by Nella Tyler
“What?” she demanded passionately. “Who told you that?”
“Is it true?”
There was a moment of cold silence from the other line. “You should be talking to Lauren about this,” she said. “Why are you calling me?"
“Because Lauren refuses to talk to me.”
“Well, there’s a reason for that,” she said without sympathy. “You left her behind.”
“I know that, Beth—”
“Do you know how much she suffered after you left?”
“Beth—”
“It wasn’t easy for her to get over you, but she was forced to.”
“Beth—”
“She’s had to deal with everything single-handed for the last four years, and it’s really unfair of you to waltz back into her life and expect her to drop everything just because you decided to come back home.”
“That’s not what I expect at all.”
“She was just starting to think about moving on, too,” she continued without taking a breath. “And with Jeremy in her life again, I thought she would finally be able to do it.”
“Who’s Jeremy?” I asked, grabbing onto the name.
“Nothing, never mind,” Beth said hurriedly. “I shouldn’t have mentioned him.”
“Is Jeremy the father of her baby?” I demanded, trying to figure out why that name was so familiar to me.
“Goodbye, Chase,” Beth said with a sigh before she hung up.
I stared at the phone for a moment before I gave up and threw it onto my bed. Jeremy – the name was so familiar it was irritating. And then it hit me. Lauren used to have a study group in college that included a guy named Jeremy. She had once mentioned he had flirted with her, but she had mentioned it only in passing as a joke, and I had never taken it seriously. In any case, I trusted Lauren, and I hadn't been at all threatened about some joker she shared a subject with.
But now I wondered if I had overlooked something more. Had Lauren been cheating on me with this Jeremy? Was the child his? Were they trying to work things out and be a family now? I couldn’t think straight and suddenly, all I wanted to was be at Camp Pendleton surrounded by guns.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Lauren
“Cole, sweetheart!” I called from my room through the open door. “Are you getting ready?”
No answer. I sighed and poked my head out the door just as Mom came around the corner. “Don’t worry,” she said. “I’ll get him ready.”
“Thanks, Mom,” I nodded as I moved back into my room and shut the door.
I removed the towel from around my chest and dried my hair, taking comfort in the heat from the blow dryer. When I was done, I put on fresh underwear and a matching bra and then I stood in front of my wardrobe as though I actually cared about what I was going to put on.
My mind had been in turmoil since running into Chase at the garden park. I kept seeing the shocked look in his eyes and the way he had kept glancing at Cole. Then I would remember the terrible lie I had told him about Cole. I picked a white dress with romantic, silk sleeves and a skirt that billowed at my knees. Then I combed my hair over one shoulder and sat down on the edge of my bed.
A few moments later, there was a knock on the door and Mom walked in without waiting for me to answer. “Hi,” she said gently. “Cole’s is getting dressed.”
I nodded. “Thanks.”
She must have seen the look on my face because she walked into the room and shut the door behind her. Then she sat down beside me and put an arm around my shoulders. “What’s wrong?”
“I keep reliving that awful moment when Chase found us as the park,” I sighed. “I can’t get it out of my head.”
“That’s understandable, honey,” she said, squeezing my shoulders.
“Oh, Mom,” I sighed. “I lied about Cole. I told Chase that I was just his babysitter. I mean, what kind of a mother would do that?”
“The kind that’s trying to protect her child,” Mom said soothingly. “You did what you thought was right in the moment. You can’t be blamed for that.”
“I don’t think he believed me.”
“Did he get a good look at Cole?” she asked pointedly.
“I don’t think so,” I shook my head. “But I can’t be sure.”
“There’s still time to fix this, Lauren,” she said gently.
“Fix it?” I repeated, looking at her. “Fix it how?”
“You could clear this all up,” he continued gently. “You could tell him the truth.”
I hesitated for a moment and then pulled back a little. “You think I should tell Chase about Cole?”
Mom looked at me helplessly. “Lauren, Chase is Cole’s father,” she said. “Don’t you think he has a right to know?”
“He left me,” I said defensively. “He left Cole.”
“He didn’t know he was leaving Cole,” she pointed out as I got to my feet and started pacing.
I swallowed back my hurt. “I had my reasons for not telling him that I was pregnant,” I said.
“And I know all of them,” she nodded. “But it’s been four years, Lauren. Chase is back now, and considering the attempt he has made to get back into your life, don’t you think it would be easier if he heard the truth from you?”
“It’s not going to be easier,” I said softly. “Nothing is going to be easy.”
Before she could respond, Cole burst through the door in his Sunday trousers and his button down shirt. “I’m ready!” he announced theatrically.
“Great,” I said, forcing a smile onto my face. “Let’s go then.”
The church was only a short walk and it was a cool day. Cole ran ahead of us, and then he would circle back to us before he sprinted ahead again. We made it to church just before the service. Everyone was milling around, trying to find seats. Mom was walking to one of the pews at the front of the church when I spotted them.
I stopped in my tracks and I must have let out a little gasp because Mom turned to look at me curiously. When she saw the expression on my face she followed the direction of my gaze and I knew she had spotted them, too. Mr. and Mrs. Morgan had just entered the church. He was wearing a suit and she was wearing a smart, gray dress. It had been awhile since I’d last seen them.
