Sadie Stories

Sadie Stories Page 6

by Zachary Zilba

Thomas sat quietly at the dining room table. He pushed his scrambled eggs around on his plate. His Dad, sitting across from him, ate like a mad scavenger. Like a wild dog attempting to devour his prey before anyone else could get to it.

  “What time in your first appointment?” Thomas began, trying to initiate a polite conversation. Mr. Bradford spoke with his mouth full, “Not until one. Old Garry Foster is finally getting a set of dentures. Hasn’t had teeth in better than ten years, walked around with his lips stuck half up his damn nose, looked like his face had caved in.”

  Thomas slid his full plate aside and propped his elbows up on the table. Folding his hands in front of his face, he rested his head on them.

  “Why the hell aren’t you eating? That’s a whole plate there, it’s a waste,” His Father scolded, staring at his son who was clearly disturbed.

  “I’m not hungry.”

  His Dad’s eyes belittled him, “I don’t care. Eat what’s on your plate. People out there are starving and would kill for a plate of food like that. Eat it and like it, someday you might not be as fortunate.”

  Thomas shook his head, “I don’t want it, Dad.”

  Mr. Bradford reached over the table and grabbed Thomas’s plate, scooping a heaping spoonful of eggs, pushing it toward his son’s mouth, “I said you’re going to eat!” He commanded angrily as Thomas held his lips shut, holding back his arm.

  “Stop it, I said I’m not hungry!” Thomas objected.

  His Father dropped the eggs into Thomas’s lap as he tried to force him to open his mouth. Thomas pushed away from the table and stood up yelling, “Stop it, Dad. I don’t want the God damn eggs!”

  Glenn punished him with his glare alone. Then he rose from his chair, “Don’t you ever speak to me like that.” He picked up Thomas’s plate and hurled it at him. Thomas covered his face, blocking its path. It bounced off his upper arm and fell to the hardwood floor. He instantly realized what was about to occur so he began to walk away but his Father pursued him.

  As he reached the archway leading into the living room, his Father grabbed his arm and forced him around. His grip was hard and violent, “Where do you think you’re going? You get the hell in there and pick up your mess!”

  Thomas didn’t listen; he jerked out of his Father’s restraint and started up the stairs, his Father still following. “You don’t obey, Tom! You never listen and that’s why you’re such a God damn loser. You’ll never change. You’re just like that bitch Mother of yours. A waste. You’re nothing. You’re a nothing now, you’ll always be nothing!” Glenn screamed.

  Thomas turned as he reached the top of the staircase. He saw the insanity that dwelt in his father’s burning expression but didn’t care, “Don’t you ever talk about my Mother. You’re just pissed because she got away from you, and someday, I will too.”

  Glenn laughed in his face. He had a hideous laugh, “Oh yeah? Where you gunna go, Tom? Who would take you? You’re a bum.” He leaned into him and said it again, his words punctuated by the spittle that flew from his mouth into Thomas’s face. “A bum. No one would have anything to do with you if it weren’t for me. I am all you have. Without me, you’re dead.”

  Thomas felt his bones quaking; he was on the verge of breaking down right there in front of his Father. He couldn’t do that; his Father would savor watching him cry. “That’s where you’re wrong dad. I don’t need anyone. I can take care of myself.”

  “I hope so, because no one cares about a fuck up like you. Not even your Mother. You’re alone.” Glenn taunted coldly.

  “I’m not alone!” Thomas erupted.

  “Really, Thomas? Who else is there? Do they know about the time you overdosed on acid, Huh? How about the fucking seven times I had to get you out of the detention home because you tried to steal a carton of cigarettes, or busted open a pay phone, or got caught smoking dope behind the school... better yet, what about the time you tried to hang yourself from the ceiling fan? That’s the best one... couldn’t even kill yourself, had to foul that up too,” his Father scowled without remorse, a crude smirk planted across his pudgy face. His father always did this. Of all the beatings Thomas had endured, the words hurt the most.

  “Go to hell.” This was not his Father before him. This was an enemy.

  With an open hand, his Father struck him across the face with such power, that Thomas slammed into the railing that lined the wide stairwell. The searing pain shot through his skull like a metal spike. His eyes pulsated as pressure built behind them. He looked up toward his Dad, his vision slightly distorted; he could see silver sparks igniting around him.

  Glenn jammed his finger into his son’s chest, “Don’t ever challenge me, Tom. I’ll take back every last breath I gave you, you got that?” With that he turned away from Thomas and walked downstairs.

  Thomas didn’t move. He felt a rabid hatred for that man, whom he was certain would one day kill him, and think nothing of it.

 

  It was the regular old crowd gathered on the corner of Audrey Shooman’s driveway. Always the same four birds, Mary Cavanaugh, Janice Norton, a tall, stick thin lady in her early seventies who liked to dress in long plaid country western style skirts and blouses to match. Lucille Farber, a brutish woman with short gray hair and an ever present scowl on her face. Kay Tuttle was the youngest of them at forty. With waist length, brown hair and a lanky build, she had a long face and an even longer nose so she looked not altogether unlike a horse. This was their regular morning hang-out where they would eagerly share all the dirt from the previous week. They were staring down toward Lola Collier’s house where a Postal truck sat in her driveway.

  Janice had her hands planted firmly on her bony hips. Her bright red lipstick was slightly smeared, more on her teeth, than on her lips. “It’s just tacky, flaunting your affairs in front of the entire neighborhood the way she does. No shame,” she proclaimed thoroughly disgusted.

  Lucille crossed her arms over her great bosom, “Yesterday it was the delivery man from up to Jack’s Pizza. I sat in my kitchen window for over an hour until he finally left... I pity the poor fellows; they don’t know what they’re getting into.”

  “She probably has a good cover. She acts all innocent, they’d never know they were in the presence of a cold blooded killer,” Audrey stated, feeling the curler’s in her snow white hair to see if they had dried.

  Mary shook her head in amazement, “Shouldn’t be so easy. Go and kill your husband and just get away with it. Who’s to say she won’t do it again? Probably to one of those service men she’s shacking up with.”

  Kay agreed straight away, “So true. Worse yet, what if she loses it again and goes all screwy? What if she just ran out one day and started firing a gun or something?”

  “You think she has a gun?” Mary inquired, genuine worry marked clearly on her face.

  “That would be too noisy, she’s smart, remember she got away with it once,” Audrey analyzed. Audrey was a great detective, she had seen every episode of Murder She Wrote’ and sat fixed to Court TV daily.

  Janice held her hand to her forehead in peril, “It’s just awful to think about it. I bet she’d do it with a knife. Make her way up one side of the street, house by house. The world is full of sickos these days. It’s the times we’re in! Jesus is sending us all a message.” Janice was a religious zealot. She was sure the end of the world was in progress and could talk for hours about all the prophecies in the Bible that had already come to pass. While she would tell you she was merely prepared, it would be more accurate to say she was downright paranoid. So determined was she to get into heaven that she made certain to bring up God in every conversation, no matter the topic.

  Lucille grabbed Mary’s arm in excitement. She watched as Corey walked off his porch and onto the lawn. He began clipping the tulips from their stems. “Look at what we have here.”

  Audrey stared, “Look at that hair. If I didn’t know any better I’d sw
ear that was a girl!”

  “I’ve heard things about that little cookie...” Janice said, her mouth firmly puckered, “I hear he leads an alternative lifestyle.” She grabbed her necklace between her boney knuckles.

  The crows gasped in horror.

  “No!” Mary exclaimed in disbelief, though, quite honestly, she had no idea what an alternative lifestyle was.

  Kay placed her hand over her heart. Anyone else would’ve expected her to keel over, but she was always dramatizing things. “That is just unbelievable. I never believed in that holistic medicine, herbal remedies and such. I used Aloe Vera once on a burn, but I don’t practice it.”

  “That lifestyle’s full of a bunch of quacks if you ask me. You can’t heal somebody by shoving plants in their face. You know what it is; it’s a cult... witches and stuff. I heard about it on T.V. You’ll never catch me in an alternative lifestyle, that’s for sure!” Audrey bellowed insistently, throwing her arm in the air for proper emphasis.

  Janice cleared her throat and looked at them above the frame of her eyeglasses, “No girls... another alternative lifestyle,” She informed.

  The women just looked at her, none of them knowing what to say. They were a bunch of deer caught in headlights.

  Ever the insightful one, Janice leaned in, lowering her voice as if someone may hear besides the intended, “You know... he’s...” She stopped. Had that word ever crossed her lips before? She didn’t think so, “He’s fruity,” she managed.

  “You mean he’s a killer too?” Mary winced precariously.

  Immediately the other women reacted.

  “Oh Lord have mercy Almighty baby Jesus!!” Lucille called out, covering her mouth in disbelief.

  “No!” Janice snapped, “He’s not a killer. I don’t think so anyway.”

  “Well, what is he?” Kay inquired.

  Janice whispered again, “He’s a-“

  The women drew gasps of air collectively, holding it in anticipation.

  “He’s a-“ Janice held out her hand and let her wrist dangle loosely in front of them.

  “A Manicurist?” Kay said uncertainly.

  “He’s a lesbian!” Janice stomped her foot, angry they were so stupid.

  “NO!” Lucille barked in denial.

  The other girls were speechless.

  Janice nodded assured, “He goes to school with my Jimmy.”

  “I have children,” Kay declared in contempt.

  Mary ogled Corey, who had gathered the flowers in his arms, and lifted one up to smell it, “A real lesbian, right here on Harrington.”

  Audrey sighed, “And this used to be such a nice neighborhood.”

  Corey walked into the house. He carried the armful of colorful flowers into the kitchen and placed them in a frosted porcelain vase that sat in the center of the dining table. He arranged them accordingly as he whistled a playful tune.

  He felt especially good this sunny Saturday afternoon. He stepped back to admire his handiwork. The white, red and yellow buds accented the room perfectly. His Father walked around the corner and froze. Corey grinned, awaiting his words of approval. “They look nice, don’t they?” He invited, hoping to prompt some reaction.

  Timothy walked to the refrigerator and took out a beer, “Yeah, they look nice,” he didn’t even really look at them.

  Disappointed, Corey took the vase and started away, “I’ll just put them in my room.” Timothy turned to him, taking a gulp of Bud Light “You can leave them in here, they brighten up the kitchen,” he consented halfheartedly.

  Corey paused, the faint scent of the tulips drifted to his nose. He didn’t want to look at his Father; he realized that if he did, he may say something regretful. He faced away from him, “They were her favorite.”

  “Kind of pointless since she’s not here to enjoy them, Corey,” Mr. Evans spoke nonchalantly.

  Corey then spun, staring him down as his Dad as he sat down at the table, “But I am... and you are. I thought it might be nice to look at them and remember the way she would spend an hour making sure they were all just right... You don’t care, do you?”

  His Father leered at him from the corner of his eye, “How could you say that?” He shot quietly.

  “Because it’s been a year dad. You never talk about her; you don’t act like it even matters to you. You’ve gotten rid of everything we had left of her. You sold the house and you left everything behind like you’re trying to pretend she was never here,” Corey fumed, clenching his fingers around the vase until they became red from the pressure.

  Mr. Evans flew out of his chair, “How can you even dare say such a thing, Corey. I’ll never forget. I loved her too. She was my wife longer than you’ve been my son. It helps me to get some distance from it. I do it for us, because if I think about it I’ll die right along with her. That would be my choice, to die with her rather than stay behind and be forced to understand, like everything’s okay when it’s not. The only way I can go on without her is to leave it behind.”

  Corey grew weak, his insides churned and he instantly felt nauseous, “Can’t we keep what little we have left?” He choked, unable to hide his sorrow.

  His Father stepped toward him, “I’m sorry... I guess I still haven’t figured it all out yet,” He took the vase from Corey’s hands and placed it back on the table, “I always thought it would hurt worse to remember, than to forget. It’s like torture, thinking back, playing the special moments in your mind over and over like an old movie reel. All along, you know you can never share that with her ever again, and you realize she was here for such a short time... Not long enough for me to hold her one last time before she was gone.”

  “She’s in heaven, you know... It hurts her to be away from us. If she had a choice, she would’ve stayed; she would be here now... Do you think she wants to forget us? No. She would remember. There’s a part of her left behind. A part of her still here. She’s here in me, Dad. She’ll always be here, and if you want to forget, then you have to get rid of me along with everything else because I am still her son too.” Corey wrestled with his emotions, he had cried for so long. He couldn’t cry anymore.

  Timothy couldn’t speak. While the words blasted through his head like bullets, he couldn’t make sense of any of them. He remained motionless.

  Corey pushed back his hair from his eyes and walked away, leaving him.

  Even alone, Timothy was unable to shake the ice that froze him in place. He had broken down in front of his son. He had gone back on his own word. A failure, that’s what he was. The day his wife died he swore he would be a pillar for his son. A sounding board. He knew if he lost it Corey would have no one. Timothy knew all to well what alone really was. When his own Mother died, his Father slipped into an uncaring world of booze and pills. Tranquilizers to numb the pain that would claim him as soon as he let himself feel anything.

