She wouldn’t have dreamed of wearing jeggings in the past, but right then, Hannah didn’t blink an eye at the pair she pulled from the bag. Most exciting for her, though, was the body wash, shampoo, and conditioner she found in the bag. She popped the tops and sniffed each one, loving the fresh scent of them. And then there was the shaving cream and razor. Obviously a woman had packed the bag for her.
Anxious to feel hot water for the first time in over a year, Hannah turned to the large shower and fiddled with the taps until she had the water at the right temperature. She quickly peeled off the dirty clothes she wore, and then gathered up the toiletries before stepping beneath the spray. For a moment, as the hot water sluiced over her skin, Hannah wondered if she was dreaming. If she was, she didn’t want to wake up.
Feeling emotions start to rise within her, Hannah tried to focus on the job at hand. She washed her hair, using shampoo on it twice, before rinsing it and liberally spreading conditioner through the strands. Next, she grabbed the body wash and used the bath puff to soap up her skin. She watched the dirt that had accumulated on her skin slide away, leaving her skin looking pale.
She scrubbed at a spot of dirt on her arm, then scrubbed her shoulders, her neck. When she reached her stomach and then her legs, Hannah realized she was trying to scrub away more than just dirt. She wanted to scrub away the memories of the past year, and the feelings of being abandoned. As she scrubbed harder and harder, tears began to flow, mingling with the water from the showerhead.
They’d taken so much from her, not the least was the sense of family she’d finally thought she’d found with the other workers within the aid organization. Her kidnapping had shown that that wasn’t the case. She felt as if they’d left her there to die. And she’d probably still be there if it hadn’t been for Ryan and the fact that he’d had a support system that had been willing to arrange for her release along with his. She would be forever grateful to all of them for that.
Hannah sank down on the tiled floor, letting the water flow over her head, washing away her tears as well as the conditioner. She was glad to be free, but she was scared too. What did the future hold for her? As she sat there on the hard floor, she realized that she had given up most of her hope of being rescued because she’d stopped thinking about the future.
Now she had to think about it again, and that scared her. If she’d had Jason while working in Canada, she would have had maternity leave. But now she had no job. No leave. Nothing. How was she supposed to provide for him? She wasn’t sure she had the strength yet to actually work any job other than one that would let her sit down all the time. Considering her current condition, there was no way she could go back to work as a nurse.
A knock on the door dragged her from her tears and worries. “You okay, Hannah?”
Hannah cleared her throat then called out, “Yes. I’ll be out in a few minutes.”
“Take your time. Just wanted to make sure you were okay.”
Well, truth be told, she was anything but okay. Still, she managed to finish up her shower and change into the clothes she’d pulled from the bag earlier. The underwear felt so soft against her skin, as did the clothing. She wrapped her hair in a towel then left the bathroom, all without looking in the mirror. Sooner or later she’d have to see her reflection, but nothing said it had to be right then.
She didn’t want to see how gaunt and pale she looked. Or how the scar marred her appearance. It wasn’t that she was concerned with it making her unattractive. Considering that had been her goal for a lot of years, especially in her teens, her looks didn’t mean much to her. What she didn’t want to see was the reminder of the toll the captivity had taken on her physically. Maybe once she’d gained back some of her weight, avoiding mirrors wouldn’t be something she’d feel compelled to do.
When she left the bathroom a short time later, she saw Emma holding Jason. As she neared where they sat, Hannah saw that he’d also had a change of clothes and, presumably, a bath. He was taking a bottle and didn’t seem to be having any trouble with the nipple even though it looked different from the one Armeena had used with him.
“How’s he eating?” Hannah asked as she sat down on the bed beside Emma.
“So far, so good. We’re just starting out with a couple of ounces to see how his stomach tolerates the formula. If he does okay, we’ll give him a couple more ounces in an hour or two. And now you need to get something into your stomach.” She nodded toward a tray sitting on a nearby table. “There is an assortment of food there for you. If something doesn’t appeal to you, just try something else. Like with Jason, I would recommend smaller meals more frequently to start with.”
