Experiencing awakening (Nibbāna) happens for many people who follow these simple directions. It does not take years or decades. The Buddha said that this practice is “immediately effective.” In the Satipaṭṭhāna Sutta of the Majjhima Nikāya, he says that this experience can take place in as little as seven years, or even seven days. It can truly happen that fast; we have seen it take place within a single eight-day retreat. So, start now, and you too can experience the initial stages of awakening. Just follow the instructions exactly!
Benefits of Lovingkindness
There are many benefits to practicing Lovingkindness meditation. In the suttas, it says that when you practice Mettā meditation, you go to sleep easily and sleep soundly. You have no nightmares. When you wake up, you awaken easily and quickly. People really like you! Animals like you. Your face becomes radiant and beautiful. You have good health. These are just a few of the benefits.
When you practice Lovingkindness, your mind also becomes clear and quiet, and your progress in the meditation is very fast.
Mettā in Daily Life
Continue to sit and practice. Listen to talks, read our books, and study more about the concepts surrounding this practice. There are many resources on our website.
When starting any new practice, it is usually best to immerse yourself in that practice, setting aside other practices you may have done in the past, until you understand the new practice deeply and thoroughly. Otherwise, you may be confused with the various opinions and practices that are out there.
Remember that we are not basing our teaching on views or opinions, but rather on the study of the suttas themselves and the direct experience of the meditation practice. We invite you to follow this path as well.
The best way to experience deep immersion into Tranquil Wisdom Insight Meditation is to come for a retreat or if you cannot get away, do an online retreat with us. Check our website for more information.
Once you master staying with the Spiritual Friend, there are more instructions for breaking down barriers and radiating the feeling of Mettā in all directions. The teacher will give you those directions and advise you when you are ready. This is where the practice of the Brahmavihāras really takes off.
More phenomena will arise, and a teacher can guide you based on your progress. There are more steps in the practice, but they are advanced and are for another book.
For now, master the ability to stay with your Spiritual Friend perfectly and then contact us, or just come and do a retreat with us.
Again, when you are outside moving around in daily life, remember to smile and radiate Mettā to all beings. Use Right Effort to recondition your mind. Bring up the wholesome quality of Lovingkindness instead of allowing whatever “ho-hum” mind is there.
Stuck in a long line at the checkout line? Radiate Mettā. It is a tough job being a cashier at a store, so smile at the cashier and be friendly.
Traffic bogged down, and you just can’t move? Rather than getting upset, radiate Mettā to your fellow drivers. 6R your upset mind and replace it with a wholesome, uplifted mind. Put a CD in the car player and listen to a Dhamma talk to learn more about the Eightfold Path of the Buddha, rather than wasting your own time ho-humming your way through life.
Share what you have learned with other people, and let them benefit from your practice. Pay this practice forward once you understand it. Don’t proselytize! Just talk about what happened to you in your own words. How is it helping you be happier? Be the Buddha rather than a Buddhist!
Can’t find a sitting group in your area? Start your own. As soon as you find one more person, you have a group! Meditate for at least thirty minutes, listen to a talk, have some tea and discuss what you have learned. Right there, you have just created your own sitting group!
Little by little, like drops of water filling a cup, you will soon come to supreme awakening. It is possible to do this right now. The Buddha showed us the way. Just follow the instructions exactly!
Now go sit!
Resources
Dhamma Sukha Meditation Center website:
http://www.dhammasukha.org
Books
Kraft, Doug. Buddha’s Map: His Original Teachings on Awakening, Ease, and Insight in the Heart of Meditation. Grass Valley, CA: Blue Dolphin Publishing, 2013.
Vimalaraṁsi, Bhante. Breath of Love. Jakarta, Indonesia: Ehipassiko Foundation of Indonesia, 2012.
———. Meditation Is Life, Life Is Meditation. Annapolis: Dhamma Sukha Publishing, 2014.
———. Moving Dhamma, Vol. 1. Annapolis: Dhamma Sukha Publishing, 2012.
Contact
Dhamma Sukha Meditation Center
8218 County Road 204
Annapolis, MO 63620
[email protected]
Guide to Forgiveness Meditation
An Effective Method to Dissolve Blocks to Loving-Kindness and Living in the Present
Bhante Vimalaramsi
Acknowledgements
This booklet was based on a talk I gave in 2012 at DSMC. It was done with the intention of making a video for the internet concerning my basic technique of working with Forgiveness in meditation. This talk is on our website.
I wish to acknowledge Ven. Sister Khema's hard work in transcribing this talk, for seeing and conceiving a potential book, for her primary editing, and offering her own additions and advice during final editing. I also wish to thank a dearly departed Dhamma supporter, Dr. Otha Wingo for his contributions in helping to improve the clarity of this subject into a format for easier reading. This was a great contribution for us all. And David for final editing and publishing in book form.
Foreword
When Ven. Sister Khema requested me to write a forward to this booklet I accepted the invitation with considerable pleasure since I esteem being associated with this literary endeavor of unusual significance and immense practical relevance.
