by Nella Tyler
“Where is she?”
“She’s not here.”
“She was, though, right? All night she was here with you and then sometime this morning, while she knew we would all be out, she came by the homestead and left this.” He handed me an envelope. His hand was shaking. I took it from him and saw that the front of it said,
“Bennie.” That was his name. Now I remember. Bennie the great protector. I turned it over and slid it open. When I saw the cash, my stomach clenched. I knew what she had done as soon as I saw it. My hand was shaking as I looked back at Bennie, my mouth so dry that I could hardly swallow.
“She left?”
“There’s a note in there.”
“I don’t want to read it. Obviously, she didn’t say where she was going or you wouldn’t be here.”
“No. She said she loves us and she hopes we take the money and use it to better our lives. She said she was going to use her half to better hers.”
“Her half? She left you half of it?”
He visibly bristled at that. “We didn’t ask her for any of it.”
“That’s not what I meant. I don’t know why I’m surprised. I know that she has a good heart. What time did she come by and leave this?”
“I left at eight this morning. Ace was there from ten to noon and he says he didn’t see her. Phoebe got back at one and she didn’t see her, either. I just got back. So, sometime between eight and ten, I guess.”
“She’s got at least a four hour jump on us.”
“Are you going to go after her?”
I didn’t answer that question. I didn’t know the answer. This was definitely not how I expected this day to go. I needed time to think. “I don’t know. Are you?”
Bennie half-laughed and half-snorted as he said, “Summer would only kick my ass and tell me to fuck off when I got there. She has no idea she’s only five feet tall. She thinks that she’s as giant on the outside as she feels on the inside. I love her, but as much as it pains me to admit it, I’m not the one she wants.”
“Obviously, neither am I.”
Bennie left me after that. For the next few hours, maybe longer, I was like a fucking zombie. My brain wasn’t functioning, it was just numb. I felt so fucking stupid. She came home with me last night after I told her I was falling in love with her and the whole time, she knew she was going to leave me. She knew she’d have to fight me and Bennie if she told either of us what she planned to do. I felt like a fool and a simpering child because all I could think at the moment he said he wasn’t the one she wanted was, “You got a fucking note.” Once I had that idea in my head, I started searching the apartment for my note. How could she love me the way she did all night long and then just leave me without so much as a note?
I checked the bedroom, knocking things down off of the nightstands and dresser, and then I moved from that room to the next and the next. I lost my mind and at some point, I was no longer looking for a note, I was simply tearing shit up. When the anger finally turned into exhaustion, I slumped down against the wall in the living room and held my head in my hands while I wondered what the fuck I was going to do.
The knock on the door didn’t penetrate the fog in my head at first. It started as a knock and turned into a pounding. When I heard the pounding I looked up. “Summer?”
“No, Spence, it’s Kobe. Let me in, man. You have no idea what I had to go through in order to get past the doorman. Why do you live in this fancy ass place, man? Why would you want to live your life in between four walls?”
“I’m not in the mood for visitors today, Kobe.”
“Come on, man. I don’t want to yell back and forth through the door. Phoebe told me. Let me in.” Fuck! I drug my ass up off the floor and went over and let him in. He was as dishevelled as ever, but he gave me a disapproving look. “Have you eaten?”
I turned and walked away from the door. “No. I’m not hungry.”
“You need to eat. I’ll fix you something. You look like you need some caffeine, too. Which way is the kitchen?” I pointed and he left me where I stood and went into my kitchen. I heard him opening the refrigerator and cabinets and banging and slamming things around. Against my will, he had stimulated my curiosity. I wondered for a second if he’d intended to and then I remembered it was Kobe. He rarely did anything with that much purpose in mind. I went over and pushed open the kitchen door. He was at the counter slicing mushrooms. “Nice set-up you’ve got here. Do you cook often?”
“No. My mother sends a woman in to clean and stock the place once a month. She does the shopping.”
“Oh, well these are nice digs. You should cook.” I pulled out one of the chairs and sat down to watch him. Once he finished slicing the mushrooms, he moved over to the coffee pot and started that. Then he slowly moved back to the stove and turned on the burner. Somehow, watching him perform these mundane tasks calmed me. Once again, I had the silly idea that this was exactly what he intended. By the time he was finished shuffling back and forth, he’d made two vegetarian omelettes. He sat one down in front of me with a mug of coffee. It seemed wrong somehow to eat when I missed Summer so badly, but my damned traitorous stomach had other ideas. Kobe took the seat next to me, dumped salt on top of his eggs and instructed, “Eat.”
I ate and surprisingly, it was delicious. When I finished, I poured myself another cup of coffee and sat back down. “Why, Kobe? Did Phoebe say why?”
He finished his last bite and then he put down his fork and said, “She loves you.”
I chuckled, not happily. “That makes it make even less sense. If she loves me, then why wouldn’t she stay? I would have taken care of her. She could have had anything she ever wanted. I would have let her have anything she ever wanted.”
“Man, you don’t get it – that’s exactly why she left.”
He was right. I really didn’t get it. I get that she’s stubborn and proud, but if you love someone and they love you, then what’s wrong with taking care of each other? “Just a simple note may have helped.”
