by T. C. Edge
She frowned.
“Are you sure about that? I’ll still be a wanted woman, wherever I go.”
Ragan considered it.
“Wanted, maybe,” he said. “But not hunted. If we succeed, it’ll soon get out that your father’s research was destroyed. If we fail…” He hesitated, as if unable to consider the idea. “…Then the world will soon have bigger problems to deal with. Either way, you have a choice to make.”
“I guess,” said Chloe. “But there’s a third option too.”
Ragan raised his eyebrows.
“Me, you, all of us…we could die tonight,” she said. “Tonight, or tomorrow, or the next day. Honestly, I don’t want to spend time thinking of what might happen next. There might not be a next, Ragan.”
Ragan frowned sympathetically. It perhaps came across as condescending, though that wasn’t the intention. Here was a girl worn down by the world. Her brief moments of positivity were so often countered by these sombre, bitter thoughts.
But she was right. Of course…she was right.
He nodded, and smiled softly.
“I guess that’s a conversation for after,” he said. He turned his eyes back down to the maps.
“But what about you?” asked Chloe, a little more brightly, as though she hadn’t intended on crushing the conversation with her sudden pessimism. “What will you do after, assuming we do get out of this alive?”
“Me? I…” he trailed off, not wanting to give voice to his real thoughts. I want to run away with you, they said, loudly, in his head. I want to leave everything else behind and make you happy. He shook his head. Such stupid thoughts. “Like you say, no point in thinking about it now,” he finally said.
“But everything’s changed for you too,” said Chloe. She looked almost guilty all of a sudden. “More than me, in fact. I…I don’t think I’ll ever stop running. That’s something I’ve gotten used to. It’s…something I can accept. But you.” She shook her head, regretful. “You’ve ruined your life for me,” she whispered. “Me…and the data.”
Ragan found himself rounding the table, moving quickly towards her. He looked down into her eyes, big and beautiful, glowing faintly. Remus stopped his fluttering nearby, watching from a shelf. Ragan hesitated, before reaching out and placing a hand to Chloe’s side.
“I haven’t ruined my life for you, Chloe,” he whispered, heart thrashing. “I don’t think I’ve ever had a life to ruin.” He dipped his eyes. “Until now.”
His final words were a whisper, lacking confidence. No, that wasn’t him anymore. He set his jaw and raised his chin. He met Chloe’s gaze head on.
And then he kissed her.
His hand gripped tighter at her side. The other came forward, grabbing her face, pressing tenderly, softly. They melted into one another, knees weakening, hearts thundering, breath held.
Ragan felt an impossible thrill surge into him, a deep, profound longing he’d held for so long explode. It was a sensation unlike he’d ever experienced, the kiss not only a physical joy, but opening the door to so much more. He had experience with women, though limited and nothing like Tanner, but this was something else entirely. A long held wish come true. A flood of desire, of a thousand thoughts and imaginings and daydreams, finally released from the dam.
In those precious moments, all else in his head was swept away. The data, Mikel, Martha and her betrayal. His place in the world; lost, outcast, possibly even hunted himself now. None of it mattered. None of it. He had thoughts for her only, this girl he’d watched from afar. This girl who now stood before him, lips to his, hands rushing forward and brushing passionately through his hair.
This girl, he now knew, who felt as he did. This girl who made nothing else matter. Who changed him like a switch, dark to light in a moment. They were dangerous thoughts, perhaps, but right now he didn’t care. He indulged in her for as long as he dared, before drawing back, looking into her eyes, listening to her panting breath.
And then they smiled, as one, lips curling, eyes sparkling.
And from behind, a voice drifted towards them, causing them to turn and look up.
“Finally…”
It was Tanner, returned from the cockpit, and he was smiling too.
67
The sky was a sprawling, magnificent show of light. White and pure, dazzling from so very far away, a thousand wondrous dots on a jet black canvas. Chloe stood at the window, looking out, a smile fixed to her face, hope and wonder in her eyes.
