by Mark Tufo
“I don’t want to hear that shit!” she yelled. My head snapped back from the sheer voracity of it. “All of our lives also hang in the balance.” It was then that I noticed the growing crowd of females that had gathered to watch our tirade. “If you keep thinking like that then we are all doomed, and I personally will have none of it!” She was nearly shouting now, at this rate I figured the guards would be in here at any moment to quell the disturbance.
“Steph!!” I shouted at the top of my lungs to finally quell her. “I love you but if you don’t shut the fuck up I’m going to come up there and smack you with a big stick.” She actually finally shut up, the gears in her head must have been turning a mile a minute; her face was beginning to blossom in patches of crimson, and I could tell she was about to let loose a volley of insults. The girls watching could do nothing more than stare in disbelief with the turn of events. This had to be better than afternoon soaps. And then it happened, first it was a snort, then it was a chuckle, and then I full out lost control, I started laughing. It’s amazing what stress can do to a person. When Stephanie realized that I was merely egging her on she began to laugh, she actually had to hold onto the banister to keep from falling over. And that will be the moment that I use to always remember Stephanie, long brunette hair flowing over a beautiful laughing face, tears of joy streaming down her eyes. It would be the last time I ever saw her laugh.
“What is all this noise?” Deb said, emerging from her room as she wiped the sleep and old tears from her eyes.
“Mike was just telling me,” Steph snorted, “how he was going to beat me with a big stick!” and then she started laughing anew.
“How is being beaten with a big stick funny?” Deb asked seriously.
And then I lost it, again. Deb stared at us for another minute or two before throwing her hands up in disgust and retiring back to her room. Steph and I both pointed and started laughing again. The range of emotions that this ship put me through were vast and extreme in both directions. Even if I could get off of it, would I ever be able to fit back into normal society? Who knew, but the fact remained, I had to try.
After I grubbed down some food I forestalled sleep in favor of watching some more of Jersey Man’s battles. There had to be a weakness somewhere, it would mean my demise if I could not discover one in time. As I began to watch his matches for the third time that day, a theory came to mind. Granted it was only a theory, but it was the first formulation of a plan that I had yet to develop and I was going to roll with it. So with that in mind and figuring that I was not going to get any new information that day I decided to catch up on some sleep. And for the first time in a couple of weeks I actually slept well. So well in fact that I never even stirred when Debbie joined me in the bed. I awoke the next morning feeling refreshed and light hearted, but that possibly could have been due to the fact that my nose was in Debbie’s hair and it smelled just like a strawberry field on a hot summer day. A couple of more whiffs and I would have been there. Debbie turned, and noticing me in my rapture just shoved me away.
“Don’t be getting any funny ideas just because I’m in your bed,” she snapped.
“You’re the one who came here,” I retorted. “Why are you giving me a hard time?”
“I was just cold.”
“There are extra blankets in the closet,” I answered matter-of-factly. She huffed and puffed and blew through the doorway. Geez, I thought to myself, I think I pissed her off.
Jersey Man’s time had come and he was going to find himself in some trouble. I entered the arena first this time, once again being the underdog. The crowd’s response wasn’t nearly the same. Apparently my contingent of fans was growing smaller, but there were still a few die-hards who must have made some serious drakka on me. The terrain this time was fairly plain, but it was gorgeous. Under any other circumstances I would have felt great peace with the world. It was a grassy meadow, with foot long golden green grass that swayed in the breeze. How the hell was a breeze possible? I guess on this ship pretty much anything was possible. The aliens even piped in cricket and bird noises, this place could have made a fortune on Earth. Instant vacation, you could go anywhere on the planet and more than likely anywhere off of the planet. How cool would that be to take a leisurely stroll on the Martian shores? Or possibly check out a meteor hit on the moon? The possibilities were endless. But alas, there was no time to ponder what might have been, the announcer was just finishing up his introduction of Mr. Rizino and I didn’t think he would waste his time letting me indulge in my reverie. It was time to put my plan into action and now that I was standing there it didn’t seem quite as good. It looked better on paper than in the real world. But it was way too late in the game to be changing now. The meadow motif greatly worked out to my favor, it gave me plenty of time to start haranguing Jersey Man. I ran to the far side of the arena across from me and grabbed a bow and arrow, and then ran to the back edge of my wall to stand by where the spear stood. A guard raised a weapon level with my head. If I so much as brushed up against that spear while the bow was in my hand he would surely strike me dead. The crowd looked on in amazement, they thought I was committing suicide. I, however, had no intention of giving them that satisfaction. Rizino had seen me running across the arena like a madman, yet he didn’t seem perturbed about it in the least. I don’t think he gave a rat’s ass.
