’s what it is. I’m not… giving by nature. I don’t think of other’s needs. But I’m trying.”
I shook my head. “Maybe you don’t know yourself as well as you think you do.”
He pressed his weight down on me slightly as he kissed me. Again and again. This time it wasn’t easy going, this time it was heated. I loved feeling surrounded by him. We undressed each other, and despite my proclamation that I wasn’t going to go easy on him, I made sure to be gentle, particularly when taking off his shirt.
I ran my fingers through the dusting of hair on his chest. We were both brown haired, but Warden’s was significantly darker than my own. He shuddered as I ran my fingers through it, stopping to touch the slight beard on his face. His hair was soft. He’d hate that description so I didn’t say it to him but that didn’t make it any less true.
I slipped my hand around his hard cock, and he flared his nostrils. “It’s been a long time for me. This might be over very fast if you’re not careful there.”
I smiled at him. “I’ll be careful, sort of.”
“You like tormenting me.”
“Only in the bedroom.” I kissed his chin. “Lie back.”
He nodded. “Makes more sense for you to be on top right now.”
That was just what I’d been thinking. I climbed on top of him, running my thighs against his cock just to feel it jump against me. He widened his eyes and then grinned at me. “You are so beautiful. You know that right?”
I lifted my eyebrows. He believed that. I could see it in his eyes. Even with all my scars and everything he’d seen me go through, he really did think I was beautiful. “When you look at me like that, I feel that way.”
“Good.”
I rubbed against him one more time before I slipped him inside of me. My muscles stretched to accommodate him, and he closed his eyes as I pressed down on him. A second later, he lifted his lids, his gaze heated.
I moved over him, rubbing him over my clit until we both panted for it. He wasn’t wrong. It had been a long time since he’d done this and it was going fast. That was okay. The harder and faster we moved the closer I got myself.
My body tingled, my breasts tightened, and all over I was close. But I wasn’t quite there yet. Warden jerked inside of me, coming fast. He groaned, and I imagined he knew that I hadn’t come. I smiled. It was okay. I wasn’t the one who had been injured and just getting back to myself. That had been fun even if it was over and…
He pulled out of me fast. I moaned. I might have liked a minute or two to feel close to him even without the orgasm. This kept happening to me. It might just have been where I was in my own head. I didn’t mind in the least. I still got to feel close to him and there was something seriously nice about how it felt to lie there connected afterward. Although, this seemed really fast for Warden and…
I’d no sooner thought that than his mouth came down on my pussy. He pushed my legs apart to get closer to me. I cried out. My clit was swollen, I could feel it, and his tongue on me was almost too much after the friction of what we’d just done.
“Just breathe,” he spoke in a low tone. “You taste like heaven. I’d never leave you unsatisfied. You’re my woman. You coming is the most important thing to me right now.”
I listened to him. I closed my eyes and did just as he said. I breathed. His tongue massaged my clit in a circular motion and soon I was panting. Goosebumps broke out on my arms. I was close… so close… and yet I couldn’t get there.
He pulled back but only to replace his tongue with his finger. The change in sensation was jarring, but as he spoke to me, his words were just what I needed to hear. “I love you.”
I came hard. I wasn’t going to question how much I’d needed him to say that.
* * *
Warden outright snored, his head pressed against my chest as his good arm was slung over my body, essentially pinning me to the bed. Usually, he was more of a deep breather but not tonight. He was out of it and he was sawing wood. I stared at his handsome face, touching the scruff that would soon be a full-on beard. If anyone outside of here knew how sweet he was, they’d never believe me. He crumbled people’s entire existences financially without giving it another thought.
He scared the people who worked for him.
I pressed on him just slightly, kissing his neck while I did, until he rolled over. He muttered something but didn’t wake up. Most of the time I’d love to be held like that. When it came down to it, I had a soft center that loved romance. But tonight I’d needed to move.
I grabbed Warden’s shirt, which was huge on me, and put it on. The air conditioning was on high, and I rubbed my arms, wishing I could calm down enough to enjoy lying in the bed with Warden, snoring and all.
