by Ali McNamara
‘Good,’ I hear myself saying, like I’m having an out-of-body experience. ‘I’m glad. We might have struggled for a while without you, and if I could go back I might do a few things a little differently too. But I’d still want you to leave.’
Graham looks shocked and a little hurt to hear this.
‘You see, I’m stronger now, Graham. So much stronger and tougher than when you knew me; and it’s you that’s made me that way.’
‘I can see that,’ Graham says, a note of sarcasm returning to his voice again. ‘But what about Charlie?’
‘What about him?’
‘Doesn’t he need a father in his life?’
‘He’s managed without one for this long, and he seems to be doing just fine, thank you very much.’
‘You keep saying he’s doing fine. But can’t . . . can’t I even see him?’
I just stare at Graham. I knew this was coming, but I still can’t deal with it. I try to remember what Joey said to me on the beach, and how his words made me feel. But any empathy I might have felt for Graham’s situation is being completely blotted out by the man sitting in front of me.
‘He’s ten now, isn’t he? Almost eleven? A boy needs some male influence in his life.’
‘Male influence?’ I can’t help but smirk. ‘Are you suggesting you should be that male influence? Now that is a twist I hadn’t seen coming.’
‘Don’t be nasty, Amy. It doesn’t suit you.’
‘Amelia. And Charlie has plenty of male influence, as you call it. Since we came to live here, he has people that love and care for him – both male and female. We’ve made a new family, and I won’t have you messing with that.’
For the first time since Graham entered the room I feel myself begin to get emotional as I talk about my new Chesterford family.
‘If you mean that He-Man that tried to beat me up earlier,’ Graham sneers. ‘That’s hardly what I’d call a role model.’
‘If you mean Tom, he did not try to beat you up. I can assure you that if Tom had gone anywhere near you, you wouldn’t be sitting here now, that’s for sure. You’d probably be in hospital.’
It was a cheap shot, but I couldn’t resist it. Tom was better-looking, bigger and stronger than Graham, and there was nothing Graham could do to match that, and he obviously knew it.
‘Tom is great with Charlie, actually,’ I continue, just to rub salt into the wound. ‘An ideal role model, and even if he wasn’t around, Charlie would have Benji and Joey and Arthur – they all love him too. So I can assure you, if you think for one moment that my son is going without anything, you are very, very wrong.’
Graham sits silently for a moment, so I’m quiet too waiting for his next move.
‘But I’m his father,’ he says eventually in a low voice. ‘Please don’t keep me from him.’
I bite my bottom lip. He is right, of course. I know what I have to do, but it doesn’t make it any easier.
‘He comes out of school at three o’clock,’ I say, without looking at Graham. ‘I’ll walk him home and explain as best I can why you’re here and that you’d like to see him. And then if, and only if, he agrees, you can see him for a short while.’
‘Thank you, Amy . . . I mean, Amelia,’ Graham says. ‘I appreciate this, really I do.’
I look directly at him now. ‘Don’t mess this up,’ I tell him in my harshest voice. ‘Because if you do, so help me I’ll . . . I’ll . . . I’ll have you locked up in the dungeons at the bottom of this castle, and I’ll throw away the key!’
Forty-seven
As I knew he would Charlie does want to see his father.
So, when we get home from school, I permit Graham to come up to the top of the tower so Charlie is on familiar ground, and I allow them to spend some time together.
After I’m satisfied that Charlie is happy with everything, I leave them together playing with Charlie’s Lego, and I head downstairs for some fresh air.
‘How’s it going?’ Tom asks as I step out into the courtyard. I know he’s been waiting patiently outside since Graham’s arrival.
‘Fine. Just fine,’ I reply, sighing.
‘Come here,’ Tom says, holding out his arms, and I gratefully let him envelop me in a comforting hug. ‘You’ve done the right thing,’ he says softly, nuzzling his face into my hair. ‘You know that, don’t you?’
‘I hope so,’ I tell him. ‘I really hope so.’
