“Hey.” He places his coffee down and cups my cheek with his hand. “Don’t ever be sorry for feeling things. Ever. I know this has put us both under a lot of pressure. You more so than me in some cases. But we can get past this. You’ll see.”
I kiss his palm and take a bite of his toast. “We have a couple of hours before we have to go into the office. What do you want to do?”
“Is it that early?” he asks, looking at the digital clock on the nightstand. “Yep… it’s that early.” He’s not upset, he’s smiling.
“I want to book that vacation. I need a vacation. Just you and me away for the week after I tell my wife. It’ll give her a chance to calm down.”
“I don’t think she’ll be calm knowing you’ve run away to another country with another woman.”
“Fair point,” he mumbles and digs into his breakfast. I kiss his head and inhale. I love his smell. He always smells so citrussy and clean.
“So… I was talking to Laurie the other day about us…”
His fork hovers between his open mouth and the tray. “And?”
Chewing on my lip, I pick at a piece of fluff on the quilt and look away feeling shy suddenly.
“What is it?”
“Do you want more kids one day?”
He lowers his fork and places it on the plate.
When he doesn’t immediately answer I continue, my voice a ramble, “Because, obviously not yet but in the future, I’ll probably want kids and I know Maria is older, so I wasn’t sure... I mentioned it a while ago and you didn’t react to it, so I don’t know what that means and that’s why I’m asking. And I was just kidding when I said I like order too much. I do like order but not so much that I don’t want my own kids.”
He moves the tray onto his nightstand, and I worry for a moment that he’s going to leave me and say no, thank you, but instead, he hooks me around the neck with his hand and brings our faces together until our lips collide.
“I taste like toast,” I mutter, laughing when he rolls me onto my back.
“You want kids with me?”
I shrug. “One day… I never had family, so I want a big one. I want three kids, and I want them to have at least two kids each, so I always have grandchildren in my house.”
“That’s an ambitious number of children,” he comments, smirking down at me.
“So, is it something you might want?”
His lips stretch with a smile and he slots his body between my thighs. “With you? Definitely. I love kids, especially my own. We can have as many as you want.”
My heart gives a happy flip. “Seriously?”
“Absolutely. Let’s start right now,” he buries his face in my neck.
“Don’t be stupid.” I slap his shoulder and moan when he grinds against me.
“I’m serious,” he replies, scanning my face with his eyes when he hovers over me again. I love how stormy they look, how alive and vibrant. I wonder if he can see the same life in mine. “Let’s do it. Let’s pull the goalie.”
My breath catches in my throat at his expression. He’s not kidding. “I’m not about to get pregnant to a man who is still married to somebody else.” I give him a shove until he’s on his back and then straddle him. “But if you get the divorce… we could probably consider pulling the goalie as you so aptly put it.”
His smile is blinding. He folds his arms behind his head and just keeps smiling at me. “I knew you were going to be the best decision I ever made.”
“Stop it.” I twist his perfect, pointed nipple making him flinch slightly. “Stop being so perfect because nothing is perfect and if you don’t reveal your massive flaw to me soon, the fates are going to intervene and ruin this all for us.”
“You’re so weird,” he comments as his body shakes with laughter. “I’m not perfect, I’m just perfect for you. You make me so different to how I am with everyone else. I constantly just want to be everything you need.”
“I feel the same. Nothing I do for you feels like a chore; you know? I always just want to see you happy.”
“I know the feeling.” His large hands move from under his head to grab my waist as I sit on his cock which is rock solid between us. “Come on, as much as I want to sink inside your delectable pussy, we have so much to do.”
Pouting, I pull on his shoulders until he’s sitting up and we’re chest to chest.
Chapter Thirty-Five
He wants babies with me one day.
“Mrs. Conti,” I breathe, eyes wide as she heads directly for my desk.
She looks different to how she used to, she’s lost weight and her hair, though perfectly kempt, has lost its golden shine.
