“Not at all,” he said. “I think it’ll be great for you to get some fresh air.”
“Thank you,” she said softly.
CARLY KNEW THAT THIS was the time that she should have been rejoicing. The sun was shining. The lake was calm, glistening. She was cancer-free and having the double mastectomy decreased her chances of ever getting it again. Of course she knew it wasn’t a guarantee, but it did give her some relief knowing that she’d done everything in her power to win the fight. If after all of this, the beast returned, then she wasn’t going to push it and just let life take its course. But for now, she was free.
“Penny for your thoughts?”
Mick’s voice broke through her thoughts. Carly shook her head. “I was just thinking—I think I made the right decision.”
Mick listened.
“Dr. Bennett asked me if I wanted reconstruction surgery. I said, no.”
Mick had known that. He was there. But he listened. This was the most that Carly had spoken to him in a while.
“I don’t think that having the surgery will change things for me,” Carly said.
“You don’t mind not having breasts?”
Carly shook her head. “I did. But now...I don’t think I do. I mean, who knows? I might change my mind tomorrow. I know that the option is there. But I think it’s time that I faced this head on.”
Mick leaned back into the bench and effortlessly crossed his legs.
“Do you,”—Carly hesitated and shook her head—“nothing. Never mind.”
“Do I what?”
“No, it’s nothing.”
“Ask me,” Mick encouraged her.
“Do you mind that I don’t have—you know...breasts?”
“Carly,”—Mick reached for her hand and got on the ground, on one knee—“I wouldn’t care if you had two heads. Or twelve fingers or toes.”
Mick bowed his head and rested it on the edge of her knees. Carly looked at the top of his head. She lifted her hand to run her fingers through his thick salt and pepper hair and closed her eyes as she took a deep breath in.
“Do you hear me?” Mick lifted his head and looked into her eyes.
She heard him; and she wanted to believe him. Carly blinked quickly and looked away.
“I love you, Carly,” Mick continued. “My life—my whole life,” he emphasized, “has been nothing until you came into it. You give my life meaning. I wake up every morning and you’re the first person I think of. And at night, before I sleep, you’re the last face to grace my thoughts.”
“You just think you love me,” Carly argued.
“I know I love you.”
“We’d be fools to think that this thing between us is love. “Carly bit down on her quivering bottom lip. A tear escaped from her eyes.
“Don’t cry,” Mick pleaded. “Please, don’t cry.”
“I don’t know if I can do it.”
“I have never met anyone as strong as you, Carly Matthews. There is nothing—you hear me—nothing that you can’t do.”
“My whole life had been ruled by this—this disease. Things I wanted to do. Places I wanted to go.”
“Your life is yours to live. Only you can decide what you want to do with it.”
“It’s not that simple.” Carly sniffled and pulled the neck of her sweater up to wipe her nose. “I’m tired of pretending it doesn’t bother me.”
“Acknowledge it. Acknowledge that it bothers you.” Mick got up off his knee and sat next to her. “Admit that it scares you. But don’t let it run your life. I could die tomorrow. Any one of us could.”
“That’s easy for you to say. You don’t have this, this thing, following you everywhere you go.”
“I know I don’t have cancer. I may never get it. Or perhaps I could in the future. Who knows? But you know what else you’ve got?”
Carly looked at him. “What?”
“Me. You’ve got me, Carly. And so many other people who love you. I have spent the last forty-odd years chasing everything I thought I needed for a successful life. But in the end, I learned, it doesn’t really matter. Sure, I’ve got money. But so what? I haven’t got anyone in my life to show for it. I’ve lost my family in the process. My parents, my siblings. And for what?”
“At least you’ve achieved your dreams.”
“But have I really? Because it seems to me that everything I’d done since I left home at seventeen had been out of pride, even anger. What kind of dreams did I have to lead me so astray like that?”
“You can talk,” Carly scoffed. “You’ve lived your life.”