It is common knowledge that a large number of books and other literary works have been published on the subject of all aspects of meditative practices leading to ‘Loving Kindness Meditation.' The less discerning public might wonder ‘why another booklet on the same subject.' The author perhaps anticipating such hesitation and misgiving has stated the principal objective of this booklet in very clear and precise terms. Without being far too exhaustive, highly specialized or too scholarly to be of much practical help to the uninstructed and uninitiated or even to the average person seeking basic, concise guidance, the author has provided us a brief, clear and simple handbook which is a much-felt need. Even a cursory glance of the booklet should make it clear that this booklet is an entirely fresh orchestration of most of the salient issues of Forgiveness Meditation.
Often the author’s language is unusually illustrative. For instance here is a classic example: “….we can clear the runway for our Mindfulness of Loving-Kindness to take off by first learning to use Mindfulness of Forgiveness meditation. This is an extremely powerful cleansing practice.” (Page 8)
The Buddha’s supreme and timeless proclamation of liberation of thought and the prioritization of the mind over twenty-five centuries ago is now universally accepted by modern day scientists. As humanity advances and with intellectual development, the quest for spiritual solace enhances this advancement. The author clearly indicates the principal and unique feature of the discipline of the mind through meditation.
This booklet shows in clear and simple terms the way towards spiritual cleansing and dispelling psychic irritants. A commendable feature of this booklet is that the treatment is basic but very precise and comprehensive. I have no doubt whatsoever that this booklet will help the readers towards meaningful practice of ‘Forgiveness Meditation’ leading to the successful practice of ‘Loving-Kindness Meditation’.
“Bhavatu Sabba Maṅgalaṃ !”
May you have All Good Blessings!
Ven. H. Kondañña, Abbot
Staten Island Buddhist Vihara
Introduction
The Buddha was a med
itation teacher. He taught meditation for 45 years after he became fully awakened. When you study and practice meditation, you will not be entirely successful until you master the definitions and interwoven nature of two words. Meditation and Mindfulness. I can give you the definitions, but then you must experience for yourself how these two work together.
In the Buddhist teachings, Meditation means, ‘observing the movement of mind’s attention moment-to-moment, in order to see clearly how the links Dependent Origination actually work.’ Mindfulness means ‘remembering to observe ‘How’ mind’s attention moves from one thing to another. This use of mindfulness actually causes mind to become sharper as you go as you experience more subtle states of mind. It isn’t hard to see why you must develop this precise mindfulness to keep the meditation going smoothly.
Many people practice Loving-Kindness meditation, but, according to a few people, the power of it doesn’t seem to change much for them in their daily lives. If it doesn’t take off quite right, in the beginning, we might run into difficulty with this practice, and it can be like hitting a wall. It’s good to know that there is a key to the solution for developing mettā in our daily activities. That solution is learning to smile as much as you can remember.
Apparently, in some cases, if we do get into trouble, we can clear the runway for our Mindfulness of Loving-Kindness to take off by first learning to use Mindfulness of Forgiveness meditation. This is an extremely powerful and cleansing practice. Forgiveness is a form of loving-kindness that really clears our mind of negative or unwholesome states.
The reason this book came into being is because of the many questions teachers are asked about ‘why doesn’t my Mettā arise easily?’. It is because we need to forgive ourselves first before we can send out pure love to others.
CHAPTER ONE - Preparation
At times, there can be confusion about how to effectively practice this Mindfulness of Forgiveness meditation. So, this booklet is dedicated only to this meditation on forgiveness so you can begin the practice with a clear goal and better understanding.
When people are practicing Loving-Kindness Meditation, you might run into a barrier as you try to send out Loving-Kindness to yourself and to others. If this happens after a few days, and you are not successful in feeling the mettā in the retreat, it may be suggested for you to take a step back and start doing the Forgiveness Meditation to overcome these blocks. After all, we cannot sincerely send Loving-kindness and Forgiveness to someone else when we do not have it for ourselves. This practice is not just used for a person pursuing Loving-Kindness and Compassion meditation. Any person can make the commitment to clean house by doing this forgiveness work. After this is done for the first time, one feels many years younger, because often times, a great weight has been lifted off your heart and mind.
Some people have the idea that this meditation is a completely different kind of meditation from the Loving-Kindness meditation. That is not so. It should be made clear from the beginning that the Forgiveness Meditation is not outside of the development of Loving-Kindness and is a part of mettā. For anyone who has difficulty in feeling loving-kindness, this can be the first step. It creates a firm bridge between heart and mind that is then used to help all other kinds of meditation succeed. It is a cleansing for the heart: another opening of the heart we can add to our initial practice of Generosity.
In truth, this meditation is probably the most powerful meditation that I know. It can clear away mental blocks that pop up from old attachments or dislikes towards various people, or events that happened to you in your past life experiences. If you follow directions closely, and you are patient when you practice, then pain and suffering will gradually dissolve any hard-heartedness you still carry in your mind, about past life wounds.