She smiles at me, it wavers the closer she gets, likely because I’m not smiling back. “Morning, Rose. Is my husband in?”
I shake my head, ignoring her use of the word husband despite how badly I want to correct her. I am an awful person. “He’s in a meeting with designers for the new home solar advertisements. He won’t be back for…” I check my watch. “Maybe forty minutes or so?”
Her smile fades entirely and her eyes close. “Well, that explains why he hasn’t been answering my calls.”
“Are you okay?” I ask kindly, hating how tired and down she seems. “Can I get you a coffee?”
“I’d love a coffee,” she replies, shocking me because she has always turned me down before. She sits in the seat opposite my desk as I call for an intern to fetch us drinks and cake. In the beginning, I was always too shy to get anybody to do anything for me, but now that I basically run this entire office, I have so many people at my disposal. None of them dare say no because I guess I’m sort of their boss now. I oversee faculty productivity and morale. So far, we are a well-oiled machine.
“How’s Maria?” I ask gently, rocking slightly in my chair.
“She’s amazing. She keeps asking about you. We haven’t seen you in a while.”
“After the Pax thing I worried that it wouldn’t be safe.”
She nods with understanding. “Has he been in touch since he got demoted?”
“Surprisingly he didn’t even acknowledge me until this morning.” I think back to how he entered the elevator after me and then panicked because he swore he hadn’t seen me. I do believe it was a mistake and he just wasn’t paying attention because his panic seemed genuine. Meanwhile I pressed my back to the elevator wall and tried not to visibly tremble. “He was nice… weirdly so… he told me I look nice and that he’s sorry for everything that happened and how he’s been seeing a therapist to work through his issues.”
“Well, that’s good. That hopefully means he’s calming down and won’t terrorize you anymore.”
“Here’s hoping. Then maybe I can start seeing Maria again.”
“You can always visit with her at the house,” she puts in and my heart sinks further. “You went from visiting almost daily to never coming at all.”
“I didn’t realize you’d noticed,” I jest, smiling at the woman whose life I’ve stolen. I feel like such a snake but it’s only a few more days and then she’ll know and there won’t be any more sneaking and lying.
I start tapping to help calm my breathing. It helps.
“Of course I noticed,” she replies with a slight smile. “I’ve been noticing a lot of things these days since my husband asked me for a divorce.”
That gets my heart going. I force myself to keep my eyes on hers.
“What do you mean?”
“Just little things here and there, the way I’ve been treating people,” she admits, not talking about the affair at all so hopefully she doesn’t know about that. “When the love of your life suddenly loses interest in you, you start looking at where you went wrong. I got comfy in my cushy, spoiled lifestyle. I neglected my husband, my child, his family…”
“I’m sure you’re not all to blame,” I mumble, pushing back the guilt I feel. She eyes my hand and frowns. I twist my fingers together instead and smile a reassuring smile that feels more like a grimace.
&nb
sp; “Of course not, but I am the majority reason and I’ve accepted that. I just worry that I’ve accepted it too late.” Her eyes fill with tears. I look behind me as she talks, wishing Ezra would exit the elevator right now. “I don’t want to lose my family. I never thought I would and that’s my own fault. I took them for granted.”
“Don’t,” I beg, feeling my own eyes burn. “Please.”
She looks at me, confusion in her eyes. “Sorry, I know we’ve never really spoken, and I feel terrible just suddenly acting like your best friend and offloading on you like it’s my right. My husband is your boss, this isn’t appropriate.”
“No… that’s not… it’s just sad.”
She looks at her phone and watches me tap my fingers on the desk. “I realized that I don’t have many friends either and all of the people who should be good friends are terrible, and all the people who could be amazing friends I tossed away like trash.”
“Time to find some new ones?”
“If only it were that simple.”
The elevator doors ping open and Billy the intern steps out with two coffees and a paper bag.
