by Renee Miller
“I didn’t do that, you did.”
He shook his head. She just didn’t get it. He loved them, like no one else could, like no one else would.
Dana lowered her voice. “Please Garrett. Can’t we talk like adults?”
“We’re talking, and we’re adults.”
He reached for her. She ducked and backed down the hall, toward the entrance. Fucking bitch thought she could just walk away? He reached her in two long strides and dragged her back from the half open door.
She screamed.
He covered her mouth, jerking her back against him. “Don’t you fucking dare.” She struggled and kicked, doing no more than bruising his shins and pissing him off. “Say another word and a bullet goes through your head, hear me?”
“Mama?” Hayley stepped out of the door behind them.
“Go to bed, Hayley. Mommy’s fine,” Garrett ordered.
Hayley didn’t obey. Instead, she walked around them, toward the kitchen.
“Please don’t do this,” Dana begged. “I’ll go with you, just don’t scare the kids like this.”
“Get your shit then,” he released his hold and pushed her down the hall. He didn’t trust her sudden submission.
“Okay.” Dana walked to the bedroom.
The open door revealed a single bed, blankets twisted over a bare mattress, and next to it, a small black nightstand with a phone.
“Think I’m stupid, don’t you?” he said. “You’ll be on the phone to the cops in seconds. I’m not falling for that one again. You take nothing.”
Garrett saw a blond head streak past him, toward the door. “Get that little fucker back here,” he warned.
Dana ran after Devon, but the little boy was already in the hall, running as fast as his skinny legs would carry him, his bare feet barely brushing the worn blue carpet.
“Devon!” Dana cried.
Devon stumbled. “I won’t go back!”
Garrett went after them, but let Dana catch up to him. Stupid little shit. Where did he think he’d go? A tug on his jacket, he flicked it away but then something pushed his leg. Garrett kicked out. Who the fuck—?
A thud and a grunt.
Garrett turned, ice coating his belly. A scream froze in his throat as he watched Hayley tumble backward down the stairs.
“Garrett?” Dana’s voice behind him, then a gasp.
She shoved him away and ran after Hayley, screaming her name all the way down.
His whole body trembled. The gun in his hand was heavy and cold. Someone would’ve called the cops by now. To his right, a garbage can sat against the wall between the stairwell and the hall. He tossed the gun inside, his hands trembling in fear.
What had he done?
He wished the image before him would disappear. At the bottom of the stairs, Dana knelt next to their daughter, touching her face, shaking her gently and crying when she didn’t wake up. Behind Dana, the doors opened. The cops—someone had called the cops. Garrett risked a glance to the garbage can. The gun meant a stretch in jail.
“Don’t move, anyone,” a tall, round cop barked.
Dana sobbed, still gently shaking Hayley, trying to wake her.
“What happened?” another cop asked her.
Dana pointed at Garrett, who could not move. “He broke in. He threatened to kill me…he pushed her—”
“Sir?” the cop put a hand on his hip. “I want to see your hands.”
“It was an accident,” Garrett said, tears blurring his vision.
“Put your hands where I can see them please.”
Garrett sank to the floor, hands high in the air.
In moments, two cops were at his side, pulling at his arms behind his back, the cold steel of cuffs on his wrists.
And then Hayley finally cried.
CHAPTER 20
August 1980
“I can’t go out. I don’t have a sitter,” Dana sputtered.
Jannie arrived at Dana’s apartment with their cousin Carla and begged her to come out with them. Of course, they were ready for her excuses.
“As we speak, Danny is on his way. We covered everything.” Carla grinned and tossed her red hair.
“Uncle Danny’s coming?” Devon cried. “All right! Go Mom. Have fun.”
She smiled. “Okay, I’ll go, but just for a couple of hours. I’m really tired.”
“Sure, whatever you say.” Jannie clapped her hands, sat Dana in a chair in the kitchen, dug through her purse, and pulled out way too much make up. “You are going to turn some heads, sister. Just wait until you see the new you.”
