by Mari Carr
Seamus’s agitation had continued to grow until he’d finally started nudging against Mia’s leg, trying to move her off the chair. Padraig made the comment the dog had developed the bad habit of pushing Mia every once in a while. Said it was as if Seamus was herding her, trying to get her to go where he wanted her.
When Colm asked if it was only Mia he acted like that with, and Padraig confirmed, Colm mentioned reading a story about seizure dogs. He said some dogs had a heightened sense that allowed them to almost predict when a seizure was coming. He mentioned some dogs lying on their owners to keep them down so they wouldn’t fall and others moving their owners forcibly away from stairs.
Padraig and Mia started putting the pieces together and realized Seamus’s anxiety always preceded a seizure. And that night confirmed it when Mia suffered a seizure shortly after Kelli and Colm left.
Padraig walked to the bed and petted Seamus on the head. “Easy, boy. I’m here. We’ll take care of her,” he whispered.
They didn’t have long to wait. Mia’s seizure struck only a few minutes later, her body convulsing roughly.
Seamus lay next to her as Padraig made sure she didn’t shake herself off the bed. The seizures came more and more frequently, but that didn’t mean Padraig was used to them. They still terrified him, made him feel helpless and weak.
Mercifully, this one was short. Mia opened her confused, glazed eyes for only a few seconds before drifting back to sleep. Her face was paler these days and, while he tried to deny it, he could see she was losing weight.
No matter how hard he tried to freeze time, it kept slipping away from him, the days going faster, rather than slower.
Twelve days. They were twelve days away from Mia’s birthday. From their wedding.
And while he longed for October with every fiber of his being, he also wished the day would never come. That they could live forever in an eternal September.
With Mia here. Always here. With him.
Once the seizure passed, Seamus settled down. However, he didn’t relinquish his spot right next to Mia.
Padraig undressed and climbed in on his side of the bed, reaching over the dog to gently stroke Mia’s hair. She didn’t stir.
Then his hand drifted to the dog. He gave Seamus a scratch between the ears. “Good boy,” he murmured.
Seamus rolled toward him, and for the first time ever, snuggled next to Padraig. He couldn’t figure out if the dog was offering or seeking comfort, but Padraig decided it didn’t matter. The warmth of the dog’s nearness soaked into him, chasing away the cold fear coursing through him.
Padraig lay there for nearly half an hour, stroking the puppy’s soft fur, his gaze locked on Mia’s face. It was becoming his standard nighttime routine. Watching as she slept, checking her face for pain, making sure her chest was still rising and falling steadily.
Seamus sighed heavily, distracting him. When Padraig looked at him, Seamus nuzzled more firmly against him.
“What are we going to do without her?” he whispered to the dog.
Seamus licked the hand petting him, and Padraig smiled even as a tear slid down his cheek. The dog shifted higher on the bed, burrowing under Padraig’s arm. It honest to God felt as if the puppy was giving him a hug.
“Yeah,” Padraig said with a sad chuckle. “I guess we’ll just have to take care of each other, huh?”
The dog’s eyes remained on his face for a few moments more before they closed slowly, his steady, even breathing lulling Padraig into sleep as well. Seamus’s calmness reassured him that it was safe to look away for a little while and give in to the exhaustion.
16
October 2
* * *
Padraig stood near the bar, waiting for Aunt Keira to come downstairs and give them the signal it was time for the wedding to begin.
He’d been holding his breath, praying for this day ever since Mia had accepted his marriage proposal in June. When September rolled around, he started to believe in miracles.
Mia’s headaches were still there, growing more frequent, and sometimes brutally painful. She was averaging two to three seizures a week, and lately it was becoming difficult for her to remember things. The pain made her nauseous, so she’d lost weight. They’d had to do a quick fix to her wedding dress a few nights ago because it had gotten too big on her.