Hannah went over to the table and lifted the lids that covered the dishes. Fresh fruit. Oatmeal. Scrambled eggs. Toast. A muffin. And next to it all was a glass of water, condensation forming on its sides. She wanted to chug it, but instead, she took a small sip, closing her eyes as the cool liquid slid down her throat. For a moment, she toyed with the idea of forgoing the food and just drinking water, but she knew her body needed nutrients.
She picked up the small bowl of oatmeal and sprinkled a few of the blueberries from the fruit cup onto it. After stirring it around, Hannah sat down on the chair and bowed her head. A long prayer was beyond her at the moment, so she just prayed silently. Thank you, Heavenly Father. For everything.
The first bite of her cereal tasted amazing, but she kept her bites small and slow. She was about halfway through the bowl when there was a knock on the door, and Dr. Graham poked his head into the room.
“Sorry to interrupt, but I think Ryan would like to see for himself that the two of you are okay,” he said with a smile. “He’s been a bit worried.”
Hannah thought of the man who’d spent so much time with her in recent weeks and wondered why he was still worried. He’d done his part in getting them released. He didn’t need to waste any more time worrying about her and Jason. But she owed Ryan everything, so if he needed to see them, she wouldn’t tell him no.
“Sure. Send him in.”
Hannah had only seen him briefly during their escape, so the man who walked into the room still looked unfamiliar to her. His dark hair—slicked back—looked like it was damp. It was longer than she imagined he usually wore it, curling around his ears and over the nape of his neck. Though he still had scruff on his face, it didn’t appear to be as thick as it had been earlier. His cheeks held a bit of gauntness from his own lack of food over the past few months.
He came right to where she was sitting and sank down in the chair across the table from her. “Are you doing okay?”
The concern in his dark eyes touched something within her. She nodded and tried to give him a reassuring smile, feeling an unfamiliar pull from the scar on her cheek. She hadn’t had much to smile about since receiving the scar. “The shower felt great, and the food tastes amazing. Especially the water.”
This time he smiled, and two slight dimples appeared in his cheeks. “Yes, it was amazing, and I have no plans for tea this morning, though I would like a good cup of coffee soon.”
“What did you have for breakfast?”
“Not what the doctor suggested, but I just couldn’t help myself. Eggs, bacon, and a stack of pancakes. Although I was only able to eat about half of it.”
Hannah’s eyes widened as she tipped the bowl of oatmeal toward him. “So far this is all I’ve been able to stomach.”
“No worries,” Ryan said. “There’s plenty of time for you to eat more in the days and weeks ahead. My folks will gladly make us all the food we want. My mom will be on a personal mission to fatten us both up. And the baby too, except I’m assuming he’s not on solids yet.”
Hannah glanced over to where Emma sat with Jason. It looked like he’d passed out after finishing his bottle as he was sound asleep on her shoulder. “Yeah, he has a few more months before he can chow down on bacon or sausage.”
When Ryan didn’t reply right away, she looked over to find him staring at the ba
by. “Why didn’t you say anything about him?”
CHAPTER EIGHT
Hannah had known this question was coming, and she wasn’t entirely sure how to answer it. Would someone who hadn’t gone through what she had, understand?
“I wasn’t sure if they’d actually let him come with me. Armeena took care of him. It was possible she wouldn’t have wanted to let him go.”
“But if you’d told me about him, I would have made sure to include him when I spoke to the head guy.” Ryan’s gaze still held hers, and Hannah had to fight not to squirm under its intensity.