She didn’t like the new her but pretended for her sister’s sake. Her teased up hair, thick green eyeliner and pants she had to lay down and zip—using a coat hanger—made her feel trashy, not attractive. But Jannie swore she looked smokin’.
They shoved her out the door and chattered excitedly during the short walk to the bar. Dana wanted to turn back, feeling silly and too old for this kind of thing, but Jannie held her hand. When they reached the parking lot, she had no choice.
Jannie dragged her through the door of the bar and into the dim light and cigarette smoke. “Come on, Dana. Garrett’s gone to the other side of the country with his mommy. You’re safe and you’re free. It’s time you had some fun. You can’t work and sleep all the time.”
Now, standing in the bar, it felt like everyone was staring at her. “This is a bad idea,” she said.
“Let’s get a drink. What do you want? My treat,” Carla said and moved to the bar.
“I don’t know. I’ve never drank.”
“What?” Jannie spun around.
Her cheeks grew hot. “Well, wine here and there, but nothing more than a glass. Is that weird?”
“Not for you, I suppose.”
“Just order me what you guys like. I’m sure it will be good.”
Dana stood back while they ordered their drinks. The noise was deafening. Between the crush of people and the way-too-loud jukebox, she could barely hear herself think. She stared at the dance floor, which encompassed the front half of the bar. The middle of the narrow room held a few tables on one side and three pool tables lined the right. Men jostled each other for space as they leaned over to take their shots while trying not to poke anyone with the end of their cues. She had the sense of being in a smoky tunnel full of flashing red lights. She breathed deeply to get rid of the claustrophobic feeling.
“Hey, I know you.”
She turned to the officer who answered the call that night at the apartment. The spotlights from the dance floor behind him gave his face a greenish glow.
“So, you finally got rid of the old man?” he said.
“We’re divorced,” Dana said.
“Ah, I see. Now you’re out for some fun. Maybe looking for a real man, eh?”
“No, not really,” Dana backed away.
But he followed. Without his uniform, he looked older, nastier. His hair thinned on top and his belly protruded over his too tight jeans. A ball of spit formed on his lower lip. Now and then it burst when he spoke, only to form again.
“Well, you want to have a real good time, you stick with Officer Bill.” He put a chubby arm around her waist. A sickening smell of beer and sweat enveloped her. She searched desperately for Jannie, but couldn’t see her in the crowd surrounding the bar.
“Sorry, I’m not out to—”
“Dana.” Jannie pushed her way between them.
Officer Bill scowled, but backed off.
“Where’s your date? He was supposed to be here by now.”
“My date?”
Jannie raised an eyebrow.
“Oh! He probably just had to work late.”
Officer Bill shook his head. “Dating already? Your old man won’t like that.”
“I said I was divorced. He moved out west.”
“Yep. He’s long gone.” Jannie nudged her forward, away from Officer Bill.
Bill winked at Dana over Jannie’s head. “You ever need a real
man, I’ll be right here.”
She shivered.
“Come on. I love this song.” Carla breezed past them, heading toward the front where a large group crowded and moved to the music.
Blondie blasted out of the Jukebox. Dana laughed at the irony of the lyrics while Jannie mouthed Call me any, any time, and grinned at her. Caught up in their excitement, Dana joined them. Soon, she slipped away and sat at a nearby table to sip her drink; orange juice with something that made her cringe, just a little. The song changed and Billy Joel’s Still Rock and Roll to Me had more people crowding the small dance floor. Dana finished her drink, set the empty glass on the table, and watched the crush of people wrestle for space to move their bodies to the music. Another drink materialized beside the first, then another. By the time Jannie joined her to sit for a smoke break, Dana felt dizzy. She moved so that they faced each other across the table. Her legs felt like jelly but not in a bad way.
“You are drunk. Your nose is red.” Carla grinned and sat next to Jannie.
“Is it?” She touched her nose. It didn’t feel red.
“Don’t worry, you’re supposed to be drunk.” Jannie lit a cigarette and sat back.