“Mama?” Cole said, tugging at my shirt for attention. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, sweetheart,” I said as I took his hand and steered him in the direction of the pew. “Let’s sit down.”
“Did you see them?” I whispered to mom as we sat down together.
“I saw,” she nodded. “Are you okay?”
“Not even remotely.”
“What are you talking about?” Cole asked leaning into me.
“How nice you look in that shirt,” I said quickly as I exchanged a glance with Mom before I planted a kiss on Cole’s head.
I spent the entire service in a whirlwind of thought. It was no coincidence that Chase’s parents were there. They had come only because he had asked them to and he had asked them to because he had known I was lying about something that day in the park. Now that my suspicions had been confirmed, I wanted to be out of there the moment the service had finished.
“Mama, you’re not paying attention,” Cole whispered to me noticing my distraction.
“Shhh,” I said and turned my gaze towards the priest.
The moment service ended, I rose with Cole’s hand in mine. “Come on,” I said. “Let’s go.”
“Casey is over there,” Cole said adamantly. “I wanna say hello.”
“You can say hello to him in school on Monday,” I said trying to pull him towards the exit.
“No,” Cole said insistently. “I wanna say hi now.”
I saw my mom motioning behind me and I knew that Mr. and Mrs. Morgan were approaching. I sighed, admitting defeat. “All right, fine,” I conceded. “Grandma will take you to say hello to Casey.”
Glad to have gotten his way, he bounced around for a bit before followed mom towards his friend. I turned around
just as Mr. Morgan called my name.
“Hello,” he said with a small smile.
“Hello, Lauren,” Mrs. Morgan spoke first. “It’s been a long time.”
“It has,” I nodded and then I cut to the chase. “Chase sent you, didn’t he?”
They exchanged a glance. “He was…surprised to see you with a child,” Mr. Morgan said diplomatically. “I just wanted to know how you were doing?”
“He could have asked me himself,” I pointed out.
They were both looking extremely awkward. “I think Chase felt like you didn’t want to talk to him,” Mrs. Morgan said. “That’s why he asked us to check in on you and see how you were doing.”
“He wanted you to check in on me?” I asked with raised eyebrows.
“I…didn’t mean it like that,” she was quick to reply. “I just…. He’s missed you, Lauren, and he just…he was a little surprised about the child.”
“Is that the little guy over there with your mother?” Mr. Morgan asked.
“That’s Cole,” I nodded.
“And you’re his babysitter?” Mrs. Morgan asked.
I couldn’t lie. The moment she asked the question, I knew that I couldn’t bring myself to speak the lie a second time. Cole was my son, and I was proud of that fact. I didn’t want to hide behind weak lies that could be unraveled at the slightest tug.
“I’m not his babysitter,” I sighed. “Cole is my son.”
It was pretty clear that both Mr. and Mrs. Morgan had already believed that before my confirmation. They nodded as though I had told them nothing new.
“It’s a little late, but congratulations,” Mrs. Morgan said with a smile as her eyes fell onto Cole. “How old is he?”
“He just turned four,” I replied feeling my nerves surface.
“Four,” Mr. Morgan repeated, and I knew they were doing the math.
“Who is the father?” Mrs. Morgan asked abruptly, and I think her blunt question shocked even her husband.
“Cole is my son and that is my business,” I said firmly feeling my defenses rise.
“Of course, Lauren,” Mr. Morgan said hurriedly. “I’m sorry. We’re just…concerned about you…and Chase.”
“There’s no need to be,” I said. “Chase moved on, and so have I.”
Mrs. Morgan looked at me with her eyes swimming with emotion. I could still see the lingering sadness that had taken up permanent residence on her face since Braden’s death. I softened at the sight of it. “I’m sorry,” I said. “I don’t mean to be rude.”
“Can we meet him?” Mrs. Morgan asked, abrupt again.
“What?”
“Your son,” she repeated. “Can we meet him…please?”
I considered it for a split second and then I let my nerves go and nodded. I turned and called out to Cole who was busy jabbering with his friend a few feet away while my mom spoke to Casey’s parents.
“Cole,” I said. “Come over here for a bit.”
He was a little hesitant, but he came over when I called. He sidled up to my side and looked up at Mr. and Mrs. Morgan out of the corner of his eyes.
“Cole, these are…some friends of mine,” I said awkwardly. “This is Mr. and Mrs. Morgan.”
“Hello, Cole,” Mrs. Morgan said as she bent down to her knees so that she was at eye level with him. “It’s so very nice to meet you.”
He looked at her and buried his head in my skirt. “Hello,” he replied.
I smiled. “He’s shy meeting new people,” I explained. “Why don’t you go get Grandma and say goodbye to Casey?"
He turned tail and ran back to his comfort zone while I turned to Mr. and Mrs. Morgan who were looking at Cole with stars in their eyes. “He looks just like Braden,” Mrs. Morgan said, as though she were talking to herself.
I saw the brazen emotion on her face and the muted pain on her husband’s and I realized how unfair life had been to them. I didn’t want to add to that, so I bit back my pride and told her something that I would never have considered telling anyone a few moments ago.
