“Same here,” Kimberly confessed. She wrung her hands together in her lap, and Becca reached over to place her hand gently on top to soothe the motions. “But I can’t stop.”
“I know.”
“You’re not teaching Michael anymore.”
“I know.”
Becca’s heart rate picked up. It didn’t take a genius to figure out where the conversation was going. Becca had hoped for more time before it came up. Between working overtime and applying for jobs like it was a full-time job in and of itself, she hadn’t thought about what to do with Kimberly more than her daydreaming had let her. And there had been a lot of daydreaming.
“So…that means this can be on the table again, right?” Kimberly tentatively asked.
“I don’t know.” Becca gave her a longing and conflicted look. She wanted to be as honest as she could this time around. She wanted to talk rather than just walking out with everything unsaid. Turning slightly to face Kimberly even more, Becca pressed a hand to her cheek. Kimberly immediately turned her head in that direction. “I don’t know, and that’s the best answer I can give you right now.”
“Okay.” Nodding, Kimberly straightened her back. “Okay, but just…just one thing.”
“What’s that?”
Kimberly’s mouth on hers was hot. Becca closed her eyes and slid into the sensations Kimberly caused, rippling through her body. Kimberly’s fingernails scraped up her scalp, sending shivers along her spine. Becca whined as she listed closer. She pressed her hand into the mattress to hold herself up as Kimberly had her way with her.
Drawing in a deep breath, Becca leaned into Kimberly’s body and braced herself for the onslaught of emotions to hit her. It did every time they were together like this. Becca closed her eyes and focused on the sensations Kimberly caused to ricochet up her spine. When their tongues touched, Becca moaned. She shifted slightly to have a better angle at holding herself as close to Kimberly as she could.
With an arm pressed around Kimberly’s back, Becca melted into the kiss. She relaxed and let Kimberly take the control Becca knew she very well could. She enjoyed it, even, allowing Kimberly to take command, but there was something in the far reaches of her mind that kept her from letting go completely.
Kimberly leaned back, tugging Becca with her. Becca covered Kimberly’s body. Pushing up, she cupped Kimberly’s cheek and grinned. This felt right, so unlike her time with Jessica. But that niggling feeling lingered. Ignoring it, Becca dove into Kimberly, burying her fear in soft lips and gorgeous curves.
Kissing a line down Kimberly’s neck, Becca stopped when she hit the soft cloth of her shirt. She moved back up, kissing around her jaw to her ear then to her mouth. As soon as their lips touched, Kimberly reached for Becca’s shirt and tugged it up. She scraped her nails lightly down Becca’s back, and Becca pressed her hips into Kimberly’s.
When Kimberly reached up to Becca’s bra, Becca’s heart thudded hard. She pushed herself up and away to break their embrace. Heaving breaths left her lungs as she stared wildly down at the woman below her. After a few long seconds, Kimberly pushed herself to sit up and reached for Becca’s cheek, but Becca turned her head away to avoid the touch.
“Wait…just wait.” Becca let out a breath, tensing her shoulders.
Respectfully, Kimberly didn’t reach for Becca again. Taking the time she was given, Becca drew in a deep breath and closed her eyes in an attempt to clear her thoughts and figure out exactly what she was thinking and feeling. Becca turned to Kimberly, staring at her with what she felt was as much emotion as she could muster.
“I need time,” Becca confessed. “I just need some time.”
“You’ve had a lot of time,” Kimberly countered. “I’ve been waiting and waiting. If this isn’t what you want, tell me now.”
“I-I can’t answer that.” Becca put her hands together in her lap tightly.
Kimberly hit her hand down on the mattress and lifted her chin. “I’m not going to wait around forever.”
“I know.” Looking down at her entwined fingers, Becca was lost. She felt completely alone, as though she were the one ruining whatever semblance of a relationship they had left. “I just need a little more time.”