When you practice Forgiveness meditation, all of the basic rules will remain the same. You still sit in a reasonably quiet space to do this work. Be sure you are wearing loose, comfortable clothing. Sit in a comfortable position, on the floor or in a chair. If you do use a chair, don’t lean into the back of the chair. Sit with your spine nicely straight but not tightly erect. Sit in a position that does not bring up physical pain in general for you. You should follow the basics of practicing Right Effort using Tranquil Wisdom Insight Meditation (TWIM) and the 6Rs for your meditation cycle to accomplish your goal.
When you practice, sit for a minimum of 30 minutes each time. Sit longer if things are going smoothly and you have the time. At whatever time you decide to break your sitting, stand up slowly. Keep your observation going as you stand up. Stretch slowly if desired.
While you are sitting, do not move at all. Don’t wiggle your toes, don’t scratch. If your body needs to cough or sneeze, do not hold this in; just sneeze or cough! Keep some tissues close by for any tears that might arise. If tears do fall, then let them come. That is what you have holes in your eyelids for… So let the tears come out. This releases pressure. Consider this the cleansing time before you take up any other primary meditations.
While practicing Forgiveness meditation, please use ONLY these meditation instructions and put all other meditation instructions aside until you have completed the work. This just means that we don’t want to confuse mind, so, don’t mix up the recipe! We want only the information needed to do this practice.
CHAPTER TWO – Instructions
The way you start practicing forgiveness meditation is by forgiving yourself.
There are different kinds of statements that you can use for this to help bring up any old grudges and hard-heartedness locked inside you. You may pick one statement to begin, and then you stay with that statement for a period of time, to give it a chance to settle in and you and see what comes up. The first suggested phrase is “I forgive myself for not understanding.” Everybody has misunderstandings that happen in their life. Nobody is exempt from this fact.
While you are sitting, you repeat the phrase, “I forgive myself for not understanding.” After you’ve done that, you put that feeling into your heart and stay with that feeling of forgiveness. When that feeling fades away, or the mind gets distracted, then you come back and forgive yourself for not understanding again. If you are familiar with the 6R process, you should 6R any distractions arise. The appendix has a large section on how you practice the 6Rs.
For those familiar with the Jhānas, and have meditated before, it is necessary to not go higher than the first jhāna. You can’t mentally verbalize beyond that (say your phrases for forgiveness). Please make a determination to not go any deeper. This is an active contemplative process that we are doing now.
While you’re doing this, your mind is going to have some resistance to this meditation. Your mind is going to take off and say, “Well, this is stupid! I shouldn’t be doing this! Reactions like these are part of your attachments. These are the obstacles that we must dissolve.
Stay with your statement and repeat, “I forgive myself for not understanding.” Then your mind might say, “AAH! I don’t need to do this anymore. This meditation doesn’t work”. Every thought that pulls you away from forgiving yourself for not understanding is an attachment and has to be let go, and the tension and tightness in that attachment must be “relaxed” away.
This is where you use the 6R’s you learned with your basic Mettā meditation practice. The 6R’s are Recognize > Release > Relax > Re-Smile > Return > Repeat. That is the entire cycle. You RECOGNIZE that mind is distracted. You RELEASE the distraction by not keeping your attention on it. You RELAX the tightness in your head and heart and you RE-SMILE, and then you softly come back to the statement, and you stay with the statement for as long as you can. If you are distracted again, you repeat the process.
It doesn’t matter how many times your mind gets distracted. One thing that many people get caught with is getting wrapped up in the story about things, and this can cause lots of pain and suffering along with some frustration. The 6R’s will help you to see how strong the attachments are and it shows the way to overcome the
suffering they cause. Recognize it. Let it be. Relax. Smile. Come back and stay with the feeling of forgiveness for as long as you can.
Sitting should be followed by Walking Practice. If you are going to continue sitting again, or you are going to return to a task in daily life, before you do, take a stroll, at a normal pace to keep your blood flowing nicely. Walk for about 15 minutes minimum in some fresh air. 45 minutes is a good maximum time for walking. If you are working in a restricted space setting, find a space that is level and at least 30 feet long in length. Walk back and forth, and mentally, keep your meditation going.
*When you walk you want to walk in a way that you repeat the phrases with each stride as you walk. Like this - with the left foot take a step and mentally say “I” then a right step “forgive” and left “you.” Then again, but say, “You” on the right step, and then left step, “forgive,” right step, “me.” And repeat. Back and forth. You can experiment and see what works. It can get into a nice cadence but all the while it is really getting it into your ‘noggin’ to forgive! “I forgive you, you forgive me.” And keep smiling when you are doing this. And 6R anything or anyone who comes up. Stay with the walking. I used to go for 6-8 mile walks in Hawaii doing just this practice!
The idea of sitting and walking is to create a continuous flow of meditation without stopping. This proves you can keep the meditation with you all the time in life. While walking at this normal pace, continue doing the forgiveness meditation with your eyes looking down towards the ground about 6 or 7 feet in front of you. Do not look around. Keep on gently forgiving. Keep smiling all the time.
The Path to Nibbana Page 20