  An only child, Timothy stood by and watched his Dad drink and drug himself into unconsciousness for five years. Every night, his father sat before the radio and pushed away the memories. He would rock in his squeaky, wooden chair and sing along to Gene Autry. It was a Friday night when his Dad came home from the auto factory earlier than usual. He kissed Timothy on the head and retreated to his rocker. Timothy lay at his feet building one of his model airplanes. Right away he noticed the chair stop. His Dad no longer sang. The bottle of Vodka rolled of his lap, landing at his feet. Timothy stood up and stared at him. He shook him once, then again harder. “Daddy, wake up... Daddy? Daddy.” He would normally rouse, or at least groan in his diluted state, but he didn’t this time. “Daddy, get up. Dad! Please, Daddy come back! Come back. Come back.” It wasn’t long before he was screaming at him. Begging him not to leave.

  Timothy crawled up into a ball on his lap and began to sing with the radio as he cried. He knew he was gone. He died that way. Thirty Eight years old. Alcohol poisoning. Stopped his heart. It wasn’t until the next morning
when the maid arrived to do morning chores that she discovered the Ten year old boy sleeping on his dead Father’s lap. The memory never faded with time.

  Now Forty five, Timothy could witness it all over again as if it had just happened. Printed indelibly on the exterior of his brain. That fear, and the sense of incredible loss still haunted him. Going back was like reliving the entire nightmare. Nothing had been forgotten. He could feel his Dad’s skin. Smell the liquor. And the music played on. Every emotion was just as sharp as if no time had passed. He was still that terrified child curled up in his own Father’s lap.

  Timothy sat down at the table. He looked at the flowers in front of him and touched the silky petals... his wife’s laughter echoed in his heart.

  The Sadie Public Library was more of a museum. It had been built within the remains of an old Catholic church and boasted much of the original architecture. The acoustics still magnified the sound of a pin dropping to sonic boom proportion. Huge framed photographs of the village, as it appeared in the late 1800’s, adorned the stone walls, back when dirt streets were adorned with stagecoaches and horses. The women depicted wore long lacy gowns and carried parasols. The men wore top hats and coat tails. An era of sophistication long since forgotten.

  Gabe studied each photograph carefully. He came upon a painting of the founder of Sadie, William Jesper Sadie. He looked stern. He wasn’t smiling and had his hand under his lapel, like Napoleon. Gabe posed like him, holding his chin up, pushing out his bottom lip, and stuffing his hand between the buttons of his shirt.

  “Can I help you?” The librarian appeared at his side and immediately appeared insulted.

  Gabe blushed as he regained his normal posture, “No, no, I was just waiting for someone,” he staggered.

  The librarian examined him for a second, then flung herself around and walked away.

  Wide eyed, Gabe looked around humored by her exaggerated bitchiness. He started toward the bookshelves, glancing down each aisle as he passed. Finally he spotted Rachel. He rushed toward her, “Did you find what you’re looking for, This librarian is about to come unhinged, like any second,” he testified anxiously.

  Rachel ran her fingers along the bindings looking for a specific title. She gave him a sly glare, “What did you do?”

  Gabe’s mouth dropped as if appalled by the mere notion, “I didn’t do anything. Now I remember why I don’t come here more often. Librarians, though quiet, they’re psychopaths waiting to happen. Forget the postal employees; it’s the librarians you should be afraid of.”

  Rachel giggled softly, “Leave Lisa alone, she’s just doing her job.”

  Gabe leaned against the shelf, unsteady on the shag carpet it nearly tipped over.

  Startled, Rachel squealed as they hurried to catch it before it fell. The librarian peered from behind her desk holding her finger over her thin lips, “Shhh!”

  Rachel nodded her head and mouthed an insincere apology, “Go sit down before you get us into more trouble.”

  Gabe rolled his eyes, “What are you looking for?” He demanded hurriedly.

  Rachel continued browsing, “A book of Poems called ‘Quiet Storms,’ by Corey Evans.”

  Gabe looked up at the shelf distraught, “Well hurry up and find it so we can-“

  It hit him like a brick; he couldn’t have heard her correctly. He lowered his eyebrows, “By who?”

  Rachel moved around the corner into the next corridor, “It’s a book of poetry called ‘Quiet Storms’.” She repeated casually.

  “But by who? Who did you say it was by? Who is the author?” Gabe pressed, completely thrown off guard.

  Rachel grew irritated, “By Corey Evans, Corey Evans!”

  “Corey Evans who?” He yelled in torture.

  Rachel spun, “Corey Evans! Corey Evans! That’s it, that’s all!” She fired loudly.

  “Shhh!” She librarian reprimanded once again.

  Gabe was unaffected by the reprimanding, “You mean Corey Evans from school?

  “Yes,” Rachel replied, “He has a book of poetry and I want to read it.”

  “How can he have a book, he’s only seventeen, he’s our age, what seventeen year old writes a book?” Gabe babbled.

  Rachel climbed up on a stool, searching the top shelf, “A gifted seventeen year old, that’s who. Now shut up and help me, or go sit down and behave yourself before we get thrown out,” She scolded.

  Gabe walked around to the next aisle, he rubbed his chin anxiously. A poet. He started scanning the titles. He had to find it before Rachel did. He wanted to read it. He stood up on a small ladder, and moved his fingertips along the titles. The smell of the leather lingered in the air. Old books. Lots and lots of old books. He could see Rachel on the other side, her expression painted with concentration.

  Then she lit up, “Got it!” She announced beaming with pride as she began to pull a hard bound book from its place. Gabe reached through opening in the shelf and grabbed it, but Rachel wouldn’t let go.

  “Let me see,” He yipped, trying to pull it from her tight grip.

  “That’s okay. I have it,” Rachel replied, staring at him through the narrow square between them.

  “I want to see it,” Gabe growled through his clamped teeth.

  Rachel was surprised by his interest, “You can see it when I check it out.” She tugged on the book, but Gabe was strong.

  “Just let me see it!” Gabe growled stubbornly.

  “Let go of the book, Gabe.”

  “No.”

  Rachel grasped it with her other hand and tried to pull it from him, “Give me the book!”

  She struggled. They jerked it back and forth, like a game of tug of war. Gabe would pull it onto his side of the shelf and then Rachel would heave it back.

  “Are you high on something?” Rachel blurted.

  “I’ll - carry - it- for you!” Gabe bribed to no avail.

  “I don’t want you to carry it, I can do it myself! What the hell is wrong with you?” She barked in aggravation. This was crazy!

  The librarian poked her head around the corner again, “Shhhhhhh!” She was obviously more annoyed than before.

  Rachel was irked, “You Shush!” She retaliated defensively.

  Gabe had one thing on his mind. That book, “Let go Rachel, I mean it!”

  “You let go! It’s my book!” She argued with sincere determination. She would have that book!

  Gabe braced himself against the wooden casing, “Rachel, give it to me!”

  “You don’t even read, you never read!”

  “I’m going to start!”

  “Then get another one, there are plenty to choose from!” She reminded furiously.

  “I want this one!” He strained, holding on for dear life.

  “Fine.”

  She let go and Gabe fell from the ladder. Airborne, he flew into the shelf behind him, as the case separating himself and Rachel toppled onto him. It caused something of a domino effect, as one by one they collided with the neighboring shelves. Gabe listened as they crashed like oversized building blocks.

  He stuffed the book into the waist of his pants and crawled out from the wreckage, getting to his feet, “I’m okay. I’m fine,” He advertised, getting to his feet. Everyone in the library had gathered around. The librarian held her chest as her mouth hit the floor. She was rendered speechless as she surveyed the damage.

  Rachel glanced at her in horror, “We’re not together,” she noted, then walked out of the facility.

  Gabe raced out of the library. He saw Rachel walking down the sidewalk, her arms crossed sternly. He came up behind her and spoke, “You forget where we parked? I mean, the car’s in the lot back there.”

  Rachel kept a fast pace. She was hoping that eventually he would stop following her, “Have you gone mad? I can’t believe what you did, Gabe. You humiliated me in front of everyone.”

  Gabe r
emained a step behind her, “I’m sorry, Rach. I was just having a little fun back there. I got carried away,” He amended, reaching for her arm, stopping her. “I’ll never do it again. Forgive me.”

  His charm was incredible, she couldn’t resist succumbing. “What has gotten into you Gabe? It’s like one day you’re Dudley DooRight and the next you’re trashing the public library over a book. Something has changed...” She concluded.

  Gabe wrapped his arm around her. She seemed so little next to his six foot frame, “It’s no big deal. I’m still me. I just... I’m discovering a lot about myself.”

  “Like what?” Rachel asked as he guided her back to his black B.M.W..

  “It’s okay to let loose once in a while. You only live once right?” He informed as he opened her door.

  Rachel got in and fastened her seat belt. He got in next to her. “Why did you want that book so bad?” She questioned.

  “I didn’t... I was just messing around.” Quick on his feet, it was a valiant lie. Not to specific, not to unbelievable.

  “It wasn’t funny. Give me the book.” She held open her hand.

  Gabe had hoped she wouldn’t see it protruding from under his shirt. He glanced down to make sure it wasn’t noticeable. It wasn’t. Thank God. “I, uh... I didn’t get it.”

  Upset, Rachel stared out the windshield, biting the inside of her cheek, “I can’t believe you didn’t even get the book.” Gabe started the engine and peeled out of the lot.

  Night had fallen and Corey sat at his computer. His mind was blank. The cursor on the empty screen flashed, taunting him. Maybe he had lost it. The words once so easily flowed from his fingers, now they had turned on him. Stressed, he pushed his hand under his thick black locks and massaged his scalp. He flipped off his computer and walked over to the stereo on his dresser. He popped in a C.D. and pressed play. He danced around his bedroom and sang along to the words, snapping his fingers to the theme from the musical Meet Me in St. Louis.

  He picked up a brush from the bed and sang loudly. He shook his body and grooved with music. He tossed his hair back and kept the rhythm with his hand. His neck bobbed back like a pigeon.

  Gabe watched him through the telescope. He laughed out loud at the sight, then picked up his telephone and dialed his number. It rang... and rang... and rang. So enthralled with the music, Corey couldn’t hear the telephone. He spun around the room and belted his heart out. Gabe hung up the phone. He would try again when Corey came off stage. He continued to let Corey amuse him with his gyrating grind.

  Corey jumped up on his bed and gave his finale. He could hear his invisible audience cheering him on. His phone beckoned him. He jumped off the mattress and retrieved it.

  “Hello? He was still out of breath.

  “Hi.” Thomas replied.

  Corey sensed he was nervous, “Thomas, I’ve been waiting for you to call.”

  “You sound out of breath,” Thomas noted.

  “I was.... just exercising.”

  “I got you something today... I saw it and it reminded me of you!” Thomas announced excitedly.

  “How sweet! I hope it’s not a stuffed dog! I don’t like stuffed animals, it reminds me of taxidermy.”

  Thomas laughed, “We’ll then I’m in luck, it’s not a stuffed animal. I thought if you weren’t busy we could go somewhere.”

  A thoughtful expression found Corey, “Sure,” he answered. “I really need to get out of this house; I think I’m getting Cabin fever or something. If I don’t get out I will go insane.”

  Gabe could see Corey holding the phone with his shoulder. Who was he talking to?

  “Yeah, why don’t you come over.”

  Thomas was quiet for a moment, “Meet me in the park at the end of Harrington. It’s beautiful out tonight.”

  Corey grinned, “Okay, I’ll be there in ten minutes.” He hung up and then he walked out of his room.

  Gabe dialed Corey again. It rang, and his machine answered. He was concerned. He looked for any sign of him, but he was no longer in his room. Then he saw him appear at the downstairs door and instinctively he recoiled from the lens as not to be seen.

  Corey walked down the sidewalk, pulling on a thin jacket to shelter him from the unusually cool breeze. Puzzled, Gabe rushed out of his room and down the stairs.

  His Mother was coming up. “Dinner’s almost ready, we’re having pot roast,” She gleefully informed him.

  Gabe didn’t even stop, “Going for a walk, be right back!” He shuttled out the door, leaving his mother looking rather perplexed by his sudden exit.

  Gabe followed Corey down Harrington. Stealthily, he kept a safe distance behind him, staying in the shadows. He realized that should anyone take notice of his antics he would be immediately presumed a criminal. He felt like a fool. Following him like some stalker.

  Corey hummed the theme to that old song. “Meet Me In Saint Louis, Louis, Meet me at hmmm hmmm. Don’t tell me the lights are shining, hmmm, hmmm, but there.” He warmed his hands in the pockets of his knitted jacket. He couldn’t keep Thomas off his mind. He was so very fond of him. Corey felt fortunate that Thomas would call him when in desire of company; it gave him a sense of worth. One thing he could be sure of, he had always been a good friend. His reputation for being a steadfast listener and highly reliable problem solver had been well known throughout his circle of friends back home. They knew he was exceedingly level headed... despite his personal neurosis… and he appreciated that people saw him as such.

  And yet, when in the presence of Thomas, his mind went completely addle. Whatever slipped from his tongue sounded so inappropriate or utterly ignorant that he spent most of his time with him red from embarrassment. Corey knew he was falling for him. Or maybe it was just that he was desperate for loving attention. That was it! He was just so grateful for the uncommon kindness that Thomas had bestowed that he had unconsciously misinterpreted his own emotions as something greater. He knew he had to purge any erroneous thoughts or feelings from his person. Thomas didn’t want a boyfriend. He had felt so helpless and insignificant for so long that he needs a friend.