The jet was high, so high they’d broken through the film that covered the earth, the atmosphere so thin up here. It cleared the way for a sight Chloe had never witnessed, the night sky more beautiful than ever. She’d always loved to gaze to the heavens, a reminder of just how small she was, how unimportant, when everyone seemed to disagree. When they all seemed to be chasing her. But now she gazed out, thinking of something else. The sky held hope, such distant possibility. Perhaps, she mused, coy smile lifting, that kiss has something to do with it.
She turned now and looked at Ragan, lying asleep in his chair. His head was tilted to one side, eyes shut tight, chest rising and falling gently. He looked…peaceful, Chloe thought. Content. He held a little smile on his face, as though he was enjoying pleasant dreams. She imagined - she hoped - they were about her.
She wandered towards Nadia, who was playing with Remus, the little bird dancing about on her hand. Chloe had rarely seen him so playful, but she could imagine why he was acting that way. While he had his own sort-of personality, the way he behaved often fell in line with how she was feeling. When she was upset, he’d often become quiet and still. When she was excited, he’d fizz and buzz. And when she was elated, as she was now, apparently he’d do a little dance, showing off to people.
It was behaviour Chloe had never really seen, because this was a feeling she’d never really felt.
“Silly bird,” Chloe said, with a muted smile, taking a seat. “Don’t think it’s going to impress her.”
Remus turned to Chloe, stopped dancing, and strapped his wings to his side. Nadia laughed.
“Aw, you upset him,” she said.
“Serves him right,” said Chloe. “No one likes a show-off, Remus.”
At that, Remus bent his little knees, leaped into the air, and spun several times, before executing a perfect landing. It was his response, and a good one too.
The girls laughed, and then Nadia glanced back at Ragan, sitting in the row of seats behind.
“Sooooo,” she said, leaning in secretively, “how was it?”
Chloe tried to suppress her smile, but found it terribly difficult.
“It was…nice,” she said.
“Nice? Oh don’t be coy, Chloe,” said Nadia. “Come on, how did it feel?”
“Erm…it was a kiss,” said Chloe, shrugging nonchalantly. “You know how that feels all too well, so I’ve heard.”
“Now don’t be turning into Tanner,” reprimanded Nadia. “I’m not what he says I am. I don’t behave like that.”
Chloe laughed.
“But you do know what a kiss is like,” she remarked.
“Well, of course. But every kiss is different. Most are mundane, boring, uninspiring. But some…some are truly special.” She studied Chloe. “I’m guessing from that cheeky grin that it was the latter. You can hide from hunters, little Phantom, but you can’t hide how you feel from me. You like him. You really like him!”
Chloe, for some reason, felt like denying her. But…why? Was she frightened of admitting it? Admitting that she liked someone as much as she did, was even starting to depend on them? She’d been independent for so long and the thought was…well, it was rather scary.
So, she just shrugged, and turned her eyes to the cockpit.
“What about you and Tanner?” she asked. “There’s something going on there, I can see it.”
Nadia made an audible sound of derision at the claim.
“Cliff? You’ve got to be joking. Have you not seen him over these last few da
ys? He’s a nightmare.”
“No, he’s a dream,” grinned Chloe. “A dream for you.”
Nadia hit her in the arm.
“Ow!”
“You deserved it,” said Nadia, unapologetic. She drew a breath, eyes glancing down the passage to the cockpit. Chloe smiled. “What?”
“You’re just not as hard to read as you think you are,” said Chloe, rubbing her arm and crinkling her nose. “I think you like it, all the teasing, all the…attention. One day you two are going to get it on, I can feel it.”
“Oh, so you’re the expert all of a sudden? One kiss with Mr Perfect and you’re the world’s authority? Hmmm?”
Chloe grinned again. Mr Perfect…she liked that. The reaction of Nadia was, however, plenty to show that she was finding the suggestion awkward. She huffed and turned away, though stole one more look down the passage as she did.
Chloe smirked, thinking it better not to push her. After a short silence, she decided to change the subject.
