by M. J. Haag
When I knew everyone slept, I snuck from the house with a quilt under my arm. Fear and nerves for what was to come made me jumpy until I reached the clearing and saw Kaven waiting there. He turned at my approach. Seeing him, his strength, his certainty, helped calm me.
With soft amusement, he watched me spread the quilt on the ground. That amusement faded as I sat and began loosening my gown.
“What are you doing?”
I paused, trying to read him. He’d made his interest and intent quite plain. He wanted me. Was he, like me, ignorant as to how specifically the deed should be done?
“Undressing. I thought it was required for sex. If my skirts don’t get in the way, my underthings certainly will.”
His gaze heated, following the movement of my fingers as I plucked at the cords for my bodice. He joined me on the quilt and caught my hands in his.
“I want you, Eloise. But not here. Not like this.”
I looked at him, trying not to let my frustration show. Neither of us had the luxury of waiting for a ceremony that might never happen. If my fate was to sacrifice myself to the Prince, then who I gave my innocence to would be of my own choosing.
“I don’t know my future. I don’t know if I can give you what you want. But, this? This I can give. This is my choice. What’s yours?”
Anger clouded his eyes.
“There is time. No one else will touch you until we are ready.”
“How can you be sure?” I demanded. “You cannot possibly know my mind or anyone else’s to foresee the future. How do you know I’m not already promised to another? Maeve alluded as much.”
His expression darkened further.
“You are mine.”
He gripped the back of my head and brought his lips to mine in a kiss filled with passion, anguish, and need. I held him just as tightly, feeling the same.
This time, it was his fingers tugging at the cords of my clothes as his heated kisses trailed from my mouth to my breasts. He plucked at one peak while he suckled the other. I shivered at the sensation and threaded my fingers through his hair, delighted in the feel of his tongue on my skin as he lowered me to the quilt. A heat began in my breast and spread to my middle. The warmth grew to an ache that pulsed with each suckle of his hot mouth.
His sudden abandonment of my flesh drew a soft mewl of denial from my lips, and I looked up at him.
“You rob me of all thought and blind me to consequence.” His palm covered my exposed breast. “I am yours, Eloise. For all time. Tell me you are mine.”
“I am yours tonight if you’ll have me,” I said.
He made an angry sound and dipped his head to claim the other breast. I gasped and arched into his mouth. The rub of his whiskers as he nuzzled me added to the tingle of pleasure, and I held him close, desperate for him to continue.
Something tugged at my skirt a moment before the fingers of his free hand glided up my legs. He suckled harder, distracting me so thoroughly, I didn’t at first notice the tug on my underthings.
He lifted his head just as the material loosened.
“Tell me you’ll wait for me. Wait for our vows,” he said.
“She is set against our union,” I said, speaking of Maeve. “My fate may not be my own to promise.”
Anger clouded his expression.
“You would wed another after laying with me.”
“I would give a piece of myself to you so you would always remember the love I bear for you, no matter what direction life takes me.”
“You are the most stubborn—”
Lifting my mouth to his, I silenced his protest with a stroke of my tongue. A growl of frustration reverberated from him. The kiss shifted from my lead to his as he pushed my skirts higher. His fingers tugged harder at my underthings, exposing me to the night air. He broke away, panting. Instead of again questioning my choice, he met my gaze as his fingers brushed over my netherhair. I swallowed hard, trying not to let my fear of the unknown show.
He shifted his weight, nudging my legs open. I gasped and closed my eyes as his fingers feathered lower, parting my folds. A rush of heat swathed me as he gently explored me until he found a spot that sent a rush of pleasure coursing through me. There he stroked over my flesh for several moments.
I panted and spread my legs further to give him better access. He dipped his head to kiss my breast then nibbled his way up my throat. As he did so, his finger strokes dipped lower and lower until he teased my opening.
He brushed his lips over mine then lifted his head to look at me.
“I love you, Eloise,” he said softly. Then his finger delved inside of me.
Any discomfort at the invasion quickly melted into pleasure as he slowly retreated and advanced. My legs moved of their own accord, twitching and straightening. A need built inside of me, growing in intensity.
His mouth closed over my breast once again. This time, I felt the scrape of his teeth on my flesh. A tingle jolted from my chest to between my legs, intensifying the pleasure of his fingers. Small sounds escaped me, and I gripped his shoulders.
He pulled away abruptly, leaving me exposed to the night air. I opened my eyes to see him loosening his pants. For one brief, horrible moment, I saw Hugh.
Clenching my eyes closed, I banished the thought. This was Kaven. He was safe. He would carefully take from me what I would entrust to no other.
“Eloise?” Kaven asked softly, his hand cupping my face. “Look at me.”
When I opened my eyes again, Kaven was looking down at me with concern.
“It’s not too late to change your mind.”
“About what? Loving you? Never.”
He smiled slightly and kissed me softly. His fingers returned to work their magic and reignited the needful flames that licked at me from inside. My mind emptied of thought as I allowed myself to feel every heated stroke. Every heated kiss. I began arching my hips in time with his touch. His mouth returned to my breast, and the sensation sent me into a spiral of pleasure I’d never thought possible. I cried out as it pulsed through me, clenching around Kaven’s hand. He didn’t stop moving his fingers until he’d wrung every last bit of wonder from me.
