He pressed his finger to one of the ten bruises, eyes still closed, face still stretched in a grin, he didn't need to see to find it. It hurt. More shivers but no fog of need or lust descended on him. Instead there was a clarity and a feeling that he was pretty sure was happiness.
Chapter 25
"Move, move, move!" Jack shouted waving his team out the back door, counting them as they went. Keeping low to avoid any more shots, he led his team across the open field of weeds and dry grass until they were safely behind the command station.
"Have we got everyone? Anyone hit?!"
His team spun around looking over themselves and each other. "Clear," they each reported back.
Jack grinned and turned to Dan and Gonzales. Dan had a welt coming up on his face under a splosh of yellow paint and Gonzales's uniform was painted in purple and green.
"Oh yeah! Team Beta for the win!" There were rounds of high-fives and dirty looks from the other teams.
"Okay everyone," their training officer cut into the celebrations. "Secure your weapons and get cleaned up, we'll debrief in twenty."
The teams moved to secure the realistic looking paintball guns. Dan stepped up close. "That was impressive."
Jack hadn't stopped grinning. "What can I say, feeling lucky."
"That was better than luck and you haven't stopped smiling all day."
"Must be the weather."
"Maybe. Maybe Kinky Married Complicated is treating you good. Getting your head in order.
Jack shrugged and kept smiling. "Maybe."
♦ ♦ ♦
Jack did have a good memory for numbers and had memorized Isaac's number easily. He still put the number in his phone, and thanks to Dan listed it as KMC. Kinky Married Complicated.
He dialed the number from memory. It was Friday and it had been a good week. A court appearance where he didn't have a full panic attack over the tie. Two successful drug busts. Top marks in training. He'd managed to get off work and home before six and was feeling good and wanted to share. He thought about calling Clare and the coven, but they would be getting ready for the post theater crowd.
"Hello there." Isaac sounded happy but Jack suddenly felt self-conscience. Randomly calling was something boyfriends did, but he wasn't sure about repeat sex partners. It had felt right while he was dialing and Isaac had texted him to see how he was doing on Wednesday. "What's up?"
"Um… nothing. I just thought I'd call and… Is this a bad time?"
"This is a perfect time. I was just thinking about you. How have you been?"
"Good. It's been a good week. I'm… I've really been on my game this week. I think the weekend helped. Just, things have been clicking along this week. Got some actual victories. I wanted to tell you." It sounded lame to Jack's ears and he cringed.
"I'm glad to hear it." He could hear the smile in Isaac's voice and began to relax. "It's good that you're feeling good. I was worried I pushed you too far."
"No." Jack's answer was quick. "I think… I think it was finally just right."
"Porridge wasn't too hot or too cold?"
"Just right. How's your week been?" Jack asked quickly remembering basic manners.
"It's been good. Dead bodies and paperwork but I'm feeling pretty good. It's nice to have a good long stretch." Isaac let his words peter out into a warm and lazy sounding hum. It sent a wave of warmth through Jack. "Have a chance to do any reading this week?"
The warmth in Jack grew and began to settle low in his body. He sat down. "A little."
"Anything interesting?" Isaac's voice had shifted low and smooth.
"Some—" Jack's voice squeaked and he cleared his throat. "Some of the rope stuff is impressive." Jack had needed to close his eyes as it was too easy to picture himself in some of the designs.
"I have a friend who is more or less a professional. He has a studio for people who don't have enough space to do anything really complicated. He's even set up for suspensions."
Jack had seen a picture online once of a muscular man tied up in ropes and suspended to look liked the Hanged Man from the Tarot decks. He'd been hard in the picture and his eyes closed.
"Sounds interesting." Jack had to clear his throat again. "Have you ever done those, suspensions?"
"A few times. I prefer to have other people and a padded floor for safety sake. Doctor and all."