Padraig was taking more and more time off from work, not wanting to leave her alone in the apartment on nights when she wasn’t well enough to come to the pub with him. His family and Kelli had been there for them every step of the way, either covering his shifts at the bar or taking turns staying with Mia. He couldn’t imagine doing any of this without them.
He glanced around the room. This wedding was a perfect example of how amazing they were. They’d closed the pub today for the ceremony, and at six a.m., his aunts, uncles and cousins had converged, taking the building from sports bar to elegant wedding venue in hours.
The place looked amazing, decorated in an array of fall flowers and yellow roses and cream tulle. They’d moved tables so that they could have a proper altar and seating area, as well as an aisle for Mia to walk down with Pop Pop.
He could see Riley scurrying around on Sunday’s Side, doing some last-minute setting up for the reception/birthday party following the ceremony.
Colm walked over, reaching out to straighten Padraig’s bowtie. “You clean up good, bro. Of course, I could have told you you’d rock a tux. Because I do.”
Padraig laughed. “Looking forward to meeting the woman who gets you dressed up in a monkey suit.”
“I’m not in a hurry for that. Enjoying my bachelorhood too much. I’m more than happy to let you play the pussy-whipped-hubby role.”
“Keep talking, Colm. It’s only going to make things more fun for me when you fall fast and hard.”
“You spend too much time talking to Pop Pop. He’s got you convinced we’ve got some sort of genetic flaw.”
“I don’t think Pop Pop views it as a flaw.”
“You guys ready?” Kelli asked, gesturing toward the door that led to the Collins Dorm upstairs. “Keira just ducked her head out and gave us the thumbs-up.”
Padraig took a deep breath, marveling at his complete lack of nerves. He’d always heard weddings were stressful events, where the bride and groom typically suffered from cold feet in the minutes just before the vows. If anything, the only thing Padraig was anxious for was the end of the ceremony. The part where Kelli would tell him he could kiss his bride. Because it would mean Mia was his. Finally.
He, Colm and Finn took their places near the makeshift altar that Kelli stood in front of. She leaned over to whisper, “I knew I’d find a way to stand next to you when you got married. This is a hundred times better than best man.”
“No, it’s not,” Colm contradicted. “I’m way more important here.”
Kelli rolled her eyes. “In your dreams.”
Padraig chuckled, but the sound was cut short when Hunter began to play the guitar. Mia had freaked when she’d found out Hunter, Teagan and Sky had volunteered to play the processional, as well as perform at the reception. The three of them had been out on the road, touring the past few months, along with his cousin Ailis. He’d been thrilled when they were able to rearrange their concert schedule so they could be here.
He’d left the choice of song she’d walk down the aisle to up to Mia, unsurprised when she chose “My Heart Will Go On.” Teagan took lead on the singing, Sky providing background vocals.
His family didn’t do anything small, which meant Mia wasn’t without plenty of bridesmaid options. In the end, it was decided Sunnie and Yvonne would do the honors, with Yvonne serving as maid of honor. Mia had grown closest to Sunnie and Yvonne, the three of them nearly the same age.
Padraig suspected if Kelli hadn’t already claimed the officiant role, Mia actually would have asked her to be maid of honor. The two of them had a standing brunch date every Sunday. They’d become thick as thieves, and Padraig had actual
ly suffered a pang or two of jealousy over how close they’d grown.
As Yvonne and Sunnie took their places next to them at the altar, all eyes turned toward the back.
Pop Pop appeared first, turning to offer Mia a hand as she descended the last step.
Padraig stopped breathing when she turned the corner in her simple white, off-the-shoulder dress. She carried a bouquet of white and yellow roses, and she’d opted for leaving her hair down, adorning it with a short wisp of a veil at the back.
“Wow,” Colm whispered.
Padraig smiled, his eyes filling with tears. “She’s beautiful.”
Pop Pop looked every inch the proud grandfather as he walked with Mia on his arm, beaming as they passed all the friends and family in attendance. Mia’s boss, Phyllis, had flown in from Chicago, and they’d invited Dr. Richards. The rest of the guests were his family and close friends, as well as some regular patrons from the pub. Most of the people had known him longer, but they’d come to love Mia dearly as well.