“Hey you fucken guinea!” I shouted. He looked at me and then looked around and pointed a finger to his chest as if to say ‘You talken to me?’
“Yeah you mook, I’m talking to you!” I yelled again. I couldn’t really tell from this distance but I would swear to this day that I saw the first real facial expression from Rizino since this whole thing started.
“It’s wops like you that make us look bad,” I yelled as I pointed to myself.
“Shut up you fuck!” he yelled as he quickened his pace.
"How did your kind go from the Roman Empire to Mussolini? The last great thing your people did was invent spaghetti, oh wait that was the Chinese, you just stole it."
Rizino looked a little irked.
“Good, come on you fucken dago!” I yelled.
Well I went and did it now. I pissed him off. “I’ll kill you, you little fuck. Nice and slow too,” he promised as he increased his pace to a full on charge.
Well, it was do or die, I thought. I had to wait until he was close enough that he was committed but not too far that he was able to realize his folly. With fifteen yards between us, Rizino was charging like a mad bull with sword upraised, he definitely wanted to cut me in half. I raised my bow and arrow and drew back. Recognition dawned in his eyes, he knew the score; I had set him up and he had fallen for the trap. He also knew it was do or die, he was going way too fast to do anything with his momentum except come straight forward. Either I hit and killed him or I missed and he killed me. Well as fate would have it, we were both wrong. I shot and I struck but it was far from a mortal wound. The arrow hit on his left side and actually passed right through the fleshy part underneath the rib cage. But curiously the arrow had another strange effect, which I had not been prepared for at all. With about five yards between us, Rizino pulled up and just stared down at the blood pouring out of the wound in his side.
“I can’t fucken believe you shot me!” he yelled over and over again. He was truly insulted that I would have the nerve to actually wound him. What was I thinking? This had to have been the first time he had ever suffered a wound by the hands of another. He was so used to doling out punishment he didn’t have a clue how to receive it.
“You ffffuck!” he spit as he yelled. “I’ll kkkill you for this!”
“Yeah, I’ve heard that before.” But I wasn’t playing with him; if he actually got his wits back about him he was still incredibly lethal. I did not think that stopping was going to be part of the plan. I hesitated, not knowing whether to finish him off with the bow and allowing my not so good aim to become a factor or grab the spear and give him a chance to come around. I had no desire to get c
lose. I notched another arrow and let fly. At fifteen feet even a child would have had a tough time missing. The arrow hit with a solid thunk square in his chest. You could have literally heard a cricket chirp in the arena; the aliens had ceased all noise.
Rizino blinked once in utter amazement looked down at the arrow in his chest, and then spoke his final words.
“You can’t kill me.” I don’t know if he was asking or not but the job was done, he fell face forward onto the arrow, driving it straight through his back. It let out a large popping sound as it broke through the skin. I didn’t so much as look twice at the body as I headed out of the arena. My thoughts had turned elsewhere. I was really hoping for chicken tonight when I got back to the house. The guards brought down my latest spoil, a pretty brunette although a little too tall for me. She looked to be about 5’10”. At 5’9” I had never liked going out with girls taller than myself, hopefully she could cook. For some damn reason I was famished. I left the arena and only a handful of aliens were making any noise. It seemed to me that my guard may have been giving me a wider berth today, I didn’t think he was all that frightened but even he was amazed at the unconcerned attitude I had adopted upon killing my latest foe. If he had the ability to mind read he would have seen that I was shaking like a leaf on the inside but he didn’t need to know that.
