“Morning, newlyweds,” I said as I entered the kitchen. Raad and Tissa were eating breakfast. The whispers of new lovers permeated the space.
“Morning, sister,” Raad said. “Did you sleep well?”
“Yes,” I told him, moving to the platter of strawberries on the counter. “Did you?”
“Hardly,” Raad said, and he and Tissa erupted in secret giggles.
I was happy to see them like this. The past year had seen a lot of courting, a lot of travel back and forth between the capital and NordHaven. Now Tissa and Raad were finally wed. They were radiant together. I felt ashamed for being a touch sad that Nnati and I would soon fly back to the capital in our flyrarc while Tissa remained in NordHaven. She deserved some rest after the hard work she had put in over the past two years at the foundation. But for me, it felt like the end of an era. I could only hope everything would turn out well in the end.
“I have to talk to you about something,” Raad said while chewing his eggs. “It’s quite a serious something …” He looked to Tissa. “Do you mind, wife? It really is rather private.”
“Of course.” Tissa bowed to Raad in the humble fashion of an Ava-Gaard wife. Then she came to me and kissed my cheek, squeezed my arm. “We’re sisters now for real. You’ll never get rid of me now, Kaelyn.”
I laughed and said, “I’d never dream of it,” and Tissa went into the hall and left Raad and me alone.
“What is it?” I asked him. He was squirming uncomfortably.
“As you know, sister, Prince Zawne had his homecoming two days ago. He survived the brutal trial of Aska training and made it home in one piece.”
“I do know,” I said. “I watched the ceremony on my visin. Zawne looks …” I bit my lip. “Improved.”
Raad flashed his teeth. “You mean he looks hotter, more muscular, tanned, and totally kissable?”
“No!” But my protest was useless. It was all true. Zawne had become a hunk from his two years of training. He had transformed from a prince into … well, into a man.
“It’s encouraging that you feel that way,” Raad said, “because nearly two years ago I made a pact with Zawne’s brother. I’m sure you’re aware of the trade conundrum between Gaard and Shondur right now. People are scared that once the Shondur-born king and queen step down and a different clan takes the reins, the already shaky trade deal between our continents will crumble, and chaos will erupt.”
“I’ve heard reports,” I said, not at all liking where Raad was steering the conversation.
“Good. It’s something you should be concerned about as the heiress to Gaard. I am. Papa is. Jaken too. It’s why Jaken and I made the pact. We want to keep the balance between our prosperous domains. The best way to do this is through marriage. Since Jaken married a high-class lady from Krug to keep that alliance strong, Zawne is the only way. And you are the only daughter of Gaard. Get what I’m saying?”
My mouth opened and closed like a fish’s. I had no words. Raad wanted me to marry Prince Zawne. Was he crazy? Zawne was Lordin’s ex-fiancé. Might as well be her widower. Their bond was legendary. I could never fill such shoes.
“Are you serious?” I asked. “You’re acting like Mama, trying to sell me off to a stranger.”
“Don’t be silly,” Raad said, still chomping away at his eggs. “Zawne isn’t a stranger. You’re acquainted. I can tell by your reaction to his new physique that you’re attracted to him. What’s the issue?”
“I barely even know him!” I was irate. Sure, we had met, but I didn’t know him. “And I could never replace Lordin. She put her entire faith in me, gifted me the prosperous foundation I have now. Who knows where GMAF would be if it wasn’t for Lordin? For me to marry her living fiancé would be … it would be treachery!”
“Nonsense,” Raad said. “People move on. It’s necessary. It’s also one of the things you learn during Aska training, that the world continues to spin without you when you’re gone, that people continue with their lives. Zawne surely learned the same thing through his ordeal in the desert and in Lodden. I’m sure he will be happy at the thought of keeping our kingdom intact. I doubt he will have any qualms about marrying you, sister.”
“You don’t understand!” I protested. “Lordin and Zawne were truly in love. Love love, Raad. Love times a thousand! And the people. Oh, the people loved them as a couple. I’ll be a new face and an utter disappointment next to Lordin.”
