Even standing next to Dad makes me think of Tanner. Maybe some day I’ll ask him why they fought. Right now I’m hoping I still have to hide my feelings. That there might be a day soon when I’ll see Tanner again. Even if we have to sneak around for a while, I’m fine with that. I miss him.
I’ve looked him up online, of course. Can’t find any philanthropy work so I don’t understand what’s inspired him to do such a noble thing as that orphanage. And why Atlanta when he lives all the way in California? I couldn’t find any ties to it at all.
Mom walks Kaya to her mommy and tears wet Charlie’s smiling cheeks. “Hi, sweet Kaya baby, I’m here.”
“I’m going to check on Gabriel,” I whisper, slipping quickly out of the room, and wiping my eyes.
In the hospital corridor I’m bombarded with questions about the baby, and I repeat time and again that they’re doing well. Grandma Nance says, to herself but really to everyone, “I still can’t believe they got married so late in the pregnancy.”
Grandpa Michael wraps an arm around her. “Better than not getting married at all.”
Max, who is Jason’s oldest son, announces, “You guys are old fashioned.”
His brother Caden, cool as can be, mutters, “They did it to shock you.”
Their mother, my aunt Sarah, smacks the back of Caden’s head. “They did not,” she laughs while he grins and fixes his hair.
Feeling suffocated by family for maybe the first time in my life I tell the whole corridor, voice shaky even through my smile, “You’ll see them in a minute. I’m going to check on Gabriel. I haven’t had a chance like you all have. Excuse me.”
Keeping my head down I cut through the crowd as they return to their separate conversations.
Turning a corner, finally alone in another hallway I inhale sharply and pause, touching a wall for support. My heart is beating so hard. Pain throbbing in my chest. Maybe this was the first heartbreak after all, the one Hannah said I’d have. The one I welcomed. God, it sucks. Wouldn’t wish this feeling on Cora, or anyone else I don’t like.
“You okay, Emma?”
My head jerks up to find my Uncle Justin, the retired Senator, gazing at me with concern. “No…yes…I’m just tired. And I want to check on Gabriel.”
“You’re going the wrong way. He’s not in his room.”
My spine tightens. “He’s not in another surgery is he?”
Justin frowns, “Nothing like that. He’s with his girlfriend in her room, number 307.”
“Gabriel has a girlfriend? Since when? I know I missed his concert, but am I really that out of touch with his life?”
Clearly conflicted about it, he sucks on his cheek and stares off. “I think we’re all out of touch with my son’s life.”
“Uncle Justin, do you know what happened between my father and a man named Tanner Hamilton?”
Pale green eyes search for a memory. “Doesn’t ring a bell.”
“Never mind. It’s not important.”
He watches me as I head away.
Hospitals inspire caution and quiet, so I slowly open the door and listen. A nurse walks out and pauses upon sight of me, blocking my path. I dig out my I.D. and show her, “I’m his cousin, Emma Cocker.”
Her protective stance relaxes. She nods and exits. After the paparazzi incident, there are guards at all the exits.
I’m the last of the cousins to visit. When Gabriel was brought in, I was in the delivery room with Charlie, Ethan and Mom. I had to be there when Kaya was born, even though Eric told me I was crazy.
Since I don’t hear a greeting, I assume Gabriel must be sleeping, so I tiptoe around the curtain, and freeze. My normally self-centered cousin is under the white hospital blankets, spooning a pretty brunette, both with their eyes closed. Something tells me they’re in their own little world, and not asleep at all. Mesmerized I tilt my head and watch them breathing. They’re battered and bruised and in love.
Tears of happiness for him, and for Ethan, and my Hannah, mingle as a desire to talk to Tanner burns in my heart. I back out of the room and see a nurse walking up. Wiping my eyes I tell her, “Take good care of them. They’re my family.”
CHAPTER 27
EMMA
While we make sandwiches on a warm Saturday for the small group of us who’ve gathered at Ethan’s home, Hannah asks, “A month of unemployment? Has it really been that long already?”
