by Caitlyn Dare
I wanted him so damn much.
And I thought he felt the same.
Bile rushes up my throat as the truth falls down around me.
Ace used me.
He took something that was supposed to be special and turned it into something ugly.
But that isn’t the worst of it.
He knew how I felt about the kids at school. He knew what I’d endured, and he used that to his advantage.
“Stop the car,” I rush out, lunging for the handle. The car grinds to a halt and I shoulder open the door just in time to puke all over the side of the road.
“Oh God, James,” Mom cries. “We should have waited, we should—“
“I’m fine,” I say, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand.
“Remi, Ace assures me he was never going to play that tape. He was angry and hurting and he wanted to get back at me.” James sounds almost regretful, as if he buys his nephew’s lies.
But it doesn’t matter.
None of it does.
I’m already closing down. I feel my walls reinforce around me. Especially the one around my heart.
“I’m ready to go now,” I say, my voice detached.
“Remi, sweetheart, we need to talk about this. We’ve already spoken with Principle Vager, and he assured us that when you’re ready to return to school you’ll be—”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Of course it does. It’s your senior year.” She keeps saying that as if it means something. As if this year should be any better than the last four I’ve endured.
“I know Hadley is desperate to have you back, and Bexley. He’s been worried—”
“Really, Mom?” I grit out. “You think I want anything to do with Bexley after what he did?”
She rears back as if my words are a physical slap. “He didn’t... it was an accident.”
“An accident that caused me to wake up in this nightmare,” I grumble. “Although I guess I should thank him. At least while I was lying unconscious on the ground I avoided my sex tape premiere.”
Shame and anger swell inside me until I feel like I might explode. Mom sobs while James sits there, staring at me with pity.
“Let’s talk about it when we get to the house,” James says.
I don’t reply.
What’s the point?
Everyone at the party saw a sex tape of me giving it up to Ace. I remember how turned on I’d been, how desperate I was to feel him inside me.
Christ.
The things I’d said.
The things we’d done.
I thought we were sharing something special—only to discover he planned on sharing it with the kids in our class.
You fucking idiot. My fists press hard against my leg. I want to scream. I want to grab the nearest fragile thing and break it, hear it shatter.
But as we approach my house, I realize it’s too late for that.
I’m already broken.
My heart is already shattered.
And I’m not sure anything will fix me this time.
The second we got home, I went up to my room and stayed there for the rest of the day. I didn’t want to talk or share or pretend everything was okay.
Everything is not fucking okay.
Somewhere around an hour ago, Mom gave up trying to talk to me.
I need space.
I need to figure out how the hell I’m going to live this down.
A sex tape.
I bet Michaela loved that.
“Agh.” I stuff a pillow to my face, drowning out the guttural scream that rips from my lungs.
“Remi?” Mom calls.
“I’m fine,” I shout back.
Grabbing my cell phone, I contemplate calling Hadley. When I finally switched the thing on, I had three texts from her—one welcoming me home, one apologizing for not telling me sooner, and the last one instructing me not to go snooping for things I didn’t want to know.
I didn’t text back, but I did delete all my social media apps. Nothing good can come from me obsessing over what the kids at school are saying about me. Besides, I’ll get to hear it all in person soon enough.
“Remi, you have a visitor,” Mom calls a few minutes later.
My heart beats wildly in my chest as I sit up and try and tame my tear-soaked curls off my face.
There’s no way in hell she’d let Ace visit, so when Conner’s head appears around the door, I should be relieved. But I can’t deny the twinge of disappointment I feel.
Jesus, I’m a mess.
He hurt me.
Ace hurt me in the worst possible way, and I still want him to prove me—and everyone else—wrong.
I want him to do the right thing and fix this.
But some things are just too broken to be fixed. I need to remember that.
“Looking good, Princess,” Conner says around a grin. “Can I come in?”
“Are you going to lie to my face again?” My brow rises.
“Ah, about that...” He slips into the room and closes the door behind him. “They made us promise not to say anything to you. The doctors agreed it was probably for the best.”
“Oh my God, is there anyone who doesn’t know about it?” I can’t bring myself to say the words.
“If it makes you feel any better, your old man is out for Ace’s blood. He already went head to head with James over it.”
“He did?”
“Well, yeah, he’s your dad. It’s kind of his God-given right to defend his daughter's honor.”
I scoff. “He hasn’t exactly rushed to do so in the past.”
“Well, he came to the house ready to throw down with Ace. I was kind of disappointed my brother wasn’t around to get a beating from him. I hear there’s quite the line forming.”
“I’m glad you find this all so amusing.” I purse my lips.
“Come on, you have to admit, it is kinda funny.”
“Tell me that again when it’s your sex tape playing to the entire senior class and your parents.”
A dark expression crosses his face. “Well, I for one didn’t look. Okay,” he smirks, “I might have looked for a few seconds. But then I got freaked out because I realized watching my brother and future sister-in-law go at it probably makes me a weird-ass motherfucker.”