“What’s your name?” I tried valiantly not to stammer. But it was hard with my heart beating inside my chest like a jackhammer.
“Carla,” the girl answered nervously. She was also a little thrown off by my attitude.
“Well Carla, can you cook?”
“Um, some.” She looked at me sideways, still trying to get a bead on me.
“Well then we’ll get along fabulously.” And that was the last thing I said to anybody for the entire night. I’m sure she didn’t mind in the least.
“Are you alright?” more than one girl chimed out. Deb however knew better, she didn’t say a word. I headed straight for the kitchen and luckily food had been prepared. Regretfully not chicken, but meat loaf would have do to. Nothing caps off a good day of killing quite like a nice slice of meatloaf. Although it can be a little disconcerting to eat a meal while a horde of women are watching your every move. I guess I’d better eat with my mouth closed tonight. I was going to sleep the sleep of the dead. Not quite the Rizino dead but dead none the less. I ate, I wiped my mouth with my shirt and I headed up the stairs into my loft bedroom. Apparently Deb wasn’t the only one that could read my mood that night. Nobody asked another question or spoke a word in my direction that evening. I slept and I dreamed, I was hoping to sleep dreamlessly but that was not in the cards. I dreamed of every person that I had killed thus far. All of them looked at me with the quizzical Rizino look and asked how I could have possibly done that to them. I was wondering if there was a Heaven and had any of those people made it there. And if I made it to Heaven and met those people would they still be mad? Do you ever really get over being killed? How could you? It did not make for great sleep. I was actually happy when Deb came in and interrupted my nightmares.
“Mike, you up?” as she shook me a little harder than I thought was needed.
She had startled me and I instinctually reached up and grabbed her by the throat. She had begun to gasp and scratch my arms before I became aware enough of my surroundings and let her go.
“I’m so sorry Deb, you scared the crap out of me,” I replied.
“Well just think I how I feel,” she said as she began to rub her neck
“You know I didn’t mean it, right?” I pleaded.
“Yeah I’m pretty sure you didn’t mean to kill me. I shouldn’t have startled you out of your sleep, especially since you were tossing and turning so much.”
“No, I’m thankful to be out of that world,” I said with true conviction.
“I know we’ve been down this road before.”
“But,” I said.
“Are you alright? You looked sort of possessed out there. You’re starting to get that look about you like some of those others,” she said with disdain.
“I’m not sure.” I replied. And I wasn’t. How can you go around killing people and hold on to your sense of who you are? “I’m having a hard time finding the person that first came onto this ship. I mean yeah, I was nervous about last night’s bout, but it was a lot further buried than it should have been. I know that every time I go into the arena it’s either him or me, and I know that it has to be him. It’s as black and white as that. All the moral issues seem to go right out the window the minute we start. I’m sorry that they have to die, but I’m not sorry that I’m the one doing it. Does that make sense? Or am I just going insane?”
“No it sounds sane enough,” she replied “I’m sorry that you have to go through this, and I know that the burden you carry when you think of all of us makes your job even tougher.”
“Deb, if it wasn’t for you and the rest of the girls, I would have given up a long time ago,” I replied.
“Why do you say that?” she pleaded.
“If it wasn’t for all of you, the guilt that compiles upon me with each killing would have been too much. I think I would have let Timmins do me in. I’m truly afraid for my Judgment Day, how could St. Peter possibly let me through the gates?” I was almost crying.
“He’ll open the gates wide when you get there. You are our savior, Mike; you put everything on the line to make sure that all of us here stay safe. Your sacrifice alone would have him open the gate. But I know the true you also, you are a very caring and compassionate person, I can see how this is eating you up inside. I’m not sure that I could do what you do even with all those other people’s lives on the line. God won’t have a choice but to leave the door wide open when you finally kick the can in sixty or seventy more years.”