  Still, he did create a stir inside Corey. To think, Thomas would risk his own safety by telling his Father that he was gay. How noble. Corey began thinking more clearly. He would actually put himself in harms way, just because of Corey. He had, after all, called him inspiring. What a precious word. Maybe Thomas could really have true feelings for him someday. Then Corey could have his happily ever after.

 

  Gabe slithered in grass of the mist covered lawns behind Corey, careful to stay at least one house behind. He came upon the Krandell residence. They were a elderly couple who hated kids and as the population of youth increased in the neighborhood, they erected a huge slat-board fence to keep ‘hoodlums’ from wandering into their yard. As he slouched his way along the fence, the Krandell’s second attempt at a security measure, a beastly Rottweiler aptly named Baby, leapt against the fence with startling force, snarling with ferocious intent, gnashing his teeth.

  Gabe jumped backward, lost his footing on the steep edge of the sidewalk and fell. He made a frenzied dash, catapulting himself upward from his hands and knees, scurrying behind the trunk of a tree.

  Corey stopped sharply and turned. The vicious barking echoed throughout the neighborhood, shattering the typical silence. Was it barking at him? He glanced around the deserted street and wondered how he had agitated the berserking beast behind the fence. Immediately, he thought it best to keep moving, and he did... quickly.

  Gabe sat on the ground, leaning against the tree breathless, his clenched tightly on the soft ground. He leered at the dog with detest, then peeked around the girth of the trunk too see Corey fading in the distance. He sighed with relief, which only lasted for a fleeting moment, until the Krandell’s porch light came on. He jumped to his feet jumped ran.

  Percival Harrington Park was as elegant as the name. A small brook wound
its way under small wooden bridges lit by lamps mounted to the rail. Grand oaks and flowering cherry trees adorned the grounds that stretched all the way to the distant tree line. A swing set sat in a designated clearing, along with a tall twisting slide and a merry-go-round. It was another world, alive with the sounds of nocturnal creatures.

  The air, once cool, was growing warmer by the moment. Corey searched the grounds for Thomas, apparently he had not arrived. He rocked up and down on his toes and deliberated whether to sit down on the bench. No, he was comfortable standing. He walked over to the slide and placed his hand on the metal surface. He grinned friskily, then hurried to the ladder and climbed up to the top, looking down on the colorful land below. He loved the slide. It was his favorite toy on the playground. He and his friends had a curly slide back home. Until they graduated elementary school, they would congregate at the slide every recess, climb up and pretend they were being flushed down a toilet or sucked into an underground netherworld or going to put out a fire. He missed those days.

  Corey sat down, his legs aiming downward. He wondered how fast he could go. He used to soar down these things. He prepared to launch himself, gripping the handles in his fists. He drew back and thrust his body forward. Sadly, he didn’t slide. The cold metal must have been moist with dew, because he flip-flopped over his legs, tumbling halfway down the chute, then rolled over the edge and landed square on his back. He laid there for a moment until he caught his breath.

  He stood up with all of his wits about him once more, and brushed himself off. Defeated, he walked away from the slide, cursing it quietly.

  Gabe made his way to the shadows on the other side of the narrow creek until, only a few feet away from Corey, who was standing alone there amongst the whispering breezes and rustling leaves. He seemed so poised, so striking. A child of the night. The moon offered him its glow and the stars were danced in the endless ponds of his dark eyes.

  Gabe spoke quietly, but with a confidence only his intended would hear, “It drowns me at night, before my weary eye’s sleep,” he began.

  Alarmed, Corey turned, scanning the darkness around him, “Thomas?” He called.

  Gabe gulped, his heart beating furiously. He was looking for him. “No, not Thomas.”

  Corey felt a swelling fear. Those words… he knew those words. They were the lines from the opening poem of an anthology his previous English teacher had published for him. How had it found its way to, of all places, Sadie? More importantly, who was this ominous figure quoting him. A stalker, perhaps. He took a discreet step backward, angling his foot so a turn-and-dash would be easy. He felt is breathing slow considerably as his chest tightened with anxiety. “Who are you?”

  Gabe wanted rush to him, take him into his arms, and draw him inside. “You know me.”

  Corey braced himself. He wondered if he should run, but a strange curiosity kept him in place. He could make out a tall, looming silhouette against the black trees. “I don’t think I do,” Corey politely disclaimed, his senses alert.

  Gabe stepped out of the shadows, the combination of the candescent light of the full moon and the distant lamps flooded his face. “I haven’t read your book yet. I just read the poem of the first page. The one for your Mom.”

  Corey shifted uncomfortably. This stranger knew who he was. He took inventory of his surroundings, making sure there was a clear escape route in case he had to flee the scene. “W-Who are you?”

  There was something exhilarating, just having him this close, and aware of him. “I was hoping you would recognize my voice... from the telephone.”

  Corey trembled, “Chris?”

  “Yes.”

  He could flex his vocal cords, but nothing audible would come. Corey just looked at him with a blank expression.

  Gabe toke a few steps forward and stopped about a foot from him, “Nice to finally meet you.” He had waited so long for this very moment, this one magical meeting. It was as if nothing else existed, they were the last two people on the planet.

  Corey was taken aback. Now he recognized him. He had seen him in school before. Those chiseled features and thick blonde hair. “What are you doing here?” There was a discomfort in his voice.

  “I came to see you. Do you want me to go?” Gabe laughed, a bit daunted by Corey’s uncertain expression.

  “Did you follow me?”

  Gabe didn’t reply.

  Corey shook his head in disbelief, “You thought you would come here and I would just fall at your feet, right?” His tone suddenly changed, rising from awkward to cold. “You’re unreal, Chris!”

  Gabe was thrown off guard by his harshness, “I came here to see you, Corey! I know I messed up before, but I’m here now. Doesn’t that count for anything?”

  “Why now?” The question came with a biting force that intimidated Gabe, while he fought for an acceptable explanation, he found nothing suitable.

  Corey persisted, this time louder, more hostile, which he found quite uncharacteristic, “Why now? Why are you here, what do you think-“

  Gabe interjected; “I couldn’t stop thinking of you.” he hollered back, quite surprised by his own urgency. The altercation itself was altogether unorthodox. They were, after all, strangers, and yet they were arguing. “I know you’re angry with me, and it’s justified, but I thought we could start over.”

  “Why?” Corey spat indignantly.

  “Because I like you... and I thought you liked me. Don’t you like me anymore, Corey?” He appeared like a disappointed child who’d just been told that there was no Santa Claus.

  Corey felt an inner jolt. This may be the only man who ever likes him. How could he reject that? It’s not like romantic opportunities were blossoming around him. “I still like you.” Corey replied feeling drained. The old saying, ‘Beggars can’t be choosers’ raced through his mind. Wasn’t this what he had wanted? Someone to care for him? Isn’t that what everyone wanted? To love and be loved? Everything he’d ever felt for this man that once seemed so far away was now before him. And yet, he couldn’t stop thinking of Thomas.

  Gabe smiled, “You know, I never imagined our first meeting would result in an fight.” He looked into Corey’s eyes; they were definitely the darkest he had ever seen. “I care for you, Corey.”

  “You do?” Corey asked softly. He had dreamt of someone saying that to him.

  Gabe nodded. “Tell me you forgive me for being a jerk.”

  “I forgive you,” Corey said, staring down at the glistening grass. It was quiet for a while. They listened to the sounds of the night, admired each other discreetly.

  Cautiously, Gabe moved forward and gently brushed Corey’s face with the back of his hand, “I feel absolutely insane... You don’t even know me... but I want I kiss you right now?”

  OH GOD! Should he kiss him? Would this be his fairy tale? Was this what he had been searching for? Was this real? It wasn’t some moment in front of the mirror to monitor his facial distortions while puckering, or with his wrist. This was another human being. He felt his skin on his arms tingle as he responded. “Yes.” He breathed as he moved to him.

  Thomas watched them from the trees and he felt has if his body had been trampled by wild horses. He hurt all over, but the worst pain was the one in his chest. That empty space where Corey had been. He was alone again. The bouquet of white Daisies fell from his limp fingers, landing at his feet and tumbling out of their cellophane wrapping. He wondered how it was he could mourn the loss of something he never possessed to begin with. Yet, he was hallow, just an armor with nothing inside. The one time he thought he had found companionship, the one reason he didn’t feel alone and eternally embattled had left him. He was foolish to expect anything more. He had robbed himself of his bearing. He just thought that maybe, just this once, he might be saved from loneliness... now, that was to be his only friend.

  Thomas turned and walked back toward the shadows and they swallowed him. Perhaps
they would comfort him; they were longtime friends, he and the dark.

  “So, how did you know where to find me tonight? You live around here?” Corey quizzed as Gabe walked him home.

  Gabe had to think quickly. He couldn’t tell him that he lived across the street; he would easily find out that he was not really Chris. He couldn’t tell him his real name, not yet. There was still Rachel, and Gabe knew she and Corey had grown close.

  “Yeah, not far. Just around the corner,” All these lies, one right after the other. He reasoned by telling himself that the lies were to protect Corey, not to harm him.

  Corey believed him. He had no reason not to. However, there was still a sentiment of suspicion, one he could not shake. “That night you called my name... were you on a cellular phone or something. You had to be close. It sounded like you were right next door.”

  If he only knew. “I was parked around the curve. I was calling from the car.”

  They came to a halt in front of Corey’s house. Corey took Gabe’s hands into his own and looked up at him. He towered above him, kind of like the Jolly Green Giant and the impish Sprout.

  “You know, you don’t have to hide anymore,” Corey stated, hoping that this meeting would prove to be a turning point in their once strictly vocal relationship.

  “I wish I would’ve never hidden to begin with. Being here with you tonight is the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. The one thing I’m sure of,” Gabe conceded truthfully. This enigmatic creature before him was a small piece of heaven, reminding him every time he was near that the world didn’t end at the Sadie city limits. In essence, he was his ray of hope. Something pure still survived. Corey brought him out of his mundane existence and held a mirror in front of him. Don’t be who you’re expected to be, be who you are. True happiness lies in honesty. It took an outsider to stroll into his life to show him there was more. Everything he had, though he was thankful, didn’t satisfy Gabe. There was still a void inside of him. Everything he really wanted, but hadn’t been aware of, did exist. All Gabe had to do was look out of his window.

  “I better get inside. My Dad will worry,” Corey stated. “Thank you. For everything.”

  Gabe nodded in acknowledgment. “Okay.”

  Corey gave him a quick peck on the cheek and patted his shoulder, “Night.” he said.

  Gabe flinched quickly, then looked in all directions to see if anyone who knew him might be watching. No one was in sight. As Corey moved just a step away, Gabe grabbed his arm firmly and spun him back into him, folding his arms around Corey’s thin body; he kissed him hard, unleashing his emotions. He lifted him off of his feet, bringing him up to his eye level.

  “I’ve been waiting to do that for a long time,” He beamed with joy, as they spun aimlessly in the street beneath the light. They laughed gloriously, then stopped, captured by the moment. Gabe kissed him on the end of his nose “Good night,” he said melodiously.

  “Good night, Chris.” Corey replied, still gazing into his pale face. He was still waiting for some rapturous spark, something that would make him sing, that feeling he got when he was with... Thomas. “You should put me down first,” Corey suggested, dangling his feet that were about two inches from the pavement.

  He placed Corey safely back on the road, “Sorry.”

  Corey took small steps backward; he couldn’t seem to turn away as long as Chris stood there. When he finally did turn to walk up toward the porch steps, he kept looking over his shoulder until he opened the front door. He wanted to feel happier. He knew he should be ecstatic.

  He walked into his house, leaning against the closed door. “What am I doing?” He said aloud. “What am I doing?”

  Gabe waited under the street light, almost expecting him to appear one last time. Finally, he began away. He would walk until Corey’s house fell from view, then come back up the opposite side of the street. He was invigorated, like he had been given a new lease on life. He tapped his hands on his legs to a tune only he could hear, and hopped off the curb. He felt something new, an unexpected optimism he had never before experienced. He was suddenly infallible, nothing could take this away, and with it, he was immortal. He could not help but smile, intoxicated by the night and all that it revealed; he knew that from this moment on, nothing would ever be the same.

  seven

  Heart Strings

  Rachel twirled in front of the full length mirror on Angie’s bedroom door, admiring her purple, satin graduation gown. “I have to admit it, Purple has always been my color!” she buzzed excitedly. She looked down at the cap she held in her tiny fingers, “Not to sure about the hat though, it’s so.... square.”

  Corey sat up on the bed flustered, his gown had wrinkled underneath him, “I feel like I’m wearing a dress. I knew we should’ve waited until tomorrow to try them on!” He complained.

  Rachel sat next to him, “This is possibly the biggest moment of our lives! Tomorrow, we put the past thirteen years behind us and move forward. It’s a milestone Cor, enjoy it!” She wailed enthusiastically as she put his cap on his head and it fell over his eyes, “You look great!”

