by Caitlyn Dare
“But you did.” My hand flies out. If he touches me, I’ll break.
“Tell me how to fix this,” he pleads.
I shake my head, swallowing down a fresh wave of tears. “You can’t.” The words sound ominous.
He can’t give me back my first time.
He can’t give me back my dignity.
Ace can’t take back his cruel words after he loved me with his body.
It’s all there, a vast crater between us. And right there, in the center, is me.
Chapter Six
Ace
I thought I remembered everything about her, but the moment she stepped from Conner and Cole’s car and I got my first look at her, all the air rushed from my lungs.
She’s so fucking beautiful. My chest constricts with regret. How could I hurt the only bit of light I had in my life? And all for revenge.
What the hell was I thinking?
I knew I needed to give her space to adjust to life again, but the pull I felt to her was too much to deny.
And apparently, she must still feel the same, because she just chased me into the boys’ bathroom of all places. I was trying to do the right thing. I was trying to let her find her feet. I’d already fucked up once, speaking to her when I should have been hiding, but it seems my princess had other ideas.
I take a step toward her and she takes another back, bumping into the wall.
“Ace,” she warns. Her eyes are wide and full with unshed tears, but I don’t stop. I can’t. My need for her is all-consuming.
I just need to touch her. To kiss her. It’ll make her remember what it’s like when we’re together. I’ve always been better with actions than words. I can show her how I really feel. How much I regret everything that went down.
“Don’t, please.” Her voice is barely a whisper as she tries to convince herself that she doesn’t still feel this pull between us.
“Princess,” I murmur. “I need you.”
“Well, you should have thought about that before you fucked everything up.”
Our noses are almost touching, I’m so close. Her sweet scent surrounds me and my mouth waters to have a taste of her. To sweep my tongue into her mouth and claim what’s rightfully mine.
“I was a fucking idiot, Princess. Just tell me what to do. I’ll make it up to you. Anything, please.” I hate that I’m begging. I thought I was above begging to anyone, but it seems Remi is an exception to the rule. For her, I literally will do anything.
“I-It’s too late, Ace.” Her breath fans my face as she talks, making me even more desperate.
“No. Never. Not with us.” I lean forward and capture her lips.
She freezes beneath me and I lean into her, desperate to prove to her that nothing has really changed. But she doesn’t react. She doesn’t move. She just does nothing.
She’s either a really good fucking actress, or she’s telling the truth.
We really are done.
Finally, her hands lift, but it’s not to pull me closer or to claw at my back. Her palms slam down on my chest and she pushes with everything she has.
“Get the hell off me, Ace. How many times do I need to say it? We. Are. Done. You. F-fucked. This. U-up-p.” The second I’ve given her an inch of space, she runs.
I might have believed her if it weren’t for the crack in her voice.
“Motherfucker,” I wail into the empty bathroom before spinning and landing my fist right in the mirror above the basins.
The glass smashes and my knuckles split, but the pain is nothing compared to watching her walk away from me. Pulling my hand from the mirror, I watch the shards fall. This isn’t fucking over.
This isn’t over by a long fucking shot.
I want to walk out. To jump on my bike and just ride. But I can’t. I promised myself I would stick it out just to make sure everyone does as they should and ignore her. Plus, the knowledge that she’s in my last class of the day is enough to keep me hanging around.
Remi thinks she’s warning me off by telling me that we’re done, but I don’t think she realizes that all she’s doing is setting up the ultimate challenge.
She thinks we’re over. I’m about to prove her otherwise.
It doesn’t take much effort to make sure the only desk left available for Remi when she gets to our last class is the one beside mine.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” she fumes with her hands on her hips when she finally arrives. She may or may not have been intercepted by Conner to ensure she was late.
“Miss Tanner, I’m glad you’re back and feeling better, but is there any chance you can take a seat so I can start class?” Triskin snaps when Remi is still standing a few moments later.
“But, Sir.”
“Remi, please,” he sighs, sounding exasperated. “It’s been a long day. Just sit down.”
She opens her mouth to argue, but to save her from getting in trouble, I wrap my fingers around her wrist and tug until she lowers her ass to the seat. Remi huffs as she does, so both Triskin and I know exactly how she feels about the situation.
He sighs once again, but I just smile as I watch her pull her books from her bag.
“Have you had a good day, Princess?” I whisper once Triskin’s back is turned.
“Shut up.”
“That’s good. Well, I’m glad my brothers and I could help.”
“I said… Shut. Up.”
“So I was thinking—”
“Stop it,” she barks, turning everyone’s heads, including those of our already pissed-off teacher, her way.
“Miss Tanner, I—”
“I’m sorry, Sir. It won’t happen again.” She narrows her eyes at me and all I can do is smile back.
“Can I see you tonight?” I whisper once Triskin is distracted.
Silence.
“Princess, can I see you tonight?” I try again, although I know she heard me the first time because her body tensed.
Much to my amusement, she shifts in her seat and turns her back on me. I shake my head at her attempt to block me out. It’s going to take more than that, Princess. And saying no to seeing me would be a start.