“You make it sound like I’ve come to the end of it.”
Carly rolled her eyes at Mick. “You know what I mean.”
MICK WAS GRATEFUL FOR the chance to reconnect with Carly. It had been a moment he’d been waiting for. Carly didn’t tell him to leave her alone—or to give up on her. She’d opened her heart to him.
“One day at a time, Carly. That’s all we can do. Let’s take it one day at a time—together.”
“I want a future. I want to be able to dream of things and work to get them,” Carly said.
“And you can,” Mick said. “There’s nothing stopping you from doing that.”
“What if that cancer comes back?”
Mick could understand the fear in her question. “What if it doesn’t?”
Chapter 31
“Come in,” Carly called out when she heard a knock on her bedroom door. It had been two weeks since the afternoon she’d spent with Mick by the lake.
“Hey, you.” It was Charlotte. “Your mom let me in. How are you feeling?”
Carly was on her bed, propped up against some pillows that her mom had set up for her. She shrugged. “As good as it gets for now, I guess.”
Charlotte pulled up a desk chair and sat next to Carly’s bed. “You’re looking good.”
She knew she wasn’t looking her best, but she didn’t want to dismiss Charlotte. Charlotte had been so good to her—letting her take time off work and not having to worry about how soon she could get back. “Thanks.”
“I brought you some muffins. I gave them to June to heat up when you’re feeling up to it.”
Carly groaned. “I miss the muffins—and the cakes and the smell of the cafe. How’s everything going downtown?”
“Ticking along nicely,” Charlotte said. “We miss you at work, but we’ll get by until you’re back up on your feet.”
Carly knew that Charlotte was taking her lead. She didn’t push with the hard questions, and Carly appreciated it.
“People have been asking after you. Just wanting to know how you’re doing.”
“So everyone knows?” Of course they did. Carly knew better than to ask.
“You know how it is... small town. Word gets around quite quickly.”
Carly rolled her eyes. “Too quickly, if you ask me.”
“Have you heard from Mick?”
Carly nodded. “He’s been coming by every day.”
“Really? That’s great!” Charlotte’s face lit up before she caught herself. “I mean—that’s great, isn’t it?”
Charlotte was one of the few people that Carly trusted with her life. She’d been there for her from day dot. “I haven’t really spent time with him.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, well, he comes by every day and all. But I don’t see him. He sits down with Mom or Dad—or both. They talk in the kitchen or the living room. I can hear them.”
Charlotte’s face crumpled in confusion. “What?”
“He comes to see me, but I’ve refused to see him. So he spends the time with Mom and Dad instead.”
“Hmmm...” Charlotte gave it some thought. “You know, that’s pretty sweet.”
Carly smiled—more to herself, but she smiled just the same. “It is, isn’t it? I wish I wasn’t so cruel to him.”
“Have you been?”
Carly nodded, embarrassed about how she’d been acting. She told Charlotte
about the time when she’d yelled profanities from her bedroom one after when Mick dropped by. “I was like a sulky teenager. Ugh—I’m so embarrassed.”
“Sounds like you were a bratty toddler.”
“Thanks,” Carly said, rolling her eyes.
“I call a spade a spade.”
“I’m not proud of how I’ve been acting.”
“So change it.”
Carly sighed. “I don’t know how to.”
“That’s donkey dung, Carly, and you know it.”
Charlotte was never afraid to call people out—especially Carly. Charlotte was like the big sister that Carly’s sisters had never been to her. But Carly knew that it wasn’t their fault. The three of them were all so young. Cancer had a way of bringing families together. In her case, it had caused them to drift apart. Her sisters, Caitlin and Courtney, had always felt that Carly got all the attention of her parents, as if Carly herself had willed it so. It didn’t help that with Carly’s first bout of cancer, Courtney was expecting her first child. Her parents had chosen to stay by her bedside rather than Courtney’s on the day that Courtney had given birth.