As Tom is holding me, I notice Joey across the courtyard watching us. He holds his thumb up and nods. So I smile and do the same to him behind Tom’s back.
‘Why do parents cause us so many problems?’ I say, not really voicing a question, more a statement.
‘How do you mean?’ Tom asks, holding me back in his arms.
‘Well, for one, my son is up there having his first contact in years with his dad; then there’s you with your own estranged father—’
Tom nods in agreement.
‘Joey has had similar troubles, too,’ I continue, ‘and then there’s Clara – her father caused her no end of trouble producing an elder sister no one knew about.’
‘It seems like it’s men then, really?’ Tom says, smiling at me. ‘We seem to cause all the grief.’
‘Some of you, perhaps,’ I say, looking up at him tenderly. ‘I hope not all of you, though . . . ’
Tom leans forward so his face is close to mine. ‘I promise, for however long we’re together, that I’ll do my best to never cause you any grief. How about that?’
‘That could be a very long time, you know,’ I whisper, my lips getting even closer to his.
‘I do hope so,’ Tom murmurs just before our lips meet. ‘I really do.’
Against my better judgement, I agree to let Graham stay on for a couple of days so he can get to know Charlie again. He’s come up from London to visit Chesterford, so instead of him staying locally I agree to him staying at the castle.
‘How are you getting on with your dad?’ I ask Charlie one night just before he settles down to sleep. ‘Do you like spending time with him?’
‘Yeah,’ Charlie says, thinking about it. ‘It’s cool to get to know him.’
‘Good.’
‘But . . . ’ Charlie hesitates.
‘What is it?’ I ask anxiously in case I’ve done the wrong thing after all.
‘Is it all right if I still like being with Tom, Joey, Benji and Arthur better? Dad’s okay ’n’ all, but they’re all much more fun.’
I smile at him. ‘Of course it is,’ I insist. ‘You can like whoever you want to the best. It’s your life, Charlie. You make the choices, not anyone else.’
‘Thanks, Mum. I love you; you’re the best.’
Charlie rolls over and closes his eyes, and with tears in my own eyes I gently tuck him in, kiss him goodnight, and then I pause by the door just before I turn off the light, and I whisper, ‘I love you, too, Charlie. So very, very much.’
‘So,’ Graham says as we prepare to see him off after his short stay. ‘This was fun.’
‘I wouldn’t call it that exactly,’ I say, trying to remain polite for Charlie’s sake. ‘But Charlie has enjoyed having you here, so that’s all right with me.’ I swallow hard. ‘You can come again if you like.’
‘Thank you, Amelia; you know I’d love that. Perhaps he could come and stay with me too sometime?’
‘Let’s not get too carried away just yet; it’s early days,’ I say diplomatically.
‘Of course. Of course.’ Graham nods. ‘You’ve done a good job bringing him up, you know? A very good job. I’m just sorry I haven’t been there to help you.’ He pauses. ‘I know I’ve said it before, but I am sorry, for everything. Truly I am.’
‘I know,’ I relent. ‘Are you happy now, Graham? With your new life, I mean?’
Graham sighs. ‘I don’t think I’m as happy as you are living here at Chesterford. This,’ he waves his hand around at the castle, ‘it suits you, you know that? You’ve blossomed from my little Amy Harris into a ver
y grown-up Amelia Chesterford.’
‘Thank you, I think.’
‘No, it’s a compliment. This place has been good for you and good for Charlie too. He’s told me how much he enjoys living here, and I’m glad. All any parent wants for their child is for them to be happy.’
‘That’s true.’
‘So that’s why I’m going to make sure you stay here.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I’m going to recommend to my company that we invest some money here. Not just for you to complete the renovations on the stables – which I may add are very impressive indeed. But Arthur has spent a long time going through everything with me; he’s guided me around the place, told me all the history, and all about your plans for the future – including the costume and servants’ exhibitions, which I think are an excellent idea. He’s also gone through all your books, so I know you could do with quite a lot of investment elsewhere in the castle. This place is going to be great under your leadership, Amelia, and I’m certain Keystone Financial will want to be part of that.’