She runs from the classroom the second we’re dismissed. I’m impressed with her speed, but I’m confident I’ll catch up to her. I’m proved right when I get to Remi’s locker and find her exchanging some books. “Princess.”
“Leave me alone, Ace.”
“Not possible.”
She slams her locker shut and groans loudly. “Ace, you need to sto—”
Remi spins and quickly finds herself pinned. I lean in so my breath tickles her ear. “You were saying, Princess.”
“T-that you need to stop. Following me around like a lost fucking puppy isn’t helping. You’re only annoying me more.”
“Is that right? So it’s my imagination that your pulse is racing right now with me so close?” She sucks in a breath, attempting to stop her chest heaving. “I guess your nipples aren’t hard for me either, or your pussy—”
“Ace. Enough. We are done. Over. Finished.” She smiles in accomplishment when she manages to slip under my arm and escape.
Only, it’s not an escape if I let her go.
By the time I get out to my bike, Conner and Cole’s car is gone. I’m not surprised, I’m sure Conner was waiting for Remi so he could get her away as fast as possible.
Deciding against getting on my bike, I spin back and head toward where I know Cole will be out on the field with the team.
I find myself a seat, and sit and watch as Coach makes them run drills. It’s almost hypnotic, watching them run back and forth. No one looks my way the entire time I’m sitting here, but still, when the practice comes to an end, Cole breaks away from the rest of the team and comes to join me.
“I wondered how long it was going to take you.”
“I need the truth, Cole.”
“Nothing to tell, man.” His shoulders lift in a small shrug.
“Right. I got beat within an inch o
f my life for some unknown reason and you just happen to rescue me, yet I’m meant to believe that there’s nothing to tell. Bullshit, Cole. You’ve been avoiding me. I need to know why.”
“You don’t need to know anything.”
I raise a brow at him.
“Fine. JJ rang that night you went to the Heights. Said you were getting off your face and would probably need a ride home.”
“You really expect me to believe that?”
“Yeah, because it’s the truth.”
“So you had no idea about Bruce?”
“Why would I know anything about him? I just came to pick up your drunk ass.”
I stare at him, waiting for any sign that he might be lying. Donny wouldn’t send Bruce for no reason, and then for Cole to randomly turn up when he did. I don’t buy it.
“You’re hiding something.”
Cole rolls his eyes before stepping away. “How about you just focus on what’s important.” He nods before turning away and jogging toward the locker rooms.
If he thinks reminding me that I should be focusing on Remi is going to make me forget whatever the hell is going on with him, then he needs to think again. She might be my most pressing issue right now, but my brothers’ welfare is important too. And I’m going to make damn sure they don’t end up dragged into some shit I’m not going to be able to get them out of.
I ignore the little voice in my head telling me to go straight to Remi’s house and instead head back to the pool house. With nothing better to do, I find myself some food since Ellen is nowhere to be seen and pull out my homework. It’s a novelty, that’s for sure, but I need to do something to pass the time that isn’t getting drunk or stoned.
Once again, Cole avoids the pool house, but after an hour or so Conner appears to hang out. We play Xbox and ignore any of the important conversations we should be having. I want to ask him if Remi was okay on the ride home, if she said anything, but I don’t. I can tell by the tense set of his shoulders that he has plenty he wants to say to me as well. For now though, I’m happy to remain in ignorant bliss. Plus, I have plans to find out for myself how Remi is.
Not ten minutes after Conner finally leaves do I pull my boots on and head out too. It feels like forever since I’ve been able to give Remi a little late-night visit, and my patience to be alone with her—and not in a bathroom—has just about run out.
Not wanting to waste any more time than necessary, I throw my leg over my bike and head off, parking a little way down her street so my arrival doesn’t alert either her or Sarah. I haven’t been face to face with Remi’s mom since that night and, to be honest, I can wait a little longer for that conversation.
It’s not until I’m standing at the back of her house that I realize my hopes of gaining easy entry to her bedroom were wishful thinking. Unlike the other times I’ve been here, her window is shut. Glancing through the downstairs windows, I don’t find any evidence that anyone is awake despite the fact that there are a couple of lights on. Common sense tells me that if she’s gone to the effort to shut her bedroom window, then the back door will also be locked. I try a couple of the windows before I get to it, to prove my suspicions correct.
I’m starting to think that I’m going to have to take drastic action if I want to get into the house when I try my luck on the back door. To my delight, when I push down on the handle it clicks open.
Oh, Princess. You’re going to have to try a little harder to keep me away.
The downstairs is in silence as I make my way through the kitchen and to the stairs. My heart thunders in my chest as I place my foot on the first step and it makes a loud clunking noise. Who’d have thought entry via the trellis and window would be the least conspicuous. I continue up, trying to be as light on my feet as possible. It’s not the first time I’ve broken into someone’s house, although back in the Heights I can confidently say that I was never doing it to beg a girl for forgiveness.
By the time I get to the top of the stairs, I’m almost convinced that Remi is going to open her door and catch me in the act, but to my surprise, it remains shut. All the other doors are open with the lights off, making me wonder if Sarah is even here.