“Is that a new painting?” Charlotte asked when she’d spotted the canvas across the room.
With everything that’s happened recently, Carly had forgotten about it. She nodded.
“Who painted it?”
Carly smiled as she remembered that afternoon in the greenhouse with Mick. She told Charlotte about what Mick had done.
“Awww... that’s really, really sweet, Carly.”
“I know...” Carly closed her eyes. “I really thought that we would have a future together.”
“You still can, you know.”
Very slowly, Carly lifted her sweater and exposed her flat chest. The bandages were off and all that was left were scars—ugly, deep purple lines where her breasts used to be.
Charlotte drew a soft breath in as she covered her mouth with both hands. “Oh, Carly—”
“Please, don’t,” Carly said, looking away.
“Carly—”
“I know what it looks like.” Once again, Carly felt the sting of tears in her eyes. “I don’t want Mick to have to see me like this.”
“Honey, you don’t know what Mick is going to say or do.”
“I told him that it was best for the both of us if we didn’t pursue a relationship.” Carly pulled her sweater back down. Apart from her mother and Dr. Bennett, Charlotte was the only other person to see her body so badly damaged.
“And?”
“And he said that it was his decision to make.”
They sat in companionable silence for a moment. “He’s right, you know.” Charlotte was the first to speak. “You don’t know what he can or can’t do, or how much he can handle.”
“I’ve seen what it does to people, Charlotte.”
“But you haven’t seen what it does or doesn’t do to Mick.”
Carly looked away. “I don’t want to have to find out.”
“I get it—you’re scared.”
“I’m more than scared, Charlotte!” Carly’s voice rose a little too loudly, breaking into sobs.
“I know, honey.” Charlotte took her hand and gave it a squeeze. “I know.”
“What am I going to do?” Carly asked rhetorically. On the other hand though, she was hoping for an answer.
“Well,”—Charlotte began—“have you considered reconstruction surgery? They can do that, can’t they?”
“I mean, about Mick.” In spite of everything she had been through, the only that truly mattered now was Mick. She’d fought her feelings until now. Thinking that pushing him away was the best thing to do for Mick. But as much as she was afraid to admit it, she loved Mick. She loved him so much.
“I see...” Charlotte moistened her lips and let out a sigh. “You know, I had a chat with Jenna the other day. Mick’s staying with his mom.”
Carly looked at her best friend through tears in her eyes. “His mom? Why?”
“He decided to stay in Willow. He’s moved back permanently now, it seems. Did he not tell you?”
Carly wondered if he did tell her. “He probably did, but I was too stubborn to listen.”
“Do you love him?”
Carly closed her eyes and tasted the salt in her tears as it trickled down her cheeks. “So much.”
Charlotte’s face was filled with concern. “Oh, honey, why don’t you tell him?”
“I’m too scared. And besides, I think I might have ruined any real chance I have with him. I’ve said really nasty things to him. He’s seen me act like a spoiled brat.” More tears fell from her tired eyes.
“I think what you should say is he’s seen you at your worst.”
Carly nodded.
“And yet... he still loves you.”
Carly wiped her tears away. “Do you think so?”
“Mick has come back to the one place he vowed never to return to,” Charlotte said. “If you ask me, I think that’s a pretty good indication that the guy loves you.”
Carly took a deep breath in and exhaled slowly. “Can you do me a favor?”
Charlotte smiled. “Anything.”
Chapter 32
Mick sat on the armchair in his mom’s living room. It was the very same armchair that his dad used to sit in when he’d watch TV after a hard day’s work on the farm.
“I’m so glad to have all my children under one roof again,” Lorraine Myers said as she sat on the sofa with her husband, Graham. The look of peace and contentment was not hard to miss. “Caleb,” she turned to her middle son, “darling, how long are you staying for?”
Caleb shrugged. “I’m not sure.”
“So why are you really here, Caleb?” Jenna asked her brother.
“Can’t a guy just come back to hang out with his family?” Caleb rubbed his face red.
