“Don’t do that.”
“What?”
“Talk about her.”
“Then what do you want to talk about?”
He puts the car in drive and pulls out onto the busy street. “You. How is your new job? Your new life?”
“My new job is amazing; my new life is yet to be discovered but I’m almost happy if that’s what you’re asking.”
He smiles softly. “Good.”
“Definitely. I get way more respect in my new workplace than my last.”
A muscle ticks in his jaw. “At least I gave you a chance.”
“And then ripped my heart from my chest.”
“Don’t, tesoro mio,” he begs. “I haven’t seen you or spoken to you in nearly six weeks. I just… want to have a conversation. I went from seeing you every day to not seeing you at all. It is killing me.”
“Then maybe you do love me in your own way,” I mutter, and he turns to face me, stalling at a red light.
“You think I don’t love you?”
I shrug my shoulders but don’t answer.
“I can’t even touch my wife for wanting you so badly. I’ve done nothing but think of you since we parted like there’s space for nothing else in my mind and heart but you.”
He can’t touch his wife…
“Do you think that’s healthy? Staying together like that even for the baby?”
He shakes his head and starts to drive again. “Of course I don’t but what else can I do? I married her, she’s pregnant with my child. She’s so desperate to make this work she’s willing to overlook my affair.”
“Will she if she knows who it is and that you’re with her right now?”
“She doesn’t want to raise the baby alone, she’s terrified, she didn’t take well to Maria in the beginning, her labor was very traumatic. She needs me. The child needs me.”
I frown, that’s sad to hear but still, it’s not my problem. “Why are you telling me this?”
“Because I’m trapped, I feel trapped.” True to his word, he pulls back in front of Robert’s apartment building in the same space as before and turns towards me; the rear end of his car sticks out into the road but he doesn’t seem to care. “And I miss you and if I can’t have you then at least allow me a piece of you.” His eyes roam over my face and he reaches out a hand to cup my cheek. “I know I do not deserve it and I know I should not want it, but I need it. I need you.”
He pulls us together, my forehead against his and my hand immediately seeks out his heartbeat.
“Please.” He whispers to me in Italian, begging me with words I don’t understand while peppering kisses all over my face. His lips find my tears and kiss those away as his thumb strokes my cheek and he continues whispering in his beautiful language. “Ti amo.”
“Ti amo,” I whisper back and press my lips to his. Allowing myself one last taste of him. “We will correspond sometimes. Rarely… but sometimes.”
“Grazie,” he replies and tastes me again, deepening the kiss with a moan that has me squirming in my seat. “Losing you will always be my greatest regret.”
“Falling in love with you will always be mine,” I respond breathlessly and climb from the car.
I head towards the parking lot where I left my new vehicle yesterday and mutter a very unattractive curse under my breath when I see Halley gaping at me, mouth wide open, eyes even wider, arm suspended in mid-air like she was about to put her bag on her shoulder.
“What the fuck?” she cries, and I just know this is going to be a moment.
* * *
“So… that’s…” Halley gapes at me, struggling to find words. “Wow.”
I stick a piece of sushi in my mouth and chew it. Yum. “I mean… I know it was bad, but can you imagine falling head over heels for somebody while loving another?”
“That’s conflicting.”
“It so is. I felt constant guilt at what we were doing but like constant desperation and worry that he’d leave me for her. Which is unfair because he was always hers and never mine.” I sit back and eat more delicious sushi. “I’m a horrible person.”
“Maybe.”
I glare at her, making her laugh.
“I mean… it’s not great what you did but I get it. Love is such a trap.”
“You can say that again.”
We swap sushi bowls, because she’s never tried my favorite and I’ve never tried hers.
“And now he wants me to keep in touch. I’m trying so hard to move on.”
She wags her brows and I feel like I’m just sitting with female Robert. “Last night is a testament to that.”
“But he’s desperate to keep hold and it’s not fair.”
She sighs and drinks her water, losing herself in her thoughts for a moment. “I suppose it’s even harder to move on from somebody you know still wants you.”
I nod and admire her dark blonde hair and pale eyes. She’s gorgeous. I wonder why she and Robert have never tried for a relationship. “I just don’t know what to do. He’s married. He’s having a baby.”
“But you still love him with every romantic fiber of your pathetic soul.”
I click my finger and thumb and point at her. “Exactly.”
She grins at me, takes a bite of my spicy roll and then drinks more water.
Meanwhile I ask, “So… Robert’s single… you’re single…”
She chokes on her water and starts laughing hysterically. A pleasant sound for sure. She doesn’t have an annoying laugh in the slightest.
“What?”
“I was waiting for you to ask but it took you so long I figured you’d worked it out all on your own.”
“Worked what out?”
She wags her brows at me, looking so much like Robert but not in the sense that they’re related, just that they’ve spent a lot of years being friends. “I’m more into girls than guys at the moment. Robert has been my friend since I was in middle school. Also… I’m totally a virgin.”