And a month since I saw or heard from Tanner. But she and I are both not talking about that. I told her what happened and then too many check-in questions came at me until I finally asked for peace.
I close the bread on a turkey, swiss cheese and avocado sandwich, place it next to the others on a platter. This lunch is pretty basic. Hannah and I glance from the sandwiches to each other, and I know we’re both thinking the same thing.
“Not everyone can cook like Grandma Nance,” Hannah mutters.
“Amen to that.” I lift the plate, she the pitcher of lemonade, and we head into Ethan’s gorgeous backyard. It’s constantly changing since he can never decide if he wants a volleyball net, a pool, a big lawn like Grandpa and Grandma, or what. He’s got the money to throw around for remodeling and I know over the years as they have more children, this yard will assume many shapes and sizes dictated by what the kids are interested in at the time.
Ethan and Tobias are across from each other on white couches, under the shade of an enormous turquoise umbrella. Charlie is in the lounge chair with Kaya breastfeeding under a baby-hammock, the soft fabric brought up for modesty.
“Why couldn’t Ben come?” I ask Ethan while setting down the food as Hannah divvies up the lemonade, ice splashing over the pitcher’s rim.
“He can’t make it.” As Hannah sits next to Tobias and rests her hand on his jeans, Ethan asks her, “But since we’re wondering where people are—Gabriel and his girl coming soon?”
“Normally I’d say I don’t know where my brother is, but the new me is paying a lot more attention,” she announces, eyeing me for having been the one to tell her she needs to be easier on the twins. “He politely turned us down for lunch today. Asked for a raincheck. They’re spending a lot of time alone together right now. You know how it is, those first stages.”
Ethan mysteriously mutters, “Guess Ben could have come after all.”
My eyebrows go up, but Tobias distracts us all by saying, “What first stage?”
Melting into him, she smiles, “I guess you’re right.” They kiss and she murmurs against his lips, both of them locked on each other, “I will always want to be alone with you.”
Under my breath I cough and mutter, “Gagging. Gagging over here.”
Charlie laughs. “Emma, even we get nauseated by them. Nobody should be that publicly demonstrative.”
Hannah sticks her tongue out.
But Ethan announces, “Oh yeah? Kaya wasn’t the only one breastfeeding last night!”
Charlie levels him with a somber look. “Why do I love you?”
“Because I’m fucking awesome,” he chuckles.
People tear into the sandwiches while I watch, feeling numb and detached. I’m so happy I love Charlie. It would be terrible if I didn’t love the woman my brother chose. I only hope Eric chooses wisely, too.
Listen to what I’m thinking!
Why do I want to see Tanner again? It would put a strain on the relationships with the people I love most. How could I choose someone they don’t approve of? I’m a complete hypocrite.
When was this built?
Are the windows double-paned?
How are the appliances?
Emma, I will hurt you.
“Y ou okay, Emm?”
Snapping back to reality I stare at Hannah, and then graze a look across the staring faces, sandwiches put on pause in everyone’s grip. “I’m fine! Just daydreaming. I need to get a job. Guess it’s got me worried.”
Ethan frowns, “You know I’ve got you covered if you need anything. You don’t have to be so stubborn about it
. Money isn’t an object with me.”
“Thank you, but I have enough. I’ve saved six months’ worth of salary.” Tilting my head I remind him, “And I told you I have to earn it myself. I won’t take a hand-out.”
“Could be a loan!”
“And then I’d be in debt, which I hate.”
He starts to argue but a voice coming from inside the house interrupts us.
Hannah’s step-mom, Aunt Jaimie, appears in the back door. “Oh, there you are!” she exclaims, black hair blowing back as she practically runs to where we’re sitting. “And good! Emma’s here, too.” She glances to Charlie. “You’re saved because you just gave birth. Count yourself lucky!”
Hannah and I exchange a look.
