“Hannah around?” he asked after they’d greeted him.
“I think she’s upstairs in her room,” his mom said. “I haven’t seen her since lunch.”
“Okay,” Ryan said with a nod. “I’ll go see how she’s doing.”
“Can you see if she’ll speak with me, Ryan?” Max asked. “I have some information on getting a birth certificate for her son. Also, we’ll need to get a copy of her own birth certificate so that she can get a license.”
“Sure. I’ll let her know.”
The rest of the house was quiet as Ryan made his way down the hallway to the stairs. He took them two at a time but then had to stop at the top to catch his breath. Perhaps the workout plus that added exertion was just too much all on the same day. He longed for the day when everything would be back to normal. When he could put everything that had happened in the Middle East behind him.
At Hannah’s door, he rapped lightly and waited for her to answer. Just when he thought she must be asleep, he heard a muffled, “Come in.”
He slowly turned the knob and pushed open the door. “Hey, Hannah.”
She looked up from where she sat on the floor and gave him a smile. “Hey.”
Hannah sat with Jason’s swing beside her and a large box in front of her. It appeared to be one of the boxes that had been shipped from the mission headquarters.
Leaving the door open, he moved further into the room. “Mind if I sit?”
“Nope.” She gestured to one of the chairs next to the window, but Ryan chose instead to sit on the floor next to the box.
“Finding lots of interesting things?” Ryan asked.
Hannah stared at the box for a moment before shaking her head. “I mean, it’s all stuff I remember having. The clothes are basically useless right now. I was glad to find my Bible and some notebooks. My laptop was also in one of the boxes.” She looked over at him. “Should I return the one Max gave me?”
“You can offer, but I have a feeling he’ll just tell you to keep it,” Ryan said. “He’s downstairs actually, and he wondered if he could talk to you about some birth certificate stuff.”
“Right now?” Hannah said as she looked to where Jason was asleep in the swing.
“I can sit with Jason. I want to talk with you a bit more anyway.”
Hannah’s brows drew together then she nodded and got to her feet, rubbing her hands against her thighs. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
“Take your time,” Ryan said.
Once she was out of the room, Ryan moved to sit with his back against the chest that sat at the end of the bed, closer to where Jason’s swing was. As he watched the little boy sleep, Ryan pulled his camera out and snapped a picture of him. As he took in the baby’s features, he could see bits of Hannah in him. The shape of his nose and eyes. But it was hard to ignore the coloring that made it clear his father was darker skinned and had dark hair. Jason’s skin and hair were a bit lighter, but they were definitely darker than Hannah’s.
What did Hannah see when she looked at him? Did she have a clear memory of the man who’d assaulted her? He couldn’t imagine how that would be for her if that were the case.
Ryan turned his attention to his phone, pulling up his work email app. Prior to the kidnapping, he’d read his email frequently throughout the day. Since his return though, he found himself only checking it sporadically. Sometimes he’d get to the end of the day and realize he hadn’t checked it since that morning. Now, as he waited for Hannah to return, Ryan scanned through his inbox.
He was so far out of the loop of things with BlackThorpe that most the emails made no sense to him. There were a few that had nothing to do with work that he clicked on. He’d stumbled on a couple of emails sent before his release that referred to him, giving an update on their efforts to locate him and reminding people to pray.
One day, he’d go all the way back to the start, to the beginning of their captivity. He’d heard bits and pieces of the others’ releases, but he had a feeling that reading all the emails would give him a better idea of what had gone on. He just wasn’t sure he was ready to hear about the futile efforts for his own recovery. If Kardaar hadn’t been willing to let him make a video to send to BlackThorpe, would he and Hannah still be in captivity? How long would it have taken for them to be released without that video?
A small grunting noise had Ryan lifting his head. Jason’s dark brown eyes stared back at him as he squirmed in the seat of the swing.
Hey there, little man,” Ryan said as he got to his feet. He unbuckled Jason and lifted him out of the seat.
