by Elisa Ellis
“Wow, that’s awful. So, you’re ok now I guess?”
“Yeah, for the most part. I’m supposed to be continuing rehab, but I moved, so for now, I just plan to work and maybe eventually I will go to college. How about you? How long have you worked here?”
“About six months. I’m working my way through college. I live here in town with my aunt and her family. Otherwise I would have to commute about an hour each way where my parents and little sister live.”
“Awesome. I was planning to take some time off from school after graduating last year even though I had been accepted into Baylor. My dad wanted me to go there, and I kind of did, too, but then I met my boyfriend. We had plans to travel for a year before going to school.”
“Awww, so what happened?”
“He was with me when we had the accident. My dad had me flown to Dallas, and my boyfriend stayed here. I actually came back to find him. I haven’t talked to him in so long.”
“Wow. That’s crazy. Your boyfriend didn’t visit you in the hospital?”
“No, but I’m not sure if Dad really told him where I was. So, I kind of left without telling my dad where I was going and came back here to find my boyfriend.”
“That’s so cool. I bet he will be so happy to see you again.”
“Yeah, I hope so. I’m really nervous though since I haven’t seen him in forever.”
“I’m sure it’ll be fine,” she says, but the conversation is interrupted by a group of guys all wearing camouflage who are excitedly discussing hunting while Mandy puts a couple of tables together for them. I grab the silverware and menus to help her.
And it doesn’t slow down again until closing.
Walking up to the two-storied, grandiose house the following morning, I knock on the assuming wooden door before me. It never intimidated me before, but today I don’t feel like Chasity’s world is my own anymore. Before I lose my nerve and turn to leave, the large door opens and I’m greeted by Chasity’s mom.
“Oh my goodness, Sera! I didn’t know you were back! How are you doing?”
“I’m doing well. Is Chasity here?”
“Well no, honey. She’s gone off to school in Austin. University of Texas. Remember?”
“Oh, yes. Of course. I just wasn’t thinking,” I tell her, trying to make up for my mistake. I hadn’t even thought about the fact that she would be gone, that she wasn’t involved in the same hell as me. “I’m sorry. Could you just let her know I’m back in town if she comes back to visit or something?”
“Of course, Sera. I’m sure she’ll be glad to see you again,” she says, looking back into her living room, telling someone she will be right there. I guess she has friends over or something. Clearly distracted by her more important guests, she seems disinterested in me anymore.
“Ok. Thanks. I’ll let you get back to what you were doing,” I say, and before I can even make it halfway to my car, she’s already shut the door.
I feel disappointed. And I question all of the relationships I’ve ever had. Chasity is gone, her mom obviously never really cared about me, and I have no friends except for Mandy, who I’ve only known for two days. I just don’t know if I can handle it if Cal rejects me, too.
When did everything change? Was it when my mom died? When I met Cal? Or am I just now, finally, opening my eyes to reality? With the ability to see more clearly.
Walls that divide.
But which side of the wall is good? Deception weaves a golden web, falsely creating an illusion of happiness.
Chapter 22
Before
Conflicted.
Two weeks undergoing intense physical therapy, mostly with Brett, I feel confused and unsure of my path. Each day passing creates further separation from my previous goals. Who I was and who I am now.
Dad has backed off. He can’t spend every moment with me right now, partly because I’m busy, but also because he’s busy. I think his relationship with my stepmom has become a priority, its neglect finally catching up. I’m cool with it. I don’t need my father here every second hovering over me.
Brett has been kind. And I don’t know if that’s good or bad. Obviously, I don’t want my therapist to be cruel, but I feel guilty every time I notice little things. Like, when he massages my legs before manipulating them for various exercises. Shame overrides pleasure, tension the victor.
“Just relax,” he tells me, gently rubbing my calves before working up to my knees and my lower thighs. With my braces off, I almost feel normal, if only for a moment.