Aunt Jaimie inhales sharply, getting ready to explain, “The Woman’s Group has a fundraiser tonight and we’re understaffed. Hannah, I know you’re not a fan of these events but I’m calling in every favor I’ve ever done for you to demand that you be there. And Emma, you owe me nothing, but please don’t let me down. I need you, too!”
Hannah laughs, “You don’t need to call in favors. Of course I’ll help.”
“And hold it over your head for eternity.”
She gives me a look. “Emma, the smartass, will go, too, regardless of how sick she looks about it right now.”
Tanner might be there. If he’s in Atlanta, he didn’t tell me. Which says everything. Get prepared for the ending of hope, Emma. “Sure, why not? I’ll be there.”
Oh dammit dammit dammit.
“Wonderful!” Aunt Jaimie lifts the lemonade pitcher and tells me, “I’m surprised Cora didn’t already talk you into going. She’s on the planning board.”
I hate my life.
CHAPTER 28
EMMA
I n the bathroom mirror that she and I used to share, Hannah watches me apply my lipstick while she sits on the cream counter, one long leg swinging, the other keeping her balanced. “You’ve been so quiet tonight.”
“I’m tired from the sun,” I mutter and set the golden tube down. “I should have taken a nap, but you guys wrestled me into a game of volleyball. And Tobias and Ethan are way too competitive.”
Muttering, “Only having four players makes it tougher,” she picks my lipstick up and checks the color against her skin. A fruitless endeavor since our skin tones are vastly different, hers pale and mine olive. But she always wishes it were different. While I apply mascara she gives my reflection a slow up and down appraisal “You look very pretty tonight, Emm. Gone gay?”
I flick a look at her. “What?”
“It’s a women’s-only group. That’s why we don’t like going, remember?”
“The fundraiser is co-ed.”
“Wait, why?”
“I guess they wanted to smell something other than Chanel,” I dryly reply.
She follows me into my room and sits on my bed while I slide on heels that will hurt by the end of the night, but this dress demands them. Meeting her eyes I see a suspicious smile. “Are you not telling me something?”
“Like what?” I shrug.
“You’re just wearing your most flattering peach dress that makes your skin glow and look even more sun kissed, with nude come-fuck-me heels, for the hell of it?”
“I just want to look nice.”
She bounces to standing. “Fundraiser means money. Co-ed means men with money. Is Tanner going?”
“How would I know? Nor do I care.”
Her eyes narrow. “You don’t?”
“Not at all.”
“Mmmhmm.”
I head out of the room, dipping back in to snatch my clutch bag off the dresser. Hannah laughs, following me. Neither of us are bringing jackets. It was over ninety degrees today so the night air will be the perfect temperature. The hall where the event is being held is half outdoors. Who likes carrying coats anyway?
“Emma, tell me why you’re pretending.”
Groaning, I lock up. “I’m glad I live alone now by the way.”
She pushes my shoulder. “You miss me as much as I miss you—stop it.”
“I miss you more, if we’re being honest.”
Together we stroll along the apartment building’s walkway, just like when we used to go to the clubs, picking up men. Dressed up, ready for fun. If tonight could be any.
“I don’t know if he’ll be there. I’m hoping he will and I’m hoping he won’t.” Off her look I sigh, “He hasn’t called me.”
“I figured you would have told me if he had.” Gently she wraps her arm around me while we stroll, kissing the side of my head. “If he doesn’t see your worth then he’s not worth you.”
A grateful smile tugs, but I really can’t think about him anymore or I will start selling my adrenaline to people at Starbucks, because this is stronger than their espresso. To get her off the subject I ask, “You should have invited Tobias, since men are allowed.”
She turns off her ringer and slides the phone away with a mischievous smile. “It’s healthy to disappear for a while. Makes him wonder what I’m up to. Have to keep their engines roaring, Emm, that’s the secret. You’ve seen his fights. Girls are screaming his name the entire time. If he gets bored his eyes will wander. He’s only human. I make sure that never happens.”
Frowning I round my car as she gets in the passenger side. “Are you stressed about that?”