There’s a tiny part of me that wants to tell him no – stick your money. Isn’t it bad enough you have to be involved in any part of my life now? But I know I can’t; I have to think of the castle and of everyone here.
‘Thank you, Graham,’ I say through slightly gritted teeth. ‘I really appreciate that. I’m certain we can do great things with your investment.’
He nods. ‘I’ll be in touch when I’ve got some figures together. But just between you and me, Amelia, Arthur’s input would have been enough, you know? You didn’t need to go to all that trouble with the special effects; you already had me on board.’
‘What special effects?’ I ask, having no idea what he’s talking about.
Graham smiles. ‘Yep that’s right – you keep playing along. Maybe we can use that in the marketing for this place: Chesterford, Northumberland’s number-one haunted castle. I have to say they were all very realistic – especially the guy riding the horse through the wall in my bedroom. That was the pièce de résistance. Excellent stuff.’
I just stare at Graham. Was he saying what I thought he was? Had the ghosts paid him a little visit in the night? Were they trying to do their bit to keep Chesterford Castle alive too?
‘Right,’ Graham says, appearing not to notice my hesitance, ‘I think it’s time to go. Say goodbye to Charlie for me again, won’t you? I wish he was here to see me off – but school must come first.’ Graham looks at the others who have all been standing back a little so we could say goodbye privately. ‘Arthur,’ he says, holding out his hand to him, ‘thank you for making me see what a wonderful place this is.’
Arthur nods as he shakes Graham’s hand.
‘Dorothy, thank you for all the delicious food.’
‘My pleasure,’ Dorothy says, smiling.
‘Benji, sorry I caused you strife.’
‘Not a problem,’ Benji says, giving him a quick hug. ‘Amelia and I have already made up, haven’t we?’
I nod. ‘I couldn’t stay mad with this one for long, could I?’ I say, slipping my arm through Benji’s.
‘Joey, Tiffany, thank you for making my stay here a pleasant one.’
Joey half smiles and Tiffany waves.
Graham turns finally to Tom and holds out his hand. ‘I know you don’t think much of me,’ he says to Tom’s stony face, ‘but look after Amelia, won’t you? She deserves someone that will stick around.’
‘I intend to,’ Tom says, taking a firm hold of Graham’s hand. I notice Graham wince a little at Tom’s grip and I smile.
We all walk down to the gate with Graham and wave him goodbye.
‘Now,’ I say, turning to the others when he’s finally gone, ‘can we just get on with running this castle normally and without drama for a bit? I believe we’ve got a grand opening taking place in less than a week, and we’ve got a lot to do!’
We all walk back up to the castle together. And for once I feel relaxed and happy that things here at Chesterford are going to be all right . . . for a while, anyway.
Forty-eight
I stand looking in the mirror at my reflection.
‘You look older,’ I think, narrowing my eyes and peering at myself a little more closely.
But do I actually look older? Or do I just look a more confident and self-assured person than the nervous, worried one that had arrived here at Chesterford earlier this year?
Graham was right when he’d said I’d grown up. I had, and in a good way. I felt comfortable within myself and confident about my abilities.
‘You look gorgeous,’ Tom says, popping his head around the door. He comes over to the mirror and puts his arms around me so we’re both looking at our reflections.
He kisses the side of my neck. ‘Have we time for me to rip that dress off you, and whisk you back into bed?’
‘Sadly, no.’ I sigh, wrapping one of my arms around the back of his head. ‘And you might crease me!’
‘I’d do more than that!’ Tom says, grinning at me.
It hasn’t taken us long to move our relationship up to the next level, and Tom has taken to spending most evenings with us up here in the tower, rather than in his room at the castle. And once Charlie’s gone to bed, he usually spends the night too.
We tried to hide it from Charlie at first, with Tom creeping out in the early hours before he awoke, but Charlie being Charlie soon let us know that he was quite aware Tom was staying the night, and he was happy for him to do so.