“Don’t sell yourself short, sister. You are …” Raad squirmed. “Pretty. And men desire you. I have no less than twelve requests for your hand in marriage from the noble families in Gaard alone. You’re a hot ticket.”
“I don’t want to be a ticket,” I said. “I want to be loved. Can you imagine what the people would say about me dating Lordin’s Prince Zawne?”
He looked at me incredulously. “Zawne was never Lordin’s to keep, and Lordin wasn’t even of noble birth, and … she isn’t even here anymore! Why are we even talking about her?”
It wasn’t the idea of dating Zawne that provoked me the most. It was the feeling that I would be betraying Lordin and the sanctity of their relationship in Geniverd’s eyes. Didn’t he understand what Lordin meant to people, what she represented? What she’d always represent?
I knew Raad’s mind was made up and there was no talking him out of it. So I changed tack. “He worshipped the ground she walked on, Raad. She owned him. I also don’t think Zawne will ever love anyone as much.”
“None of that matters,” he said, waving his right hand dismissively.
“He might not even want me,” I said. “How could any man want to marry me before he knows me? It’s absurd.”
“It’s strategic,” Raad said bluntly. The business of taking on more and more Elder duties had hardened Raad, made him deathly serious when he needed to be. “It’s for the people and for our family. Mama would have wanted this for you.”
“Still, you’re asking me to marry someone I hardly know before the coronation, which is in three weeks.” I was thinking of Roki now, the dream that had molested me in my sleep. I wanted to see him again, but he was gone. Maybe it was time to move on.
Raad said, “Zawne will love you in time. That’s how these things work. He intends to marry you, if you’re also interested in him, and he’d like to meet with you as soon as possible. Please don’t be selfish, Kaelyn. The Ava-Gaard need you to be strong for them. There’s more at play here than love and affection. Your feelings may have to suffer, and I am sorry for this.”
“I hate you.” I crossed my arms and frowned. “And I also love you, so I can’t be mad. I know what could happen if the trade agreement falls flat. More expensive food for Shondur from our farmers, more expensive leather and gems for us. There could even be a currency collapse. It would be chaos. And this is on top of all the other madness going on right now. People are suffering, more and more every day, it seems, and they don’t need another reason to suffer.”
Raad nodded. “Exactly. This is for the good of Geniverd.”
I conceded. I always felt timid and weak before Raad, and this morning was no exception. “Fine,” I said. “I’ll go on one date. One! If there is no connection between Zawne and me, then there’s nothing I can do.”
Raad wiped egg slop off his lips. “I knew you’d understand.” He smiled at me. “And I know you’ll do what’s right, both for your heart and for Gaard. We are the leaders of this society, and we must be role models. We must be moral. We must uphold Decens-Lenitas.”
It was a pretext for us elitists, Decens-Lenitas. It always had been. It was a tool used to keep those on top firmly placed above the rest, to give those beneath something to aspire to. It had good roots, but over time, these roots had been forgotten, corrupted, then rotted into something ugly. I wanted to break that cycle. I wanted to make our moral code moral again. I saw nothing moral in the suffering of millions while a small portion of privileged people dictated the fate of the world from atop their castle ramparts—the ones not burned down ye
t by the Gurnot the news had titled “the Dragon.” And for what? Most of the rich and the clan leaders were so bloated with the wealth of the world, all they could do for entertainment was play their game, fighting for the crown, for more power. They’d forgotten about the rest of the world.
I thought, If I’m ever to become queen, that’s what I’ll do. I’ll fix it all. I’ll fix everything. It was a reason to make the date with Zawne go well.
Nnati and I were in the flyrarc on our way back to the capital when I told him about it. “The part I can’t believe is that Zawne wants to marry me. Me, over all the other girls in Geniverd.”
“Why not?” Nnati screwed up his face. “You’re gorgeous, well connected, smart, virtuous. Everyone wants to marry you.”
I rolled my eyes. Compliments never sounded real coming from Nnati. He was like a second brother to me; he had to be nice. “You’re just saying that,” I said. “I’ve struggled with Decens-Lenitas my whole life. I’ll never be as respectable as Lordin was. I’ll never be as beautiful.”