Though his life hadn’t included a lot of experience with babies, he had spent enough time with his nieces and some of the kids of his co-workers to at least be relatively comfortable with them. Jason’s diaper felt like it could do with a change, but that wasn’t something Ryan was prepared to tackle just yet.
So instead, he settled back on the floor with Jason, drawing his legs up so that his feet were flat on the floor. He propped Jason up against his thighs and grabbed his phone when the baby smiled. When he managed to capture the smile before it slipped away, Ryan smiled as well.
Ryan set the phone back down and grabbed the baby’s feet which were covered by the footies of the sleeper he wore. “So how’s it going? Anything interesting happening in your world?” He paused, even though he knew the baby wasn’t going to answer. “I hear you have three little girls paying you lots of attention. I think they’re all quite sweet, if I do say so myself, but Olivia seems to be especially focused on you.”
The baby babbled back at him, his arms waving around. His feet kicked where Ryan held them loosely. When he felt a rush of warmth within him as he looked at Hannah’s baby boy, Ryan wondered if he was getting too close.
Though he’d spent a lot of time with Hannah, the darkness of their cell had seemed to act as a chaperone. A third person in the room. But now, sitting in her room with Jason on his lap, waiting for Hannah to return, felt strangely intimate.
“Oh no,” Hannah said as she walked into the room. “I had hoped he’d stay asleep while I was away.”
“It’s no problem,” Ryan said. “We’ve just been hanging out, talking about hockey. He’s never too young to learn about the best sport in the world. It’s all about hockey in this house, so the sooner he learns all about it, the better. However, I do believe he needs a diaper change, and I’m afraid that’s all your department.”
Hannah laughed softly—a sound Ryan wanted to hear more often—as she bent over to take Jason from him. “You’re all buddy-buddy until a diaper needs changing.”
She took the baby through the bathroom into the adjoining room. Ryan stayed where he was on the floor, hoping she’d still want to talk. When she finished with Jason, Ryan thought she’d put him back in the swing.
Instead, she sat on the floor beside him, leaving space between them for a blanket on which she laid Jason. She rubbed her hand up and down the baby’s stomach as the little boy waved his arms and kicked his feet. Hannah drew her legs up and rested her cheek on her knees.
“Have you watched any of the media coverage of us?” Hannah asked, her voice low. “Of our return?”
“No. I figure I lived it. I know what our reality was. I don’t need to hear the media opinions on what might have happened.” Ryan glanced at her, seeing her dark lashes fanned out on her cheeks as her gaze was lowered on Jason. “Have you?”
There was a hesitation before she gave a slight nod. “I was curious.”
Ryan could understand that. He was curious himself, but he’d just chosen not to feed that curiosity. Maybe it was just another way he was trying to move on from what had happened.
“I realized, as I listened to their suppositions, that I wanted to be able to keep Jason from their knowledge. I don’t want the world knowing about…” Her voice trailed off with a tremble.
Even though the room was lit, and the carpet was softer than the mattresses they’d slept on, Ryan felt, for a moment, like t
hey were back in the cell. Talking. Listening. Sharing. Even the silence felt familiar.
“You don’t want the world to know that part of your story.” Ryan didn’t ask it as a question. People would surmise—correctly, unfortunately—about the events that led to Jason’s conception. Without her ever saying a word, they would know.
“No. I don’t, but at some point, it’s going to come out.” Hannah sighed. “I know that right now, between Max’s people and your family, we’ve been protected. The articles I’ve read, the footage I’ve watched, they suspect you—for sure—are here with your family, but they aren’t certain if we’re still together or if I ended up somewhere else.”
“It would be great if we could keep it that way forever, but that’s just not possible,” Ryan said. “Yes, Max’s people have been sworn to secrecy, but at some point, someone will figure out who you are and put the pieces together.”
Hannah gave a huff of laughter. “At least they have no idea what I look like. Any of the pictures they’ve managed to find of me show a very different woman from what I am now.”