“Thank you, you are an absolute lifesaver,” I say to him, smiling and handing him a twenty to pay for it. He’s a welcome break from all this emotion.
“I put it on Mr. Conti’s credit,” he replies sheepishly. “Was I not supposed to?”
“That’s fine.” I smile. “I wasn’t sure if you knew the drill. Keep the twenty anyway, put it towards your lunch. My way of saying thank you for being so quick.”
“Thank you, ma’am.” He grins and backs away.
“You’re very clever, treat them well and they’ll always prioritize your needs.”
“Exactly.”
I hand her one of the lattes and tip the container of cake out of the paper bag.
“So, tell me what Maria has been up to,” I say to break the silence, offering her a plastic fork for the cake. I’m surprised when she tucks in, humming happily with each bite. I’ve never seen her eat carbs before.
We chat for a while, drinking coffee, sharing jokes, and passing time. She sits while I work, keeping me entertained in a way she never has.
I can’t tell if this is some kind of trick because I’ve never seen her so nice. Ezra told me that she was always fun and good to him in many ways, perhaps this is the side of her that he sees.
It’s making me feel guarded and wary. But then I’m always guarded and wary.
Half an hour later, the elevator doors open, and Ezra exits, laughing at something Miranda said. She steps out after him, laughing too, and both of their eyes drift our way. I ignore the pang of jealousy I feel at him laughing at something Miranda did, what with her being so sexy and open to sexual encounters in the workplace.
Miranda greets us with a happy hello and Ezra looks like he wants to run. His eyes jump between his wife and me. Concern is etched in his features.
“Ladies,” he comments, sounding charismatic and charming as always despite the strained look on his face.
Elizabeth stands and waits for him to get closer. “I’ve been trying to call you.”
“I’ve been in a meeting.”
“I know.” She looks so lost and forlorn. I feel like I’m kicking a puppy. “Can we talk?”
“I don’t really have time,” he admits, looking at the watch on his wrist.
“Please,” she begs, her voice a whisper.
He keeps his distance and nods for her to follow. When the door shuts, my heart aches. Every time they must interact, I panic that this will be the time she convinces him to go back.
Then the blinds twitch and open fully and Ezra winks at me through the slightly tinted glass.
I blow out a relieved breath and look at my list for the day. I took too long of a break and now I’ve got to catch up.
I get on with it, trying to take my mind off the fact they’re beyond the glass, talking about things unknown.
My eyes glance over every so often but they remain seated like businessman and client, not like wife and husband.
But then it changes after fifteen minutes, she stands and moves around the desk.
With a rapid heart I lean forward to get a clearer view.
She grabs his tie, but it comes unclipped and falls between them. Then she reaches for him, clasping his face with both hands, but he backs away as he stands, putting the chair between them.
“JUST LET ME TOUCH YOU!” she shrieks suddenly, so loudly I hear her through the glass and door. I see the pain in his eyes.
She buries her face in her hands and her shoulders shake with her sobs. He holds her, pulling her into his chest and I look away. I can’t watch. I give them this. This is personal and I shouldn’t be looking.
She leaves ten minutes later, her eyes swollen, her cheeks shiny with tears.
She doesn’t look at me, too embarrassed by the state she’s in.
I stand when the elevator doors close behind her, and pad to his office.
“You okay?” I ask when I open the door.
“Not now,” he replies, his voice low, his head bowed over his arms on the desk.
“Ez—”
“I said not now!” he yells, his eyes coming to mine, blazing with anger and grief.
Startled, I jump. He hasn’t spoken to me like this in a really long time.
“I don’t think I can do this,” he admits, looking at me with a broken gaze, torn into two by his wife and his mistress. “I don’t think I can do this to her.”
Pain lances through me and I fight back tears. Is this it? Is he going to end it with me now and return to her?
I don’t say anything, I just stand stiff as a board, fighting my pain and fears one breath at a time.
“Get back to work,” he orders, his tone final, my sweet Ezra gone.