My long hair is pulled up into a high, messy bun, and my workout attire allows for flexibility. But relaxing? I’m struggling today. “I’m trying,” I tell him, unconvincingly. “Can we just move on to whatever’s next?”
“We can, but you will see more progress if we can work out this tension.”
“Ok,” I agree, looking up at him. Making eye contact, he continues to rub my legs, so I look down again, frustrated at the blush I feel burning my face accompanied then by a small grin. It’s embarrassing. I call it my funeral smile, the one that pops up at inappropriate times and suggests inaccurate and misleading feelings. Oh God.
“See, it’s not so bad, is it?” he asks, smiling back.
Following my funeral smile, the ugly counterpart, which I call my foot-in-mouth disorder, proclaims, “Umm, I have a boyfriend.”
Really? Why would I tell him that right now? It’s not like he’s flirting with me. He’s doing his freaking job. I chastise myself, trying not to shake my head revealing I’m an open book.
His response is unexpected, though. With a cute little smirk, he asks, “Oh yeah? Where is he?”
“What do you mean, where is he?” I ask, feeling immediately defensive.
“Well, you’ve been here for two weeks, and this is the first I’ve heard of him. So, where is he?”
“God, you really are irritating. He doesn’t live here. Ok?” I don’t want to let him win by telling him anything more than that.
“Ok. Then I guess I have nothing to worry about, huh?” I can’t read him very well.
“I didn’t say you did. I was just making conversation,” I tell him lamely.
After that lovely encounter, I think he’s more touchy-feely than he was before, and again, I’m really not sure how I feel about that.
“I have to stay late today. How about I bring you something for dinner so you get a break from the cafeteria? I could bring some checkers or something. But I’ll warn you now, I’m good.”
“First of all, you really are full of yourself,” I tease him. “And secondly, is my therapist allowed to bring me dinner?”
“Yes, and yes.” He answers, grinning back at me.
Rolling my eyes, I give in. “Fine, but FYI, I can kick your ass at checkers any day.”
Thankfully, Brett has maintained his distance. I’m enjoying his company, but I would never betray Cal. I tell myself that I just need a friend. It doesn’t matter that he’s my physical therapist, or that he’s a super cute guy. Right?
“Dude! I told you I’d kick your ass.” I tell him after beating him for a third time in a row.
“I’m letting you win, you know,” he says, chuckling. He’s changed into jeans and a t-shirt.
“Yeah, right. You should stick to your day job.” I joke. “Seriously, though, thank you for coming tonight. It gets really boring around here.”
“I can imagine. I haven’t seen anyone but your Dad visit. What’s up with that? There’s no way a girl like you has no friends.”
“A girl like me?” I ask for clarification.
“You know, a cheater at checkers.”
“Ha ha. You crack yourself up, huh?”
“Yep.” He looks down for a minute before becoming a little more serious. “Actually, I meant a girl like you who is pretty, funny, a hard worker. There should be a line out the door of people waiting to hang out with you.”
“Ok. That’s a little overkill, don’t you think?” I say, trying to dismiss
the pretty part.
“Nope. I’m serious. You are my favorite client.”
“Whatever. That’s because the rest of your clients are, like, a hundred years old.”
He laughs. “True, but you would still be my favorite.” He grabs my hand, but only holds it a moment before I pull away, guilt once again consuming me.
“I’m sorry. I can’t do this.”
“Sera. I really like you. But I’ll stop. Ok? I would never want you to feel uncomfortable,” he says, his hands up in surrender.
“It’s ok. I like you, too. I just…I’m serious with my boyfriend. He was in the accident with me, and I haven’t been able to talk to him since then. I don’t know why he hasn’t come to see me. My dad didn’t approve of us, and I’m afraid he’s keeping us apart.”
“Why didn’t your dad approve of y’all?”
“Because Cal wasn’t like us. He didn’t have money, or a big house, or whatever it was that Dad thought made a person good.”
“Your dad seems to love you, Sera. I’m sure he was just doing what he thought was best. Either way, for right now, you need to focus on yourself, on getting a hundred percent better. You have your whole life ahead of you and you can’t let an accident hold you back.”