“I don’t know what to say.” Kimberly stood up and straightened her clothes. “I’ll give you the time, but you’re going to have to come to me, and I won’t wait around much longer. You’ve given me hope again in having a relationship, and I think… I think I would like that in my life, for me and for Michael. It’s a much better balance for me.”
Becca nodded. Kimberly left the room without another word. The front door shut, and Becca watched her from the window as she got into her dark SUV and pulled out of the small parking lot with quite a bit of force on the gas pedal. She let out a breath she hadn’t known she was holding as soon as Kimberly’s car disappeared from view.
Drew came into the room and sat next to her on the bed, their mood oddly somber compared to what it normally was. “And here I thought you two were getting hot and heavy in my bed.”
Rolling her eyes and shaking her head, Becca refused to look at them. “Not in the slightest.”
“You sure? I could hear some heavy panting from the door.”
Narrowing her gaze, Becca pursed her lips. “That is gross. And I told you not to listen in.”
“I didn’t, but thanks for answering my unasked question.”
“You told her where we live?”
Drew shrugged then nodded sheepishly.
“You’re an ass.”
“Yes, and a mighty fine one at that.” They grinned and winked at Becca. “You want to talk about it?”
“I don’t know. I just don’t know anymore.” When Becca turned to Drew, tears brimmed in her eyes and fear took over.
Drew held out an arm for her, and she snuggled into their side, sighing a breath of relief at their familiar scent of honeysuckle and aftershave. They stroked fingers through her hair and kissed the side of her head, allowing Becca time to breathe and center herself again.
After about an hour, Drew shifted and looked Becca straight in the face. “Why are you so afraid to love her?”
“I’m not.”
“Okay, sugar. Better question. Why are you so afraid to let her love you?”
Becca whimpered as Drew hit the nail on the head. “I don’t know.”
“It’s not like you’ve had bad experiences or something. So be honest, what’s really holding you back?”
Shaking her head, Becca snuggled into Drew. She wanted to hide even more and avoid answering Drew’s questions. They were the same questions that had been running through her mind for months. What was she so afraid of?
“What did you tell her?”
“That I needed time.”
“That was stupid.” Drew sat straight up and about knocked her off the bed. “So stupid. She is not going to wait around, Becca. If you want her, you have to jump now and not look back. Answer me this. Can you live without her?”
Becca’s breath hitched. The word was on the tip of her tongue, but she couldn’t bring herself to say it. She couldn’t bear to hear the word. Fear ran rampant in her heart and she struggled to breathe. Drew wasn’t letting her off the hook. They waited patiently for the answer.
Shaking her head, Becca whispered, “No. I don’t want to.”
“Then there is your answer. Stop being so stupid about it and go get her.”
“I can’t.”
“Becca!” The frustration rang clear. “You have got to stop playing games with this poor woman’s heart. If you want her, go get her. If you don’t, then tell her. But stop being so mopey about it and do something.”
Becca shot up out of the bed and cut her hand across the air to tell Drew to stop. She panted as she stared at them. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“You never want to talk about it. You always avoid it, and it’s time to stop. It has been nine months of this shit. Stop. Just stop. It didn’t work out with Jes
sica, but Kimberly? There is something different about her. You know that and I know that. It’s been this way from the beginning. Remember? Remember all those months ago when you came hiding out here over the weekend because you were scared to death because you had a crush on your boss? Since when has a crush ever been scary? Yeah. It started then. Kimberly was always different. I have never seen you act like this with anyone else. So get off the freakin’ scared wagon and get back on her—literally. You need to get laid.”
Letting out a wry laugh, Becca rubbed her temple. All the emotions swirled around her heart and belly. She plopped down on the bed, her energy leaving her. “You’re right. Not about me getting laid—well, maybe about that—but you’re right about the rest. I need to remember that, remember it before all the complications.”
“You just scared yourself for no reason.”
Smiling, Becca nodded. “Yeah. Again, you’re right.”
“So…? Does this mean I get to be the flower girl?”
