Villains Do Date Villains!

by Mia Archer

  “Not as pretty as looking at you,” Natalie said, leaning her head against my shoulder.

  “A cheesy line like that is seriously the best you can come up with?” I asked.

  “It’s working, isn’t it?” she asked.

  I wrapped my arm around her. “Yeah, I’m glad I’m back too.”

  “And you’re not allowed to go away again!” she said.

  I frowned. “You know I can’t promise you that.”

  “I know you can’t,” she said with a sigh, then perked up. “Though with Dr. Lana trapped in the agony booth it’s not like we have to worry about her coming up with anything that’ll pull you away from me any time soon!”

  “Of course,” I said. “We just have to worry about the combined might of the most powerful militaries this world has trying to take us out.”

  “Bah,” Natalie said, waving a dismissive hand. “They’ve been trying to take me out for long enough that I’m not all that worried. They can bring it.”

  “What about Sabine?” I asked. "You've been awfully close lipped about what's going on with her.”

  Natalie's lips compressed into a thin line. They did that whenever I brought up Sabine. I wasn’t particularly worried about the woman, not now, but she was still out there and worth worrying about even if I wasn’t all that concerned about her actually doing something to harm us trapped as she was out at the edge of the solar system.

  "I haven't gotten any communication from out there, and I haven't been willing to leave long enough to go out and figure out what the hell is going on."

  "That sounds like the kind of dangerous dangling thread that could seriously fuck up our plans."

  “That's true," she said. "But you take care of the fire in front of you before you worry about the one on the horizon. Besides. CORVAC should have a report soon enough. It just takes a little while for information to go back and forth from the station at the speed of light. He’ll figure it out, and I don’t have to go out there and do it myself.”

  “Assuming he doesn’t try to double cross us again,” I muttered.

  “Why Fialux,” Natalie said, her eyes twinkling. “You sound almost worried about what Sabine and CORVAC might be able to do together.”

  “I’m not too worried,” I said. “But I don’t like having dangling threads out there that haven’t been resolved.”

  Natalie sighed. It was a surprisingly fatalistic gesture from a woman who seemed obsessive about having control over anything and everything that came into her orbit.

  “That’s life. Sometimes there are things that don’t get tied up, and you have to live with it.”

  “You live with it until it comes along and tries to kill you,” I muttered.

  “That does seem to happen a lot around here,” she said.

  “Whatever. So what are we going to do tonight, Natalie?"

  "I don't know," she said. "We have Internet again, so I thought maybe we could Netflix and…"

  I stared at her, my mouth hanging open.

  “What?” she asked when she realized she’d clearly done or said something wrong.

  "Did you seriously just whiff on that easy one I tossed you?"

  "What are you talking about?" she asked.

  "What are we doing tonight?"

  This time I made sure to get all the intonation just right. Maybe she didn’t realize what I was doing because my Maurice LaMarche impression was about as good as all my other celebrity impressions. Which is to say it wasn’t very good at all.

  "I don't know?" she said, sounding truly irritated. "Making out and then maybe getting it on? I don’t know what you’re hinting at, but that’s definitely what I was hinting at. You don't have any rads coming off you anymore, and I'm looking forward to seeing what I've been missing out on!"

  I shivered, but I also wasn’t going to let this go. I knew we were going to do Natalie’s plan eventually, but I couldn’t resist poking fun at her before we got to that fun.

  "Is this what you used to feel like whenever I missed one of your stupid geeky references?" I asked.

  "I don't know," Natalie said. "What kind of reference am I missing? You know I don’t have all the same obsessions you got from Sabine when you were doing that weird worm mind meld.”

  "Please tell me you’re bullshitting me right now. You can't be a super villain hell-bent on taking over the world and not know what I'm talking about."

  "Except I totally don't," she said.

  I searched her eyes. Then realized that yeah. She was totally telling the truth. She had no idea what the hell I was talking about. It seemed impossible given her profession, but she had no idea what the fuck I was talking about.

  "Pinky and the Brain?"

  She frowned and shook her head.

  "That was a little before my time. Why? Is it worth watching?"

  "Is a show about a megalomaniacal super intelligent lab mouse who tries to take over the world via some of the funniest gags you've ever seen starring in the great and wonderful Maurice LaMarche and Rob Paulson worth you watching?"

  Natalie grinned. "Okay! If you're that obsessed with it then maybe it's worth watching!"

  "You bet your cute ass it’s worth watching," I said. "And to feed you the line I was looking for: tonight we try to take over the world!"

  Natalie leaned a little closer. Which required her manipulating some of her antigrav units since we were floating above the city, but whatever. The point was she was getting up close and personal, and that's all I really cared about.

  "I love it when you talk dirty like that," she said.

  "You're gonna love it even more when we actually start trying to conquer the world!" I said. "Oh the things we’re going to do to this world once we bring it under our control.”

  “Go on," she said, running a hand along my stomach in a very distracting way.

  "We’re going to bring order here in the city, then the country, then the world. From there we’re going to move out from earth. There are lots of planets out there waiting to be conquered, and it's just you and me Natalie!"

  I didn't get a chance to say anything else. No, no sooner had those words escape my lips than she growled and threw herself at me. And then we were rolling around in the air for a little while and I didn't care about trying to take over the world.

  Besides. I knew the world could wait. We’d take it over in good time. Sure the military was throwing everything they had at the shield wall around Starlight City, but we still had all those portals to what turned out to be Alpha Centauri once Natalie went through to the other side and got her bearings by referencing some star charts against a very similar night sky that had one star that never appeared in earth’s night sky because it was only ever in earth’s day sky.

  Who knew our closest neighbor among the stars also held the secret to me having impossible superpowers?

  No, the world was going to be a very different place by the time we finished with it. It was going to be a better place. Maybe that was a downright villainous thought, but I'd been spending enough time around my favorite villain lately that it didn't bother me that my thoughts were downright villainous these days.

  Besides. The only thing that really mattered was that I had Natalie again. She was mine. I was hers. Everything was right in the universe as long as that was so. And I would conquer that universe to make sure we were never split up again.

  But for the moment I concentrated on making out with my girlfriend. The world could wait, but not for long.

  Those motherfuckers were going to learn what it meant to take on Night Terror and Fialux!

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