Nnati fixed his eyes on me. It was an angry look, like he wanted to scream at me. “Are you joking? You can’t be serious, Kaelyn. Do you even own a mirror? Men stumble just to look at you when we walk in the street. They smash face-first into signs, trip off the sidewalk, crane their necks in their flyrarcs. You’re gorgeous, Kaelyn. And as for being humble, being a good servant for the Decens-Lenitas fanatics—well, who cares? Lordin’s just a myth now. You’re real and virtuous in a meaningful way. Anyone can see that.”
I thought, Roki saw that. He saw it when no one else could.
“Thank you,” I said, feeling silly. Twice already today I had been judged as stubborn for ignoring my looks. I supposed it could have been true. Roki had liked me. Zawne was interested in seeing me. Maybe I wasn’t a ghoul after all.
I swallowed my doubts and said to Nnati, “Do you remember the guy I talked about the last time we were at NordHaven? Roki?”
Nnati nodded. “I do.”
“Okay. Well, do you think that by dating Prince Zawne, I would be betraying him? It’s just … I know it was three years ago, but I still feel connected to him somehow. Do you think I’ve waited long enough?”
Nnati stared at me like I was crazy. “Um, yeah,” he said. “Kaelyn, you waited for him through your prime teen years. He never showed. You’re eighteen now. You’re a woman, and the coronation is in three weeks. You did all you could for that boy, and he left you high and dry. Go on the date with Zawne tomorrow and see how you feel. If it’s good, move ahead. Move on. You deserve it.”
“Thanks,” I said, but I didn’t feel like I deserved anything. I’d never be able to ignore the fact that I had left Mama with cruel words instead of love before she died. It would gnaw at me for the rest of my life.
“And Gaard deserves it,” Nnati went on. “The Ava-Gaard deserve you at your best if you’re to be their leader, maybe even their queen.”
“Oh, come on,” I said. “Now you’re the one being silly. The Crown of Crowns will never pick me. Not even if I marry Zawne. Over the years, several eligible heirs have either trained with the Grucken or become Askas. All I have is the foundation.”
“That might be all you need,” Nnati said, “your kindness and your heart—oh, and the marriage to Zawne. Just remember, Kaelyn, marry in haste and repent at leisure. Keep the kingdom in mind on your date, but also follow your feelings. You’ll know what to do.”
I thought it was crazy that we hadn’t even talked first, Zawne and I. Raad and Jaken had been the orchestrators of our little date. They had even decided on my apartment as the venue, which seemed a bit too intimate for my liking. I reasoned that it may have been improper to meet there, but I didn’t want to be caught in a public place with Zawne, in case nothing came out of the meetup. The main VondRust Palace buildings were also risky, since too many people could see us. And so there I was, standing at the threshold of my apartment while lightning flashed across the black sky and Zawne stood on the stoop, smiling, rain washing his handsome face. Thunder rolled in an ominous boom as he said, “May I come in?”
“Of course.” I gestured him inside. “Get out of the rain. How rude of me.”
As I closed the door, I whispered to myself, “Just one date. Be strong, Kaelyn.”
I had thought throughout my childhood that Mama and Papa would marry me off to a foreign heir. I had never imagined that when the day came, my brother would have a hand in it. And I never imagined that the man would be Zawne. When one of the Gaard councillors once suggested to me that Zawne and I would be a good fit, I had instantly rejected the theory. I was fifteen, and I thought we were too different. He seemed extroverted and cheerful, whereas I gloried in my solitude. If it had to be a prince, Jaken was much more to my liking. But so much had changed since then. Jaken and Raad had gotten married, and Zawne was now an Aska. I found myself asking: Did Zawne really want me, or was he going along with it just because it was expected of him?
On the plus side, the potential marriage could also be the answer to my anxieties about Roki’s invisible pull. I wondered if it was because I thought about him so much that I was starting to dream about him. It was time to cut the cord. All this thinking only made me restless, and Zawne was shaking the water from his hair like a dog. “What was that?” he asked.