Scoffing, Becca punched them lightly in the arm. “Don’t go getting ahead of yourself now.”
“Come on! I’ve always wanted to be the flower girl.”
Becca chuckled and laid back in their bed, staring at the ceiling. “I’m really going to do this, aren’t I?”
Drew lay down next to her, grasping her hand and squeezing tight. “You are, and you are going to love it. I promise you. It is about damn time. That whole thing with Jessica was just stupid, too. You’ve been doing a lot of stupid lately.”
“Shut it. Like you’re one to talk with taking E.”
Drew paled. “Yeah, that was stupid.”
Their voice wavered, and Becca caught it. She turned on her side, resting her head on her palm as she stared at her best friend. Secrets filtered over their face. She touched their chest briefly and gently.
“It was just the once, right?”
“Uh…yeah. Just the once.”
“Drew!”
“What? I didn’t bring it home like you asked.”
She rolled her eyes and sat up. “Drew, how often?”
“Not often.”
“Drew. Don’t you dare lie to me.”
“Not often.”
“What is ‘not often’ to you?”
They balked. They rolled off the bed and stood straight. “This is my apartment, Becca. I’ll do as I damn well please in it.”
“Yes, you can. But this isn’t about your apartment. This is about your wellbeing. How often, Drew?”
“I don’t have to answer that.”
“You don’t. You’re right. I’ll just leave you to your own demise then.”
Storming out of the bedroom, Becca slammed the door behind her. Suddenly the apartment felt small, too small. She grabbed her jacket and went for a walk outside in the soft rain. She had to get out. Drew was right about her and Kimberly, but now her fear shifted away from her relationship troubles to her best friend and the odd drug habit they were hiding.
By the time she got back to the apartment, the lights were off. She debated whether or not to sleep in her car for the night but decided against it. Their neighborhood was far from safe. While she couldn’t solve Drew’s problem for them, she could certainly solve her own love problem and perhaps finally get a place of her own to stay. Sighing, she headed inside and crawled under the covers on the couch, sure that she wouldn’t be sleeping any time soon.
Chapter Twenty-Two
She and Drew had avoided each other for the rest of the week. Becca had finished out her finals, worked overtime and finished even more applications. Drew had barely come home. She knew she’d outstayed her welcome and looked at apartments for rent she could potentially afford, but she really needed a teaching job first. It was going to be tight on her grocery store budget, but she could make it if she cut a lot of other corners.
Receiving her final evaluation from Miss Knorr set her plan in motion. She skimmed it over, pleased to see it was a relatively positive evaluation and that it might even secure her a position in the future. Setting her computer aside, Becca glanced at her watch, noting Kimberly would most likely be getting ready for work in the next few hours, so she had the time to talk.
Getting in her car, Becca put it into gear and drove the familiar route to Kimberly’s large house up on the hills just outside of LA. She parked in the driveway and let out a breath. She was perhaps more nervous than she had been when she’d shown up for her first day of work at Kimberly Thompson’s house.
Bolstering herself, Becca got out of the car and went to the dark-wooded French doors. She took a deep breath and let it out before she reached out to ring the doorbell. The sound echoed through the house, and her heart caught in her throat. She heard Michael shout and smiled to herself. Seeing him again was an unexpected and happy benefit of coming to see Kimberly.
When Michael pulled open the door, he screamed and ran straight into her outstretched arms. He clung on tightly, and she rubbed his back and bent down to smell his hair, reminding herself of why she was there. Kimberly came around the corner, her bare feet on the tile floor and a dish rag in her hands as she dried them. She stopped short as she caught sight of Becca, a small smile tugging at the corner of her lips.
“Michael, stand back and let the woman in already.”
He jumped away from Becca, keeping his hand firmly around hers as he dragged her into the house. “I miss you at school! You have to come see these new action figures Mom got me. Here.”
Michael dragged her down the hallway as fast as he could. Becca sent a look over her shoulder at Kimberly, who shrugged and followed them. As soon as they got to his room, he dropped her hand and dug around in a toy box for whatever he was looking for.