“But you’re like… twenty-six?”
“I’m celibate—sorta.”
I blink slowly. “Are you pulling my dick?”
“Never pulled a dick in my life. I’m waiting for the one.”
“So not marriage?”
“Hell no. I’m just waiting for love before I lose my cherry. I’ve never been in love so I’ve never had sex.”
I smile at her. “That’s so lovely. I didn’t lose my virginity until I was in my early twenties. But that’s more cowardice and because sex seemed gross to me then.”
“Well done for hanging on for that long, everyone I knew as I was growing up lost their V-cards age fifteen to eighteen. I didn’t understand what the rush was, but then I just figured they didn’t have vibrators yet.”
“Right?” I fist-bump her for that one because I used to think the same thing. Fist bumping is now something sober me does too. Though I’m not convinced I am in fact sober.
“How was Robert when you left this morning?”
“Sobbing in the bathroom while he peed.”
“Really?”
I shake my head and giggle. “No, he kissed me though. Now that I let him once, he thinks he can do it all the time.”
“You’re not interested?”
Shrugging my shoulders, I look down at my food sadly. “I’m still in love with Ezra. I’m not about to lead Robert on when another man is the focal point of all my thoughts. It’s like my will to stay away is strong but my ability to forget about him is weak.”
“Doesn’t help that you have photographic memory.”
“Exactly. That part doesn’t help at all.”
She reaches over and pats my hand. “You’ll be okay in the end. This feeling will go, and you’ll move on.”
“I hope you’re right.”
Chapter Forty-One
He says the sweetest things, in English and Italian.
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: R
esponse is essential.
Tesoro mio,
How is my beautiful beloved today? Tell me about every hour from start to finish.
I miss you already,
Forever your soul,
Ezra.
I bite my lip as I stare at the email to my personal account from the man I’ve sworn to avoid, but I did promise him a weekly update, so I’ll give him that at least.
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Response is NOT essential.
I thought you said nothing sordid or secretive? Stop telling me that you miss me, it feels like you punch me in the face, say sorry, punch me in the face, say sorry, and again and again. If you miss me why aren’t you with me?
Stop missing me. Stop punching me in the face.
My day has been busy. I’m at work.
I really don’t think I can do this with you. It’s still too raw.
Forever my regret,
Rose.
Too harsh? Probably.
I close my phone and get back on with my job. It has been approximately two weeks since Robert’s party and my last run-in with Ezra, and though he sent me an email last week, my emotions were too raw, so I ignored it and I don’t feel sorry about that in the slightest.
Speaking of Robert, we’ve fallen into what I can only describe as an easy-ish friendship. We haven’t spent time alone together since the party and he hasn’t tried to kiss me since. I’m grateful for that, though I think Halley might have influenced his decision in that regard. She hasn’t said but it is likely she told him what she saw happening between Ezra and me.
He hasn’t mentioned it either and we have spoken a lot since then.
I just don’t see myself being with him, not even when Ezra becomes a fading member of my past.
The company phone rings, I answer after clearing my throat.
“Rose Sinclair speaking, how may I help?”
“It’s Jenny,” my favorite operator says with a cautious tone, “there’s a lady on line three who wants to speak with you. A Mrs. Conti?”
I purse my lips. “Izabella or Elizabeth?”
“Could be either, sorry I didn’t check.”
“Thanks, Jenny, put her through.”
The line goes dead for a moment and then hums back to life.
“Rose Sinclair speaking.”
“How long have you been fucking my husband?”
I close my eyes and consider hanging up the phone. Instead I play dumb. “Who is this?”
“How many husbands are you sleeping with?”
“None, hence my confusion.”
She hesitates and I hear her sniffle and exhale a staggered breath. Oh shit. This conversation is not going to be fun. “It’s Elizabeth, you massive whore.”
“I’m at work. Can I call you later?”
“Absolutely not. You can answer my questions on my time not yours,” her tone is soft not harsh, she sounds sad. “You know? I had a private detective follow you both for three months, it cost me a fucking fortune and he said you were hardly even friends… now… did you see him and pay him off before he could report back to me? Or did my cheating bastard of a husband betray me after that? When did it start?”
I rest my head in my hands for a moment, still gripping the receiver but away from my face. “Have you spoken to Ezra?”
“It’s not Ezra to you, it’s Mr. Conti!”
“Regardless, have you spoken to him?”
“Not yet.”
I consider putting her on hold and calling him, but I need to face the music. I did this. She’s entitled to her anger and it’s the least I deserve to listen to it.
“Whatever happened between your husband and me ended a while ago. I’m not going near him again.”
“You mean like the morning after that party two weeks ago?”
“What? How did you—?”