“What?”
“I said get back to work. I need space.”
“But—”
“You are still under my employ, sleeping together or not. GET BACK TO WORK!” He stands, his hands on the desk, his eyes still angry.
“DON’T SHOUT AT ME!” I yell back, feeling anger take the place of uncertainty and sadness.
“THEN DO YOUR FUCKING JOB!”
“THEN YOU DO YOURS AND STOP DRAGGING ME INTO YOUR SHIT!” I turn and stomp out of his office, slamming the door behind me so hard I’m surprised the surrounding glass didn’t break.
Miranda leans against the wall opposite, her brow quirked. “So I shouldn’t try to approach him about getting an extra vacation day?”
I shake my head. “Absolutely not.”
“Yikes.” She starts laughing nervously. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you yell like that.”
“Me neither,” I admit sheepishly and sit back in my seat. “He just pushed all the wrong buttons.”
“Well… maybe you can sign off on our vacation requests instead?” She’s smirking, and normally a request like that I’d take to the boss, but fuck it. “I booked the wrong date is all.”
“So long as you have appropriate cover it shouldn’t be a problem,” I reply, because I’m probably going to have to leave soon anyway.
She punches the air and hands me the sheet of paper. I look it over, triple-check it, sign it, stamp it, and slide it back to her.
“Thank you very much.” She saunters away and I close my laptop and pack up for the day. I can finish this at home.
“A word?” Ezra asks, popping his head around the door.
“I’ve got quite a few of those for you,” I reply, glaring at my bag as I zip it closed.
“Now, Rose,” he orders but I keep packing my bag. He grabs it from my desk and storms into his office.
I can do nothing but follow. He has my keys.
“What, Mr. Conti? What do you need?”
“I haven’t given you permission to leave.”
“You broke up with me, I don’t need permission,” I respond petulantly, folding my arms and tapping my foot on the ground.
He blin
ks at me, his gray eyes glowing with annoyance and bitterness. “You know what? I just don’t have the emotional capacity to baby you today.”
“Baby me?” I breathe, fighting the urge to laugh and scream at the same time. “When have you ever had to baby me?”
“Constantly. I constantly have to reassure you that things are going to be okay.”
He does not! “That is extremely unfair.”
“I have handed you everything… absolutely fucking everything… you’d think the least you can do is give me space to deal with my shit when it’s getting to me.”
“I didn’t impose on you, I just asked if you were okay. I didn’t even say anything!” My hands are clenched into fists by my side. “You’re the one who started saying you don’t think you can do this to her. Am I not supposed to wonder what the heck that means?”
“You saw her!” he says, dumping my bag on the couch. “You saw how distressed she was. A woman I love and care about. And then you come in here, trying to console me, the woman I’m breaking her heart for.”
“You said you didn’t leave her for me.”
“It’s not that black and white and you know it. You’ll always be part of the reason.”
I knew it. I knew it would come to this eventually, I just didn’t imagine it would be so soon. “So you’re saying if I broke up with you right now you’d go back to her?”
“Are you breaking up with me?”
I look at him incredulously. “Should I? Is this what it’s going to be like every time she comes crying?”
“Probably. And it’s the least I fucking deserve, seeing a woman I love sob on her knees and beg me to return to her, turning her down because I don’t want to hurt you, the woman I love the most. Living with my own guilt that I dared to fall for somebody else while married to my wife. Not getting to see my daughter every day…”
“You asked me to stay,” I breathe, feeling my heart break. “I was going to leave. I never wanted that for you, or her, or Maria.”
“And we’re both paying for it.”
I don’t cry, I click the pen in my hand and reach for my bag. When I hook it over my shoulder, he doesn’t try and stop me. “I’m going to go home and leave you to make your decision about what you want and who you want. If you don’t come home, I’ll take that as you choosing your wife and I’ll never speak of this affair again.”
Becoming His Mistress Page 29