"Of course." Jack pictured other people viewing him as he dangled in a room. Looking him over more as a piece of art, an object. The trailing fear of recognition slid up but he knocked it down for a fantasy, of being bound and hard, the center of a web of rope, a valued thing. He must have made some noise.
"Do you like that thought? I like it."
"Yes."
"Are you home?"
"Yes," Jack answered, closing his eyes.
"Good. I don't know if I mentioned it enough but you look amazing in rope. That strong body of yours bound and still. You don't try to struggle. You become part of it. And every time I bind you your cock starts leaking at almost the first touch of rope. Are you leaking now?"
"I don't know." Jack was hard in his jeans. That he knew.
"Why don't you take it out and check?"
Jack unzipped and pushed down his jeans and briefs not even thinking about refusing. The air in his apartment was cool but soothing. A drop of pre-cum pushed its way to the already slick head of his cock.
"Well?"
"Yes."
"Good. Are you holding your cock?"
"Yes?"
"Let it go. I'll tell you when you can touch."
Jack moaned and pried his hand off his own dick. He could have left his hand and lied. Isaac would have never known but what would be the point of having someone like Isaac if he did. He felt his nipples harden and his ass squeeze around nothing.
"Good boy. I know you did as told. Tell me about the rest of your body. Your nipples?"
"Hard. They hurt."
"And your ass?"
Jack whimpered thinking about it. "Empty."
"A terrible state for an ass like yours to be in. Where are you in your apartment?"
"The living room."
"Go find that plug I gave you. Get it in you, no teasing yourself. Just get yourself filled and sit on the edge of your bed. Don't take your jeans off all the way when you sit. Leave them around your ankles."
"Yes, sir." Jack's legs wobbled as much as his voice. He was surprised he could stand. He stumbled into his bedroom and pulled the plug and some lube from his nightstand. He tried to hold the phone between his cheek and shoulder while he spread the lube.
"Put me on speaker phone. It'll be easier."
"Yes, sir."
"Now tell me what you're doing."
"Um… putting lube on the plug."
"Good. For you it will probably be easiest to simply reach between your legs and slide it in. One good push should do it. I've seen you take far more."
One of the dildos Isaac had put in his bag was at least twice as thick as the plug. Still he took a deep breath before pushing it in. He groaned and sat on the bed hard pushing it in further.
"I bet you feel more relaxed now."
"Yes, sir." And he did. Not that he had been truly tense before, but now he felt boneless like he'd slipped into a hot bath.
"You should do that at the end of every day. Fill your ass, make yourself cum. A nice shot of endorphins for your body and mind."
It did, in that moment at least, sound like a good idea.
"Now where was I? Oh yes, you tied up. Mindless and desperate. I have a bondage bench I haven't assembled in a while, but it's strong enough to hold your weight. I could easily strap you into it. It would leave you spread and exposed. I could do whatever I wanted to that gorgeous ass of yours. Fill it, flog it, fill it with something even larger. Fuck you over and over. Make you cum as many times as I want until you are simply wild. Desperate for me to stop but begging me for more."
Jack whimpered. He couldn't respond. His head was too full of the
images Isaac was painting.
"Pinch your nipples through your shirt, hard. I want to hear you cry out."
Jack did, the desperate cry perhaps louder than he intended.
"Good boy." Now Isaac's voice was low and a growl. "Grab your cock now. Squeeze it tight but don't move your hand. Don't you dare cum. How does it feel, your cock in your hand?"
"Good," Jack squeaked out.
"I bet it does. I like the way it feels as well. Thick, hot, heavy. The way it twitches and swells right before you cum. Not that you'll get to feel it next time. Next time I put you in that nice steel tube the moment you're through the doors. Leave it on for at least a day. Maybe longer. Leave it until you don't even bother thinking about your dick anymore."
Jack whimpered again squeezing his cock that much tighter. He couldn't stop himself rocking back and forth pushing that plug in deeper.
