“Lie. Tell him I’m not.”
I bite my lip then let it ping free. “I can’t stand liars. I don’t want to become one.”
“If it’ll keep the peace,” he murmurs, leaning in even closer.
I raise my brows. “Is that how you keep the peace with your wife? By lying?”
He shakes his head. “No. I never have anything interesting to lie about.”
“I don’t want to be a liar.”
“I don’t want to be the one to tell you this, but if you’re having to resort to even the idea of lying to escape the hell you’ll face at home, your relationship is becoming toxic.”
Ugh. He’s right and I hate that. “I love him, Ezra.”
Something flashes in his eyes. Pain? Is he sad that I’m so sad?
“Why does it have to be this way?”
“Relationships are supposed to make life better, not worse. Your happiness is so important. Don’t let him jeopardize that.”
I nod. “You’re right. I know you are. I’ve been thinking about it for a while. Things just aren’t the same between us anymore.”
“Then you know what to do.”
“I do,” I murmur and smile sadly with glistening eyes. “I could really use a hug right now.”
“That would definitely get some tongues wagging,” he whispers, his tone humorous to lighten the mood.
“Exactly, so don’t touch me.”
“I would if I could.” His voice is a low murmur and I can’t decide if he means that he would touch me if he could or if he would hug me if he could.
Le sigh.
What a confusing web my mind has woven.
Pax: ARE YOU WITH HIM?
“That’s not okay,” Mr. C says as we both stare at my phone. “It’s not normal.”
“I’ll deal with it.”
Rose: Yes, I am.
We look at each other, communicating without words.
He’s right. I need to handle Pax before things get real.
Just not right now.
I’ll give him just a bit more time to calm down.
Chapter Eighteen
He gives it to me straight.
I am so groggy and so dopey right now. My tongue feels like a foot and my feet feel like sand.
Getting laser eye surgery was fucking terrifying, they had to give me a sedative. I don’t know how much but I am spaaaaced.
A rare occurrence for them but I wouldn’t stop twitching. Now I’m being guided home with sunglasses over my eyes, unable to see a thing beyond a blurry haze of sepia things.
My eyes hurt.
Laurie is my carer and friend as always, though her tics mean she keeps accidentally pushing me away from her and then pulling me back. I giggle because it’s funny but also, I just giggle because it’s funny.
“Step down,” she says, and I do so.
This is awkward. I don’t like it but I can’t wait to see without the need for glasses.
I’ve been told before to get the surgery before my eyes got too bad, but I always loved my glasses. I loved having them as a sort of shield to hide behind. It’s weird, I know. I’m weird.
“Okay, we’re going to get in the car now,” Laurie tells me and I hear somebody approach us.
“There we go,” a kind lady soothes, and puts her hand on my head as I duck into the vehicle. “I know you told me not to bother but——”
“She showed up anyway and said either she can drive, or we can get a cab. I chose the nice lady who drives. She smells like strawberries.”
“Right?” I agree, giggling drunkenly. She really does smell like strawberries.
“They had to sedate her to stop her from twitching so she’s a bit out of it,” Laurie explains as I try to hug the nice lady.
“You really do smell like strawberries and I really am glad you’re here.” I hiccup. “Who are you?”
“It’s Izabella, sweet girl,” she says, closing the door.
“Yay, I really like Izabella.”
Laurie giggles from somewhere ahead.
“They approached me while you were under, Rose, so cute of them, right?” Laurie continues but I don’t know what she’s talking about.
I slump on the back seat of the car and the back of my head hits warm thighs.
“Hello, stranger,” I say, blinking to uncloud my vision but it doesn’t work. My eyes feel so dry and burnie. “Whose head is my lap in?”
“Mine.”
“That’s funny, you sound just like my boss.”
Laurie and Izabella both start to laugh as though I’m hysterical. I’m perfectly normal, thank you very much.
“I do, do I?”
“It’s weird, stop talking.”
They laugh again. “Maybe I don’t want to.”
I close my eyes and turn towards him. “You smell like him too.”
“I wonder why that is,” Laurie calls, laughing even harder now.
“Laurie,” I reach towards her with my hand and put it on her face when she comes closer. “Shhhhh.”
She grumbles under her breath as the others snigger.
What’s so funny?
“Can we listen to music?” I ask happily, my words sound a bit slow and weird.
“What station?”
“Any.”
The beat of a drum starts and then a guitar. I don’t know what this is but I want to dance to it.
“Please stop,” the man begs, placing his hand on my forehead and holding me down.
“Why?”
“Keep doing that and you’ll find out,” he breathes.
Giggling, I close my eyes again and yawn loudly. “I’m so fucking tired.”
“Language,” Laurie admonishes.
“Sus kesisine,” I bark back. “Shut up.”
The man beneath me starts laughing. “What language was that?”
“Turkish I think, maybe,” Izabella replies.
The man beneath me trails a finger along my jaw. “You speak Turkish?”
“Hayir,” I reply.
“She said no,” Laurie explains, laughing even harder now.