  Corey pulled it off, “I suppose you’re right. It’s like, I’ve just started to get settled in, you know? Things have just started to happen, then BANG, another life altering change. First I move a billion miles from home, then I find myself in Mayberry, where I proceed to get involved in the whole phone thing, all in the blink of an eye.”

  Rachel stood up and walked back to the mirror, thoroughly enjoying her image. She smiled at herself, “Tell me again about Chris!” She was trying to change the subject. There was no room for woes on this day. Nothing could bring her down.

  Chris. The very mention of the name made him flutter like a little girl, and twinge from guilt, “What’s left to tell. It was so thrilling. He walked out of the shadows; I have never met a guy like this before. A guy who likes me the way Chris does. It scares me a little. I guess I expected it to be different.

  “How did you expect it to be?”

  “To beautiful for words.” Corey sang as he got up and walked up behind Rachel and began braiding her wavy hair, “Things like this just don’t happen to me. Maybe I’m still in shock or something.” he added.

  Rachel pinched her cheeks, trying to go for the natural blush look, “But it did... it happened. You know what, Corey; our lives seem to be running parallel right now. We’re both suffering such drastic changes. A month ago I would have never actually slept with Gabe...”

  Corey peeked over her shoulder in shock, “Pardon?”

  Rachel grinned shrewdly.

  Corey’s mouth fell open, “Shut up!”

  “I swear. It was like two o’clock in the morning and he snuck through my bedroom window. One thing led to another.” Her voice trailed, as though something lingered, something more complex, perhaps regret. Rachel herself was unsure of what remained in the shadows of her consciousness. She hadn’t yet discovered the strength to look there.

  “You were a virgin, right?” Corey pried, twisting her hair around his finger.

  She nodded her head, “We both were.” she said thoughtfully, reaching for some lotion on Angie’s vanity.

  “Oh my God! You little vixen!” He flouted comically. “I’m jealous.”

  Rachel squirted some lotion on a tiny cotton ball and ran it over her face. Like she needed facial care, her complexion was porcelain. Had she never had a zit? “I always knew I would loose my virginity to Gabriel. I mean, I just knew, so I never really thought about it. It was almost predetermined,” she handed Corey a rubber band.

  “So you weren’t absolutely terrified?” This was a rare occurrence, when he could actually talk openly about such an intimate matter and not be embarrassed. He and Rachel could talk about almost anything; he knew she wouldn’t judge him for his inquiring mind.

  “I was a little nervous at first, but nature kicks in, like an animal force, almost primeval. You lo
se all of your inhibitions.” Rachel glanced back at him through the mirror. “You forget to be shy.”

  Corey tied her hair and stood next to her, “Have I ever met Gabe?”

  “No...” She hesitated, “He comes from a very religious family. His Dad’s a bishop at the church on Cherry Street...” His reaction back at school had frightened her, so much so that she never brought the issue to light again.

  “Well, I want you to meet Chris. You’ll fall in love with him. He’s got the most gripping blue eye’s you’ve ever seen,” Corey affirmed joyously. He could still see them, the way they shined.

  “I can meet him tomorrow, and then the four of us can get something to eat, maybe grab a pizza from uptown,” she proposed.

  Corey played with the tassel hanging from his cap, “I don’t know. He might not be all that comfortable yet, this whole thing is entirely new to him still...”

  Rachel sighed, “No matter what, Corey, we’ll always be friends. Despite the men in our lives, or the distance between us... we stay together, agreed?” She looked at him pointedly.

  In the short time they had known each other, they formed an unbreakable bond. It seemed a natural evolution; they were two young adults preparing to embark on a life journey where neither of them knew what their respective futures held. This friendship was one of the last things assured. It made it a bit easier, the awareness that the neither of them would be fighting alone to make a place in this world. Through all the chaos and discernment, they would hold onto this as if it were sacred.

  “Agreed,” Corey committed willingly.

  Rachel wrapped her arm around him, appreciating their likenesses in the mirror, “We look cute!” she twittered.

  “You guys?” Angie’s voice called from behind the bathroom door.

  Rachel and Corey looked at one another in shock, “I forgot about her!” Rachel giggled, as they walked to the bathroom door. She turned the knob and found it locked. “Angie, you’ve been in there for an hour, let’s see already!” Rachel moaned impatiently.

  She didn’t answer. Corey’s expression grew grim, “Maybe she’s on the toilet,” he joked as he and Rachel fell into each other cackling.

  “I’m not coming out!” Angie wailed.

  “We already have our gowns on, now you have to come out!” Corey insisted, holding his head to the door listening as Rachel clung to his shoulder in anticipation.

  “I’m not wearing this. I hate it!”

  Rachel howled silently. She found this hysterical. Corey couldn’t help but join her. They reclaimed themselves and redirected their attention to their friend locked behind the door. “You never have to put it on again after tomorrow. Come on, Angie!”

  “NO!” Angie howled in objection.

  Corey shook the doorknob once more, “It makes no difference; we all look the same.”

  It grew quiet. Then they heard the lock click. Angie poked her head around the corner and then appeared. Her gown had arrived too small. Her belly protruded under the satin. “They think every girl is a size eight!” She scowled, walking over to the mirror as her friends followed.

  Corey felt sorry for her, “Maybe they’ll have a spare one at school,” he said, trying to appease her grief.

  “I took home economics; maybe I could just take it out a little.”

  Angie glared at herself, “I look like Grimace... I’m a big, fat grape!” She frowned, her chin shook. She was going to cry.

  “You are not.” Corey unzipped her outfit, “We’ll just fix it,” he decided aloud.

  “Look at me... “ Angie wept.

  Rachel hugged her, “Don’t cry, Angie. We can fix it. It’ll be okay.”

  “I hate this!” Angie sobbed, “We can’t fix it! I’m almost two hundred and fifty pounds...” She looked at both of them blankly as she turned. “Everything will be okay for you guys, look at you, with your pretty hair and skinny little bodies. I’d give anything just to look like one of you for a day, an hour even.” She waddled back into the bathroom as Corey and Rachel closely followed her.

  “Angie, you’re beautiful,” She hated seeing Angie like this; it made her insides ache to see someone else in pain.

  Angie looked at Rachel in peril, she hated to be patronized. She wasn’t an idiot; she knew the way she looked. She had grown up chubby and she had spent her entire childhood being told how pretty she could be, and how she had such a lovely face. It made her ill. “Thanks Rachel, but when you lie to me it only makes it worse.” She began peeling off her gown. ‘You’re so beautiful,’ Isn’t that people say to the deformed to make them feel confident? I don’t want to hear that, I’m sick of hearing that. I’m heavy... I’m fat. I know it. You know it. Don’t pretend like I’m one of you. You don’t have any idea what this is like. I’ve watched you in school, with Gabe and all of your friends, you have it made. Both of you do. You don’t have to shop in the plus section at department stores or hear people snickering behind your back. This has been my life... So don’t think that you telling me how great I am for one second will make any of it go away. It won’t.” She stepped back into the bathroom, not intending to cause a scene, yet refusing to allow herself to remain silent. Her sincerity could not be opposed, and both of her friends knew that.

  Corey stepped forward, “We all have things we don’t like about ourselves Angie. My life isn’t perfect, I’ve had to-“

  Angie cut him off in disgust, “Don’t feed me the gay bull shit. Like that’s a handicap or something, you’re gorgeous, and you weren’t in Sadie but a day before you had guys climbing all over you. You walk in my shoes just once, no matter where you go, you’re still fat and people see that and only that.” She sat on the edge of the bathtub, calming herself. She wiped her tears from her face, “You know, when I was nine years old my I went to stay with my Grandmother for the summer. She looked at me and just shook her head, like she was sad. She asked me how I could to this to myself. I was only allowed to eat applesauce and celery for almost a month. She kept me in my room and wouldn’t let me outside. One day, some of her rich friends came over, and I was sitting on the stairs and they asked her who I was, and you know what she said? That’s the maid’s daughter. She was ashamed of me. Finally my parents came to get me and I never went back. I still think about that. The way she looked at me with such disgust, like I was a monster. I was only a little girl. Still, every Christmas she sends me a little dress... I don’t even think I could fit my leg in it, but it’s was her way of telling me that I am still not enough. Humiliating me.” She picked at the loose threading on the sleeve of her gown which sat in her lap. “Before you came here, I sat alone every day. When I heard people laughing and making pig jokes I would just shut them out, like I wasn’t there. I closed myself off from everyone, and I felt safe that way. I put a little distance between the words and the intent they had. No one could hurt me that way. I thought of it as me rejecting them. But, even though I wanted to believe I was good, and they were all bad people, just stupid kids, it all still hurt. Mostly when I was by myself, like late at night, or in a quiet place away from the world... even then I could hear them in the back of my mind. I hated myself for giving them that, letting them hurt me, but I did. The Great Pretender, that’s me. The butt of a joke I never found humorous. The freak in the corner, the reality of the way things are for people like me. I never asked to be this way, I never wanted to get like this, but I am, and even though I’ve gone through hell because of it, I still have just a little bit of dignity, because I know there’s a beautiful person underneath. She just...” She pressed her lips together firmly, refusing to cry, “...Stands in the shadow of this.”

  Corey and Rachel stood motionless for a second. Angie’s story touched them both. Neither of them knew the right thing to say. There was no right thing, in fact. Nothing could undo what had been done.

  Corey folded his arms, and thought. Seems as if the little town of Sadie was really no different than anywhere
else, the people here may appear picturesque on the outside, but inside they were all struggling with the demons that had stormed them. He stepped close to her, getting on his knees, he place his hands on her, “I see her,” he said sheepishly.

  Angie looked at him and grinned modestly. The sparkle on his lash was a telltale sign he had secretly been weeping with her.

  Rachel followed Corey’s lead, sitting down next to her, placing her head on Angie’s shoulder, “Me too,” she sighed.

  “I know you do,” Angie said, her voice cracking, “I know you do now... That’s why I love you.”

  “I have a question,” Corey began curiously. The girls looked at him. “Who’s Grimace?” He asked seriously.

  With that, they broke into smiles that eventually became the glorious sounds of laughter.

  The Lincoln High School football field had been temporarily turned into a grand stage. Men and women in their pressed suits and flowing dresses waded through the thick crowd of guests, even though the ceremony wouldn’t begin for a half an hour. Corey and Angie stood in the hallway leading toward the exit, the path that would lead them to their future.

  Angie bit the skin on the side of her thumbnail. “I’m so nervous. You sure I look okay?” She asked in a high pitched tone, her fear obvious in her voice.

  Corey glanced at the small seam lining her gown from the pit of her arm to the hemline, “You can’t even tell. You look fabulous, Darling,” He declared in forced manner, like a stuck up socialite, or game show host. She couldn’t decide which.

  Rachel bounced up to them, “I can’t find Gabe. His parents are out there already, but he’s nowhere to be found,” She explained disappointedly, “I was sure he would find me.”

  Corey leaned against the old fashioned, iron register, “He’s probably out there somewhere,” He was scanning the halls for Chris.

  Just then Mrs. Wayland came into the crowd of students. She held up her finger to silence them, “Make a straight line; we march directly out this door, just like in rehearsal. No stragglers!” she bellowed as everyone fell into form. The three of them stood behind each other. They began doing last minute preparations, making sure their tassel draped over the correct side of their cap, and pushing the slight creases from their gowns.

  The band outside began to play their entrance song and the seniors began trailing out onto the field, walking down the narrow center aisle between the families, friends and faculty sitting in the rows of uncomfortable metal chairs. The graduating class shuffled into the first three rows and sat down as the principal took the podium and began the service. Rachel strained her neck to find Gabe.

  “What are you doing?” Angie barked, having been distracted by Rachel’s constant turning and twisting in her seat.

  “I don’t see him!” She stated, looking a bit worried.

  “He’s valedictorian, Rachel. He’s probably waiting back stage. He’s too good to walk up there with the rest of us common folk. Calm down.” She comforted.

  Gabe stood backstage. He rubbed his hands together and paced back and forth, taking short, fast strides from one end of the stage to the other. He was a wreck. He knew that both of them were out there, and when he came out, his entire life would be destroyed in the flicker of his presence. It would all end right there. Corey would find out what a liar he was, and Rachel would be devastated when he told her. His fingers throbbed and his tongue grew numb and tingled, as if fire smoldered on every nerve ending. How could he not have thought about this? He knew that this would be the one place where all of them would come together, at one time... a dangerous tonic if ever there had been.

  He listened as the principal continued with his speech. It was only a matter of minutes now... minutes that separated him from emotional death. He couldn’t let it come to that. He considered leaving the ceremony, however he realized his absence would literally stop the production outside. He was a part of the program. His name was on every flier in black, bold letters. He would let down his entire family.

  His stomach gurgled, sending echoes up his esophagus. He walked to the curtain and separated it discreetly, peering into the massive audience. There, right in the first row sat Rachel and Corey. Side by side. A sharp, stabbing pain shot through his chest. This was it, he would be exposed. He pulled the curtain closed in agony. He glanced around the scaffolding that held up the make shift stage.

  There, perched against a long metal bar was Ellie Squires in her mascot costume. It consisted of an enormous bald head, perfectly round, sporting a purple and white football helmet and a toga held together with a robe.

