“Mom, you don’t need to tell me anything.”
“I know, baby. I know. I will one day, I promise. I’m just not ready yet.” Her voice was soft, softer than I’d ever heard it before. My mother was a strong woman, she held herself together and never broke down. She was my rock, and seeing her so vulnerable right then made me feel like shit because I couldn’t do anything to help. “Go to the pool, honey. You should be enjoying everything this place has to offer.” She straightened her shoulders and offered me a smile. I kissed her cheek and walked over to the table to grab my book and head out the door.
The pool was peaceful, and I abandoned my desire to read in favor of closing my eyes and sitting at the edge with my legs dangling in the warm water.
“It’s nice to see some new blood in this old place,” a melodic voice said from behind me. I turned to find a pretty, petite girl, with soft blonde hair falling to her waist in loose ringlets. She was wearing cargo pants, a midriff top and spiked heels. Like a young, No Doubt-era Gwen Stefani. She took off her heels, and began rolling her pants before dipping her feet in the water.
“Hi, I’m Tamlin Sinclair. You must be Madison?” She offered me her hand, smiling sweetly. We shook and I noticed how her fingers looked just like her mother’s, long, slender, and delicate.
“Nice to meet you.”
“God, my feet are killing me. Heels definitely were created by men.”
My eyes drifted to her heels, spikes probably six inches long. “Those do look pretty deadly,” I smiled.
“They so are. But you have to look the part. Some days, I wish I could just wear my Nikes and sweats. So tell me, Madison, how do you like living here?” Her question, though completely normal, made me uneasy.
“It’s lovely,” I murmured, not sure what else to say. Then her phone buzzed. She lifted it and read the message, her smile growing and her eyes sparkling with delightful mischief.
“Boyfriend?” I asked, before instantly regretting it.
“How’d you know?” She breathed.
“I don’t know,” I lied. Her reaction to the text gave her away, she might as well be wearing a neon sign that screamed boyfriend in flashy red font.
“He isn’t really my boyfriend. Well, he is, I guess, a boy that is my friend, but I’m not sure if he wants more. He’s older and, well...it’s complicated.” She laughed nervously.
“Isn’t everything,” I said softly.
“You know, you sound just like Kyler.” She chuckled. “You’re like the bright, sunny version of him.”
I thought back to the first day at the library, not seeing a single similarity.
Maybe she was on drugs. In the movies, all the rich kids are always on drugs. Poor kids did drugs too, but our drugs were dirty. We couldn’t afford the high-class designer stuff.
“He was charming,” I lied again, causing Tamlin to roar in laughter.
“Now I know you’re a liar. Kyler is not even remotely close to charming, but he is my brother and I love him. Don’t let him scare you, he talks a good game but he’s really not that bad.”
“It’s complicated,” I offered, as my lips turned of their own free will into a smile, thinking Tamlin might be my first chance at a friend here.
6
“Even broken in spirit as he is, no one can feel more deeply than he does the beauties of nature. The starry sky, the sea, and every sight afforded by these wonderful regions, seems still to have the power of elevating his soul from earth. Such a man has a double existence: he may suffer misery, and be overwhelmed by disappointments; yet, when he has retired into himself, he will be like a celestial spirit that has a halo around him, within whose circle no grief or folly ventures.” ― Mary Shelley, Frankenstein
Kyler
I parked the bike by my guesthouse, the other parking spots occupied by Monica’s most recent charity case.
I really hated all of these people coming and going on the property, not that it really made a difference to me, unless they were taking up one of my parking spots. I just had to put up with it for a short while anyway and then I was out of here.
I looked over to the pool and saw Tamlin talking to someone. I was about to turn in, thinking my sister was probably talking to one of her dumb, bimbo friends, when I caught a glimpse of the little mouse sitting beside her.