“Oh my God, what is wrong with you?”
“Ha, you didn’t shoot me down about the sister-in—”
“Conner!”
“What?” He gets comfy on my desk chair, kicking off his sneakers and putting his feet on the edge of the bed.
“What are you doing here?”
“I came to see how you are.”
“But why?”
“Because we’re friends.”
“We’re not friends.”
“Family, then?”
Disbelief washes over me, and I let out a heavy sigh. “We’re not family, Conner.”
Part of me hoped we never would be. Because if my mom and James took their relationship to the next level, I could find myself unable to escape Ace.
He pouts, but I see the flash of regret in his eyes. “He did a real shitty thing, Remi, I get it. But you haven’t seen him. You haven’t—”
“Conner,” I say firmly. I need to be stronger around these brothers. I can’t show even an ounce of weakness, because they’ll latch onto it and use it against me.
I realize that now.
“Did Ace ask you to come?”
“Well, not exactly, but I know—”
“You can go now.”
“Oh, Princess, come on. Don’t be like that. I came to check on you.”
“Goodbye, Conner,” I say, folding my arms across my chest. He narrows his eyes, studying me, and then lets out a defeated sigh.
“Fine. But I’m not going to let you hide away up here for long. Take a day, take two days, but then you pull up your big girl panties and get your shit together. You’re stronger than this, Princess.” He puts his sneakers back on.
�
�Finished?” I ask drolly.
“For now.”
“Good, then don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.”
He gives his head a little shake as he walks to the door.
“Oh, and Conner?”
“Yeah?” Hope lights up his face.
“Don’t call me Princess again.”
His amused chuckle stays with me long after he’s gone.
But it barely touches the ice around my heart.
Chapter Four
Ace
After paying for the repairs to the door James smashed in, I hide out in my shitty motel room for another two days. Only once I get word from the nurses at the hospital that Remi is being discharged do I decide that if she’s heading home, maybe I should as well.
So, under the cover of darkness, I leave behind the empty bottles of vodka and take my ass back to the pool house. My brother’s bedroom lights are on, and the temptation to go up and announce my arrival is strong. I’ve seen Conner almost on a daily basis, but Cole has been suspiciously absent. Conner said he’s been busy with practice or some shit. He was lying though, I could see it in his eyes.
Cole’s angry. Really fucking angry. And when Cole is angry, shit gets fucked up.
He’s not like me or Conner. He doesn’t go flying into a situation all guns blazing. He sits back. He thinks. He plans. And nobody sees him coming.
It’s unnerving as fuck.
He’s never shown any feelings toward Remi. I knew Conner liked her. I didn’t need to learn that he’d warned her off me to know he was worried about what was growing between us. But Cole’s just Cole. Cold and detached at all times. I fear, though, that she might have just weaseled her way under his skin too, and by doing her wrong, I’ve really pissed him off.
With my few belongings, I make my way to the back of the yard and slip into the pool house.
“Motherfucker,” I grunt the second I take my first breath. It still smells like her.
How is that even possible?
I dump my stuff and go straight for the shower. The one in the motel was fucking shit. Standing under the spray, I let my mind wander to the handful of good times I’ve had in this town.
All of them involve her.
Every single fucking one.
Once I’m done, I dry off and lie naked on top of the sheets, staring at the ceiling. The last time I was here, the video was safely in my possession. I was going to destroy that memory card. I wasn’t even going to watch it.
But I got distracted, and I don’t even remember what I did with it. I remember taking it out of the camera, and then nothing. The next thing I know, her breathy moans are playing out for our entire class and our families to witness.
No one should have seen that.
No one except me should know the noises she makes as she’s about to come. Only I should know just how her back arches when pleasure races through her.
Fuck. The images of that night have my cock rock hard.
Ignoring the need building inside me, I dig out the last of the weed from my discarded pants and light up. I don’t deserve anything fucking good in my life after the shit I pulled, and I don’t care how impossible it might be right now; I make a promise to myself that the next time I come, it’s going to be because of Remi, not my right hand.
I groan, knowing that there’s a very good chance she’ll never talk to me again, let alone touch me.
I live inconspicuously in the pool house for three days. I only leave when it’s dark to sneak into the main house and silently raid the kitchen for supplies.
I’m assuming the rest of the household don’t know I’m back, otherwise I’m sure Conner would have come down by now and forced me to hang out—or worse, leave.
“Oh my God,” the loud squeal has me sitting bolt upright in bed.
Ellen’s eyes are wide in fright as I scramble to pull the sheets over myself. “Jesus Christ, Ace. You nearly gave me a goddamn heart attack.”
“I’m so sorry,” I mutter, pulling myself up so I’m resting back against the headboard, now fully covered.
“How long have you been back?” She lowers herself to the chair in the corner of the room. I guess she’s hanging out for a bit, then.