“You don’t speak Turkish but you’re speaking Turkish,” the man comments, still trailing his finger along my jaw.
“Ben hastayim. Beni yalniz birak.” “I’m sick. Leave me alone.”
“What did she say that time?” Izabella asks.
“I don’t know, I don’t speak Turkish. I only know what no is because she says it to me sometimes.”
“How does she speak Turkish?” the man asks, shuffling in his seat.
I put my hand on his face too like I did to Laurie. “Shhhh.”
He chuckles against my palm and kisses it gently before placing it back on my chest.
“Oooooooooooo,” I hum and flick his lower lip down with the tip of my finger.
He puts my hand back on my chest.
“Ooooooooooooo,” I hum again and try to put my finger up his nose.
Laurie starts laughing so hard it becomes silent. “I’m totally recording this just so you all know.”
“Ooooooooooooo,” I hum… again, and go for his lip again.
He bites my finger, holding it between his teeth. That hurts. My mouth opens as I try to pull my finger free.
“Ouch.”
He releases me, kisses the finger he just bit and places it back on my chest.
“Ooooooooo.” I try his ear.
“Will you stop?” he says around his body-shaking laughter. “I should never have come.”
“Yep, she’s going to be mortified when she sobers up,” Laurie answers, sounding way too happy.
“And yet you’re recording her anyway.”
“Duh? What else are friends for?”
“Not orgasms. Friends can’t give you those,” I point out because it’s a really important fact that needs to be said.
“Let’s not talk about orgasms in front of your boss and his mom, okay?” Laurie pats my arm.
I kick off my shoes and put my feet onto the leather seat.
<
br /> “You’re no fun,” I grumble, pouting and relaxing on whoever is stroking my hair right now.
“COTTON CANDY ORGASMS AND YOUR LOCAL ALCOHOLIC!” Laurie yells and then sighs at herself. “Sorry, Mrs. Conti. I’m really trying not to.”
“You let it out, dear.” Izabella is such a nice lady.
“I’m going to keep you,” I say reaching for Izabella’s shoulder. “Forever.”
“Okay, sweet girl.”
I turn towards the man, smiling when he squirms beneath me and order, “Stop fidgeting.”
“You stop fidgeting,” he returns, placing his hand on my head again.
“That’s not me, it’s the car.”
He chuckles and strokes my jaw again, that feels so nice. “Try to sleep.”
“Mmm-kay.”
When he stops stroking me for whatever reason, I grab his hand and make it do the same motion on my cheek. He continues what he was doing, tickling my jaw, my ear, my hair, my throat, my chest. It burns in the nicest way.
I squirm, trying to relax but it feels so good I don’t want to relax.
“My eyes hurt,” I mumble.
“I know.”
“You really do sound like my boss.”
“I know.”
“You could have so much fun with this,” Laurie says. “I’d be asking her all kinds of questions about myself if she didn’t recognize me.”
“Don’t you dare,” Izabella tells the car, her tone firm. “You let her private thoughts be her own.”
“Just one little question,” Laurie begs.
“No, not one.”
The man shifts. I wish he’d stop doing that. “Is your boss nice?”
“Stop it right now or I’m pulling over.”
“My boss?” I ask around a yawn.
“Is he a good boss?”
“He pays for my bagels.”
“Stop it, Ezra.”
I hold on to a solid arm and hug it to my body as the car rocks my body back and forth every time it hastens and slows.
“Is he nice to you?” Laurie asks and I hear a slapping sound. “Ouch.”
I giggle and hold the arm tighter.
“Do you like him?” These words are whispered so quietly it tickles my eardrum.
“He’s amazing. I want to keep him too.”
The arm I’m squeezing squeezes me back.
“Are we at the bar yet? I need another drink.”
“Thank you so much for the ride and for helping me get her inside,” Laurie says. I can hear her through my bedroom door.
My eyes are sore.
I roll onto my side and keep them shut.
I don’t feel as groggy as I did but I do need sleep. Lots and lots of sleep.
“I’ll just be out here if you need me,” Laurie whispers through the door, tapping on it gently.
“Love you,” I respond genuinely.
I’m not totally sure how I got home but she got me home safe and I am so grateful. My best friend is the bestest friend in the whole world.
Pax joins me hours later when he finishes work, taking over from Laurie. He curls his body around mine and whispers sweet things in my ear until I drift back to sleep.
When I wake up again the sun is shining through the curtains. It doesn’t hurt my eyes like I thought it would and my vision is a bit shaky but already it’s clearer than what it was. I was blind as a bat before but now I can see the edge of the drapes and the pattern and I’m not even wearing my glasses.
I’m mesmerized by it.
I roll over onto Pax and kiss his jaw and admire how attractive he is.
“Hey, sleepy,” he whispers. The room is a dull gray from the lack of light, but I can just make out his soft features. “How are you feeling?”
“Excited. I can’t wait to see. I can’t remember a time I ever could see.”
“I bet,” he replies, kissing the tip of my nose. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you woke up.”