“No, it wouldn’t have. She wasn’t going to tell you where she was going and she wasn’t going to say that she loved you right before she left…that would be cruel. She did what she had to do, man, with as little pain as possible.”
“Fine, I’ll get over the note. I still don’t understand the other.”
“She can’t be who she needs to be if you give her everything, man. She’s a cute girl. You and I both know that a girl who looks like her could have found a man to take care of her a long time ago if that’s what she was looking for. She doesn’t want to be pampered and coddled like your pretty little society girls. She wants to be at a place where she can be a partner to the man she loves, not a princess. Phoebe thinks that Summer will come back when she’s ready. You should be ready, too.”
“You think I should just sit here and wait for her to come back?”
“No. I think that would only piss her off, too, from what I know of her. I think you should live your life, make yourself happy. You won’t ever be able to make a woman happy, any woman, if you’re not happy yourself.”
Hippie mumbo-jumbo, but somehow, it made sense. I knew that I had to go on with my life. That much was never really in question. The question was which path I should take. If I took the job my father had for me, I’d make a lot of money, I’d be here in case Summer came back, and I would be miserable. Summer knew that. If she comes back and I’m gone to Bali, she’ll understand. She knows.
Chapter Twenty-One
SUMMER
NINE MONTHS LATER
“Order up!” Jace called out, way too loud as usual. I brushed the loose strand of hair back out of my face. My back and my feet hurt, and my head felt like it would explode. The smell of bacon grease and pancakes has permeated my skin and embedded itself in my nostrils. I even smell it after I get home and take my shower every night. But when all is said and done, it’s beats old piss and booze.
“Summer!” The major drawback of having a job is putt
ing up with people like Jace. On the streets, I would have just told him to fuck off. Here…well, I’ve told him to fuck off once or twice, but then I still have to work with him all day, which sucks. Just the sight of him in the morning makes me mad. For some reason, he has made it his sole purpose in life to torment me. I went over to the window and slid down the plates. I rested one on my forearm and the other two on my palms. “It’s probably cold by now,” he grumbled as I walked away without a glance in his direction.
I sat the plates down in front of the three young men who were waiting for them. “Do you guys need more coffee?”
“No, we’re good on coffee. Brandon here would really love your phone number, though.”
The one called Brandon was staring down at the table. His face was as red as a beet. I smiled as pretty as I could and said, “I’m sorry, I don’t have a phone.”
They giggled like little girls. I didn’t go to high school, so I never knew how silly teenaged boys could be until I started working here. We’re down the street from some fancy prep school and the boys love this place. The girls, not so much. Jace’s portions are large and greasy. A teenage prep school girl is much too worried about the size of her jeans for all of that. “Your address then,” the one who seemed to be the leader said. “He’d love to take you out on the town.”
“Maybe when Brandon is grown up enough to ask for it himself, we can talk.” The poor kid was probably not even eighteen years old yet. He looked like one of those guys whose body grew much faster than his face and even his brain matured. He still wasn’t looking at me. The other two laughed as I walked away, and when I got to the counter and looked over at them, Brandon was looking at me. He was a cute kid; I’ll give him that, but a kid for sure. I had just turned nineteen, but when you add in my years on the street, it’s more like thirty-five. Besides, I have turned down every offer I’ve gotten in the past nine months anyhow. The closest I’ve come to “a night out on the town” was the over eighteen club downtown that I go to every so often with my roommate Matt. I don’t need that kind of complication in my life.
“Summer!” My body jerked and I’d be willing to bet that the asshole was smiling behind me.
“What, Jace? I’m standing right fucking here.”
“Don’t curse at me.”
“Don’t fucking yell at me. What do you need?”
He slammed a plate up onto the stainless steel lip of the window. It had a giant biscuit in the center of it and a big bowl of gravy. “It’s for table nine, remember?”
“I remember. Why can’t you just sit a plate up there underneath the warmer like a normal person, instead of a crazy one?”
He smiled. I remember when I started here six months ago how attractive I thought he was.
Now, I just think he’s an asshole, plain and simple. “Because I’m not a normal person.”
“Ain’t that the truth?” I picked up the plate and carried it over towards table nine. I was almost there when the diner door opened and I was caught staring into the face of Derek’s friend, Lance. I looked down at the floor quickly and slipped past him, but it was too late, he’d seen me. What the hell was he doing here? I had a hard time imagining he was just in the neighbourhood. I tried to linger at table nine when I dropped off the biscuit, but I could feel him still standing there behind me the entire time. When the people at the table I was hovering over started looking uncomfortable, I was finally forced to turn back around. Lance was still looking at me and smiling like he just found a wallet on the sidewalk.
“You can take any table you like.”
“Summer.”
I grit my teeth and just got it over with. “Lance. Please don’t tell him you saw me.”
“I’m going to take that table over there by the window. Before I leave, you’re going to take a break and come over and sit with me. We need to talk.”
“I’ve already had my break.”
“Take another one.”
“You’ll have to discuss that with the big guy behind the grill. Coffee?”
“Yeah.”