‘Nothing against you, Mum,’ he’d said, ‘but I like having someone else to talk to over breakfast. Tom actually knows something about football; he doesn’t just pretend to like it, like you do for my sake.’
And so, with Tom staying at the tower, and all our new extended family in the rest of the castle, both Charlie and I feel at last that we totally belong here.
I’ve also decided, after much thought, not to continue searching for the missing heir. It feels like I’m supposed to be here now, and everyone else seems to want me to be here too; fate, the mystical spirits that haunted Chesterford and my new friends and family certainly want me to stay, and so for once I’m listening to them.
‘Ah, well,’ Tom concedes, ‘if I can’t persuade you in other ways, perhaps we had better go. May I escort you downstairs, m’lady?’ Tom holds out his arm to me.
‘You certainly can, m’lord,’ I reply, for once not getting my knickers in a twist about titles. Since the whole Graham incident in the Great Hall, I’ve felt much better about the few instances when someone gets it wrong. I’ll never feel happy about someone addressing me as Lady Chesterford, but I know it will happen from time to time and I can deal with that now.
We walk downstairs and out into a bright sunny courtyard; then we head over to the stables, which are looking glorious today bedecked for their grand opening.
‘I’ll go and find Charlie’ Tom says, looking around for him. ‘He said he was going to come down early and see if he could wangle a cake out of Dorothy.’
I watch Tom go, and then I pause while I’ve got a moment’s peace to take everything in.
Bill and his gang have transformed the stables into two rooms perfect for their new uses. First, we have our gift shop, which today looks inviting and attractive with its many products neatly lined up on the wooden and glass shelves. Our keen staff, wearing their brand-new castle uniform – a black skirt or trousers with a white shirt and a black waistcoat – wait eagerly to serve their first customers. Then there’s our bright and cosy tea room, which looks amazing with its newly restored black beams contrasting magnificently against the whitewashed walls. Paintings and prints of the castle hang on the walls, some of which are also for sale in the gift shop. There are scrubbed wooden tables dotted about this room, with little menus standing neatly on top of the gingham tablecloths that cover them. Then at one end is the serving counter that separates the dining area from the kitchen. This is bedecked with glass domes filled with delicious-loo
king cakes, scones and pastries.
‘You’ve done a grand job, lass,’ Arthur murmurs behind me. ‘You should be proud.’
‘It’s not just me, Arthur,’ I say, turning around. ‘Everyone has worked hard to get us to this point, and I’m grateful to every one of you.’
Arthur does something unusual then: he puts his hand on my shoulder. ‘I’m glad you decided to let that other matter go,’ he says quietly. ‘You and young Charlie deserve to be here, not anyone else. I might not have been that welcoming when you first arrived, but I’m very glad you’re both here now.’
‘Thank you, Arthur,’ I say, and I do something a little out of character as well: I give him a kiss on the cheek. ‘That means a lot.’
Arthur’s cheeks turn pink.
‘I can safely say the last Earl never did that!’ he says, smiling. ‘And I for one am very glad he didn’t!’
Arthur and I walk out of the stables into the little outdoor seating area where we have installed more tables, chairs and parasols to keep the sun – which I’m pleased to see is still shining today – off our visitors. The walls outside the stables are decorated in colourful bunting, which billows gently in the breeze.
‘It’s perfect,’ I whisper, momentarily caught off guard by my emotions at seeing everything finally coming together like this. ‘Absolutely perfect.’
People are just beginning to filter in to the castle for the official opening in half an hour, and everyone seems to want to speak to me.
There’s Bill and his wife, Hetty, and some of the other builders that have worked on the stables, including Ed and his girlfriend. I recognise some of the locals from the pub, including Rachel and Molly, followed by many other people from the village who have come to wish us well today. So that when the time comes for the official opening and cutting of the ribbon, which Tiffany and Joey hold up between them across the entrance, we’ve quite a crowd squashed into the little area in front of the stables.
‘Good afternoon,’ I say, standing up on a small box that Joey has put in front of a microphone. ‘And thank you all for coming to Chesterford Castle on this beautiful afternoon.’