She rubbed her palm along her thigh as her gaze dipped to the remainder of the oatmeal in her bowl. The words weren’t coming to her. The words that would help Ryan understand without judging her. It had only been in the last month or so that the fog she’d been in, since discovering she was pregnant, had begun to clear. She’d finally been able to look at the baby and see traces of herself in him. He had dark eyes that he clearly hadn’t gotten from her, but the shape of them was hers. His hair wasn’t as dark as many who lived in the area, somewhere between the dark brown of his…father and the light brown of hers.
After being on her own for so many years, she’d looked into his small face and found a connection. He was a part of her. They shared a genetic makeup. She knew that family wasn’t only built by blood, but she hadn’t had a family of any sort. Blood or otherwise. Jason was alone in the world too, but maybe together, they could be less alone. Together they could be a family, just the two of them.
The circumstances of his conception shouldn’t dictate her ability to love him. He was an innocent in the situation.
Still, how did she explain all that to someone like Ryan? Someone who had, from what he’d told her, a huge family. From things he’d mentioned during their conversations, he had plenty of blood family as well as adopted family and friends. He was the opposite of her in every way when it came to connections in the world. She couldn’t give her baby that, but she could love him with her whole heart.
The way she wished she’d been loved.
“Listen, Hannah, you don’t have to tell me. Just know that if you ever want to talk, I’m happy to listen. And soon, you’ll have a lot more people happy to listen. To help you out however you need.”
Hannah nodded, trying to imagine what that might be like. It wasn’t that she had never had friends. She had, but they’d been more like acquaintances, not people with whom she would share intimate parts of her life. Occasionally, a group of people would go out together from work or church, but somehow, even if she went with them, Hannah found she didn’t have much to say. She’d somehow lost her voice, her ability to connect with people, after her dad had died. Suddenly, the one person who’d always been there for her, who had encouraged her to talk, was gone.
After that, being silent was better. And it hadn’t always been bad. She’d learned a lot from listening. She’d read something once about how a lot of people listened in order to figure out how to respond. For her, she could just listen because she had no intention of giving a response most of the time, unless someone asked for one.
These past few weeks with Ryan had been the most she’d talked to one person in her whole life, except for her own dad.
She looked up to meet his gaze again. “Thanks. For everything.”
Ryan sat back in his chair, his hand resting on the table. His thumb thumped against the hard surface. “You know. I spent a lot of time after my team was kidnapped trying to figure out why they’d taken us. What they’d hoped to accomplish.” He hesitated, his gaze lowering. “I was angry and frustrated. And scared. Yeah, I was scared as one after another of my team—my friends—were taken away, and I was left to wonder if they were dead or alive. And then one day I woke up in a dark cell to the sound of singing.”
As she waited for him to continue, Hannah glanced over to make sure that the baby was still asleep and noticed that Emma had left the room, though the adjoining door stood open. She felt a momentary panic having Jason out of sight, but then she reminded herself that Emma could take care of him. She was a doctor, after all.
“It wasn’t until I realized who you were, and that I could help you, that I finally realized why I was there.” He looked back up at her. “It was to get us to this place. To get you and Jason here. To get us all home.”
Hannah really hoped that wasn’t true. She couldn’t handle the idea that he had suffered all so that he could end up where she was, so that he could arrange for their rescue. Ryan had told her about his conversation with Kardaar, and how exactly he’d come to have both of them. Having experienced what Kardaar’s brother was like firsthand, she knew that Ryan would have suffered at his hands, just like she had. She didn’t like the idea that he had undergone anything painful for her sake.
“I certainly hope that’s not the case,” Hannah said as she picked up her glass of water and took a sip.
“I really hope it is, because no other reason will make everything I’ve dealt with, worthwhile. Only this,” he said as he poked at the table. “Only this, would make it easier to accept and to move on from.”
Hannah held back any argument she might have for him. If this was what he needed in order to accept what had happened to him, then it wasn’t her place to take that from him. She didn’t have to agree with him, however. Though she’d been praying for release, she hadn’t imagined it would be like that. God wouldn’t make someone else suffer just so that she could be rescued, would He?