“That is just the beginning,” he promised, settling his weight over me. His fingers were replaced with something thicker and warmer.
Dazed, I looked up into his eyes as he eased into me. His shaft stretched me with stinging discomfort.
“Wait,” I gasped.
He set his glistening forehead against mine.
“Discomfort will give way to what you’ve just experienced. I swear to you.”
I nodded, and he withdrew only to ease into me once more. It felt less invasive the second time. He didn’t press further though I knew he wasn’t fully seated. He stroked me, letting me feel the returning pleasure. I rocked up to meet him and a lance of pain pierced me. I cried out sharply, and he muted the sound with a hard kiss.
After a moment, the pain faded and his tongue distracted me. He broke away to kiss my jaw and my eyelids.
“I’m sorry for that,” he breathed. “I wasn’t expecting you to move.”
“I wouldn’t have if I’d known it would hurt.”
“It won’t again. Not like that.”
As if to prove his words, he withdrew and slowly entered me once more. It felt odd, but not unpleasant. He reached between us, his fingers finding that spot that sent so much pleasure through me and rocked into me again. Before long, I was gasping and arching into each thrust. There was no room for his hand between us as his hips met mine again and again with a force that returned me to that moment of anticipation. This time, when the pleasure erupted, I knew what to expect and let myself tumble headlong into it.
Kaven’s pace increased before he thrust deeply and stilled. His cock twitched within me, sending echoes of pleasure pulsing through my core. A low groan erupted from him a moment before his lips claimed mine. The kiss was sweet and tender and perfect.
Our breathing calmed, and I relished the fee
l of him on me even if he was still fully clothed. It was better that way. The image of his body wouldn’t haunt me when I lay with the Prince.
“I swear I will not let you go,” Kaven said as if hearing my thoughts. “You are mine, now and always.”
I tilted my head back and looked up at him, my heart shattering.
“For now, you must,” I said lightly. “I need to return before anyone discovers me missing.”
He looked about to object. I placed a soft kiss upon his lips to prevent him from saying anything further. The time for words between us was finished. All that remained were actions. And, I knew that no words could amend those once done.
“Fine. I will release you for now. But know that I do not like doing so.”
He rolled off of me and watched me stand, his gaze caressing my exposed breasts.
“I will never tire of looking at you,” he said.
I tightened my bodice and hurried to leave before my despair showed.
It hurt to sit. I hadn’t counted on that when joining Maeve and my stepsisters for breakfast. I hadn’t counted on it aching every time I took a step, either. Had I not seen his manhood and known it to be a part of his flesh, I would have questioned what Kaven bludgeoned my insides with the night before.
Was that the way of life, then? No pleasure without pain? No happiness without misery?
A sigh escaped me.
“Is something amiss?” Maeve asked.
“No, Mama. Nothing amiss. Just a pinch of melancholy.”
She patted my hand.
“Something easily remedied then. After you complete your task, we can visit the market and shop for whatever you’d like.”
Cecilia’s eyes stayed fixed on her bowl where she idly stirred her oats.
“Porcia, while we’re out, I would like you to go berry picking and visit the Retreat as Cecilia proposed. Until the Prince chooses, you must all try to capture his attention.”
“Yes, Mama,” Porcia said.
“As soon as your sister is done playing with her food, we can leave,” Maeve said, once again facing me. Cecilia immediately stopped what she was doing.
“I apologize, Mama. My appetite is absent this morning.”
“Very well.” Maeve stood. “Seth has everything prepared and the carriage waiting for us.”
I dutifully followed, keeping any twinges of discomfort from showing on my face. A task that became more difficult during the jostling carriage ride to town. It wasn’t until the carriage stopped that I saw we’d almost reached the docks.
Trepidation filled me as I looked out the window. We weren’t far from where I’d woken the last time I’d been to town…when I’d walked the streets naked.
The carriage door opened, and Seth was there to offer Maeve a hand.
“Thank you,” she said graciously, stepping down. “Remember, a woman in labor is the reason you will give. Nothing more. Keep everyone away.”
The trepidation only grew stronger as Maeve led Cecilia and me to a rundown building and opened the door. There was nothing but darkness ahead when we stepped inside. The door shut behind us with a snick.
“Stay where you are.”
A moment later, a spark ignited in the abyss, and flames slowly grew.
“Come along.” She led us through a barren room that faintly smelled of musty old hay and dirt. A noise came from the doorway ahead.
My steps slowed, and Cecilia, who followed me, nudged me forward.
“Where is your courage, sister?” she asked softly.
“In the carriage. I should probably fetch it.”
She snorted and prodded me forward toward Maeve, who stood just inside the room.
When I entered, I immediately saw the cause for the noise. A hooded man was bound to a chair, the only furniture in the room.
Fear coiled in my gut.
“Who is that?” I asked softly.
Maeve walked to him and yanked back the hood. Alfie blinked against the lamp’s light.