Ryan hadn’t looked up pictures of her even though this was the second time someone had mentioned how different she looked now compared to before the captivity. In their time in the darkness, he’d created a picture of her in his mind. As it turned out, she didn’t look so very different from that image. He hadn’t imagined her gauntness correctly, nor the pallor of her skin. And, of course, he hadn’t known about the scar on her face.
Even now, he could see the bone in her wrist jutting out below the edge of the sleeve of her shirt. Her hand was also slender to the point of looking almost skeletal with a layer of skin covering it. He knew that in time, with proper nutrition, the bony angles would soften.
“I’m going to need to get a job at some point, which means people will know who I am. I can’t stay hidden forever.” She paused, her finger drawing lightly on Jason’s sleeper-covered belly. It took a minute, but eventually Ryan figured out she was drawing the shape of a heart on him. “Maybe it would be better if my story came out on my own terms.”
“Do you mean like going on one of the news shows?”
“No. I was thinking more like an article. Sharing what happened with someone that could be trusted to tell my story.”
Ryan glanced over at her again, seeing that her gaze was still on Jason. “If that’s what you want, I’m sure it could be arranged. Do you have someone in mind? Or would you want Max to see if he could find someone.”
Hannah straightened, slowly stretching her legs out in front of her. “I have someone I would like to approach. A blogger named Stacey Adams. She covers a lot of current events from a Christian standpoint. I’ve always appreciated the way she handles sensitive topics.”
“Is she still blogging? Have you read any of her recent stuff?”
Hannah nodded. “I looked up her blog last night, and she posted something just a few days ago.”
Ryan wasn’t sure he was keen to share his story, but if this was what Hannah needed to regain control of her life, then he wouldn’t stop her. “Do you want to contact her yourself, or maybe Max could have his assistant do it?”
She seemed to consider his question for a bit before saying, “Maybe it would be best if Max’s assistant did it. Until I know she’s interested, I’d rather no one have a direct way to contact me.”
“That makes sense. Did you mention that to Max?”
She shook her head. “We mainly talked about Jason’s birth certificate situation. Though I’ve been praying about it, I wasn’t completely sure about doing an interview until I talked it out with you just now.”
“I’m sure Max will be happy to help you out. Just give him the information to contact the blogger.”
“What about you?” Hannah asked, looking up to meet his gaze. “Would you be interested in talking to her or someone like her?”
“No. I’m not at that point yet. Not sure I’ll ever be.”
Hannah’s brow furrowed. “If she agrees to do it, we’ll have to talk about what, if anything, you’re okay with me mentioning about you. Obviously, you became a part of my story, but I don’t want to share more than you’d want me to share.”
“We can cross that bridge when you get to it,” Ryan said. He lifted his hand and held out a finger for Jason to grasp. “There is something I have decided to do that you might want to consider as well.”
“What’s that?”
“I think I mentioned to you about Gabe’s accident a couple of years ago.” At her nod, Ryan continued. “When I saw him this afternoon, he mentioned how he’d seen a therapist to help him work through the trauma of that accident and that how doing that changed his life. He suggested that I might benefit from seeing the therapist as well.”
Hannah didn’t respond right away, her attention back on Jason.
“Have you considered seeing a therapist yourself?” Ryan asked.
Hannah shrugged. “Of course, I’ve thought about it. I’m just not sure…”
“No pressure, of course,” Ryan said. “But if you do decide you want to speak with someone, I know Max would have someone to recommend.”
Hannah went back to just skimming her hand up and down Jason’s belly. After a few minutes of silence, she said, “Do you think there will ever come a point when memories of that time don’t dominate my every waking moment?”
“It’s been such a short time since you left that all behind physically. I would imagine that it will take longer for you to leave it behind mentally.” Ryan hesitated. “But maybe going for some counseling would help that happen sooner.”
After a hesitation of her own, Hannah said, “Maybe.”