I wasn’t sure why that made me take pause, but I couldn’t help watching her. She smiled at my sister, and her head fell back as they laughed, her ponytail bobbing back and forth. She looked so free, which irritated me. I didn’t know what it was about the little mouse but she intrigued me and before I knew it, I abandoned the guesthouse and headed for the pool.
“Hey, Tammy. What’s up?” I asked my sister, ignoring the little mouse. I could see her fidgeting, her hands nervously twisting into her hair, trying to tuck back an invisible loose strand. I squatted between them and the little mouse moved over, trying to distance herself and look anywhere but at me.
I didn’t like that she wasn’t looking at me.
“What are you doing here with the little mouse?” I mused, pretending the girl wasn’t even there.
Two people can play this game.
“Her name is Madison. You should probably not be an asshole to someone you’ll be seeing daily.” Tamlin looked down at the mouse apologetically. That look irritated me, no one needed to apologize for me. I did what the fuck I wanted and I wasn’t very concerned with what this mouse thought of me.
Liar.
From the corner of my eyes, I could see that she wanted to run. She kept shifting nervously and her hands were clutching the edge of the pool wall, positioning herself to get up, and quickly if need be. But I wasn’t done playing yet. I wanted the mouse to stay.
I turned to her, but she trained her gaze forward, refusing to make eye contact. She was a smart girl; she didn’t want to rattle the beast any more than she needed to.
“Maddy the mouse,” I said, looking at her. She kept ignoring me and I found myself moving from irritated to irrationally angry. She wasn’t acting as I would expect and that made her slightly less boring than the other girls around here. Normally, I just had to walk into a room and the girls were all over me, smelling of desperation, but this girl, this girl was different. She sat there, stoic, refusing to budge in her grace and poise.
“Well, mouse, I’m pretty sure I don’t have your tongue,” I whispered as I leaned closer.
“Jesus, Ky, leave her be. You’re probably scaring her. Just ignore him, Maddy, he thinks it’s cool to be this dark, brooding asshole.” Tamlin hit my chest with her arm, almost throwing me off balance.
“Don’t you have someplace to be, Tammy?” I said, wanting my sister to make herself scarce so I could be alone with the little mouse. Tamlin glanced at her phone, then stood up and rolled down her pants and slid into her ridiculous heels. Only ridiculous girls wore that shit. Who with any sense would want to walk around on two nails?
“Maddy, do you need a ride to class on Monday?” She looked down at the little mouse.
“You think your coven of witches will like that?” I asked Tamlin, then pointed to Maddy. “I mean, look at her. She won’t exactly fit in with your academy friends, looking the way she does.”
At that moment, the little mouse turned to look at me. Finally. Her face filled with hurt, shock, and something else, maybe outrage. An arrogant grin lifted my lips with her reaction.
I got you.
“Her whole wardrobe probably wouldn't even cover the cost of your tank top. Where do you shop, Mouse? Target?” I nailed her with a cold look. I didn’t need to be cruel, and I did feel bad for a moment, but that sting of regret evaporated as quickly as it had appeared.
She sat there quietly this time, no tears in her eyes. She just silently ignored me, pretending I was nothing more than the cold night air caressing her soft, creamy skin.
That infuriated me. No one ignored me, not in years. I should've liked the fact that to her I didn’t exist, that’s what I wanted
from everyone--to be invisible, nonexistent--but for some reason I didn’t want that kind of treatment from her. I wanted this girl to notice me, to look at me with those warm eyes. I wanted her to shake and cry. I wanted something more than this. I couldn’t stand her just looking across the rippling water, pretending that I didn’t exist.
“Maddy, if you need a ride the offer still stands,” Tamlin said, before giving me the finger and walking away.
“Well, Maddy. You can talk now.” I took off my shoes and put my feet in the pool, right as she was about to get out. I wasn’t ready for her to leave this time. I grabbed her wrist, holding her immobile.
“Let-go-of-my-arm,” she spat, pronouncing each word clearly and concisely.
“Who’s going to make me?” I dared her.