Dana thought Jannie’s nose was kind of red too.
“Thanks, you guys. I’m glad you made me do this,” she yelled, hoping they heard her over the music.
“We know. Hey, Dana, that guy keeps watching you.” Carla pointed to the pool tables behind them.
Dana turned but Carla yanked her arm.
“Ow!”
“Don’t look! Wait, I think he’s coming over.”
Drunk or not, the idea of male attention terrified Dana. She didn’t want it. Garrett had only been gone a few months and she enjoyed her freedom.
“Hey ladies,” a deep voice drawled from above. A shadow to her right drifted over the table and sat next to her. “Can I buy you guys a round?”
“Of course, you can,” Jannie said.
“Jannie!” Dana warned.
Despite Dana’s glare, she continued, “This is my sister. We’re celebrating.”
“Celebrating what?”
The skinny straw in her glass suddenly became the most fascinating thing in the world.
“She’s recently dropped some dead weight,” Jannie said.
He laughed. “Diet?”
“Divorced,” Carla explained.
He turned to Dana. “Congratulations?”
“Thanks.”
“I don’t bite, you know.”
“I’m sure you don’t,” she said. “But I’m not interested. Just having fun.”
“So am I. I’m Ronny, since you forgot to ask.”
“Hi Ronny,” Dana turned back to her drink.
“She’s Dana.”
“Jannie!”
He grinned again.
The sound of Kenny Rogers’ smooth voice filled the room.
Ronny wiggled his eyebrows comically. “Wanna dance?”
“Go on,” Jannie urged.
“Okay, just one song.” Dana stood and allowed him to lead her to the crush of couples on the floor.
“Don’t worry. I only bite if I like you,” he murmured as he pulled her close.
“Does that usually work for you?”
“Usually.” His hands stroked her back.
Dana relaxed despite her determination not to be swayed. He could dance, and he didn’t hold her too tight, just close enough. She got lost in the melody and the swaying of their bodies. Too soon, the song ended. He pulled away. Dana thanked him awkwardly and rushed away to their table.
“Where’s Carla?”
Jannie sighed. “Joe showed up.”
“I thought they broke up.”
“They always break up, then she gets drunk, and he gets her back. It’s how they work. By tomorrow she’ll be pissed at him again.”
“Oh.” Dana couldn’t understand how that worked. If Carla loved Joe, who really was a nice guy if a little immature, why did she kick him out all the time?
Jannie leaned forward. “He’s cute.”
“He’s okay,” Dana said. “But it’s what Carla thinks that matters. Cute doesn’t make up for everything.”
“You silly shit. I meant Ronny. Not Joe.”
“Oh, he’s okay too.”
“Don’t try to fool me. I’m your sister, remember?” Jannie pushed another drink at her.
“It doesn’t matter if I like him or not. I’ve got kids, and plenty to keep me busy.”
“The kids need a father. Something better than what they’ve got. They’ll never see that jerk again.”
“We’ll be fine.”
“If you say so. Still crying every day?”
Dana didn’t want to have this argument with Jannie. She thought of the day her mother witnessed her breakdown in court when they’d sent Garrett to jail. She’d cried every day since, because she felt guilty over him losing everything. With that guilt, though, maybe intensifying it a little, was the overwhelming sense of relief that, finally, Garrett couldn’t hurt them anymore.
The rest of the night, Ronny stayed at the pool tables. Jannie and Dana danced, giggled, and drank until the bartender flashed the lights for last call. Then, she stumbled to the door and realized once she was outside that Jannie wasn’t with her.
Fighting a nauseous dizziness, she turned to go back in but someone held her arm. Spinning around, she came up against Officer Bill. Her stomach lurched.
“Need a ride home?” He leered as unsteady on his feet as she was.
“No, my sister’s coming.”
“Come on. Why you playing hard to get?”
“Let go.”
Officer Bill didn’t let go. Instead, he pulled her close, and put a meaty hand on her ass. She pushed him, but he held tight and leaned close to her face. She couldn’t look away from the ball of spit on his lower lip.