I watched him go sit down with a lump in my throat and butterflies in the pit of my stomach. What did he want? Surely, Drake has moved on by now. I have…for the most part. I went and got the coffee pot and a menu. Taking a deep breath, I walked over, poured him a cup, and sat the menu down in front of him. “Just let me know when you’re ready.”
“Summer, please sit down.” He was resorting to please; I’ll bet that was hard for him. I looked around. Table nine was good and the three boys were still lingering over their breakfast. No one else was here. I glanced behind the counter. I could see Jace glaring at me. Fuck him. My work is caught up. I slid into the booth across from Lance.
“I’ve literally got two minutes, so talk.”
“Okay, you broke my friend’s heart. He’s not the same. He hasn’t been the same since you snuck out on him without so much as a note or a goodbye.”
I’d gone over and over that in my head so many times. If I had waited and tried to say goodbye, he would have talked me into staying. If I had stayed, he would have changed all of his plans for me and me for him, and we would have ended up hating or at the very least resenting each other later on in life. I never wanted Drake to hate me. “So is that what you came to say?”
“You think I drove all the way up here to tell you that?”
“I have no idea why you drove up here. I have no idea how you found me.”
“Phoebe.”
Fucking Phoebe, I’m going to kick her ass. I called Kobe’s shop a few weeks ago to see if he’d seen her and she answered. I just missed her and wanted to find out how everyone was doing. I thought if I could trust anyone not to tell where I was, it would be her. She told me that she and Kobe are living together now and she works in the shop. She sounded happy, and I was so happy for her. Now, I’m just pissed. Just wait until I get a chance to go see her. I looked up at Lance and he was still staring at me with those damned intense brown eyes.
“So, what else?” I kept the emotion out of my voice. I keep telling myself it’s been a long time and I hadn’t really even known Drake that long. But no matter how long it’s been, I still feel that ache in my chest when I think of him. He was my first love. Maybe that ache never really goes away.
“Drake will be home for a couple of weeks. Go see him.”
“I don’t have time or money for a trip to California.” The day I left, I bought the cheapest bus ticket out of the state. It took me to Bend, Oregon. I lived on the streets for two weeks before I met Matt. He was advertising for a roommate. I wasn’t going to be able to rent a place in my name because of my history, so I gave it a shot. I was honest with him, and he and I really hit it off. He’s twenty-four and works at an auto shop restoring classic cars and trucks. He’s laidback, easy to get along with, and in six months, he hasn’t hit on me once. It was perfect.
I registered for classes at Community College and started hitting the pavement every day trying to find a job. I had no work history and no qualifications, so it was no small task. Jace had a sign in the window when I walked by one day three months after I came to Oregon. I walked in when he was desperately alone and he hired me on the spot. We’ve had a hate/hate relationship ever since, but he hasn’t fired me yet. My life has just recently become safe, warm, and comfortable. I’m not about to shake that up with the kind of drama Lance is proposing.
“Okay, then I’ll tell him where to find you.”
“Why? What good would it do for him to see me now? It’s been almost a year. I’m sure he’s moved on.”
He gave me a hard stare and said, “He went on with his life, but he hasn’t moved on, Summer. I told you, he’s different.”
“And, that’s a bad thing? I mean, everyone changes.”
“Yeah, it’s a bad thing. He’s just going through the motions. He’s not happy.”
“And, you think seeing me would change that?”
“It would at least give him closure. That b
othered him a lot, you not saying goodbye. Not knowing where you went or if you’re okay bothers him, too. I don’t know if seeing you will make him happy or not, but I’m tired of seeing my friend miserable, so it’s worth a shot.”
“Summer!” Jace was booming from the kitchen again.
“I have to get back to work,” I told Lance.
“Fine, but think about what I said.” He wrote a number on the napkin and tossed ten dollars on the table as he stood up. “That’s my number. Drake will be home from Istanbul on Monday. If I don’t hear from you before, I’m telling him where you are.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
DRAKE
I felt the blankets stirring next to me. My head was pounding. I got in late last night from Istanbul and I was expected to make an appearance at Catalyst’s beach party for its newest division and models. While I was out of the country, they came out with a lingerie line.
I turned over on my back and glanced at their latest model. The lingerie she had been wearing underneath her tiny little dress last night is strewn somewhere in the house…by the front door if I recall. Her name is Melinda, and she just turned twenty-one. She had been celebrating her new job and her birthday last night. I thought it was only right of me as her colleague to help that party along.
She pushed back the sheet so her full breasts were staring at me before she opened her big, dark eyes. “Hi,” she said with a sleepy smile.
My morning wood throbbed worse than my headache at the sight of her with her hair all dishevelled and her gorgeous tits standing straight up on their own. I turned slightly so I could rub it against her thigh. “Good morning.”
“What time is it?”
“I have no idea. You have a shoot today?”
“Mm hmm…” She closed her eyes again. I leaned down to kiss her full lips. She smiled against mine and said, “Mmm, nice way to wake-up. I have to be at the cove by eleven.”
I reached over blindly and grabbed my phone. I had a voicemail from Lance. I cleared that and looked at the time. “It’s nine-thirty. How long will it take you to get ready?”