“Now why don’t you finish up your breakfast so that we can deal with the embassy people and then head for home.” Ryan smiled. “I have it on good authority that we’ll be flying home first class. No coach for us. No sirree. It’s private plane all the way.”
Hannah picked up the bowl of fruit and fished out a strawberry. “Private? Is it from your company?”
“No. A family friend. I suspect he helped with the ransom as well.”
She couldn’t imagine having that kind of money. “I won’t ever be able to thank you or him for this rescue.”
“No. Stop right there,” Ryan said, holding up a hand. “One thank you. That’s all you need to give. You can’t let this make you feel indebted. I’m glad I was able to help, and I’m sure whoever else helped were also glad that they were in a position to do so. None of us did this for any sort of gratitude.” He hesitated then said, “If the situation was reversed, would you want someone thanking you all the time? Or would one thank you be enough?”
Hannah picked up another strawberry and stared at it before looking at Ryan again. “Once would be enough.”
He smiled then, his dimples briefly appearing. “And it’s that way for me too.” Ryan got to his feet and nodded toward the open door. “Come on through when you’re ready.”
Hannah watched him go, then put the strawberry in her mouth as she stood up. In the bathroom again, she unwound the towel around her head and picked up the brush she’d left on the counter earlier. It didn’t take long for her to work it through her strands since her hair wasn’t too wet anymore. She’d have to get a haircut one of these days. Her hair was the longest it had ever been, and she was ready to have it a little shorter.
Once she was done in the bathroom, Hannah went back out and put on the shoes that had been in the bag. They were a little tight, but nothing she couldn’t handle. Especially not after all she’d been through.
She walked into the other room, wondering if leggings and a sweatshirt were adequate for going to the embassy, but she came to a stop when she saw that a few more people had joined the familiar faces.
One of the men who had met them with the SUV approached her. He quickly introduced the newcomers as being representatives from the embassy.
“We decided it might be easier if they met you here instead of having you go to the embassy,” he said. “Everything’s been taken care of to get you back into Canada. We’ll work on the paperwork for you and the baby later.”
“I don’t have a birth certi
ficate or anything for him,” Hannah said.
“That’s okay, ma’am,” one of the embassy reps said. “They’ll get that all sorted out for you when you get back to Canada.”
The sad fact was that she didn’t even know what day he’d been born on. She’d been so out of it—so in denial of everything—that she hadn’t asked the date, and Armeena had never told her. She had an idea, so she’d just use a random date around that time. It wasn’t as if anyone could prove her wrong.
Emma came to where Hannah stood and placed a sleeping Jason into her arms. His weight was still foreign to her. When she’d spent the extra time upstairs, it had been to do some of Armeena’s work so that the other woman could care for the baby. It was like that was her way of paying for them to care for yet another mouth to feed. One they hadn’t known they’d get when they took her from the people who’d originally kidnapped her.
Having experienced so much worse, she’d always be thankful for the care Armeena and the others had given her. Sure, she’d still been kept in a dark cell most the time, but she’d been safe. They hadn’t allowed anyone to abuse her the way the initial kidnappers had, and for that alone, she’d always be grateful to them.
The conversation went on for awhile, but Hannah only responded when presented with a direct question. Exhaustion was weighing heavily on her, and right then, all she wanted was to find a bed and go to sleep. The bit of food she’d eaten hadn’t been enough to build up her strength yet. She had a feeling that would take time.
“Well, I think we should head back to the embassy,” one of the men said. “You have a long flight ahead of you. Are you flying direct?”
“No,” the man who’d driven the SUV said. “We’ll make a quick stop in London. Unfortunately, while it comes close, the plane can't quite reach Winnipeg on a non-stop flight.”
The embassy people each shook her hand, once again expressing their happiness at her freedom. Like they’d had anything to do with it.
A Little Ray of Sunshine: A Christian Romance (The Callaghans & McFaddens Book 7) Page 7