“Do you want to be the kind of guy that makes a girl do something she doesn’t want to?” Her question tossed me off kilter, the words singeing me like the hot flames of a fire. I immediately dropped her hand and looked away.
“Get lost,” I said. When she didn’t leave, I felt the rage build up in me. “GET LOST!” I yelled.
“Is this behavior common for rich kids? Throwing a temper tantrum because you can’t get what you want, when you want it?” she asked, looking at me defiantly. I hated the look in her eyes; eyes that I knew could be warm were now dark like coal, cold and unfeeling.
I traced my fingers along the delicate flesh of her arm. I knew my touch affected her. She inhaled, holding her breath as small goose flesh appeared at the areas that I’d traced with my touch. There, I’d gotten a reaction, the one I wanted. This girl wasn’t immune to me; she was just pretending to be. At least she tried to have some self-respect. That in itself was intriguing.
“Are all poor kids so stupid? I told you to get lost. Why aren’t you running, little mouse?” I whispered, watching her, wanting her to run and also desperate for her to stay.
What will you do? Will you stay or will you go?
She closed the distance between us, something that would have made me normally step back. Usually, when people came too close, it felt like the walls around me were closing in, but this time that feeling was...non-existent.
She placed her lips by my ear then and whispered soft and sweet, like the caress of a warm summer’s breeze. “I don’t run from little boys who like playing at being tough men. I walk away.” Then she turned and left me sitting there, looking the fool, alone by the pool.
7
“I could easily forgive his pride, if he had not mortified mine.” ― Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice
Madison
I stormed away from Kyler Sinclair, not because he was an insufferable ass, which he was, but I ran because I had strange feelings about the whole exchange with him. His words were sharp knives that he hurled at me without a single thought. His mouse reference was so completely annoying in every single way. I wasn’t a fucking mouse; I was so far from it. My hands formed into fists as his taunting words replayed in my head.
Look at her clothes. Where do you shop? Target?
What the fuck was wrong with Target? The majority of Americans shopped at Target. I’m so sorry, Lord Sinclair, that I wasn’t lucky enough to be born into the elite one-percent.
What the fuck had I ever done to him?
You were born into the middle class. That’s what.
Kyler Sinclair wasn’t the first jerk to have ever crossed my path, but he was the first one who seemed to go out of his way to be mean to me. I didn’t know why he was so cruel. He didn’t even know me. It was as if at our first meeting he’d decided to make my life a living hell.
I didn’t know how I was going to get through the next year, forced to go head-to-head with him, maybe even on a daily basis. Usually people ignored me, I was nice enough that I never rubbed anyone the wrong way, and I was so plain that I never piqued anyone's interest. Most high school boys weren’t interested in a girl with extra pounds who wore no makeup and barely spoke. I blended into their beige walls, completely boring and plain, and I liked it that way. It kept things simple and sane.
I noticed early that when people went off kilter, they consumed themselves with other things like parties and boys, and I really didn’t have time for that. I had a plan, I was going to graduate and then go off to law school. My plan was to work with victims of abuse. It was important work. It was fulfilling work. It was something that made my parents proud. I still remembered my dad’s face when I told him. I wasn’t more than thirteen, and had just come back from my first Take Back the Night walk. I was so inspired and angry.
Listening to those women telling their stories, so brave and tall, hearing their pain and their need to take that pain and turn it into justice, was life changing for me.
I wanted those who dared to hurt innocent people to pay. I wanted to help the fight, I wanted to help make a difference. When my mother and I finally came home, the first thing I did was sit her and my father down on our old, tattered brown leather couch, their eyes curious and waiting for me to break the big news. When I finally told them my plan, my mom cried and my father hugged me and told me that I was a light in the darkness.
My dad was always so supportive; when he died, it felt like I’d lost my best friend and my biggest supporter. He always told me to be brave, to be honest and true, both to myself and to those around me. Maybe it was that lesson that made me pity Kyler. Here this boy had everything anyone could want, and he was too busy throwing it away or ruining it.