“Give me a little kiss and I’ll let you go.” He puckered up.
Her stomach lurched again. “I think I’m going to be sick.”
“You’ll give it up for Retard Ronny, but not old Bill? I’ll show you a better time than that fuck up.”
“I really don’t feel well.” She pushed but he wouldn’t let go.
“Get your hands off her. She said she wasn’t interested.”
The voice was familiar, but Dana didn’t turn. She tried valiantly to keep her stomach in check, but it was a losing battle.
“Fuck off Sampson.” Spittle sprayed from Bill’s mouth and caught her cheek.
Ronny was next to them now. “I mean it Billy. You aren’t in uniform tonight.”
Another hand grabbed her free arm and pulled her the opposite direction.
“I’ll clean the fucking street with your ugly face,” Ronny warned, tugging on Dana’s arm.
“You think you got the parts?” Bill yanked her back.
She groaned as a wave of heat washed over her.
“I’d cream you!” Bill yelled.
“I’m gonna puke. Please, let go,” she warned, but neither man listened. She tried to shrug them off, but they continued bickering.
Bill shoved at Ronny and forced Dana to stumble back. Then she realized there was no hope. Saliva filled her mouth, and she gagged. Someone threw a punch, jostling her, forcing her to the ground.
“Dana!” Jannie shrieked before moving into the melee to pull her out. “Enough, you fucking jerks!”
They didn’t listen to Jannie either, throwing punches, stepping on and over anyone in their way. Dana was still caught in the middle, sandwiched between them. Shouts, laughter, and catcalls came from the revelers leaving the bar.
Desperate to get away, Dana gave up the struggle. She retched, getting rid of the booze and her dinner, all over the two men.
“What the—?” Bill stumbled back. “You stupid bitch.”
Vomit, sticky and yellow, and chunks of mystery food coated his shirt. He raised his arm, but paused as several men yelled, pulling Bill away from her, and finally stopping the
insanity.
Ronny knelt and gripped her arms, ignoring the vomit and her croaked apologies, unable to stop the never-ending stream erupting from her mouth. “It’s okay. Let it all out. You’ll feel better in a bit.” He pulled her to the side of the parking lot.
“Just leave me alone,” she begged.
Ronny’s footsteps retreating, she gasped for air. If this was what drinking did to you, it was not worth it. When her stomach stopped rebelling, leaving behind a dull ache, Dana stood. She did feel better, a little less dizzy.
Jannie handed Ronny a piece of paper. He grinned, and gave her a little hug.
The sight brought pain to her chest. Why should she care? She wasn’t interested, so Jannie should go for it.
Jannie waved at her. Dana, irritated at her sister’s obvious glee at giving Ronny her number, didn’t wave in return. Instead, she walked away from them.
“Dana, wait.”
She carried on, ignoring her sister, just wanting to climb into bed and cry. She didn’t understand why, maybe it was the commotion and the booze, all too overwhelming for her to handle.
“Dana?”
“What?”
“Come on, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
Jannie jogged to catch up. “Bullshit. I know that was a shitty ending to our night, but it wasn’t my fault.”
“It wasn’t?”
“Guys get drunk and do stupid things. You of all people should know that.”
She spun around.
Jannie put her hands up. “Oh, I didn’t mean it that way. God, what’s wrong with you?”
She folded her arms across her chest and glared at her sister. “Okay Jannie, I’ll tell you what’s wrong. You pushed me at that guy all night; even though I told you I wasn’t interested. Then, when I start to like him, you give him your number. What the hell? There are a hundred other guys you could have gone after, a few I’m sure you’ve had before.”
“You like him?” Jannie grinned.
She didn’t know what to say. Her sister was nuts. This wasn’t funny. She turned away, leaving Jannie standing alone.
“I didn’t give him my number.”
“Liar.”
“I didn’t. Dana, listen to me.”
“I saw you.”
“I gave him yours, silly.”