Once they reached the front, Pop Pop gave her a quick kiss on the cheek, then turned around and gave Padraig a hug as well, whispering, “I’m so proud of you, boy. You picked a good one.”
Padraig swallowed hard, trying to dislodge the lump growing in his throat. He still had vows to get through. He was struggling to beat down the emotions as he swiped at his eyes. One look told him Mia was fighting the same tears.
Pop Pop claimed his seat in the front row next to Padraig’s mom, Lane, then he and Mia turned toward Kelli.
“Mawwiage is what bwings us togethaw today,” Kelli said, arms uplifted, doing a spot-on imitation of the priest in The Princess Bride.
They all laughed, and just like that, Kelli had found a way to break the heaviness of the moment, to remind Padraig that today was a happy one, meant to be filled with family, laughter and cake.
She winked at him before continuing…in her own voice. “We’re here today to celebrate the marriage and love of Padraig and Mia. Helen Keller once said, ‘The best and most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen or even heard, but must be felt with the heart.’ I believe all of us in this room have been witnesses to that love as we’ve watched Mia and Padraig together these past few months.”
Kelli went on to read a poem and say a few more words. Padraig had a hard time concentrating on what she was saying, his mind whirring over too many other things. Too many emotions were crashing in on him at once.
He jerked when Kelli said, “Today, Padraig and Mia have written their own vows to each other.”
Kelli gestured to Padraig, who started to reach for the piece of paper in his coat pocket, but then he stopped and left it there. He had the words memorized. Hell, they were written in Sharpie marker on his heart.
He turned to face the most stunning bride in history. She handed her bouquet to Yvonne, allowing him to take her hands in his.
“Mia, I didn’t know who I was in March. I thought I knew. Thought I was Padraig Collins, Paddy to my family and friends. I had a great job, a great family, a great life.” He paused. “Or at least, that’s what I thought…until I met you. You opened my eyes to a new reality. To the world. I never realized up until that point, I had blinders on; that I was failing to see so many things that were right in front of me. They fell away that night in March. When you walked in, sat down at the bar, and changed it all. For the first time in his life, this stupid, blind man saw everything.”
Mia sniffled and Kelli reached into her sleeve, pulling out a tissue for the bride and one for herself.
Padraig continued, aware of the cracks and breaks in his voice as he struggled to get the words out. “You’ve taught me how to live, how to dream. You’ve filled my life with adventure and laughter. Every single day I say, this is it, I can’t love her any more than I do at this minute. Then I wake up the next day and fall even deeper. You are my life, Mia. Everything I’ve ever wanted. My funny Tilly Mint. My perfect Beauty. And I will love you until the day I die.”
He lifted her hands to place a quick kiss on her knuckles. Then he noticed Kelli handing out another tissue. He glanced back just in time to see Colm wiping his eyes too. The four of them shared a quick laugh at their endless waterworks. Thank God he was surrounded by these people. They kept reeling him in, grounding him, getting him through the happiest—and God, the saddest—day of his life.
Because as much as he wanted this to be only about them, their wedding, their love, he couldn’t shake the knowledge that time was running out.
Mia took a deep breath, and he admired the steadiness of her voice. “You’ve got it all backwards. It’s you who’ve given me everything, Paddy. I’ve lived a lot of my life alone. Always thought that was the way I preferred it. Until that day in March. You don’t realize what true loneliness is until you sit in a doctor’s office, find out that you’re dying, then leave the place, knowing you don’t have anyone to talk to.”
She sucked in a ragged breath and quickly swiped away a tear. “But I haven’t been alone since that day. You saw me, you followed me, you saved me.” Mia paused, and he watched her try to pull it together. He squeezed her hands, reminding her he was still there.
Her gaze lifted and she smiled through the tears, then finished her vows the same way he had. “You’re my life, Padraig. Everything I could ever want and more. You’re my wonderful, wicked Beast. And I’m going to love you every day until…until I die.”