  Immediately, he rushed over to her, pulling off her huge plastic head.

  “Hey!” She barked, grabbing it back from him defensively. Her hair was sticking up all over, charged with static. “That’s my head.”

  “I need to use this!” Gabe pleaded.

  Ellie stared at him through scolding eyes. Who did he think he was? “You can’t, I have to appear in this. I’m the Lincoln Little Giants Mascot,” She spat, holding up her foam club that was supposed to look like wood.

  Gabe dug in his pocket, “Please, Ellie. I’m desperate!” He begged, pulling out a twenty dollar bill.

  “What do you need it for?” She said, eyeing the money.

  “I have stage fright, it’ll help me get through my speech,” he reposed in desperation.

  Ellie’s eyes scanned the surroundings, “I could get into a lot of trouble,” She informed hesitantly.

  Suddenly, Gabe heard the audience applaud the principal. He was being announced. Impulsively, with no other choice, he threw the twenty dollars at Ellie and grabbed the helmet, rushing stage side, pulling it over his head.

  “Hey!” Ellie shrieked as she followed him, hitting him from behind with her foam bat. She jumped in front of him, blocking his passage and continued beating him with the club, “Give me my head! That’s my head!” She squealed between blows.

  Unable to control his frustration, Gabe grabbed hold of her weapon, yanking it from her claws. He launched it forward with such force that she tripped over her own feet, and hit the floor. He was sure to give her one last thud on the head before leaving. He knew it wouldn’t hurt her, but it would at least stun her.

  He threw the club down beside her and rushed out on stage. The crowd stood and cheered as he made his entrance. Stepping up to the podium, he began his speech beneath the bubble of safety. The plastic head.

  Corey leaned into Rachel, his face drawn, “That’s your boyfriend?” He queried in shock.

  Rachel offered a slight grin and sunk down.

  Corey could see she was surprised, he made light of the situation, “His head is a little big, don’t you think?” He pestered innocently, then let out a laugh holding his mouth closed, it manifested as a snort. When he saw she wasn’t amused. He threw his arm up revoking his comment, “It was a joke,” he whispered.

  Angie leaned in from Rachel’s other side, “Is it just me, or is something different?” She taunted, “I can’t put my finger on it... Is it his hair?” She continued relentlessly.

  Rachel put her hand over her eyes and slouched further downward. Gabe finished his speech and the crowd roared with approval. Rachel, Corey and Angie stood slowly, applauding out of shear obligation.

  “I think he’s on drugs,” Rachel observed, keeping straight ahead, without a hint of emotion.

  Corey and Angie laughed.

  That evening, the gymnasium had been decked out with decorations. Twisted, purple garland with golden foil stars dangled from the high ceiling. A disco ball hung from the center casting distinct spectacles of light that spun around the room. The lights had been dimmed, and music played from the speakers on the stage. A grand buffet table had been erected, along with a shimmering backdrop for photographs. Young couples were dancing maniacally to Superfreak.

  Rachel appeared, framed in the doorway. She chose a tight black, backless dress. Spaghetti straps crawled up her
ivory skin and met at the back of her neck. Her hair was pulled up onto her head, and loose curls fell around her face. Her lipstick was a dark red and her eye shadow a heavy charcoal. She was a vision of beauty. Far above average. Not just pretty, she was statuesque, like royalty.

  She adjusted her hemline, pulling it down as far as she could. She felt so naked. She had never worn anything like this before, she never thought she would even entertain the notion of wearing some so revealing, but she was determined to get Gabe’s attention, once and for all.

  Stepping inside, she made her way toward the tables on the far side of the gym. Her high heels would turn inward and she would occasionally lose her balance, but no one really noticed because she looked like any other flailing dancer on the floor. She didn’t see Gabe anywhere... she assumed he hadn’t arrived yet, so she sat her purse on the table and oh-so-carefully sat down, crossing her legs, as not to give expose anything.

  Angie squinted at Rachel from across the gym. That couldn’t be her. She sat her glass of punch down and walked across the floor, dodging the arms and legs of kamikaze dancers. Finally, she stood at Rachel’s side. “THAT IS YOU!” She yelled above the music, pulling out a chair, “I’ve never seen you look like this!” She said with delightful surprise.

  Rachel rolled her eyes and straightened her necklace, a diamond inside a small heart. “Don’t get used to it. I feel like a sardine. I hate these heels, and its way to flashy for me!” she pulled back a strand of curls from her mouth that had plastered itself to her lipstick.

  “You look amazing!”

  She smiled seeing Angie was not simply being complimentary; she drew back just a little, “Really?” Could she ever really wear womanly things? She blushed and pushed in her chair. “I hope Gabe thinks so. I did it for him,” Rachel replied loudly, the music was giving her a headache.

  Angie tilted her head and gave her a strange look, “Why?”

  Rachel leaned in, “He’s been so distant lately. I just want things to go back to the way they were before we had the fight. He doesn’t call me as much, and we never spend as much time together as we used to. We used to be inseparable, so I’m going to set us back on the right track.”

  “Recapture his heart, right?”

  “Exactly,” Rachel hollered, “Only he’s not here yet. I’m going to walk right up to him and knock his socks off!” She explained excitedly. “You look great too; you should wear make-up more often.”

  Angie shrugged her shoulders sheepishly, “I curled my hair for the first time, I burned my head,” she lifted up her bangs and pointed out an oblong red mark, “I guess I’m trying to do the same thing you are. What we won’t do for love!”

  Rachel lifted her eyebrows, “Corey, isn’t it?” She was sure of herself.

  Angie sat up straight, “What? Of course not, what would make you say that? Don’t be ridiculous. Why would you even say Corey? What are you thinking? Why would you even suggest that I....” She stopped herself, noticing Rachel’s insidious grin. Angie submitted, “How did you know?”

  Rachel tossed back her head, then flew forward, grabbing Angie’s arm, “I knew it! I KNEW IT!” She declared, “I’ve seen you look at him with that longing stare. It’s written all over your face, Angie. You turn three shades of red every time he’s around.” Angie threw her hand over her mouth jostled, “Please don’t tell him, Rachel. I’ll die!”

  Rachel pushed a cashew into her mouth, “Don’t worry about me, I won’t tell... It’ll come out though, you can’t hide it forever... it’ll grow and grow until you can’t keep it inside and you have to tell him. I guarantee, there will be one instant when you two are alone and everything’s nice and quiet and you have nothing else on your mind but telling him how you feel.”

  Angie hoped that wasn’t true. She would never do that. It would jeopardize their friendship. What good would it do her to tell him anyhow? But if there was just one chance, one flicker of possibility that Corey might see her, not as a girl, but as a human being, then she would tell him everything.

  Gabe explored the room, searching for any sight of his two lovers. Alone, he would approach them, but together, he would hide in the crowd, as far away as he could. The music slowed. He recognized it immediately; the same song had been played at his sister’s wedding. Couples joined each other in rapture on the floor, as Gabe moved through them.

  He spotted Rachel across the gym. He stopped instantly, not having realized he had stopped breathing. That could not be her. She sat there in all her grandeur, as if she were just one of these teenagers. But, she wasn’t, she was bewitching. She must’ve felt his eyes on her because she turned to meet him directly. She stood up from her chair and smiled. Gabe’s heart quivered in his chest, and he was startled to discover he was nervous. His palms were sweating. He had known this girl for years and he was nervous.

  They began to step toward each other and met in the center of the gym, couples swaying around them, the music penetrating them. Gabe was frozen in her sight, “You look like an angel,” he said, engulfed by her appearance.

  She stepped into his arms and embraced him, “I missed you.”

  Gabe placed his arms on the small of her back. Something had changed somewhere, for there was a time not long ago he would have been afraid that if he held her too tightly he would break her, but she did not seem breakable anymore, she was not a child, she didn’t need his protection and with this new realization he found himself almost unfamiliar with her. “I missed you to,” he said, gently laying his head against hers.

  They began to dance and she remembered how if felt to be safe, to trust someone indiscriminately. If this was all there was in the entire world, then there was nothing left to desire. It was meant to be this way, it always had been, and would remain so for the rest of their lives. This was home.

  “I want us to be this close forever,” she whispered.

  He closed his eyes, breathing her in. As they made their way in a circle, Rachel began her speech. She had practiced for hours, “I remember when we used to talk all night. You’d call and we’d end up falling asleep on the phone… When we were together every day. You’d come and pick me up on Sundays and we’d go for our walk, holding hands. We don’t do that anymore.” She looked up at him, her eyes glistening with the lights from above. “It feels like you’re slipping away from me.” That was good. She was proud of her examination.

  Gabe opened his eyes and saw Corey entering the gymnasium, scanning the faces of the crowd. He swung Rachel around fast so he faced the opposite direction.

  She nearly lost her footing and grabbed recklessly at his jacket to catch herself. She shot him a stunned glance, her legs staggered outward like a newborn fawn, “This is a slow song!”

  He wasn’t paying attention; an overwhelming sense of dread quickly consumed him. He knew he had no time for procrastination.

  After a brief kiss on the cheek he pulled away from her, “I just remembered, I forgot something!” He forced shakily, then, without waiting for an acknowledgment from her, vanished into the crowd, leaving her wondering what had just happened.

  As he darted from the floor, he would find himself being stopped by people congratulating him on his hilarious speech; those hoping for a little conversation were abruptly, albeit politely dismissed. He would kindly nod, offer a false wave, and then press onward in search of cover.

  He finally found an appropriate place behind the photographer’s thin backdrop, peering around the curtain to make certain no one was in pursuit. Again, he saw Corey.

  He seemed entirely gigantic though he was small, as if his mere presence in the room had dominated that of anyone else. He hovered in the entrance, bathed in the red glow of the sign just above him, and it radiated from his black hair, which hung in thin layers on his shoulder like burning embers. His bangs had been cut just slightly shorter than the rest, and they were pushed behind his left ear, but unruly strand crossed over his right eye. His attire was unlike
anything formal Gabe had ever seen, it struck him more like one would imagine Gothic Royalty. Dark. Mysterious. Unequivocally beautiful. A long, flowing dress coat of silk reached toward the floor, the fabric moving fluidly, flowing like an ocean at night. The long, thin sleeves, accented his gaunt frame, while a steep, gaping neckline revealed a more traditional white shirt beneath. He was truly a magnificent creature, almost unimaginable.

  Corey possessed one of the rarest qualities conceivable. He emitted such intense beauty where you found yourself drawn to him unintentionally. Even though one may not be capable of immediately associating him with gender, the conundrum he was fired a curiosity... you had to speak to him. He was aware of his look. The way he was dressed, Gabe believed he might be using it to his benefit. He imagined Corey knew what would make him look most appealing, the ethereal, somewhat seductive manifestation was purely deliberate. His eyes were more gripping than usual. He had smudged light black eyeliner underneath his lashes. Even if it had gone completely dark, if there was suddenly a blackout, his eyes would light Gabe’s way, and nothing could convince him differently. His lips appeared a bit darker, perhaps he was just hot, yet the brightness of them, the deep rouge contrasted with his pale white skin. All this, along with his cat-like hands and feline nature made his subtle demeanor more intriguing, even more irresistible. He was like a human being, only so much more evolved. What we are all destined to be in another thousand years. He knew this, and yet he walked among us like he was unaware of his immensity.

  Corey walked over to Rachel who remained on the dance floor alone, “Hi,” he uttered shyly.

  Rachel spun to face him, grinning, hiding her sadness, “Well, well, well... look at you. Whatever happened to casual Corey?” she teased, playing with his hair.

  He shrugged, “He’s on vacation for the evening. I thought I would go all out tonight. Shock the poor unsuspecting students of Lincoln High into subordination.” They intertwined their arms and escorted each other back to the table where Angie stood up to greet them.

  She focused on Corey, opening her mouth to speak, but only making small babbling sounds.

  Corey took her hands in his own, “You look... so perfect,” he began, looking her over as if analyzing her, “My God! You could break a million hearts!”

  She was enthralled by him, “I burned my head,” she hummed, instantly regretting her admittance. She wanted to bury her head somewhere, like an ostrich in the sand. She plopped back into her seat, wanting to disappear. “So Rachel, how’d it go?” She asked, trying to act like she wasn’t secretly wanting to throw Corey to the ground and smother him with kisses.

  Rachel was distant, she held her head in misery, “He ditched me.” She wilted in her chair. What was going on in his head? After so many years together and then consummating the relationship, how could he remain so erratic and distanced. Did he not love her anymore? Was he hiding something? Was it really drugs?

  Corey put his hands in his lap and stretched his back, “You know, the more you tell me about Gabe, the more I really, really dislike him.” he shot toward her. He was tired of her being mistreated and neglected, which was exactly what this idiot boyfriend of hers was doing.

  Rachel began eating the cashews again, “He’s not a bad guy. He’s just going through so much. The pressure of going off to school and having to leave everything behind. He has a lot more to deal with than any of us. He’ll snap out of it eventually. I hope.” It was an excuse. Both Corey and Angie saw through it. She was eternally hopeful, and yet as the words she spoke spilled forth, indisputably transparent. How could she convince them when it was clear that she hadn’t yet convinced herself? Neither of then said anything though, they would allow her that buoyant optimism that made her who she was.