I come to a stop outside her bedroom door. There was a soft glow coming from around her curtains when I was in the garden, leading me to think she’s awake, but it wouldn’t be the first time I’ve found Remi sleeping with the light on.
With my fingers tightly gripping the handle, I inhale a sharp breath. I’ve no idea what kind of mood she’s going to be in when I walk into her room. After the way she acted today, I can only imagine she’s going to be pretty fucking angry that I’m ignoring everything she’s said about leaving her alone.
Remi is forgetting something though.
It’s impossible.
Chapter Seven
Remi
I lie here, listening to the sound of my own heart beating. Shadows dance across the ceiling, chasing one another. It makes me think of Ace. Of the way he tried to take control today, to get me to relent.
He doesn’t get it.
He doesn’t understand how deep his betrayal hurt me.
How can he?
Ace has never let anyone close enough to hurt him.
There’s a creak out in the hall. It can’t be Mom, she’s out of town at a business meeting with James. She’d wanted to cancel, but I insisted she went. I couldn’t deal with any more of her fussing.
My eyes go to the window. I’d locked it right before I climbed into bed. The last thing I wanted was Ace showing up.
What if it’s him? I shake the thought from my head. Ace is a lot of things, but he isn’t stupid enough to break into my house.
Oh, who am I kidding? I throw the sheet back and quietly tiptoe out of bed. Everything seems quiet. My heart races as I press my ear to the door, trying to hear anything.
Or anyone.
I’m about to retreat to bed when the door handle rattles. Before he has a chance, I yank it open. “Why am I not surprised?” I grind out.
Guilt softens Ace’s expression. “Desperate times call for desperate measures, Princess.” He places his arm against the jamb, leaning down to look at me. “You really should keep your back door locked.”
I feel stripped bare under this piercing gaze. “This isn’t healthy.” I shake my head, taking a step back.
If I’m going to keep a clear head around Ace, I need space.
I need for him not to be looking at me with that puppy dog expression.
“I needed to see you.”
“What about what I need, huh? Have you ever stopped to think about that?”
“You and me, Remi, we’re inevitable.”
“Inevitable?” I scoff, hating the way his words affect me. Hating the way they unravel some of the steely determination inside me. “Is that what we’re calling it? You filmed us having sex. A sex tape, Ace. What part of that isn’t computing for you? The only inevitable thing about us is that I should have known you would break my heart.” Turning away from him, I force myself to swallow the building tears. But it’s so damn hard.
His big, tattooed arms slide around my waist, folding over my arms and hugging me tight. “I’m sorry, and if I could take it all back, I would. In a heartbeat. But I can’t lose you, Remi. You’re the first good thing in my life, and I’ll do whatever it takes to earn back your trust.”
“Anything?” I tilt my head to look up at him. He leans in, his lips hovering precariously close to mine.
“Why do I get the impression you’re after more than just make up sex?”
I jab him in the ribs and he falls back, grunting in pain. “Too soon?” he stutters.
I spin around, cutting him with a dark look. “That will never be a joke to me.” Tears sting my eyes.
“Shit, baby, I was joking.”
“Well, don’t. I trusted you with...” The words get stuck in my throat and Ace rushes over to me, wrapping me in his arms again.
“I’m sorry. I’m so fucking
sorry. And you’re right, the way I feel about you isn’t healthy. At first, you just got under my skin. I kept telling myself it would be a bit of fun, but as time went on, you buried yourself deeper until you finally reached my black fucking soul.”
It’s the most real thing Ace has ever said to me.
I crave his words like I crave his touch.
I’m not sure I’ll ever stop.
Because he’s not the only one with unhealthy feelings here.
“You make me so fucking insane,” I admit, clutching his black sleeveless hoodie between my fingers.
Ace lowers his head to touch mine. “The feeling is entirely mutual. Can we fool around now? I’ve missed you.” He grins, but there’s no missing the sadness in his eyes. “I’ve missed you so fucking much.” Ace’s voice cracks with emotion, but I can’t just roll over. I won’t.
I need answers first.
I need to know the truth.
I slide my hands up his chest, batting my eyelids. “If we’re going to do this again, and I mean it Ace...” I lick my lips, power coursing through my veins as his eyes drop to my mouth. “You have to go at my speed... and I need to know everything. Every single fucking thing.”
“Princess...” His expression hardens.
Releasing an exasperated breath, I shove Ace and he stumbles back into the hall. “What the—”
The door slams shut on him, and I drop my forehead to the wood, my chest heaving.
“Princess, open the fucking door.”
“No, Ace. Nothing’s changed. You still won’t let me in, and I can’t do this again. I won’t.”
No matter how much it kills me.
“It’s not that simple,” he says, his voice dropping an octave. “I’ve never had to let anyone in before…”
Try, I want to roar. Try for me.
But I need Ace to arrive at the decision by himself. Because he wants to change. Not because I tell him to.
“You should go,” I add when he doesn’t say more.