Padraig pulled her into his embrace, holding her. Kelli gave them a moment to compose themselves, then she looked over at Colm.
“Rings,” she said softly.
Padraig released Mia and the two of them exchanged rings, more promises, and then the sweetest kiss he’d ever received.
The moment they broke apart, they were surrounded. It was only then that Padraig realized there wasn’t a dry eye in the place. He hugged his crying mother and aunts, got a strong man-hug from his dad, who had to clear his throat before he could say, “I’m so happy for you, son.”
After that, the day seemed to switch into fast-forward as they hopped from one tradition to the next.
Colm and Yvonne offered toasts to the bride and groom before they dug into Riley’s amazing spread. Then, afterwards, Riley pushed out two cakes.
One was a chocolate birthday cake that said “For Mia ONLY!” The second was a gorgeous wedding cake.
Mia laughed when she read the words on the cake. “No fork?”
Padraig shook his head. “Nope. Dig in.”
She looked around the room, then seemed to realize his family was in on the joke. She didn’t waste a minute, grabbing up a huge handful of the cake and taking a bite. There was chocolate all around her mouth as everyone sang “Happy Birthday” to her. Natalie was standing close enough to the cake table for Mia to hear her voice above the rest. She gave Padraig a horrified look, and they both laughed.
The wedding cake was served, and then Teagan and Sky made their way back to the stage.
Padraig took her hand, and they shared their first dance as Teagan and Sky gave a much better rendition of “Endless Love” than the karaoke one he and Mia had attempted.
Then the party kicked into overdrive. He and Mia remained on the floor, slow dancing, fast dancing, line dancing, chicken dancing.
When the clock hit midnight, Padraig decided it was time to pack it in. Though Mia was obviously willing to stay until dawn, he’d caught her rubbing her brow and trying to hide her winces of pain too many times in the past hour.
They said their goodbyes as the family lined the street and tossed birdseed, then they made their way back to the apartment.
Padraig helped her out of her dress, and she helped him peel off the tuxedo.
Naked, they climbed into bed. Seamus was already there, sound asleep at the foot of the mattress.
He reached for her, pulling her head against his chest.
“We’re married,” he said, not quite able to shake the sheer wonder of it. He’d married Mia Curtis, the love of his
life.
She lifted her head, and they kissed. In the past few months, they’d shared countless kinds of kisses, passionate ones, friendly ones, comforting ones. This one felt the most genuine, the most true.
“It was the perfect night,” he murmured, turning toward her as he rose to cage her beneath him. “And now it’s time…”
She nodded and smiled. “For the perfect ending.”
Epilogue
March 28
* * *
Padraig followed Pop Pop into his living space at Aunt Riley’s house blindly, and his grandfather stopped to raise a window, letting in the early spring breeze. “Surprisingly warm for March.”
Padraig nodded, thinking he preferred the cold, biting wind of the previous year’s March. It fit his mood better. “Yeah.”
“It was a lovely memorial, son.”
Padraig swallowed heavily. “It was.”
The rest of the family was scattered about Riley’s house, in the living room, dining room, kitchen. Some of the men were sipping scotch out on the screened-in back porch. Pop Pop had pulled him aside a few minutes earlier and asked him to join him in his room.
Padraig was grateful for the chance to escape. He was struggling to hold it together, and while Colm and Kelli meant well, if they gave him one more reassuring pat or smile, he was going to lose his shit and punch something. Or someone. He didn’t doubt for a second that Colm would stand still for the hit if he really needed to take a swing.
His fists clenched and unclenched as he tried to swallow down the anger, the despair.
Pop Pop pointed to a chair. “Steady, boy. Have a seat.”
He did as directed, numbly watching as Pop Pop poured a glass of Jameson for both of them. When Pop Pop returned, he claimed the seat next to him and handed him a glass. His grandfather lifted his in a silent toast before taking a sip.