And I laughed, I was counting my life minute by minute and Deb was figuring for the next fifty or sixty years. “I love you Deb, you’re just the dose of what I need tonight. And I hope that no matter what happens in our lives that you’ll always be there.”
Her face fell a little, but in true form she tried to hide it before I noticed. She understood that I still meant to get back with Beth at all costs, and that she was not included in that equation.
The next few weeks went by pretty much uneventfully. I was studying for midterms and my roommates were busy doing household chores. Although I can guarantee you there isn’t a freshman male alive that has the quality and quantity of women as I did. Although on that same line of reasoning, there isn’t a freshman whose life depends on passing his next test, although maybe in the abstract. Definitely not in the harsh cruel way that I was talking about. My ranking had improved some but not anywhere near the top tier I was looking for. I felt like Rodney Dangerfield, I couldn’t get any respect. I was ranked 10th which still made me an underdog. But it was still better than being grouped in the final three, instead of offering any byes this round the aliens opted instead to have a three way among Nos. 17, 18 and 19. I hoped that this wasn’t a trend that they planned to continue. They were having that tri-event a full week before the main course began. I hate to admit it but I was as excited about that fight as I was with opening season of Monday night football. The only thing missing was the beer. But I planned on being fully prepared for my bout before I sat to watch that one. My next opponent appeared to be from the island of Jamaica, he was a very dark skinned man named Jacob Farley. He wasn’t particularly big but he was well built, more on the wiry side. He could dole out punishment as well as receive it. In his last bout he had been speared straight through the leg and still had the presence of mind to sever the arm holding the spear. Unfortunately for Joe Parkerson, the shock and finally the blood loss did him in. Farley didn’t move, maybe the pain was too great or more than likely he just wanted the front row seat for the impending death. He was a scary looking fellow. I can’t say that I was particularly thrilled about fighting him, of the nineteen of us left I felt that I was the weakest link in this chain. Farley
varied almost all of his styles to adapt to the competitor he was fighting. If the opponent was bigger and/or faster he would grab the bow. If Farley was bigger he opted for the sword. If the terrain did not allow for a clean shot with the bow he headed straight for the spear. And he was proficient at every piece of gear that he handled. He was going to be a tough nut to crack, but I had to believe he would opt for the sword against me. Great, I knew by what means he wanted to kill me but as of yet I had not figured out an adequate defense. Or offense. Maybe if I could get a hold of some killer alien weed and roll him a fat bone he’d stop and smoke it and I could club him over the head while he was eating a Twinkie. No, that probably wouldn’t work, where would I get a hold of a Twinkie? I had the inklings that a major headache was coming on, I began to rub my neck as best I could. And then I felt it, the touch. The touch of one who knew how to give a great massage. Tanya had come over, noticing my discomfort and had begun to rub my neck. Had I not been so delighted in the feeling I would have noticed the daggers being thrown my way by Deb, Steph felt the need to tell me about the psychic daggers later. If looks could kill I don’t know which of us would have been dead first, Tanya or me. Tanya, however, had noticed the stare and simply chose to ignore it. Under any other circumstances this would have been phenomenal, two gorgeous girls fighting for my affections, why doesn’t this stuff happen in the real world? No it only happens on alien spaceships hundreds of thousands of miles away from anybody who would actually believe that it was happening. When I finally did look up Deb had retreated from her spot at the top of the stairs, but I found out later that they had one doozy of a spat after I had, unfortunately, gone to sleep. I could have used a little enjoyment. Especially from two women vying for my attention, and it would have also been nice to witness a confrontation that did not end in bloodshed. But from what I heard from the other girls it could have gone that far had some others not stepped in. This just never happens to me, where the hell is a camera when you need it? The month went by a lot faster than anticipated, things in the house stayed somewhat tense. I guess when your life is on the line you’ll always be sort of tense. Tanya and Deb didn’t actually work out a truce, but when I shunned Tanya’s next advances it kept Deb at bay. At least she finally realized that I meant everyone except for Beth.