“Why?” I asked.
“He did recognize you.”
His gaze locked onto mine. I could see the terror there.
“He won’t say anything,” I said.
“I know.” Maeve smoothed a hand over his hair. “I’ve already completed that spell, a mercy to repay him for the kindness he showed you. Much safer than cutting out his tongue.”
He swallowed hard and paled. I felt like doing the same but knew better than to show what I felt. Instead, I met Maeve’s gaze.
“Since he was so willing to help you once, I thought he would be the perfect candidate to help me test your loyalty.”
“How?” I asked.
“Take his eyes.”
Chapter Twelve
Horror should have filled me at her suggestion. That it didn’t showed how much I’d already endured. Instead, I felt fear for Alfie. That fear fed the well of my anger.
“You can cut his eyes out with this,” Maeve said, withdrawing a knife from her pocket and offering it to me. The lamp’s light glinted off the lethal edge of the blade.
Cecilia pushed me toward her.
“Find your courage, sister. He’s nothing to you. Do this and ensure your place.”
Alfie paled.
“I can’t.”
Maeve’s hand remained outstretched as she considered me.
“Can’t means you’re physically unable. I see nothing preventing you from doing as I asked. You have full use of your hands. You can hold yourself upright. You can see and move.” She sighed. “You can, Eloise. I will tell you again. Cut out his eyes. Now, choose your response wisely.”
“I refuse to intentionally harm another.”
Maeve lowered the knife.
“I see. But, where was that refusal when you stabbed Hugh in the eye with the poker? I quite liked him. His death was a waste.”
“It was. And though, through defense of my person, he was killed by my hand, I do not carry the weight of blame for his death.”
She arched a brow at me.
“I see.”
“Stupid,” Cecilia said softly behind me.
Maeve’s necklace began to glow.
“You will learn your place,” she said a moment before I sank into the nothingness of oblivion.
I turned my head and vomited while still laying down. This time, I didn’t wonder what was happening to me. I knew. Maeve had spelled me to sleep then left me. I spat and breathed through my nose, inhaling the same musty smell as before. She hadn’t moved me this time.
Did she honestly think another naked walk through town would make me more compliant? There was nothing she could do to me that would ever force my hand enough to cut out—
“’Bout time you’re awake,” a rough voice said from nearby.
I jerked upright, the movement sending my stomach into another fit. The man laughed as I heaved.
“She said you would be sick and easy to handle.”
Fear skittered its way up my spine as I remembered her last promise of punishment to have men hold me down and defile me in ways that would haunt my dreams until my death.
“Nothing I could catch, though,” he continued. “She promised me that.”
Fingers tangled into my hair and wrenched me upright.
“Let’s have a look at you.”
Anchored in place by my hair, I couldn’t escape his other hand, which gripped my chin.
“You’re a beauty. Ain’t no dirt ever going to hide that.”
Trying to focus, I blinked against the dim light of the lamp. The craggy face of an almost bald man swam into view. Yellow teeth gleamed as he grinned at me. His gaze swept over my face then lower. He made a satisfied sound.
“Ain’t seen flesh so firm in far too many years.”
He released my chin and covered one breast with his hand. Weakly, I smacked his touch away. He laughed.
“You’re a mite thing. Barely any meat to you and no fight. Not worth my time, really.”
My panic hitched higher.
I struggled to push back the sickness enough to focus on protecting myself. Placing my hand in the middle of his stained shirt, I pushed with all my might.
He laughed again.
“You have more fight than I thought. Best we get this done then. She paid me well.”
He released my hair, and I collapsed to the ground once more, my hand landing in my own upheaval. I gagged and tried to move away. The man’s hand closed around my bare hip.
“None of that now.”
I kicked out at him. His chuckle echoed in the room as he caught my ankle and pulled on my leg, dragging me.
“What a fine sight your cunny is. Are you pure? I ain’t ever bedded one still with her maidenhead. In my youth, I didn’t want the fumbling or crying. Just a good, wet fuck. Virgins never give you that. At least, that’s what my pa told me.”
All the while he spoke, he tugged me across the floor, bit by bit. I clawed at the dirt, trying to dig in and stop him. But I couldn’t. I tried kicking and jerking my leg from his firm grip, but nothing worked.
“Here we are,” he said. “I can’t stand while I do this anymore. My knees can hold a fierce grudge. You hold still while I get ready.”
He released me, and I rolled myself to my belly before hefting my weight up. The room swam dizzily. Nearby, I spotted a chair. One of the back rails was missing, and blood smeared the seat. Swallowing thickly, I turned my head away and saw the old man. He picked up something from a small table and turned toward me. The knife glinted in the light.
“No,” I said, shuffling back.
“The time for fighting is past. Sit still and let me have my way with you.”
He grabbed my hair and sat in the chair, yanking me toward his crotch. The odor of sweat and feces clogged my nose. I closed my eyes, sobbing silently, and struggled to pull away. He held firm. A weird noise almost escaped my notice in my efforts to free myself, but the feather soft tickle on my arm had me turning my head and opening my eyes.