“Yeah…” The silly mood in the room has dissipated, and I’m ready to be alone for the rest of the night.
“Listen. How about this? I can be your physical therapist by day and your friend by night. There’s no harm in being friends, right?”
“Sure,” I say, forcing a small smile on my face. Brett has definitely gone out of his way to help me. I don’t want to hurt his feelings, and I do appreciate him. “Sounds like a good plan. I had fun tonight, and that hasn’t happened in a really long time,” I confess.
“Good.” He gets up to leave. Hesitating, he pulls me into a hug. “Don’t stress, Sera. Just let me be here for you. K?”
I nod, at a loss for further words for tonight.
Conflicted.
Now
“How are things going?” Mr. Woodward asks. Outwardly, his gruff appearance and initial standoffishness are a façade for the kind-hearted man he is on the inside. I remember feeling a little leery of him the first time I met him in the Red Hawk Cabins office. But every day, he greets me when I see him on the property, usually working on something.
“I’m doing great today, Mr. Woodward. How are you?” I’ve worked until 5:00 and am expecting Mandy to come hang out a little later. She’s bringing pizza.
“Doing fine. The wife dropped some more cookies by for ya. They’re up in the office if you want to go get them.”
“How nice. You have both been so gracious these past two weeks. I love it here.”
“Well, if you need anything at all, we’re right here.”
“Thank you,” I say, smiling as I head to the office to get the cookies. She has left other treats for me so I’m excited. It’s almost like having grandparents. My dad’s parents died before I was born, and my mom’s parents both passed when I was little, so I’ve never had that kind of relationship, at least that I can remember. Mr. and Mrs. Woodward make me feel safe, both so genuine and thoughtful.
Mandy arrives shortly after I’ve returned to my small but cozy cabin.
“Hey girl!”
“Hey! I’m so glad you could come.” It’s the best feeling to have a friend, someone I can trust.
“This is an interesting place to live. I almost didn’t find the place.”
“Yeah. I remembered seeing it once when I was with my boyfriend. Anyway, it’s kind of out of the city and I like that. I know my dad will be around town looking for me before too long.”
“You can’t hide from him forever, you know.” She says, gently.
“I know. Here, hand me the pizza and I’ll show you around real quickly before we go inside.”
Taking the pizza in, I regroup.
“Do you miss your parents, Mandy?” I ask her.
“Sometimes, I guess. We were pretty close, but it was too quiet at my house. I worry about my sister. She has to be bored out of her mind. Why? Do you miss your Dad?”
“I do, but I don’t miss his controlling me. He meant well I guess, but God, he was keeping me from everything I wanted in life. I felt so trapped. Here, I feel free; it’s such a relief.”
“I can imagine. My parents weren’t really controlling, but they definitely had rules. At my aunt’s house, things are a little more laid back, but obviously I can’t just go wild or they would probably kick me out. I would love to have a place of my own like you do.”
“That’s the only thing about this place. I just rented it for a month, and I have two weeks left to figure out what to do next.”
“Oh man, that’s gonna go by fast. I’ll help you as much as I can. I have some friends from school who live in an apartment complex in town. It seems like a pretty nice place.”
“Awesome. Maybe you could go with me to check it out.”
The lake is calm today, a breeze gently swaying the trees and brush around it. The weather here has always been crazy, cold one day and warm the next despite the winter season. Today it’s around seventy degrees, perfect for short sleeves and jeans, but near the lake, a light jacket would be more comfortable. Since neither of us have one, we decide to go inside to hang out.
“What’s up with the t-shirt hanging on the wall?” she asks, giggling.
“Oh. Let me introduce you.” Removing the t-shirt, the old, ugly fish stares at us, causing Mandy to laugh. “I haven’t named him, but he’s so sweet looking, huh?” I ask, sarcastically.
“Definitely. He’s freaking looking at us though, like he’s some kind of pervert fish. Ewww, cover him back up.”