“Not at all!” She lifts her long blonde hair up so the seatbelt can do its thing and not trap some. “It keeps me entertained, too. I love all of it. Being with him is exciting. I’ve never been with a man who made my blood race until I met him.”
“Tanner does that for me.”
Hannah’s head swings over and her eyes darken as she realizes I’m hurting. “Oh Emma, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have been so glib about it. I didn’t realize how you felt about him until now.”
My eyes go misty and I take a deep breath. “I might have pushed him away.”
“No!”
“I might’ve!”
Hannah’s head tilts. “I’ve never seen you get attached to a guy before.”
Wiping my eyes I fiddle with the music for something to do. “Andy would agree with you. Except he’ll never talk to me again, I’m sure.”
The seatbelt is the only thing keeping her from flying into the air. “What?! You and Andy? How did that happen? Oh my God!”
Covering my mouth I groan, “I forgot you don’t know!”
Hannah turns off the playlist. “Talk!”
Out of options I tell her about how it began, after I joined her and Sofia Sol in Florida. Hannah’s pale eyes widen. “He was with Sofia first though! And she masterminded the whole thing?”
“Crazy huh?”
She grins, “You’re so naughty!”
“I’m not as sweet as you think I am. Anyway, since Andy manages Tobias, when you guys moved back to Atlanta he came over one night. Called first, of course. After that, whenever Tobias had to fly to some fight, and Andy came here from Florida to leave with him—he’d stay with me.” Hannah gasps. “I’m sorry, but I wasn’t interested in making it a public thing. And…that is what ended it.”
A knowing look lights her pale eyes, and her voice changes. “You didn’t want to invite him to a Family BBQ.”
I slowly shake my head, holding her gaze. “I guess that’s the litmus test. If we want them to meet everyone.”
“Especially Grams,” Hannah smiles. “I know I was shaking when I brought Tobias over. He can be hulkish sometimes, but she loved him. It felt so good to get her approval.”
We go quiet, staring at each other. “Yep. That’s what we all want, I guess.”
“Poor Andy,” Hannah sighs.
A s we walk through the parking lot for the event space, Aunt Rachel and Uncle Jaxson give us appreciative once-overs from the sidewalk under twinkle lights.
Aunt Meagan is adjusting Uncle Jeremy’s tie, their bodies close together.
Uncle Jason and Aunt Sarah hold hands, about to head in with
the group when she looks over and cups her free hand to call out, “You two look stunning!”
Hannah and I give them all hugs, telling them how great they look, too. I whisper to Uncle Jaxson, “I can’t believe she got you to show up!”
He smirks, suntanned face still handsome in his later years. His work on the ranch keeps him in shape. “When she told me she wouldn’t come home tonight if I didn’t drive her, she had me at her mercy.”
Rachel mutters, “As if you’ve ever been at my mercy. Hopefully one day,” which makes him laugh.
Aunt Jamie pops out of the door, and waves us in to help. Mom must be inside. Overflowing pots filled with planted flowers line our path as the five of us head in.
Hannah asks Jeremy if Zoe, his daughter, is coming. As he explains the other commitment Zoe has, I glance to my right and nearly pass out.
Tanner is leaning against a Porsche, watching us. No, his eyes are locked solely on me, and I can tell from his intense stare, they have been this whole time. As ten sets of footsteps don’t miss a beat, my lips part. I grip Hannah’s hand and she looks over.
Tanner pushes off the car and slides his hands in his pockets.
I break free of his gaze and disappear.
CHAPTER 29
T ANNER
T he hall is dimly lit, round, black table cloths rest under a dozen glimmering chandeliers. There is a podium and stage, long curtains tied with gilded rope along the walls. Two bars accommodate the guests. One is to my right as I walk inside and the other, outside under hanging strings of Edison lightbulbs dipping across the large patio. Elaborate bouquets accent every corner, and smaller arrangements are centered on each table.
Atlanta has dressed to impress, both men and women, but it’s Emma Cocker who I can’t take my eyes off of.
Emma Cocker (Cocker Brothers Book 11) Page 11