“Yeah right,” Ethan, the youngest Myers brother, teased. “I don’t remember the last time you came home just to hang out,” he said using air quotes.
“Don’t tease your brother,” Mallory, Ethan’s wife, scolded him.
“Who’s hungry?” Dave came in to living room wearing an apron. The smell of the Sunday roast beef wafted in with him.
“Me!” the children screamed in unison. Jenna and Dave had two kids, and Ethan and Mallory had a little girl.
“Well, what about Mick?” Caleb argued, eager to move the attention to their eldest brother.
“What about me?” Mick laughed.
“Oh, we’ve already given him the third degree, don’t you worry about that!” Jenna said. “Come on, kids. Let’s get some food in your little bellies!”
“Is there mashed potatoes?” One of the children could be heard asking.
“Was that the doorbell?” Graham, Mick’s stepfather, asked.
“I didn’t hear anything,” Lorraine said.
“That’s because you weren’t listening,” Graham shushed his wife.
“I always listen!” she argued back playfully.
Mick grinned. It was nice to be around his family. It was certainly very different from what he had worked so hard to forget. Mick tried to talk to his brother Caleb to see if there was anything wrong and whether there was anything he could do to help. He hadn’t really been there for his family, and he was determined to change that. With everything that had happened in the recent months, one thing he had learned to appreciate was the value of family. The afternoons he’d spent with Carly’s parents had been an eyeopener for him. It was as if he was seeing things in a different light.
“Sssh!” Someone shushed the room.
“It’s Carly and Charlotte!” one of the children yelled out excitedly. “Hi Carly! Hi Charlotte!”
Mick looked up and was surprised to see Carly with Charlotte by her side. “Carly,”—Mick quickly rose to his feet—“is everything okay?”
Carly nodded.
“Oh, hey guys!” Dave poked his head out of the kitchen. “Do you wanna stay for dinner?”
> “Dave! Shush!” Jenna hissed and used her eyes to point between Mick and Carly.
“I WAS HOPING,”—CARLY began nervously—“I was hoping we could talk.” Her heart was beating, pounding against her chest. She could feel the heat of her own blood rising. It was now or never, she told herself.
“Carly, Carly,” Ethan and Mallory’s daughter rushed up to her. Everyone knew Carly from the cafe, even the little children.
“Be careful!” Mallory quickly stood up and swooped down, picking her daughter up before she could ram into Carly. “Sorry, Carly,” she whispered.
“It’s okay,” Carly said with a smile. “I think I might have come at a bad time. I can come back,” she offered.
“Nonsense, darling,” Mick’s mom said. “Come in, dear.”
“No, that’s okay, I...”
Mick stepped forward. “Carly—”
“No, Mick, let me say what I came to say,” she said across the living room. “Or I might not have the courage to say it again.” Now or never, she told herself again. She glanced at Charlotte, who nodded in encouragement.
The room fell silent and Carly could feel everyone’s eyes on her.
“Mick, I—Mick, I love you,” she blurted. “I know that I said a lot of really cruel things to you.” Carly tried to wipe the tears that fell freely down her face. “I was scared. And I thought that if I pushed you away, that you would later understand that I was only doing it for you.”
“Carly, you don’t need to explain,” Mick said.
“I do. And I want you to know that while I might never be able to have children, I will make sure—with every fiber of my being—I will make you happy. And that you will never want for anything.”
“You’ve got your whole life ahead of you, Carly,” Mick said. “I’m fifty. Practically ancient, like you said.”
Carly let out a small laugh. Her nose was clogged and her eyes felt puffy. “I would rather spend whatever time we both have left in this world with you than spend another day without you in my life.” Carly wished that she could read his mind.
Mick rubbed his chin. “Does that mean you’re no longer worried about what people might say?” Mick asked. “About our age gap.”
Love Me Timeless--A Willow Oaks Sweet Romance Page 13