  Rachel pushed the cashew dish to Corey, “I still want to see this Chris fellow we’ve been hearing so much about,” She piped, conveniently redirecting the subject.

  Corey slid off his jacket, “I don’t know... to be honest, I have no idea what’s going on. I didn’t hear his name called during the ceremony today. I was hoping to see him myself.”

  Rachel slid her eyes back in disregard, “How could you hear anything today. I barely even heard Mr. Livingstone call my own name. Everyone was screaming and clapping, and my heart was ready to fly out of my chest. You probably were too caught up to listen!”

  “Why does so much have to revolve around our emotions? These attachments, these needs we have. If I ever truly despised any one thing it is to rely on someone else to reciprocate something emotionally. I’m so tired of trying to understand..” He brightened. “So, I’m not going to do it anymore.” He placed his hand firmly on the table. “Screw this!”

  Rachel jumped up, “Exactly.” She reaffirmed enthusiastically. “This is our night. No complexities allowed, from this moment of we are carefree.” She stood quickly from her chair, “Want to remember what fun feels like?” She grabbed them by the wrist’s and although Angie protested feverishly, the pulled her onto the dance floor.

  They gathered in a circle and danced, casting off their emotional bindings, it was a moment of pure liberation, and they laughed with abandon, perhaps more sincerely than they ever had since knowing one another.

  The Night wore on. The once rowdy group of newly emancipated seniors had now been exhausted. Angie and Rachel were wrapped in each other’s arms, rocking side to side calmly to some painful ballad.

  “Why do you think we fall in love?” Angie asked in a trance, her chin rested on Rachel’s shoulder.

  “Because, it’s like being a part of something... Everyone wants to be in love. Nobody wants to spend their life alone.” Rachel replied, growing more tired with each step.

  “What would you do if you were me?” Angie continued.

  Rachel laid her head sideways, “I don’t know. I guess I would tell him. You can’t pretend you don’t feel. You never know... Corey’s a special kind of individual; I think he’d be honored.”

  “Do you think he could ever love me?”

  Rachel pulled back and studied her, “No, sweetie.” Her mouth turned downward. “But you already knew that.”

  Angie nodded softly.

  “But this is more about you. Just because of the reality of the situation doesn’t mean you should force your feelings into exile. Allow yourself some validation; respect your own heart as much as you’re interested in protecting his. Have your say, express what is in your heart to express, give love wings....” She paused.

  Angie drew back and looked her square in the eye “To many love songs.”

  Rachel nodded. “Yeah well, you know what I mean.”

  Suddenly, Corey appeared beside them with his jacket draped over his folded arms, “I’m going to bolt. I’m really tired,” He kissed them both quickly and said his good-bye’s as the song ended and then he turned and began walking toward the exit. Angie watched him despondently as he slipped around the brick wall, and disappeared from view. He was gone.

  Corey pushed open the glass doors and immersed himself in the chilled night air. He walked along the side of the building, still able to hear the muffled music from inside. He was depressed. It had now been hours and he hadn’t seen Chris. He glanced down at his feet as they drug along the walkway. He put his jacket over him, but it didn’t help much.

  “Hey there,” a voice called. It was not a rough voice, nor was it offensive in any respect. It was deep, sensual. Quiet.

  Corey turned and saw him standing in the spotlight cast to the ground by the glowing parking lights above. His hands were pushed into his jacket pockets, his stance rather casual. It was the visual moments; ones such as this, that Corey would fill the photo album in his mind with. Story book photos, to perfect to be real.

  Corey felt a tickle in the back of his throat and took a step forward, “I didn’t think you were here.”

  “I’m here now. I’ve been waiting all night to be alone with you.”

  Corey ent
ered his spotlight. He too became something of a vision. The way the dim light fell, drenching him.

  “I’ve been inside for the last few hours. I was hoping you would come up and say something. I didn’t expect you to ask me to dance or anything, a hello would’ve done just fine,” He said, the wind whipping around them, as it had every time they were this close. His coat swooped around him on the breeze, like black angel wings.

  Gabe studied him, as if seeing him for the very first time. He always felt that way around him. Butterflies floated in his stomach. His entire body tingled with building energy. “You see, the thing is...” He leaned against the light post, “I would never have been able to walk away from you,” he said, hoping he didn’t sound overbearing.

  “You wouldn’t have had too,” Corey shot back immediately. “I’m sorry,” he apologized, withdrawing the remark.

  Gabe couldn’t resist smiling. “Don’t be. It makes me feel good to hear you say things like that. I know I’m not the only one who feels like this.” Gabe submitted a half laugh, breathy and quiet.

  “What do you feel?” Corey questioned.

  Gabe pondered for a moment, then came to a conclusion. “I feel like,” he paused, inhaling deeply. “Like I’ve found something that I didn’t even know I was looking. Stupid, I know.”

  Corey moved even closer, “No.” He touched his face, “No. That’s not stupid...” They gazed into one another, “You see, I’ve always known what I’ve been looking for, but I never thought I’d find it.”

  Gabe kissed his palm, “We never got to dance.”

  Corey giggled and looked around the empty parking lot, “I can’t slow dance. Seriously, I’d end up crippling both of us. I have two left feet. I’m worse than an elephant on roller skates,” he chattered hesitantly, but before he could protest any further, Gabe took his hands anyway.

  He wrapped his arm around Corey’s tiny waist, extending the other. “Humor me.”

  Corey bit his bottom lip, shaking his head, “I’m telling you, you may never walk again.”

  “Please?” Gabe persisted.

  Corey swallowed the lump that had climbed into his throat, “There’s no music.”

  “Yes there is! You don’t hear it?” He held Corey’s hand to his chest.

  Corey could feel it beating against his palm. He squeezed his eyes together and let his imagination fly. This would be nothing short of splendor. He tried to think of a song. One song that would fit the moment perfectly. They could become Rhett Butler and Scarlet O’Hara. Wait! Which one would be which? No. They could become Fred Astaire and Ginger Rodgers, or Spencer Tracey and Katherine Hepburn. No. No. They would be their own love story, and as he felt his excitement pique Corey began to hear the music...

  Giving in, Corey let him lead. It was something of a silent waltz. They stayed in their spotlight, moving in a circle, laughing.

  Suddenly, the music scratched to a dead halt as Gabe howled in agony, bowling over he grabbed at his leg. Corey had crushed his foot. He jumped back, covering his mouth, “Oh God! I’m sorry! I’m so sorry,” he squealed, trying to help him return upright.

  Gabe became still, giving a tricky grin, “Gotcha!”

  Corey was a startled, he sunk back in amusement, “I can’t believe you did that! I was doing so well. Heard the music and everything, then you go and ruin it!” he provoked in a sarcastic manner. He turned as if he were going to walk away, though he had no intention of doing anything of the sort.

  Gabe grabbed him and forced him back, “Okay, Okay. I’m sorry. I just couldn’t help myself. Your face!” He laughed harder. When he saw Corey was not as entertained by the joke as he was, he straightened, “Sorry,” he cleared his throat.

  “You’re crazy, you know that?”

  “I am, I admit it! I’m crazy... just bonkers!” Gabe threw his arms in the air, yelling playfully. “I’m clinically insane! I need to be committed!” he hollered. He took Corey and drew him close, “I am deliriously, helplessly, madly in love with you,” his once loud boisterous voice trailed to a sincere revelation.

  Corey hadn’t expected that. What was he to say? He had waited his entire life for a guy like this to say those three little words and intend them for him. He loved him? This really put a wedge in his wheel. Everything he always thought about having to be alone, how no one found him attractive enough to say so, was being challenged. He had played the role of the lovelorn, lyrical genius to perfection and now it was being compromised. This could redefine him, alter his manner of thinking. Maybe he was capable of being loved. Maybe it wasn’t his destiny to become a spinster. Maybe he misunderstood. “Say it again,” he commanded.

  “I love you.”

  Okay, he wasn’t hallucinating. Maybe Gabe wasn’t kidding when he said he was clinically insane. He was tempted to survey the lot to see if any men were waiting in little white jackets to take him back to the asylum. It was possible. Didn’t the really demented people get a day pass or something that would allow them out of the nut house for a while?

  Gabe frowned, visibly fraught with Corey’s delayed reaction, “Did I say something wrong?”

  “Oh, No. No. I don’t think so... You said you love me?” Corey needed reassurance.

  Gabe nodded, “Yeah. I do. Is that okay?” he asked perplexed.

  Corey held his forehead distressed, “Yeah, I mean. If you say so. It’s just, well... that’s a big surprise!” He stammered shakily.

  “Why is so surprising for someone to say they love you?”

  Corey laughed falsely, hiding his shock, “You just, you need to be sure about these things before you say them... you just,“ he looked for the proper word, “BLURTED it out there. Just came right out... and, well, those are strong words.” Corey began to pace.

  Gabe was confused, “I meant them, Corey,” And he did mean them, but this was not the reaction he anticipated.

  Corey clutched a hand full of his own hair, holding it atop his head, “You, you don’t even know me. I could be... NO! I am a little weird. I have these quirks that drive people nuts... I’m prone to terrible accidents, I’m really clumsy. I fall...” He waved his hands dramatically for proper emphasis, “... all the time. I always make a fool of myself, and most of the time, only when there’s someone important around, I sometimes say stupid things... and even though I know what I’m saying, no one else knows, so it doesn’t help that I know if they don’t know. You know. I have all these issues, all this drama, everything is a big production for me, I can make the easiest thing seem impossible. I tend to be over analytical and-“

  Gabe kissed him, indifferent to his nervous ranting. Then, he pulled back quickly to see if Corey still felt the same way, if he would continue trying to thwart his efforts.

  Corey was holding his breath, “-Difficult.”

  “Are you done?”

  Corey was dazed, “Uh-huh,” was all he could manage.

  “Good.” Gabe pressed his lips to Corey’s once again. Suddenly, their passion was shattered by a voice.

  “Corey?” Angie summoned hollowly, disrupting their affair.

  Gabe and Corey broke apart, staring at her as she stood a few feet away.

  “Holy Shit.” She gasped immediately in rapid succession- small breaths as if her air passages were closing. Corey and Gabe? Kissing? Each other? Oh no. No, no, no.

  An arctic chill crawled over Gabe, mounting him where he stood. He was suddenly paralyzed, but could not take his eyes from Angie, he had to study her every expression to somehow gauge her response. What would she do? His mouth hung slightly open and excuses ran rampant in his head. He had not prepared for this.

  Corey rushed to her excitedly but Angie was under attack by the same sense of immobility that had ravaged Gabe. “Angie. I’m so glad you’re here,” He dragged her over toward Gabe who appeared to have stared into the eyes of Medusa herself. He was a statue. The introductions took place, “This is Chris. The one I’ve told you about.” He
said to Angie, but both were far to preoccupied with one another to pay him any attention.

  Neither of them spoke.

  It made so much sense now, everything became clear to Angie, whose eyelids were glued open, she didn’t blink, she didn’t show any sign of emotion. She felt like she had just been bludgeoned with a blunt object.

  Corey peered back and forth at them, “You two know each other?” He queried, sensing the tension between them.

  Gabe jerked out of his altered. His tone was rapid and firm, “I’ve see you before. In school. Nice to meet you,” He tossed out his hand for the taking.

  Angie hadn’t yet broken from her spell. Her insides shook, she felt as if she were standing on a fault line and the Earth below was going to split wide open beneath them. She looked at Corey blankly, “Is this a joke?”

  Corey clung to Gabe’s arm, joyously displaying him, “Of course not. This is him,” He beamed with pride.

  Angie searched for some hint of humor. She waited for them to erupt into hysterical laughter, but they didn’t. So, she decided to start laughing, pretending to expose them. “Shut Up!” She tittered, falling a few steps back from them. But, she knew that they were not kidding. He expression grew grim, unbelieving, “SHUT UP!”

  Gabe curled his toes in his shoes. He silently pleaded for her not to blow his cover. “Angie, he’s telling the truth. I am the one he’s been talking about. I AM CHRIS. NICE TO MEET YOU!!!” He flung out his hand once more.

  Angie scratched her head, “No.”

  “YES.” Gabe retorted impatiently.

  “NO!” Angie said again.

  He squinted at her, his nostrils flaring, “YES!”

  Then he rushed forward, hugging her like a dear old friend. Angie sagged lifelessly in his arms. He whispered in her ear, “You could ruin my life.” He released her and returned to Corey, “Any friend of Corey’s is a friend of mine!”

  Angie bent over, grabbing her knees, “I think I’m gonna...” She didn’t finish.

  Corey took her arm, coming to her aid, “Are you okay?”

  “I need... I need...” She rose straight up, “Maybe the burn on my head is worse than I thought. I think I fried some brain cells or something. Can you get tumors from a curling iron? Does it use radiation to heat up, like a microwave?” She slapped her hands over her face, “Oh my God! I’VE MICROWAVED MY BRAIN!”

  Gabe tugged at Corey’s jacket sleeve, “I have a bottle of water in the car... it’s the black B.M.W. Maybe you should get it for her.”