But I was too wound up.
I walked slowly toward the living room. The television was on low and Kade lay, silently, eyes closed. The door to the outside was cracked open, and I walked toward it. Kade laughed in his sleep, and I grinned. He must have been having great dreams.
The light on the porch was on, illuminating the house and part of the beach. Trace wandered toward the water. If he’d gotten any farther, I wouldn’t have been able to see him because he would have lost the light.
I opened the door quietly and then slid it closed behind me. I looked over my shoulder back into the house. Kade slept on, unaware that I’d ever come and gone. I walked toward Trace, finally catching up to him when he reached the water’s edge.
“Hey.” He turned at the sound at my voice.
Trace extended his hand. “Hey.”
I linked our fingers together. “No sleep for you either?”
“No. Trying to avoid taking a pill. I like how my head feels alert, but I’m hurting a little bit.”
I winced. “Take the pill. It’s nighttime.”
He shook his head. “Not if I can avoid it.”
We stepped closer to the water, letting it rush over our toes. In the darkness, it felt like it was just Trace and the moon out here looking at the ocean together. The sea rushed up, covering our ankles.
“You’re beautiful in the moonlight.”
I lifted my gaze to meet his. “Thanks. You’re not really the compliment type, Trace. You’re more likely to tell me everything I’m doing is wrong and order me around. Don’t go sappy on me now, love.”
He didn’t laugh, which was disappointing since I’d tried to be funny.
Instead, he pushed my hair off my face. “I do think you’re beautiful.”
“Thank you.” I kissed him in the moonlight with the ocean rushing away from our feet, leaving us covered in sand up to our ankles.
He was quiet again for a long moment. “You’re welcome.”
“Did I hurt your feelings?” I squeezed his fingers in mine.
“No.” He shook his head. “I was just wondering when it changed. You’re right. I’m not really a compliment guy. But I do want to do that for you.”
I stepped closer to him until he drew me right up against him. There was no space between us. “Am I making a huge mistake suggesting we go to Colorado and just walk in? Pretend it’s the time of your grandfathers when there could be civility in
the Alliance?”
He stared down at me. “I don’t know. But don’t make the error of saying that was your suggestion. We are going to do what you tell us to do. That is how this has worked since the moment we got you back from Ben. The months away… it devoted us to you. We love you.”
I’d never get used to hearing them say that, and I did seem to be ridiculously needy for the words. I wasn’t going to overthink it. Maybe that was just what people in love did, they talked about it. I didn’t know. I’d never gotten to see it as a child.
Maybe I’d been needing it my whole life.
“That doesn’t mean you should let me lead you into a ridiculous idea.”
He placed his nose on my hair as the ocean rushed up against us again. The tide was officially coming in.
“I don’t think it’s a ridiculous idea. I think it might be a little naïve to think that the same people who took a shot at Warden and me would be willing to talk. But it’s worth a try. I don’t want you going without me. That might be… wrong. I might make things worse. I can’t see it anymore, Everly. The plan. The layout of anything. It’s like… a blank slate for me out there. I’m not helpful.”
I squeezed him tighter. “You were able to read me so well that you could tell what I was thinking when I wished you couldn’t. You’ve still got it. You’re just healing.”
“Why don’t you like guacamole?” He kissed my temple. “Or hate it would be more accurate. Do you not like avocado?”
“I like avocado but I hate guacamole. It’s a whole story about cockroaches.”
His eyes widened. “That’s where you thought of the bugs. I see the correlation now. Ugh. Yes, cockroaches. Don’t tell me. I don’t want that imagery. I like guacamole and Derrick made it really well. Of course, if he keeps this up with the cooking we’re all going to be too fat to keep doing anything at all.”
I ran my hands over his chest. “There isn’t a pound on you.”
Something crashed in the house, and we both jumped, turning to stare at it. One of the windows in the living room shattered. Trace took my hand and we ran together toward the house. He should probably not have been running, but I wasn’t going to worry about that right now.
Deadly Truths: Kiss Her Goodbye #3 Page 16