He wasn’t? I vaguely remember being with a man. I just assumed it was him. “It’s okay. Laurie sorted me out.”
“If I’d had more notice…”
“I know.” I stroke his cheek and close my eyes. “I understand.”
The decision to get laser eye surgery was one I just thought about, clicked my fingers, and booked myself in for during my leave from work. I’ve been putting it off for years, so I don’t know why I’m suddenly ready now but I’m glad it’s done.
“Hungry?” he asks, and I nod. “What are you craving? Just say the word and it’s yours.”
I remember a week ago when I had that conversation with Ezra at the soccer game about Pax and now I’m realizing how much I jumped the gun. He might have been getting a bit paranoid but true to his word he’s backed off and look how sweet he’s being to me.
He’s always there, I have to remember that. He deserves better from me than how I’ve been treating him behind his back.
“Mexican. I want all that meat in my mouth.”
He growls playfully. “I’ve got some meat for your mouth.”
Laughing, I press my cheek to his chest and sigh. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” he replies, kissing my hair.
I tickle a pattern on his skin, spelling my name and then his with the tip of my finger.
“I feel like I’m about to become a new me,” I say quietly.
“I bet. I mean really this is a huge change. I can’t remember ever seeing you without your glasses.” His hand threads through my hair. “Maybe you should reinvent my style? Finally start wearing clothes that fit?”
I tense. “I like my clothes.”
“I know, but new year, new you, right?”
“I suppose I could try some,” I respond flatly. “I don’t really want to change myself though.”
“You’re twenty-four but most people think you’re a nineteen-year-old intern.”
I cringe because he’s right about that. Every time I go to another floor for something for Mr. C, somebody stops me and asks me to get them coffee or to photocopy something. Though most people know me by now, there are always new people to meet, this is such a huge building and none of them take me seriously.
Saying that though, I am the go-to person these days for anything happening in the office. Nobody even bothers with Mr. Conti anymore because I run it all. I sort out their leave and their personal days, I send their work to the right people and choose what pitches to put through to Ezra. I love my job. I miss it already.
“I’m not saying it to hurt you, I love the way you dress. I love how different you are. But maybe it’s time to stand out a bit? You might end up with a better job offer.”
“And we’re back to that,” I sigh, trying to roll away from him but he holds me in place.
“I just don’t think you get paid enough for all that you do.”
“I’m happy with my salary,” I comment tiredly. “And I get to travel.”
He doesn’t say anything else on the topic and for that I’m glad. He kisses me and leaves to get us both some breakfast, knowing I was just kidding about the Mexican food at eight in the morning.
He returns forty minutes later with pancakes, eggs, bacon, and syrup.
It’s a lot fattier than I’d normally like for a breakfast but it tastes so yummy I don’t care.
I check my phone while I’m eating, squinting to see the screen. My mouth chews a piece of pancake and syrupy bacon. I hum happily.
Mr. C: How are you feeling today?
Rose: Tired but good. Just eating pancakes and bacon covered in syrup.
Mr. C: Sounds like an excellent breakfast. How was your journey home yesterday?
Rose: If I remembered, I’d tell you. Why do you ask?
Mr. C: No reason.
Mr. C: oooooooooooooooo
Rose: Ooooooooooo???? What’s that?
Mr. C: Phone glitch. Maria is asking for you. She said she misses you.
Rose: I miss her more. How’s work?
Mr. C: Suffering without you but managing. Focus on resting, not on working.
Rose: It’s only the second day of my annual leave and I’m already bored.
Mr. C: You work too much. Enjoy the break. I know I will when I have mine.
Rose: Can I run the office? I want to tell everybody what to do.
Mr. C: I was speaking to my sister about that just this morning. I think you know my job better than anybody else, so it would make sense. We’ll talk about it when you’re back. I don’t have any plans to go anywhere just yet.
Rose: Can you come in on your day off and be my PA instead? CONTI… fetch me a bagel.
Mr. C: Absolutely. I’ll sit there tapping my fingers, murmuring numbers, rocking in my chair, and drink all the coffee in the building.
Rose: Is that what you think I do all day?
I know he’s just teasing me, but I can’t resist playing along.
Mr. C: That and sneaking off with your boyfriend for quickies in his office.
Rose: This just took a mortifying turn. I have not done that and will not do that since you threatened my job in the elevator.
Mr. C: You’d choose your job over nookie?
Rose: Depends how good the nookie is.
Mr. C: That sounded like a dig at Pax’s abilities in the bedroom.
Rose: THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT! This conversation is over.
Mr. C: Like your quickies in his office.
Rose: I’m never texting you again.
Mr. C: You have to. I’m your boss.
Rose: Then I quit.
Mr. C: Suuuuure you do. See you in a week… and no more silly string. I’m still finding it everywhere despite the fact you had my office cleaned three times.
Rose: I told you to let me clean it. You wouldn’t be finding any if I’d done it.
Mr. C: That’s not your job.
Rose: It was my mess.
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