  Worried, Corey agreed and walked away leaving Angie and Gabe alone. Once he was out of sight, Angie took her hands from her face, unveiling scalding eyes. “What the hell is going on?” She growled.

  “This is none of your business.” He almost seemed threatening. His eyes penetrated her.

  “My God,” Her hand came to her mouth, “What are you doing?” Terror spiked through her chest. “How could you?”

  “You do not know me.” Gabe forced. “Don’t you dare step into this. This is not your place.”

  Angie’s breathing grew shallow, she felt intimidated but her anger, the very poison that was this vicious betrayal fueled her words. “You’re sick.”

  Gabe stepped forward,

  “Look, I didn’t plan it; I didn’t wake up one day and decide I would do this. It just happened.”

  Angie spoke almost pleadingly, “Don’t do this.”

  “I’m not blind, Angie, I know what this is wrong...”

  “You are Gabe. Not Chris. You have a girlfriend, why do you need Corey? How could you lie to them like this? You let him fall for you when he doesn’t even know who you are.”

  Gabe hung his head “He knows who I am. He doesn’t know my name but he knows more about me than anyone else ever will.” He met her face once again, “I won’t let anyone take that from me.”

  “I won’t let you hurt either one of them, not Corey, not Rachel.” She turned away.

  Gabe stared at her sparingly, he grabbed the sides of his head flustered then came at her quickly, nearly panicked “Please Angie. I don’t want to hurt either of them. I need to be with him, I can’t lose him.” He was suddenly at her mercy, and he knew it.

  Angie peered at him with detest, “So many years...” She began, “I thought you had the world on a string.” She turned away from him. “You’re a fraud. You’re a coward, a liar...” She glanced over her shoulder toward him, “And you don’t deserve to be loved.” She was unrelenting.

  “You don’t get it. I have loved Rachel for years, and then Corey walks into my life, and I fall instantly in love with him, the same love that I felt for Rachel I felt for Corey after only knowing him for a few hours. I don’t want to hurt Rachel, I love her to much to cause her pain, but I can’t hide my feelings for Corey and risk losing him.”

  Angie began to weep, and because of this she became more enraged, she spun, almost violently, “No matter what you do, someone will get hurt, Gabe. The damage is already done; you’ve already lied to both of them. You tell him the truth, right now, or I will.”

  Gabe felt his knees weaken. An ultimatum. “You want to see him hurt, don’t you? You want him to be sad and alone. This is not a joke, Angie. I love Corey, and you want to take that away from us... If you tell him, you’ll ruin everyone’s life... my life.”

  Angie launched missiles from her pupils, “I don’t give a fuck about your life. You’re nothing to me. I would never hurt Corey. NEVER. I would never lie to him like you have. You don’t deserve him... he’s too good for someone like you.”

  The underlying meaning barreled through Gabe like a runaway freight train. He watched a tear trickle along the edge of her nose, “You’re in love with him too, aren’t you?”

  Angie didn’t reply.

  “That’s it. You’re in love with him. I can see it written all over your face. I should’ve known.”

  Angie stood firm, “I am not in love with Corey.”

  “Yes you are!” Gabe shot back.

  “I am not!” Angie denied.

  “Yes... you are,” Gabe finalized the conflict.

  “Fine. I am! But don’t compare my love to your love; I would never do anything like what you’ve done!”

  “How do you think he’ll feel when you try to tell him that I don’t really love him, but you do?” Gabe began, feeling a little more self-confident. The tides had turned. “It’ll make you look like the devious one. Perhaps your motives are not so pure after all. You are interested in something other than saving your dearly beloved friend.”

  She wanted to spit in his face, but only shook her head in disbelief. He was blackmailing her.

  “We can work together here! You just give me some time and I’ll tell him. But I do love him, despite what you think. I’m not a bad guy...”

  “Yes, you are.”

  Corey came rushing back with a bottle of water, “Here you go,” he said handing it to her, “there are like ten B.M.W.’s out there. I must have been in every one before I got to yours. Most of them were locked; thank god they didn’t have alarms, right? Everyone would come out and find me running like a criminal.”

  Gabe felt Angie’s animosity toward him. Her incriminating stare was unavoidable.

  “You ready, Corey?”

  “Yeah.”

  Angie could see that he was enchanted. He honestly loved Gabe. He was on air. She couldn’t tell him, then have Gabe expel her own secret. Gabe was right, it would make her seem like she had ulterior motives, like she wanted him for herself and wanted to rob from him what made him most happy. He would surely hate her then. How could he ever forgive her for that?

  “I’ll call you, hon!” He kissed Angie on the cheek, much too delighted to see her displacement. He bounced away, leaving Gabe behind.

  “Thank you,” Gabe obliged, starting toward Corey, who had gone ahead.

  Then Angie shuttled her leg toward him, kicking him in the shin.


  Gabe grunted in pain and held his leg, hopping up and down. “If you hurt him, I promise I’ll do much worse than kick you. Consider that a warning,” Angie threatened as she began to walk away. She must have felt empowered, because she marched right back and kicked him a second time, square in his other shin, “And that’s for pulling down my skirt in third grade,” She spurned, then once again hustled away, tossing back her hair triumphantly, “Paybacks a bitch.” She muttered, fading into the shadows.

  The one lane road was long and winding. Corey could tell it was an old road because the potholes were like craters, deep neglected gouges in the dirt. There were no lights, no houses, and the only evidence of them still being on the ground- and not suspended in some supernatural black void- was the dense foliage leading into endless black woods framed directly ahead in the high beams.

  Corey was troubled by the haunting surroundings. He shifted in his bucket seat, “Where did you say we were going?” He asked hoarsely.

  Gabe kept his eyes on the shabby lane ahead, “It’s a surprise. Don’t worry, we’re almost there.”

  His consolation didn’t really help. It was the middle of the night. No one was around. A million miles from nowhere. His imagination ran away. He could see it all so clearly. A man standing in the middle of the street wearing a ski mask and tattered bloody clothes, wielding a deafening chain saw, the blades spinning and churning, the motor racing.

  Gabe grabbed Corey’s hand, yanking him back to reality. “You okay?”

  Corey jolted hard and shook his head, “Yeah... it’s just so dark... creepy,” he stated unnerved.

  With a sharp jerk, the car stopped. Gabe pulled the stick into gear and shut off the engine. Now Corey didn’t even have the steady hum of the car to soothe him. He was vulnerable to all the wild things waiting on the outside. Waiting for him to take one step into its wild domain before it would swallow him up whole. Maybe a bear, or Wolves.

  “We’re here,” Gabe unfastened his seatbelt.

  “Where is here?” Corey was thinking Gabe might elaborate on their whereabouts, and their purpose for being there. He didn’t.

  He jumped out of the car, jogged around to Corey’s side and opened his door. Corey sat still, glancing up at him vacantly, then looked past him and saw a narrow, overgrown pathway leading to his sinister fate.

  “You know Chris, this isn’t really what I thought you had in mind when you said ‘A romantic place.’ Had Chris never seen “Friday the 13th” or “Leatherface?”

  “I have something I want to show you...” He saw Corey still resistant to the notion of stepping ‘out there.’ “Just come on!” He insisted, taking him by the arm and pulling him from the car.

  Corey staggered until he gained his footing on the soft shoulder of the road. His foot sunk into the mud and loose gravel. He noticed an old sign posted to the bark of a dead tree. St. Mary’s Arboretum it read in bold, black letters that had been burned in calligraphy on the cherry stained wood.

  They moved into obscurity. Black air all around. Things could be heard rustling in the trees above. Bats? He stayed about a foot behind Chris, who seemed to know his way around. He was a bit slower, careful not to step on anything alive. It was well known that dangerous creatures crept around in forests like these. He wasn’t used to roughing it. He didn’t care for the outdoors. He hated camping... well, truthfully he had never been camping, but he did sleep in a tree house once. He figured it best to leave the wild animals outside, while he stayed safe and snug inside. He promised himself that he would run with Godspeed upon the sight of anything untamed. Actually, he would probably drop dead from raw fear before he could run anywhere. There were undoubtedly many savage beasts out here. Raccoons, deadly snakes... and spiders. The mere thought of the most remote possibility of spiders made him cringe. He hated spiders. Even in the comfort of his own house, if he saw a spider he would find himself clinging to the nearest ceiling fan. He had seen them up close on some educational show, probably National Geographic. Their numerous devilish eyes. Hairy little deformed bodies. Their wiry legs, dabbing on your skin. Fangs soaked with poison ready to impale you at the slightest twitch. Maybe they were all asleep.

  Gabe stopped, turned to him and said, “Okay, close your eyes.”

  Was he out of his mind? He would close his eyes and a vicious animal would pounce him from above.

  “C-Can’t I just turn around?” He asked apprehensively, straining in a vain attempt to focus on what lay ahead of them. It was a clearing of sorts and he heard a steady whooshing, like thunder still miles away.

  Gabe stepped behind him placing his hands over Corey’s eyes. He began to guide him forward.

  They emerged from the woods into a large clearing. “Ready?”

  He lifted his hands from Corey’s face. What he saw sent him winging, like he could take flight, just spread his arms and sail into the air like a sparrow. This was a place torn from the pages of time and preserved like something so divine that God himself was its guardian. It was acres and acres of flowers. Every color imaginable dwelt here... like this was where it all began. Detailed statues of holy figures stood exalted from the grass, some chipped and broken from the and random vandalism.

  It resembled a fantasy land. A place that inspired all those fairy tales and love stories. The last place on Earth not desecrated by the polluted ways of human imposition. Weeping willows danced upon the breezes. Full gardens flourished in raised beds. Corey himself felt refreshed just by being there among such gracious magnificence. He walked farther onto the grounds, absorbing every sight, filing it away in his memory. Magic lived here. Wishes came true, dreams could become reality.

  Not far away were cliffs, the land fell a few hundred feet into the salty waters of the Atlantic Ocean. The white crests could be heard crashing against the jagged rocks far below. The first time the word beauty was spoken had been here, upon the site of this enchanting countryside. Corey walked to the edge of the cliff and stared out across the peaceful water, visible until it met the cloudless sky above. The blazing stars upon the churning surface had shattered into an infinite sea of shimmering light. This was Eden.

  Corey turned to Gabe who was beside him sharing the same view, “Wow...” he whispered.

  When Gabe looked upon him, the pale moonlight casting subtle shades of blue across his face, his desire grew, “I used to come here all the time. It belongs to a church, but it didn’t generate enough money to keep going. No one cared about plants and flowers, everyone was to busy rushing through their mundane lives, to worried about what they don’t have to stop and cherish all do we have.” Gabe took inventory of the majestic maze of paths around them, all in full bloom, “I don’t understand how they survive. No one comes here anymore. The church can’t afford a groundskeeper, so they just deserted it. Left it to die... but here it is, more beautiful than ever. Living, growing.”

  “I would come here.” He said. “This is church to me.”

  Gabe turned back to the sea, “How such a thing can exist out there, something so powerful... and you can go your entire life and never see it. You can do all the things you’re supposed to do, achieve everything you set forth to achieve never knowing that something greater is just beyond it. We never miss it because we never know it’s there. We become complacent.” He felt the cool mists from below settling on his face, his skin began to glisten. “That’s why I wanted to bring you here. I wanted to share this with you. I thought, maybe... this could be our own private place.”

  Corey grinned coyly and turned away, not wanting to take his eye’s off of the heavenly view. “This should be shared with the world.”

  Gabe smiled adoringly.

  “A church is no closer to Heaven than this. This is God’s church, beyond the walls, past the stained glass windows. This is where God lives.” He said, beginning down a long, wide vestibule that was made up of thick, draping Mandevilla vines boasting vibrant white blossoms. If there really was a tunnel to he
aven, this was what it must look like. When he came to the end of the arched walkway, he found himself staring over a small, manmade pond. Lily pads drifted upon the crystalline surface while purple Japanese Spurge spread across the bank, crawling toward the water.

  Suddenly, dozens of colorful lanterns flooded the area in a dim light, and a small steep waterfall began cascading over the rocks in the center of the pool. It looked like the work of sorcery, to dynamic to be real. An illusion.

  Gabe appeared in the opening of the corridor behind him.

  Corey spun as Gabe moved past him, coming toward the edge. He ran his hand under, bringing up a palm full of water, letting it filter between his fingers. “It’s warm,” he said.

  Corey let his Jacket slither off of his narrow frame. It hit the grass silently. Then he stepped out of his white dress shoes, and pulled off his socks. He slowly made his way next to Gabe, who was studying his image in the pond. Out of the corner of his eye, he watched Corey step one foot in, followed by the other, “Feels nice,” he said in a raspy voice, one that didn’t indicate any real sound, just formed breath. Soft, seductive.

  Gabe looked up at him and Corey offered a suggestive grin. He glided farther into the pond until it came just above his waist. Then, he pushed himself backwards, breaking the tranquility. The water welcomed him, seemingly parting to take him under. He floated on his back, half submerged. His face and chest became islands. Particles of the reflected stars shook vigorously around him like a glass aura. Then he regained his footing as rivulets dripped over his shining face. He looked at Gabe, “Aren’t you coming?”