“Cole is his second name, actually,” I said. “That’s the one he goes by, but his first name is…Braden.”
“Braden?” Mrs. Morgan said, turning to me with unshed tears in her eyes.
“Yes,” I admitted. “He was a good man.”
Mrs. Morgan leaned in without warning and hugged me. After a while, I relaxed and leaned into the hug. When she pulled away, I noticed that she had a drop of moisture on her cheek. “Thank you,” she said fervently. “Thank you for telling me that.”
I nodded. “I’m sorry…for not returning your calls,” I said. “I should have.”
“It’s okay, dear,” she said with a sigh. “I think I understand things a little better now.”
I nodded, realizing I had just told them that my son was also their grandson. Which meant I had inadvertently told Chase the truth, too. It was too late to go back now. Whatever was coming, I knew I had to bite the bullet and face it without fear.
Chapter Thirty
Chase
The camp was amazing. It had the best and most powerful guns and dozens of instructors with decades of experience. I had been there only a couple of hours, and I already felt as though my knowledge had doubled.
Grant Holland had been assigned to show me around and educate me on the how the placement would work if I decided to accept it. He was a short, stocky guy with massive muscles and a shiny, bald head I could see my reflection off of.
He had been showing me around for an hour and even though the experience was amazing, I found my mind was wandering a lot. I kept thinking of Lauren and Jeremy and the moments they might have shared together, and even in my imagination it made my blood boil.
She was mine. She always had been and the thought of her building a life with some other guy was alien to me. No matter how hard I tried to distract myself from thoughts of Jeremy, he just wouldn’t go away. I almost wished I had an image of him in my head so that I would have something specific to hate.
But the strange thing was that I couldn’t hate him. I hated the idea of him with Lauren, but I didn’t hate him specifically. The more I thought about him, little memories from the past kept coming up. Lauren had mentioned one day that she wanted me to meet him because he was willing to help her start up her gym business.
They had obviously stayed connected over the years and Jeremy had been serious about helping her out. I couldn’t fault him for that, nor could I fault him for being interested in Lauren. She was an amazing woman and most smart men saw that immediately.
My grudge was not with him. It was with myself. I had caused the rift between Lauren and me. I had made it easy for guys like Jeremy to come in and take my place. I had made it easy for Lauren to shut me out of her life. If anyone was to blame, it was me, and I was man enough to admit it.
“Can I be honest, Chase?” Grant asked once we’d been through the camp’s exteriors.
“Sure,” I nodded.
“You came highly recommended,” Grant continued. “And this program doesn’t offer up a lot of placements. Usually you’d be shortlisted and then you’d have to go through a series of tests in order to beat out the rest of the applicants.”
“Okay…” I said, unsure where this was going.
“My point is that you’ve been given a golden ticket here,” Grant said. “So I guess I’m wondering why you don’t seem more excited about it.”
“Oh,” I said.
“Is that your answer?” he asked in amusement.
“I’m sorry,” I said quickly. “I don’t mean to be cavalier about this offer. You have no idea how much I appreciate the position I’m in.”
“But?”
“My personal life is a little complicated at the moment,” I admitted. “And I don’t know if I can commit to another four-year stint in the military.”
Grant nodded thoughtfully. “You realize that once you’ve turned down the placement, there’s no going back. You won’t be considered
again?”
“I realize that,” I nodded.
“All right then,” Grant said. “It’s your decision.”
The ring of my phone interrupted him. “I’m sorry,” I said as I moved to put it on silent.
“No, take it,” he said. “I have something to attend to. I’ll be back in ten minutes.”
By the time he moved away, I had missed the call. I looked down and checked the number. It was my mom. I checked the time and realized that service was over. I called her back with my mouth in my throat.
“Mom?” I said the moment she picked up. “How did it go? Did you see Lauren? Did you find out about the child?”
“We met, Lauren,” she replied. Her tone was a little strange, but I didn’t dwell on it. I just needed to know what had happened.
“Was she upset about seeing you and Dad there?”
“I think she was a little upset at first,” Mom replied. “She was defensive, too, but then she warmed up a little and spoke to us.”
“What did you talk about?”
“We asked her about the child that was with her the other day.”
“And?”
“You were right, Chase,” she said gently. “He’s her son.”
I paused for a long moment. “Can you say that again?” I said slowly.
“The boy you saw Lauren with the other day was her son,” he repeated. “She lied when she told you that she was just the babysitter.”
“Oh my God,” I breathed.
“Where are you?” she asked. “Why don’t you come home now?”
“It’ll take me more than an hour,” I said impatiently.
“I’d really rather tell you in person,” she said sounding slightly awkward.
“Tell me what?” I demanded.
“Are you still at the camp?”
“Yes,” I said. “What do you need to tell me?"
“Maybe you should leave now and get home.”
“Mom,” I said in exasperation. “I can’t leave just yet. It would be rude. I set up an appointment for this time and I’ve been assigned a handler. He should be back any minute, so just tell me now.”
“Chase…”
“Mom!” I said, feeling the last of my patience slip away as curiosity took over. “Tell me!”