"Maybe I'll send it home with you. Every night you come home and slide a plug deep into your body and your dick into a cage, locking it away until morning. I'll give you the vibrating plug so you can still cum, still drain yourself out. You'll just do it with the feel of steal in your hand instead of flesh."
Tears slid down Jack's cheeks and his whole body shook.
"Go ahead and cum for me now."
Jack moved his hand ever so slightly and came screaming.
♦ ♦ ♦
The small couch in Isaac's office wasn't quite large enough to properly stretch out on but he tried. He had listened to Jack simply breathe for several minutes after cumming with a shout that had Isaac jerking the phone away from his ear. Then he talked him through cleaning up and kept going until Jack sounded fully coherent again.
When Jack's number had popped up on the caller ID he hadn't planned for it to turn into phone sex, especially not a bout of it that intense. He couldn't say he was sorry though. It was nice to hear that Jack was in a good place after their weekend together. With any luck regular time together would keep him in that good and happy place.
Isaac had certainly felt extra pep in his step the last week.
There was a knock on his door and Amalie popped her head in. "Finished your little afternoon phone delight?" Her voice was light and teasing.
"Pot, kettle." Amalie had regular special conversations with Lydia when their work schedules got too complicated to spend time together.
"I wasn't complaining, only commenting. Though if you've gotten up to the naughty phone call stage then I think it's time for your boy and I to have a chat."
Isaac knew that was true but he still felt uneasy. "Can you wait until tomorrow to text him? I think he's still … fragile."
"I'll be gentle. I promise."
Chapter 26
The sound of Jack's heart racing was deafening in his ears. Any training provided by either the military or the police in self-control was failing. Panic gripped him, his hands shook, and he felt like he might puke.
You knew this was going to happen, a dark, lonely part of himself scolded.
He read over the text again. …maybe grab some coffee.
It sounded polite and reasonable but why wouldn't it be. Isaac had always said his wife was fine with it. They'd had a perfectly nice breakfast once, the three of them, but she was still his wife and he was…
A nice dumb convenient fucktoy, a pet, that part of him snarled again. What did you think you were? Lover? Boyfriend? You think you can just call him randomly because you want to talk? This is what happens when you start getting ideas above your station and that is what she is going to tell you.
Jack ran to his bathroom barely making it to the toilet before he lost his dinner in great heaves. He gripped the porcelain as if he could drive his nails into it and told himself that the tears in the corner of his eyes were from vomiting.
He forced his way to his feet and stumbled to the sink. He tried not to look in the mirror as he ferociously brushed his teeth.
Coward. He looked up at himself with his regulation haircut, broad chest, and his blue eyes. Dumbass coward.
He dropped the lid on the toilet seat and sat down, his hands still shaking as he considered what to text back.
He swiped over to the phone and dialed Isaac's number, wanting to hear his soothing voice and at the same time not wanting him to pick up and confirm all of Jack's dark thoughts.
"Hello?"
"Hey." Jack heard the rough cracks in his own voice.
"Breathe. Deep slow breaths."
Jack tried to obey but each breath was shaky.
"Keep breathing. It's okay. Five seconds in, seven seconds out. Keep breathing." Jack tried to count in his head. "When you can breathe clear tell me what's wrong." Jack tried to calm himself but it wasn't working. "Do you need me to come over?"
Jack shook his head forgetting for moment that Isaac couldn't see him. "No," he croaked out.
"Okay. Did something happen at work?"
"No."
"Is this about the text you probably got from Amalie about five minutes ago?"
Jack nodded again like an idiot then made a sound he hoped was in the affirmative.
"Okay. You need to keep breathing, and I know you shouldn't say this to someone who is panicking but you don't need to panic about anything."
Jack made a noise between a squeak and a whimper.
"She just wants to get to know you without me hovering around. That's it. Nothing aggressive. It's not a pissing match. She knows I like you and if you're going to be around she wants to get to know you. You don't have to. You don't have to do anything you don't want. Is that okay?"