  Spellbound, Gabe raised slowly, unable to look away. Corey was an extraordinary sight. So sexual, most likely without even knowing it. He took of his dinner coat, dropping it alongside him. He began unbuttoning his shirt, pulling it from its neatly tucked position.

  Corey watched in awe. He didn’t want to seem overzealous or nervous. Honestly, he was feeling both equally. He couldn’t wait to be close to him, but he was afraid that, because the situation was so charged, he might succumb to him.

  With his jeans still on, Gabe slid into the water. It tickled the fine hair on his arms as it advanced upward, swallowing him as he went deeper. With a little distance between them, they were beheld in the in one another’s virtue, unable to speak.

  As Gabe gathered the bravery to take the few steps that separated them, Corey smiled cunningly, drawing back his hands and splashing a great wave toward Gabe, who in turn, gave a valiant rebuttal. It turned into a water war as they flailed around in the shallow pond, laughing and yelling gleefully. Glittering specks of prisms soared through the air as they played like children.

  Gabe lunged forward, restraining Corey who was ready to blast him with another gallant wave. He held his tiny wrists in his grip. Their laughter trailed to silence as they gazed upon each other. Corey’s eyelashes seemed darker than before, like they were crowning the black gems they withheld. His hair hung in strands over this ghostly face. His full, red lips were lusciously wet. The water had left narrow streams down Gabe’s defined chest. His flesh glistened like a silken robe of skin. An immortal moment had taken them hostage. Boundaries had been crossed as an awakening of their every sensation occurred.

  With the back of his hand, Gabe caressed Corey’s neck, moving up until his fingertips found his lips. Corey let them open just slightly, allowing his tongue to feel the touch. Corey placed his hand on Gabe’s hardened muscles, running his thumb over his dark nipple. The skin was so soft there, so sensitive. They searched each other, making sure their efforts were well received. Now, they had surrendered to the night.

  “I want to make love to you,” Gabe whispered, his look penetrating his partner.

  Corey was wordless. What could he say? I’m sorry; I can’t because I’ll probably vomit on you from raw nerves? That wouldn’t be very romantic. Instead, he remained motionless. Gabe moved his lips closer to him... Closer, then he paused for reassurance... closer, and then came the kiss. Their bodies pressed firmly together, their hearts beating in perfect synchronization. Gabe began unbuttoning Corey’s white shirt, then he peeled it off of him, exposing his pallid skin. No blemishes, just pure porcelain, he was like a china doll, breakable. Corey seemed modest, no one had ever seen him like this, so vulnerable. He trembled with fear.

  Gabe saw he was unsteady, “I won’t hurt you.” He started to kiss the gap of his long, lustrous neck. His jugular vein pulsated gently. Gabe licked the lobe of his ear and spoke softly, “I want you.”

  This was it, this was really it. SEX! Why was he so scared? He’d dreamt of this moment for so long. It couldn’t be more complete. He was in a place that was closer to heaven than anywhere else. He was with a guy who really wanted to be with him. It was everything and more. He felt Gabe’s strong hands move down along his spine to his buttocks. Corey didn’t know what to do? Rachel told him that it would happen naturally, that some force, long dormant would take over and make it happen. WHERE WAS IT? He waited to be taken over... and waited... and waited, and still he shook like a stepchild in the vicious grip of a wicked mother.

  Gabe retreated and investigated his expression carefully, “You okay?” He questioned under a veil of concern.

  “I’m just a little scared. I’ve never done anything like this before, so I-“ He fought with his honesty, but it prevailed, “I don’t know what to do.”

  Gabe was considerate, in fact Corey’s innocence engaged him even more, but he didn’t want him to engage in anything he didn’t have total faith in. “We don’t have to.”

  Corey wiped a puddle of drips from below his chin, “No! No, it’s not anything like that. I want to, but I’m afraid I’ll do something wrong. I’ve had this image of the way it would be and I just... I don’t want to mess it up. Plus, I’m a little introverted. I’ve always been shy and this is kind of the most special thing people can give. You know, you see me naked and I see you naked and we pray there’s nothing to laugh at. It’s all so complex. One thing leads to another and you have to wonder who does what and what goes where. Will he like this? Will I like that? Really, before any of that we should have the ‘Double D,’ Not that I’m implying anything, but you just never know.”

  Gabe sat confounded, “The Double D?” he rattled confused.

  Corey tilted his head, “Yeah, the “Disease discussion,” that’s what I call it, it’s less offensive that way. I’ve never had to say it before and I guess it sounds a bit silly. Sex is dangerous now, two people used to be able to go out and hump anything that moved, now- Now you have to boil your partner before you touch them. Rightly so too! Who wants to catch something that’ll make them all gross? Some people get nasty little sores and bumps that have to be burned off, or surgically removed. What about lice? Did you know that you can catch critters in your crotch? They probably have some shampoo or something to cure those,“ He paused as if considering it, then started up again, discarding it, “I mean there’s AIDS and Gonorrhea, Hepatitis, Syphilis, Herpes and of course the ever attractive warts... you know? Warts...” Corey babbled aimlessly.

  So much for romance.

  The expression Gabe held was one of pure repulse. What a way to kill the mood. He felt dirty all over, like he needed to be sterilized just for picturing it. “Well,” Gabe stuttered, “You want to just... hug?”

  Corey slumped over, making a barely audible giggle, “I’m sorry,” he said, cursing himself, “I just get so unnecessarily graphic. When I’m nervous I jut pull anything out of the air to try and hide it, but it only makes it more obvious. Unfortunately it’s all very real, so I figured I’d just... throw it out there for you! Get it over with... Bet I took the magic out of the moment, huh?”

  Gabe was wide eyed, “Well, Definitely a bit colder out here, that’s for sure... But I understand, it’s cool, you don’t have to worry, I don’t have anything that needs to be surgically removed or shampooed out... or burned off, or that calls for any type of medication,” he info
rmed humorously.

  Corey stepped close to him, “I really want to, Chris. I want to be with you, and I think partly why I’m a little leery of this is because everyone I’ve ever wanted to be this close to has left me. Not that there have been that many.” He shook his head and laughed at himself. “Statistically that makes me a little unlucky....” Awkwardly, he bit his bottom lip. “I can’t do this. Not now. I’m so sorry,” Corey swept his hand over Gabe’s hair, pushing it from his eyes. “I guess I just need a little time.”

  He wondered for a moment if there was something wrong with him. Why didn’t he feel that animal passion that Rachel spoke of? Perhaps it was just to soon. Maybe it was just delayed. Or, maybe he just didn’t have it at all. Maybe it wasn’t in his future... to let himself be loved. He made his way to the shore and slipped out of the pond, climbing over the bank. He was sad and confused. He shouldn’t have entertained this charade. It appeared that even when he found someone willing to share something with him, a relationship, It was he who avoided it. Not it avoiding him, as he had always complained. There was nothing else to blame, not his looks, or bad luck, or that poetic, predetermined destiny.

  It was him.

  Rachel sat on the edge of her bed. Her clock flipped from five thirty to five thirty one. She felt the constant nagging of a lingering headache. Though her eyes were heavy, sleep evaded her. It felt like an anvil had been laid upon her. She picked up the telephone and dialed Gabe’s number. She listened to the tiny clicks and pops as the connection was made. It rang, then rang again. A third time, then a fourth. Then an answer.

  “Hello,” Mr. Cavanaugh said. His voice was throaty and deep. Rachel gently laid the receiver back onto its cradle. Gabe was not home. She knew that. If he would have been home, he would have known it was her calling and he would’ve made sure he reached the telephone before it woke his parents.

  Where could he be? She simply had to talk to him; there was so much she wanted to say. Things she needed to know. Why did he leave her at the dance? Why didn’t he come back? Rachel had waited there for him, believing he would return to her with some silly explanation that they would share a laugh about and embrace each other for the final dance. He never showed. The crowd had disappeared, couple by couple. Even Angie left her. Soon, Rachel was the last one in the gym. Confetti and torn napkins scattered about the floor. The stage was empty and dark. The decorations had begun to fall from their mountings. She was alone.

  Rachel had to know what was going on. Gabe seemed so distracted and uncaring now. Were they growing apart? Could that be it? No. Not after all this time. People don’t just drift apart and lose interest. They had shared more than a relationship. They had a history together, a long one. They were a huge part of each other. Things like that don’t just change. He still loved her. She knew he loved her. It was common knowledge. Through all of her trials and tribulations, her times of uncertainty and moments of need, Gabe stood by her side. That was the one thing that remained true, his love for her. She felt it when they were together, it was visible and constant, having supplied her a lifeline during her struggles. When her beloved Grandfather died, Gabe refused to leave her. He allowed her to cry on his shoulder and scream with all of her might, angry at everyone and everything for her loss. When she had her appendix out in eighth grade, Gabe brought her fresh flowers every day. As she reminisced, her burden swelled and ripened until she found herself sobbing softly. There between the pink walls of her bedroom, she allowed the darkness to take hold of her, as she reached up and turned off the light.

  Angie lay sleepless in her bed. The street lamp that hovered in the trees outside her window had thrown a menagerie of shapes onto her ceiling. If she looked hard enough, she could make out faces and figures skipping across the eggshell panels. She tossed in turmoil. So many pictures raced through the theater in her head, all so clear and colossal that they seemed to dwarf her. The most prevalent replay was from what she had seen earlier. Gabe and Corey wrapped in each other’s arms. Kissing. She wished she had told Corey right then and there. Even if Gabe had retaliated by telling Corey about her own love for him, the fact that he had already lied about so much would instantly incriminate him. It was a matter of moral duty. Corey was her friend, it would be awful of her to know such a secret and not expose it. Corey had a right to know that he was being deceived. If she didn’t tell him, who would? A real friend would protect him. Angie was a real friend, though her intent did run a little left of the friendship highway.

  To Corey, she was just a friend, but Angie read it a little differently. She would make it a point to go beyond the call. If Corey needed her, she would always be there. If he wept, she would dry his tears. She wanted to become something more, something above friendship. Okay, maybe she wouldn’t become his girlfriend, but she would be his confidant. His unassigned angel, just as he was hers. They would share something so unique and special that to simply call it friendship would be an understatement. Friends come and go, but Angie wanted this to last for the rest of their lives. She wanted to be eighty years old and crawl onto his porch and be welcomed with a joyous hug.

  It was now that she consciously decided she would never betray him, never be too busy to listen, and never ever take him for granted. Then she saw his face. A smile that could launch a thousand fleets. Eyes that made every night brighter than any moon could dream of. That was when he was next to Gabe. She wished to feel that way someday, ripe with such an emotion that it sprang from her every step. Flakes of glitter would encompass her, as she had just jumped from the page of a story book. Isn’t that what we all want? Love unbound? If she were to tell Corey about Gabe, what would happen? Would his radiance diminish? His smile falter? Who was she to rob him of that? He would blame her for destroying his affair. Angie would become the enemy. Kill the messenger, even if she is just a lovelorn chubby girl with good intentions. Not only would it ruin Corey and Gabe’s relationship, but it would shred Rachel and Gabe’s as well. Rachel loved him so much, and she walked around in a blind state, unaware of what was really happening. Maybe she wanted it like that. After such a long courtship, finding out Gabe, her Knight in Shining armor was unfaithful, and with a man, her friend... Well, that would kill her. If Corey found out that she knew and didn’t tell him straight away, he would hold her in contempt.

  If this were some test, Angie had failed miserably. She should have told them both. She shouldn’t have been intimidated or selfish, because now, not only would Rachel and Corey be hurting, but she herself would have to pay a grave price. She couldn’t tell them what she knew. Not now. It would make her look as if she had been apart of it. She would lose some of the most precious people she had ever known. She had never been so close to two people as she was to Corey and Rachel... she wouldn’t jeopardize that for anything. She would keep her mouth shut. Pretend she hadn’t seen a thing tonight. Turn away. That would spare her from sacrificing the only thing she’s ever held so dear. Her best friends.

  Angie rolled onto her side, cuddling her pillow. She wanted to go back in time and change things. If she could do it again, she would stay in the gym instead of gaining the strength to go and tell Corey how she felt. It would save her not only from the conflict, but from the arrow that ripped into her heart when she saw him kissing someone else. Didn’t matter who, but it wasn’t her. That would make her sleep come easier tonight. Then she could rest.

  Unfortunately, upon seeing Corey with him, the place in the most flourishing part of her soul was now barren. She didn’t know if it would ever find life again, for it defied her logic in maintaining the modest prayer that he would one day open his eyes and see her for the first time as she was meant to be seen. She negotiated with her emotions by considering that perhaps someday she would find a man who would feel for her as she had for Corey, and then she will find herself experiencing what both Rachel and he already had, walking on the edge of a dream, weaving a romance that would set her afire. Someday.

  Angie slipped into a quie
t slumber. For now, that was where she still held him. No one could take him away, for this was her world. Here it was paradise. When she told him of her love, he would return it. He would call her name from across a galactic ballroom, colored in silver and gold. In her long beaded gown, decorated with pearls and rubies, with her hair pulled up onto her head and small curls spilling over her bejeweled tiara, she would turn and see him. Then whisper his name. “Corey.”

  eight

  July

 

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