She inhales sharply and bites out, “I could smell your fucking perfume in his rental car, but truth be told, I was already suspicious at your sudden departure when he decided to return to me. And when he wouldn’t tell me who he’d been fucking behind my back, I knew it was somebody we both know. I just… I hoped it wasn’t you.”
“I’m so sorry—”
“DON’T SAY YOU’RE FUCKING SORRY!”
“Hey,” I try to soothe. “Look, I know you’re hurt and angry and I know you probably want to strangle me right now but save it for after you’ve had the baby.”
“Don’t patronize me.”
“I wasn—”
“When did it start? Answer me.”
I close my eyes. It’s not for me to lie so I choose to be honest. “After the night of the big deal with the Japanese buyers.”
“Oh my God, that was so long ago, but he said… he said it was just a few times…” she breathes, choking on a sob and the shame I feel is so overwhelming tears burn my eyes. “Oh my GOOOOOOOOD! FUUUUUUUUCK! Why? Why? Why? Why?”
“We weren’t good people. I have no excuse. I never meant for it to happen.”
She cries for a while and I listen, taking in the hurt I caused, letting it wash over me like a tsunami of razor blades against my skin and soul. “I can’t… this… no… I wanted you to deny it and tell me that I’m being paranoid and tell me that my husband wasn’t finding pleasure in your body at work while I stayed at home, forever his faithful little wife.” She sniffs and sobs again and I squeeze the phone. “When was the last time you slept together?”
“We should—”
“TELL ME! You owe me that much, you husband-stealing bitch.”
I want to tell her that he chose her… but that would be a lie. It’s also not for me to say. So instead I opt for the truth. Because she’s right, I do owe her that much.
“The night of your divorce hearing.”
There’s silence for a really long time and I think that she might have hung up, but then she starts screaming again in the background and smashing things.
“Elizabeth?” I whisper, listening to her tear something apart, her anguished sobs destroying me inside.
But then I hear his voice, his deep, shocked voice and I stop breathing. “Elizabeth! What are you doing?”
“You had an affair with Rose?”
“What?”
“YOU FUCKED ROSE! YOU LIED. AND LIED. AND LIED!”
His muffled, deep voice is calm and wary when he insists, “Think of the baby and calm down, let’s talk.”
“The baby? I don’t want it. I don’t want a baby with you. I don’t want you!” she sobs, sounding more broken than I’ve ever heard anybody sound. “I hate you. I hate you. How could you? You’re nothing but a liar.”
The line dies, I hear nothing else. I immediately race into the bathroom to vomit into the toilet.
My stomach burns and aches as I expel all my breakfast. That doesn’t taste good.
Rose: Elizabeth just called, she knows about me and Ezra.
Laurie: FUUUCCCKK noooo way… dude… how did she take it?
Rose: Better than I expected.
Rose: In the sense that I think she trashed his car or something while we were on the phone.
Laurie: Poor Elizabeth. How’d she find out?
Rose: I think she just pieced things together after I was a dick and sprayed my perfume while in her husband’s rental car two weeks ago.
Laurie: Bitch… WHAT? Why were you in his rental car?
Rose: He wanted to talk, I missed him. I had a weak moment.
Laurie: You ass.
Rose: I know. Nothing happened though. We kissed but it was more like a goodbye than anything.
I place my phone down as I wash my face and rinse my mouth out with mouthwash. It’s better than nothing.
When it rings again it vibrates so hard it falls off the vanity and clatters on the tiled floor. I tentatively pick it up, but when I see Ezra’s name on the screen, I disconnect the call and turn it off.
This is not my problem… not anymore.
As terrible as I feel, he’s calling for one of two reasons, to either get angry that I was honest with his wife, or to vent about it. I’m not interested in being his confidant, it’s not fair on Elizabeth, and I certainly don’t deserve his ire.
* * *
A week later, I’m not surprised to find no email from him, nor am I the week after that.
Though the following week, however, is full of surprises.
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Happy Birthday!
Yet another I have missed. How have you spent it? With your friends? Your lover? Have you had cake yet?
I’m assuming a visit from me would not be welcome. Though I’d very much like to see you, I really would like to talk to you. I apologize for not being in touch for a while. I’ve been busy, as you can imagine.
Forever your soul,
Ezra.
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Thank you.
I thought I’d feel older and wiser but apparently not. Although an entire month has passed since you kissed me in the car, and two weeks have passed since your wife raged down the phone to me, my emotions are so raw as if no time has passed at all.
Will I ever get over you? Will you ever let me?
You ask me about lovers as though it is so easy for me to find somebody to replace the gaping hole you left in my chest. Do I sound bitter? I hope so.
Forever my biggest regret,
Rose.
P.S. That’s a hell no, I don’t want a visit from you. How can you ask me that after what happened? What is wrong with you? Give Elizabeth peace of mind and stay away from temptations.
Becoming His Mistress Page 34