They sat in silence for a bit, a silence that felt comfortable. They’d spent a lot of time together in silence in that cell. He appreciated that Hannah was comfortable enough with him that she didn’t need to fill silence with empty chatter, but there was a part of him that wondered at the thoughts that went through her mind during those silent moments.
Suddenly an alarm began to chime softly in the room. Almost on cue, Jason began to fuss. Hannah pushed to her feet and picked up her phone from the bed. “It’s time for his next bottle, so I guess we’d better head downstairs.”
“I need to grab a shower before supper,” Ryan said as he got to his feet. “I did a workout at Gabe’s gym.”
They left Hannah’s room, and he turned down the hallway toward his door while she headed in the opposite direction to the stairs. Their conversation had left him feeling hopeful—for both of them. And although he wasn’t prepared to speak to the public like Hannah was, it seemed like it was something she needed to do. He hoped that it would give her the control she longed for. After more than a year with no control over her own life, he suspected—hoped—that it might.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Hannah was still downstairs when members of the family began to arrive. A couple of new faces were present that night—a blonde woman and a pre-teen boy with lightly tanned skin and curly dark brown hair.
“Benjie, my man!” Tristan exclaimed as he held up a hand for the boy to slap. “How’s it going?”
The boy slapped his hand then gave two thumbs up. “We won our last game.”
“That’s terrific. I suppose you saw that Kenton did too,” Tristan said with a grin.
“Yeah. His team is doing good, but not as good as the Jets.”
“Hello.” The greeting drew Hannah’s attention away from Tristan and the boy to the woman who stood next to her with a friendly look on her face. She held out her hand. “This is my first time to be able to make it over. I’m Avery.”
“Hi. I’m Hannah.”
“It’s so nice to meet you.” Her gaze dropped to Jason who Hannah held facing out since he loved to watch the action. “And your little guy as well. How’s he doing?”
“He’s doing really well. Probably better than I am,” Hannah told her.
“You just need to give it time. If you’re wonderin
g about my connection to the family, it’s Kenton,” she said with a soft smile, as if just saying the man’s name filled her with love. “Though actually, my connection started with Emily after she had her aneurysm. I was her physiotherapist.”
“I recognized your name. Ryan shared about you and Kenton.” Hannah smiled at the memory. “He kind of told me all about the happenings that had gone on recently with the family. It wasn’t like we had anything to do but talk most days.”
“Did he tell you about my and Benjie’s past?” Avery asked, her gaze going to Jason briefly.
Hannah hesitated then nodded. “A bit.”
Avery reached out and touched Jason’s cheek, her expression soft. “Then you know that you and I have a few things in common.” When Hannah didn’t respond right away, Avery looked up and met her gaze. “If you ever want to talk about any of it with someone who might understand better than most, please just give me a call.”
“I appreciate that,” Hannah said. She looked to where Benjie stood with Tristan and Gabe. “Your son seems to be a happy boy.”
“He is. He’s been the light of my life since the day he was born.” She touched Hannah’s arm. “Even from the worst of circumstances, something good can come. The circumstances of Benjie’s conception didn’t mean that he was any less lovable or deserving of a happy life.”
Hannah hoped Avery was right. She couldn’t even begin to fathom how she’d answer questions Jason might have someday about who his father was. Maybe Avery could give her some guidance about that at some point.
At dinner, Ryan took up his normal seat beside Jason while Avery sat on Hannah’s other side. She enjoyed talking with the woman, though they didn’t return to their earlier topic of conversation. It seemed that Ryan’s family had welcomed her even in the absence of Kenton. They weren’t even engaged, but it seemed she was already considered a part of the family.
Max and Yuka were also there for the meal, so after supper, Hannah approached Max to talk to him about the blogger idea. She was actually surprised at how receptive he was to the idea.
A Little Ray of Sunshine: A Christian Romance (The Callaghans & McFaddens Book 7) Page 21