“So, you think this is all a good idea?” she asked. “This trip to Chicago.”
Nadia looked over again, thinking.
“It’s the only idea,” she said after a pause. “Good or bad, it’s all we’ve got.”
“Hmmmm, I suppose,” murmured Chloe.
Nadia studied her.
“This is just how things go sometimes, Chloe,” she said. “We got close, and now we’ve been set back. These things rarely go to plan, and often you have to take risks and gambles. Will it pay off? Who knows. Maybe we’ll get lucky. But we have to try, right?”
“Right,” nodded Chloe.
Nadia smiled.
“Anyway, I’m going to catch a few winks before we touch down,” she said. “And…if you speak with Tanner, don’t say anything. OK?”
“What about?” asked Chloe, smirk rising.
She got another punch to the arm.
“Fine…lips sealed!”
Nadia winked, and relaxed into her chair, shutting her eyes.
Chloe sat back, alone now with her thoughts again, as the jet sliced through the silent sky. She didn’t feel like sleeping herself, her blood too full of adrenaline, too pumped up with exciting thoughts, pleasant memories. She stood again after a while and returned to the briefing table, looking over the map, memorising the layout.
Restless, she moved off again just as fast, Remus humming around her as she went, venturing towards the cockpit. She found Tanner lying back in the pilot’s seat, dozing, a glass clutched loosely between his fingers. He must have put the jet on autopilot.
She leaned in and smelled the contents of the glass, though knew what it was before she did. Whisky. Now what was Tanner doing drinking whisky at a time like this!
She crept towards the co-pilot’s seat, quiet enough not to wake him, and then sat down as loudly as she could. Tanner woke with a start, eyes flying open, glass nearly slipping from his fingers. He managed to catch it first, before looking straight ahead, as if alerted to some incoming threat. It really showed his priorities that his first thought went to not dropping his alcohol.
As it dawned on him that things were, actually, just fine, he let out a breath of relief, and looked over at Chloe.
“Goddamnit, Phantom,” she sighed. “You can’t creep up on me like that!”
Chloe eyed the whisky glass, expression critical, shaking her head and tutting.
“You sure that’s a good idea?”
“What, this?” said Tanner, raising the glass. He sunk its remaining contents, and smiled. “Great idea, thank you,” he said, before reaching to his left, opening a little drawer to the side, and pulling out a bottle. And another glass.
He began filling it as Chloe protested.
“No, not again!” she said. “We’re meant to be infiltrating a private, highly secure estate in…what…” she looked at her watch. “…In less than two hours! I’m not sure drinking is very sensible.”
“Sensible?” asked Tanner. “Sorry, I don’t know the word?”
He smirked, and thrust the glass forward into Chloe’s hand. Before she could protest again, she found herself taking it.
He filled another, as Chloe wondered just how many he’d had, before plonking the bottle back down onto the floor with a loud clunk. He relaxed deeper into his chair, looking incredibly content, eyes shaping towards the windscreen.
“There’s something just so…liberating,” he said quietly, “about sitting here above it all, where no one can see you, hear you, find you.” He smiled and took a sip of whisky. “And this makes the sensation all the more powerful. Go ahead, relax, take a sip. A little bit won’t kill you.”
“No, but it’ll put me in a position where I’m more likely to get killed,” retorted Chloe. “Alcohol slows the senses, Cliff. I rely on my reflexes to stay safe.”
“Ah, and here was me thinking Remus did all the work,” grinned the Californian.
Chloe might once have taken that as offence. Now, she actually considered it a compliment, given Tanner’s first reaction to Remus was to dismiss him as ‘just another drone’. And, well, he had a fair point as well. Without Remus, Chloe really wasn’t much.
“Drink,” whispered Tanner, glancing over again. “I won’t tell Ragan, promise.”
Chloe’s will wilted, Tanner far too convincing for his own good. She could imagine him using the same persuasive tactics on his female conquests. That easy smile of his was, she had to admit, difficult to deny.