Now we are both cracking up, trying to hide his thirty-year-old scales and beady eyes.
“So, tell me more about this boyfriend of yours. Do you know where he lives?” Mandy asks.
“No. I know he lives with his Mom, or at least he did. Oh my gosh, Mandy. What if he left town without me? We had planned to go travel the United States. I’ve driven by the shop where he used to work several times but he’s never there.” I have worried about how he will react when I find him, but I hadn’t thought about his not even being here until just now. “He’s partly the reason I wanted to work at the diner. We were going to meet there one time, so I kind of hoped maybe he would come in eventually.”
“Hmmm, what does he look like? What’s his name?”
“His name is Cal. He has brown hair, a dimple on his right cheek when he smiles. I don’t know. He’s just really hot. He’s kind of quiet, though, at least until he gets to know you. God, I really miss him.”
“He sounds great, Sera, but there are a ton of guys around here that meet that description,” she says, giggling. “I mean, holy cow, girl, at school, there are a ton of hot guys!”
I realize we’ve only been talking about me and my situation. “Do you have a boyfriend, or anyone you like right now?” I ask her.
“Meh. There’s one guy who I think is cute but I don’t really know him. He’s in my art class and he always hangs out with this blind guy. Speaking of him, you should totally come with me to my art show. That blind guy is seriously gifted. I’ve never talked to him, but he sculpted these angels last semester that were so pretty. I have no idea how he does it. I mean, they are way better than anything I could do and I can see.”
“Wow. That’s so interesting. I would love to come with you. Just having a place to go sounds fun right now. So, are you majoring in art?”
“No. I’m just taking the classes for fun. I’m majoring in English, but I had to take two semesters of fine arts, and I thought those classes would be cool.”
“Hmm. I’m terrible at that kind of stuff, but it does sound fun. I still have no idea what I want to do with my life. I feel like it’s been put on hold.” I confess.
“You’ll figure it out. Maybe you should take some classes next year. You could save up your money.”
�
�Maybe… I still hope I can find Cal first. I know I can’t plan my whole life around him exactly, but I just don’t want to do anything or make plans until I at least know how he feels about me. I love him, Mandy. I know it sounds dumb, but seriously, it was like love at first sight, at least for me,” I add, dreamily.
“You’re young, Sera. It could be love, but just know that no matter what, you have to keep moving forward. I had a boyfriend in high school. We dated for two years and then all of a sudden, he had to move away, and we kind of quit talking. After, like, three months, we both decided to break up. And I’m not trying to discourage you. I just don’t want you to get your hopes up and build all of your dreams around someone you haven’t seen in a while. Ya know?” She is trying to be gentle, and I appreciate that we can talk, but I refuse to give up hope, at least in my heart. For now, I simply nod in agreement.
Chapter 23
Before
Pool therapy is my favorite by far. Gliding through the warm water doesn’t feel like work; in fact, it’s extremely relaxing. On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, I attend strengthening classes, which are actually pretty fun. The older patients are sweet. Watching them dance along with the music inspires me, puts things into perspective. There is one old couple, Arnie and Edith, who attend together. They are apparently outpatient because I only see them during class, but I’ve talked to them a few times. Married for 60 years, they still hold hands, their love evident each time their eyes meet. It’s beautiful.
Brett works with me in the pool on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
“Ok. Let’s continue to work on range of motion today,” Brett instructs. Sometimes he has me walk on an underwater treadmill, but today, he’s in the water with me.
My hair is put up in a high ponytail, and I’m wearing a bathing suit that I ordered online. It’s a purple, white, and black tankini with a cropped top and boy shorts for the bottoms. I love how it covers me but still looks flattering. After the accident, I lost about eight pounds. I was never big to begin with, but at a size 9, I always felt much larger than my size 0 friends. Now, a size 7 boosts my confidence a little in my new suit. While I realize it shouldn’t matter, I can’t help but want to look cute.