“A few days,” I admit.
“If I’d have known—”
“I’d have told you... Don’t feel bad because you feel the need to help. I appreciate that you do, but I needed space.”
She nods. “Your brothers are concerned about you.”
“I’m sure they’ll get over it.”
“James is too.”
I raise a brow. That’s un-fucking-likely. All he cares about is Remi and his reputation.
“Okay, he’s mostly just angry,” she concedes. “I’ve been worried though. Conner told me everything that happened.”
“Of course he did,” I mutter.
“Don’t be mad at him. I bribed him with food.”
I can’t help the smile pulling at my lips at the image she paints.
“He said you changed your mind about playing the video.”
I nod, not really up for having this conversation. “It was stupid. I knew the moment I filmed it that I wouldn’t go through with it. I just wish I’d destroyed it sooner.”
“And what do you want now?” she asks.
Ellen is the first person to do so. Everyone else has been so focused on me fucking up and making sure Remi is okay that they haven’t even thought it, let alone ask it. Not that I blame them. I’m not the victim here, Remi is. And all because of me.
My fist clenches. “I want to erase everyone’s fucking memories, so they haven’t seen my girl like that.” I know my mistake the second the words fall from my lips. She’s not mine anymore and probably never will be again.
“Okay, that’s impossible. What’s the second thing on your list?”
“Make her hear me out. Make her believe I didn't mean all the things I said and did. Prove to her that I didn’t want anyone to see her like that.”
A small smile curls at Ellen’s lips. “Good. Now stop hiding in here like a little bitch and get out there and make it happen.” She stands, throwing the curtains open, letting the beaming sun stream in. It’s the first time I’ve seen it in days, and it burns my eyes. “You’re way too late for breakfast, but once you’re dressed, come up to the house and I’ll make you lunch.”
“But—”
“No one else is here. James is at work and the boys are at school.”
I nod, the thought of good food, too much to refuse. She leaves, opening every curtain and window as she goes. I can only assume the place stinks after my three-day lock-in.
When I get up to the house, I discover she’s not just made me lunch but a full-on meal. My stomach groans right on cue as she places a huge plate down in front of me.
I can’t lie. Things do feel a little lighter with a stomach full of Ellen’s food.
“I don’t know whether you want to know this or not, but Remi is going back to school tomorrow.”
I sit back and allow her words to flow through me. Fuck. The thought of her walking down the hallways with everyone laughing and joking at her expense has red hot fury exploding within me. Blood boils in my veins as I stand from the table.
“Ace?”
“Thank you for this, Ellen. I really appreciate it.”
I take off running from the house. Since I can’t fix things right now, I need to do something—anything—to burn off the vortex of emotion swirling inside me. I hit the beach and run until my legs won’t hold me up any longer and my lungs burn with every ragged breath I take. I need a plan. I need to figure out a way to make things better for her, but no matter how many miles I cover, my mind is still blank.
Remi hates that school as it is. Turning up after starring in her how own sex tape isn’t going to make her life any easier.
“Motherfucker,” I shout into the silence around me.
This wasn’t how it was supposed to go.
&nb
sp; Once I feel like my legs will carry me again, I climb to my feet and make the long journey home. I’m walking up the street toward James’ house when I pull my cell from my pocket and send the message I probably should have sent days ago.
Ace: Meet me in the pool house.
It only takes me three minutes tops to be pushing through the door to the living area of my home, but both Conner and Cole are already making themselves comfortable in their usual seats.
“What the hell?” I ask, not expecting them to be here already.
“We’ve been waiting for you, motherfucker.”
“You knew I was out here?”
“Uh… yeah,” Conner says like I’m an idiot.
“We thought we’d just let you wallow in misery alone. We figured you’d appear at some point.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah, plus Ellen filled us in about you flashing her and giving her the thrill of her life.”
“Fuck off.”
“Said she’s never seen such a small one.”
“What the fuck do you two want?” I ask, falling down onto the couch and resisting the urge to break Conner’s nose.
“Us? If I remember rightly, you were the one who summoned us.”
“And you were already here, so you clearly wanted something first.”
“We know you already know, but Remi is starting back at school tomorrow, and we want to know if you’re planning on killing anyone or…”
“Or coming back?” I finish for him.
“Yeah, or that.”
“Yeah, I’ll fucking be there.” I’d not really made any plans about returning to school, much to James’ frustration, but there’s no fucking way I’ll allow her to go back without keeping an eye on her.
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Conner asks, concern lacing his voice.
“You mean, is it a good idea to send her in without me watching her back? Those fucking vultures will eat her for lunch. They were bad enough when she was just the kid who didn’t belong. Now they’ve got some real ammunition.”
“No thanks to you,” Conner mutters.
“How is that helpful? Trust me, I won’t forget that all of this is my fucking fault anytime soon.”
“Good, it might stop you from doing something so fucked-up again.”