She sipped, feeling the warm liquid smoothly glide down her throat. She didn’t even cough this time. It felt good, calming, soothing to her mind. She sighed and leaned back into her chair, and Remus, seemingly afflicted by a sudden relaxation too, stretched his wings and then dropped into her lap, curling into some strange amalgam of a bird and…was that a cat?
Odd, thought Chloe, looking at him. Remus had never become a cat before. She suspected that he’d probably seen a few strays during their jaunt through LA, most likely curled up on doorsteps or down dim alleys, a posture he was trying to replicate. Cats were, after all, lazy creatures. Good to imitate, then, in his current frame of mind.
Tanner had noticed his oddly shaped form too. He frowned, blinking, having only ever seen Remus as a bird when ‘off-duty’, and a drone when at work.
“What’s wrong with him?” he asked, looking almost concerned.
“Ah, nothing,” Chloe said lazily. “He’s just trying a new form. He never gets it right the first time.”
“Um…OK. So what’s he trying to be exactly? He looks like…I don’t know, some sort of mythological creature.”
Ah, of course, thought Chloe. That’s what he looks like - a Griffin. Lion’s body with an eagle’s head.
She laughed, and nodded, looking over at Remus as he continued to shift his shape, trying to replicate the cats he’d seen. He was clearly having some trouble.
“Best stick to being a bird, little guy,” Tanner joked. Remus lifted his tiny head angrily, and then went straight back to modifying his form, with limited success.
Chloe looked back through the windscreen, at the endless black of the night sky, dotted with its shining stars. Ahead, the moon was idly rolling along on its path, always moving, never stopping. Chloe wasn’t much different, she mused, never stopping anywhere for long. Life didn’t allow for it; it just seemed the natural order for her. Just like the moon, driven by forces beyond its control, so Chloe’s existence had forced her to keep going, on and on, endlessly.
She took another sip of whisky, a tonic that she kind of wished she’d discovered before. She’d never allowed herself to drink, of course, during her years on the run. Even if she found somewhere to settle for a few days, or even a few weeks, she’d always work on the assumption that she’d be moving on the very next day. It was easier to think like that, really - if her body was static for a time, her mind was ever seeking the next destination.
But how delightful it was to sit here with a friend, drinking whisky, looking out over the stars. To feel
safe, despite everything, ignoring the dangers she was sure to face soon. None of that seemed to matter right now. With everything she’d been through, there was no darker place for her to venture. Nothing could match what had gone before. Nothing could beat the impenetrable blackness of the solitude and loneliness she’d faced.
The thoughts came to her unbidden, but didn’t pull away her good mood. She looked them in the face and smiled. And in her mind she said, you can’t hurt me anymore.
Other thoughts came instead. Those of her new companions, those of Ragan. She found herself smiling like a little girl, a foolish grin on her face, as she replayed the kiss in her mind once more. More sips of whisky fuelled her amorous thoughts, taking her to new places that roused her heart into a quickening beat. She glanced over, almost embarrassed, as if Tanner could see what she was thinking. She found him looking at her with a sly grin.
Yeah, she thought. He probably can.
“So, who made the move then, gorgeous?” he asked offhandedly.
Chloe shrugged coyly, that dumb girlish grin still on her face.
“Ragan, huh,” nodded Tanner appreciatively, working it out. “He took my advice then.”
“What advice? You told him to kiss me?”
“I told him you spend half your time looking at him with eyes as big as that moon out there,” he said, glancing to the dark skies.
Chloe looked aghast.
“You didn’t! I…I don’t. Do I?”
Tanner laughed pleasantly, like a master of a craft dealing with amateurs.
“To be fair, he does the same with you. You’re as pathetically lovestruck as each other. It sickens me, it really does…”
Chloe didn’t quite hear the rest of what Tanner had to say. She got stuck on one word. Or, the first half of one word.
Love.
She shook her head to herself.
“He doesn’t love me,” she found herself whispering. “He…can’t.”