He threw out a few items onto the floor, but when he found the toys, he tugged Becca’s hand again until she was seated next to him, cross-legged. “Look. I got Iron Man and Spider-Man. They fight the bad guys who are coming to take over the world.”
“Really? How bad are they?” Becca asked. When she glanced up at Kimberly, she was leaning against the doorframe, smiling at the two of them.
“Really bad,” he answered, his eyes wide with the seriousness of the situation.
Becca chuckled and grabbed the Spider-Man figurine he offered her. She played with his arms and his legs, making them move in different directions. Michael then took it back out of her hands and set the two action figures next to each other so they could battle it out.
When Becca looked back at the door, Kimberly was gone. She spent the next hour focusing on Michael and rekindling their relationship in a way she hadn’t been able to for months. She’d missed this—the simple time spent playing with him outside of teaching. While she loved teaching, there was something special about this one kid that made her wish for more opportunities for them to be together that weren’t so structured.
They battled the big bad robot who was coming to take over the world, and they managed to save Earth just before the bombs exploded and tore down the city. She found herself laughing and relaxed in a way she hadn’t been in the better part of ten years. She truly enjoyed the simplicity.
The knock on the door startled both of them out of their imaginations. Kimberly stood there, this time with the dish towel flung over her shoulder. “I made some brunch if you want to join us.”
“Yes!” Michael jumped up and ran toward the kitchen.
Becca was much slower to stand, and as she went to leave the bedroom, Kimberly stopped her with a gentle hand on her wrist. “Am I to assume you being here is a good thing?”
“Depends on your definition of a good thing,” Becca said back, a slight tease in her tone, and a twinkle in her eye.
“Becca…” Kimberly answered in a warning.
Grinning, Becca bent down and kissed Kimberly briefly. As she was about to deepen the kiss, Michael’s voice filtered down to them. “You coming? I’m starving!”
Kimberly closed her eyes and tapped the side of her head against the doorframe. “I guess we ca
n talk about this later.”
“Hmm, yes, I suppose we can.” Becca trailed her fingers over Kimberly’s shoulder and back as she walked around her, squeezing through the suddenly small doorframe to reach the other side and head to the kitchen. When she looked over her shoulder at Kimberly and bit her lip, Kimberly stared at her with a longing look.
Becca loved that she could do that, that she could make Kimberly want her so much. She sauntered down the hallway with an extra sway in her hips to tease Kimberly even more. When she reached the kitchen and living area, she stopped so as not to alert Michael to what she was doing.
Kimberly followed behind a few seconds later and grabbed the platter of eggs, gravy, sausage and biscuits. She set it on the table in front of Michael, who had already grabbed plates and silverware for the three of them. They ate in good company, Michael keeping the conversation going as Kimberly and Becca shared heated looks.
As soon as the meal was done, Kimberly checked her watch and glanced at Michael. “Kiddo, go pack up your bag to head to Daddy’s today, okay?”
After that, Kimberly’s gaze locked on Becca as Michael took his plate to the sink then walked to his room without another word. As soon as he was out of earshot, Kimberly picked up her fork and shoved some of the food around her plate.
“I suppose I should start, since I’m the one who just showed up at your door,” Becca jumped in. “I will only do this if you are honest with Michael. I will not hide from him anymore.”
“Of course,” Kimberly answered, shooting Becca another glance. “I realize I was wrong to put that on you before, along with everything else.”
“Everything else?”
Kimberly sighed. “Look… Like you have had time to think, so have I. I was in the wrong, and it was my fault. I should not have put it on you to keep us a secret, and I should not have asked you to be in a relationship with me—any kind of relationship—while you were my employee, and for that, I am truly sorry. I hope you can forgive me.”
“It’s not like I said no,” Becca countered. She reached forward, grabbed Kimberly’s fidgety hands and held them in hers. “I wanted to.”
Love Burns Page 24