Jack made another affirmative noise unable to get the word yes past his lips despite the calming effect Isaac's voice was having.
"Keep breathing for me. Five in, seven out."
Jack moved his lips slightly as he breathed forcing himself to stick to the count.
"She doesn't bite. I promise. She just wants to get to know you. Tell her about your coven in Boston."
Jack's breath lost its rhythm. "I was never officially a member."
"And yet they had you dancing around a maypole. Tell me there are pictures of that somewhere."
"Probably," Jack lied. There was a half dozen of them stuck on the wall in the break room at Coffea Contenuto. They were right next to the ones from the time he accidentally ingested a special brownie and thought it would be a great idea to strip naked and paint himself green.
"You honestly have nothing to worry about. Amalie likes you. She is very impressed by both your coffee making and library skills, and she knows you make me happy."
"Okay." Jack still didn't feel particularly calm but he felt less likely to throw up his stomach lining.
"It will be okay. I promise. She already likes you and I like you."
"Okay," Jack answered only because he felt like some words should be coming out of his mouth, though only about half of what Isaac was saying was sinking in.
"You are already important to me."
That did get through. "I am?" Important was good. People took care of things that were important.
"Yes, Jack. You are."
♦ ♦ ♦
Isaac hung up the phone with a long sigh after nearly twenty minutes of calming Jack down.
"Was that Jack?" Amalie asked, deep furrows of worry on her brow.
"In a dead panic."
"I thought I'd been pretty pleasant. You saw the text."
"It wasn't you, really. I think someone, somewhere, fucked with his head, hard. My money is on family."
"That's usually a safe bet." Amalie sat down next to him and Murrcat followed. "I don't have to talk to him if you don't think he'll handle it well. You did say he was fragile."
A part of him wanted to keep Jack wrapped up safe and away from everyone, but he couldn't see how that wouldn't lead to Jack feeling like a bit on the side as opposed to an equal partner. "No," he said after a long sigh. "He's going to need to hear he's welcome from you. Besides you're usually better at expressing my emotions than I am.
"
"I'd accuse you of gender stereotyping if it wasn't painfully true in our case. How are you feeling? Just so I can know what to tell him."
When Isaac had been in med school there had been long lectures about putting aside feelings. When he'd shifted into law enforcement there was even more emphasis on setting aside feelings and looking at facts. Sometimes it could be hard to lure those feelings back. Sometimes he was scared to let them back. Sometimes they broke down the door and grabbed him hard. "If I let myself… Yeah, it won't take much if I let myself. He's smart, smarter than he lets himself believe. And he's kind. I've seen him on the stand a few times. Even when he's testifying against very bad people, there's not the anger or hate you get from others. More, sadness from it. I think that speaks to something kind in him. Strong. Stronger than he thinks. So, yeah." Isaac tapped his chest where he knew there was a Jack sized empty space forming. "Won't take much."
♦ ♦ ♦
Amalie had suggested that Jack pick their meeting place. He knew she was trying to make him feel at ease by letting him choose the field. He kept telling himself this wasn't a battle. This was coffee with someone who, if he continued with Isaac, would be at least by extension part of his life. He still rolled a bottle of honey between his hands with nervous energy. Amalie sat down across from him and he put down the honey.
"I hear it's becoming quite trendy to put honey in coffee," she said as an opener.
"Hides the flavor of the coffee. If the coffee is any good and you want it sweet, stick to cane sugar."
"And if the coffee isn't any good?"
Jack shrugged. "Then why drink it."
Amalie grinned. It was pleasant, much like Isaac’s. "You're a cop. You can't tell me you've never drunk bad coffee."
"I've drunken lots of bad coffee. Let it cool then chug. Try not to taste it." Jack looked down at his hands and found he was twisting a napkin into knots.
"I'm just here to talk, not give you a talking to. Big difference." Her voice was calm and soothing, again much like Isaac's. He could see how they worked.
Tactical Submission: A Windsor Club Story Page 21