When I finally reached the entry of the main house, I realized I’d left my book by the pool. An unreasonable rush of annoyance hit me. I was looking forward to reading it and I wasn’t going to let an idiotic asshole keep me from doing what I wanted. I turned around, my own pride and need for justice driving me. It wasn’t just my sense of right and wrong--it was also a sense of curiosity.
When I returned to the pool, I was relieved that Kyler wasn’t there anymore. I picked up the copy of Crime and Punishment and opened the book, noticing that there was something new written in it.
“We sometimes encounter people, even perfect strangers, who begin to interest us at first sight, somehow suddenly, all at once, before a word has been spoken.”
A quote taken directly from the book. A quote that has become truer than it ever was before.
8
He stepped down, trying not to look long at her, as if she were the sun, yet he saw her, like the sun, even without looking.” -Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy
Kyler
Three weeks went by and I hadn't seen or heard from the little mouse since the night by the pool. I found myself searching for her everywhere, the manor, outside waiting, hoping to get a glimpse of her. I even searched the halls of the Academy, not really understanding why I was suddenly so agitated that she just seemed to disappear on me. I always thought I was good at making myself scarce, but she was a master. I even went to dinner every night at the main house, hoping that my mother would invite her new charity case and daughter to feast with the masters, but not only did they not show up, my mother didn’t even convey any stories of them. A few times I almost asked about them but then decided against it. It would have opened a new conversation, and the last thing I wanted to do was talk.
“Going to that senior party tonight?” Tamlin asked as she pushed her food around on her plate. She never seemed to eat anymore. I remembered when we were young we would have these disgusting eating contests and now if anyone mentioned any food that wasn’t grilled chicken breast and salad, she made a face, taking out her phone and looking at caloric intake.
“Are you going to eat your food?” I asked, letting her know that I was watching. She gave me a look of disgust and shoved lettuce in her mouth. When that didn’t satisfy my death-defying stare, she followed up her previous bite with a piece of steak.
“Well, Madison and I are going,” Tamlin continued, her eyes on me as a mischievous smile planted itself not so coyly on her face. I hated how smug she looked. I hated that she had a
right to be smug. As soon as she mentioned the little mouse's name, she had all of my attention and then some.
“You plan on lending her something to wear?” I asked, trying to cover up my sudden interest. I looked over at my parents, Monica’s face going from shock to indifference in seconds, while Edward was glued to his phone, like always. God forbid he didn’t increase his multi-billion dollar dynasty even for one minute. Maybe if they actually paid a little more attention, my life wouldn’t have turned into what it was.
“She’s really nice, Kyler. Lay off of her,” my sister said forcefully. “She’s trying really hard and it can’t be easy moving to a new town and not knowing anyone. Just be fucking nice for once in your miserable life.”
I mulled over Tammy’s words, then decided I didn’t give a rat’s ass about them, other than the fact that the little mouse was going to this party.
“Where’s the party?” I asked, causing my sister to pause and look at me with curiosity plastered all over her face. She didn’t answer right away, instead just smiled at me. Normally, I treated Tammy better than everyone else, but in that second she was irritating my last nerve. I didn’t know what was going on in her head but I was sure whatever it was, it wasn’t something that I’d find agreeable. I shot her a look that let her know that I wasn’t playing.
“Michael Jones’ kickass mansion.”
I knew the gated estate overlooking the lake and Black Mountain beyond. It dripped with old-money charm and I hated it. “I’ll be there.”
“Seriously?” Tamlin spat, almost choking on a piece of lettuce. Tamlin’s shock was warranted. I’d never been interested in going to a school party before. But then again, I’d never been intrigued by anyone like the little mouse either. It shocked me that she had agreed to go to the party. She didn’t look the type, but neither did I, and I’d partaken in many. The biggest shock of all was the fact that ever since the night at the pool, I hadn’t been able to think about anything but her.
Ruthless: Black Mountain Academy Page 3