“Nothing,” I said. “It must have been the wind. I have the fireplace roaring,” I told him. “Let’s go into the sitting room and get you warm.” I gulped, seeing his wet shirt clinging to his muscles. “You’re soaked.”
I led the way, modest yet alluring in the silk dress I had chosen to wear. A slit in the skirt showed off the sheen of my calves, and I could feel Zawne’s eyes fixating on them as he followed me into the sitting room.
“Are you cold?” I asked.
“No, not really. I swam and paddled for weeks through the frigid waters off the coast of Surrvul. I spent half a year with no shelter in the wasteland. It’s a hot nightmare during the day but a cold and miserable place by night. I’ve stopped being cold.”
“Oh.” I didn’t know what to say. I knew the Aska training was tough; people were killed by beasts and ravaged by the elements. I tried to sympathize with Zawne by saying, “Raad never talked about his time out there. You make it sound like a harsh and unforgiving wild.”
“It is.” Zawne took off his wet shirt and hung it on a peg above the fireplace to dry. His skin was moist, body chiseled like a sculpture of an ancient warrior. He had scars on his ribs and on his chest.
“Are those claw marks?” I asked.
“Huh?” Zawne inspected himself, looked at the scars on his right pec as if he had forgotten they were there. “Yeah,” he said, “but I don’t know which scar is from which leopard. I battled two of them. Or was it three? It happened so fast. My apologies, but my memory is fuzzy.”
I had a vision of Zawne on a hot desert while three leopards circled him, snarling, baring their teeth. “No one thought you would make it,” I said, not meaning to be blunt. “But you did. You battled leopards, survived the wild, trained in Lodden, and came back a changed man.”
“Only three days ago,” he said, with a dazed look in his eye. “It is strange being back.” Even though Zawne had been a pampered prince all his life, he seemed somewhat uncomfortable on the dainty sofa in my living room, surrounded by frilly throw pillows. He probably never saw a pillow during his Aska training. It made me appreciate what I had. I understood how fortunate I was, especially compared to the rest of Geniverd.
“I’m curious about one thing,” I said. “Why was your first order of business to have a date with me?”
I wanted to cut through the formalities right away, no mucking around. I needed to know Zawne’s intentions before we proceeded. He had had a reputation in college, bedding girls by the dozen, playing the field, and never settling down. I was sure Lordin had changed him for the better. But without Lordin, after being pummeled by the Aska training, who was Zawne now? Who was the muscled man bent
in front of my fireplace, drying himself by the fire as if still in the wild?
“Can I be honest?” he asked. His eyes were dark and mysterious.
I gulped and nodded.
“Good,” he said, “because if we are to be man and wife, we should begin with honesty. I don’t know you well, Kaelyn, and you don’t know me, but Lordin trusted you, and that makes you my number one choice for a wife. You’re also beautiful, one of the most breathtaking women I have ever seen in my life. I caught myself thinking of you on occasion while I labored in Lodden. I would be at the watering hole, wondering to myself, ‘Where is Kaelyn right now? I wonder what she’s wearing.’”
I blushed. Surely he was lying. He could not have been thinking about me in Lodden!
“There is also the power of our alliance to consider,” Zawne said, casting his gaze into the fire and glowering. “I hate the idea of arranged marriages. I really do. I would prefer people marry for love rather than power. Yet it is my responsibility to lead. That is what it means to be an Aska and an heir. I must be a leader of men. With the coronation ceremony only three weeks away, I must cast aside foolish pride and seek a wife. I must at least attempt the throne.”
Zawne’s honorable words were making me feel guilty. All I wanted was to follow my heart, while he was willing to sacrifice his personal feelings for the good of the people. I found myself thinking, Of course Lordin loved him. He’s selfless. He’s a hero.
My mouth moved without consulting my brain. “If the future of Gaard is at stake, I should also attempt the throne. I have a vision for this kingdom, and I would like to see it realized. It’s taken your bravery to rouse my own. Yet all the same, I cannot marry a man if there is no chance of love. I refuse to be an emotional outcast in a loveless marriage.”
Crown of Crowns Page 6