by Alex Grayson
“Are you still sleeping with them or plan to start again?”
His expression morphs into something that almost has me taking a step back. Anger isn’t a strong enough word to cover what his face holds.
“Don’t fucking insult me that way, Ellie,” he growls. “And don’t insult yourself or what we have between us. You know I’d never do that to you.”
“It’s been twelve years since we were together, Judge. I don’t really know you anymore. Three women at once? Jesus,” I mutter and rake my hand through my hair.
He yanks his hands from his pockets and takes several steps toward me. “First, I’m not going to apologize for who I slept with between the time we broke up and the time you came back into my life. I shouldn’t have to.” He takes another step, and I almost stumble off the cement slab. I catch myself on a chair before I topple over. “Second, I wasn’t fucking them at the same time. It was a mutual agreement we all agreed upon. I spent time with each of them. Separately. Sexually and otherwise. We all benefitted from it.”
“So, you’re saying they all just sort of shared you?” I ask in disbelief. “And they were okay with that? What did you do? Spend the morning with one and the evening with another?”
His jaw flexes as he grinds his teeth together. Tipping his back, he pulls in a breath before dropping it back down.
“What I shared with Layla, Jamie, and Gillian was more than sex. It was friendship and companionship. Yes, we enjoyed each other’s bodies, but that wasn’t the main focus of our relationship. I cared deeply for them. I still do.” I pale at his words. “Fuck!” he yells, raking his hand through his hair. “As friends, Ellie. I still care for them as friends. There was never love involved, except for the love you feel for friends.”
I hug my middle and try to stop the cramps in the pit of my stomach from getting worse.
“How do I know you don’t secretly want one of them or miss being with them? I’m only one person. How can I give you what all three of them gave you? Is that why you ended things between us? Because I wasn’t enough for you?” I whisper my fear.
His expression softens, and he closes the gap between us. I want to push the hand away that he puts against my cheek. Instead, I close my eyes and soak in the warmth of his palm.
“The reason I ended things had nothing to do my need to be with more than one woman. You were more than enough for me. And Layla, Jamie, and Gillian don’t have the one thing you have,” he says softly.
“What?”
“My heart, Ellie. You’re the only person who’s ever had my heart and the only one who will ever have it.”
Tears gather in my eyes, and I try my best to force them away, but some manage to slip through and tumble down my cheeks. Judge gently wipes them away with a soft touch.
I crack my eyes open and peer up at him. “Why didn’t you tell me? It hurt hearing it from them.”
He frowns. “Because I knew it would be difficult for you understand. The situation between me and them wasn’t the standard open relationship you see with some couples. We all cared for each other. I took care of their needs, just as they took care of mine. In more than just sexual ways. In a sense—” He pauses, his lips turning down. “—it was almost like a wife/husband relationship with each of them, except we didn’t share soul-deep love.”
I recoil, but he doesn’t let me go.
“Listen to me. What I mean is we provided affection for each other. I was there when they needed me and they were there when I needed them, in many different aspects. We were friends first and lovers second. Until you, I never wanted to have a permanent lasting relationship.”
I don’t know what to think anymore. I know there are men and women out there who have open relationships. I’ve just never understood how they could do it. Do I look down at those types of people? No. I’ve got no right to judge. I don’t know why it hurts to think of Judge as one of them. Maybe it’s the simple fact of actually meeting the women he’s slept with, knowing they’ve felt his incredible hands, kissed his amazing lips, had him hovering over them while he gives them pleasure. Thinking about it logically, I knew he must have slept with someone in Malus—it makes sense. But I wasn’t prepared to meet not one, but three of his exes.
“I just—” My chest rises with my deep breath, and I shake my head. “It just hit me hard. I hated hearing that about you.”
He smooths one hand through my hair until he’s palming the back of my head.
“I should have told you, but I knew you were already reluctant about moving here. I didn’t want to give you another reason to resent me.”
I close my eyes and let my head fall forward, hitting the center of his sternum. My chest still feels tight, but the pain isn’t as crippling. I’m still trying to get my head around him being with multiple women like that, but it’s something I’ll need to overcome. Besides, it’s in the past.
He tips my head back and stares down at me. “Are you good now?”
I nod against his hands on my cheeks. “I will be.”
He dips his head, and I close my eyes when his lips meet mine. My arms lock loosely around his waist, and I sigh into the kiss.
The door behind us opens, and I jerk away, silently cursing myself. Maisy still doesn’t know her dad and I are together, and I sure didn’t want her to find out this way.
I turn, prepared to explain things the best I can, but it’s Trouble standing there instead of Maisy. His expression is hard, his jaw clenched so tight, it’s a wonder his teeth don’t crack. At first I think it’s directed at me, but then his eyes move to Judge and the look intensifies.
“What is it?” Judge demands, his body going rigid.
His eyes flicker to me before going back to Judge. “Earl’s dead.” I suck in a sharp breath. “He was found with a broken beer bottle buried in the back of his neck behind The Hill.”
My body turns cold, and a shiver churns my stomach. Murder. Oh my God, someone was murdered. Here in Malus.
“Motherfuckin’ hell,” Judge spits harshly. “When?”
“He was found an hour ago, but Emo says he’s been dead for at least six hours.”
I feel the heat of Judge’s anger at my side and see Trouble’s on his face. I’m surrounded by fury, and it causes my insides to quake. Not that I blame them for their hatred.
“Wh-who’s Earl?” I stutter through numb lips.
“An old flirt who hangs out at The Hill all the time,” Judge answers. “Fuck. Has anyone told Birdie yet?”
“I just left her place. Eden and Remi are with her now.”
I swallow thickly. “How does Emo know he’s been dead for that long?”
Judge’s eyes flicker down to me. “He’s the coroner of Malus.”
Seeing the fear in my eyes, he takes my hand. I’m glad for the gesture, but I’m still chilled to the bone. I step closer to him until my torso is pressed against his side.
“Any clue what happened? Signs of a struggle? Any evidence?”
Trouble shakes his head. “JW and Emo are still there, but when I left, they hadn’t found anything except for his cell phone in his hand. JW’s name was pulled up on the screen, but whoever it was must have gotten to him before he could call. His last call was yesterday evening to Birdie. She said he left this morning to get wood to repair their porch. When he didn’t come back home, she figured he stopped by The Hill, as per usual.”
“Goddammit to hell,” Judge growls. “You think it’s the same person?”
My eyes snap up to Judge. “Wait!” I say, my voice shrill. I step back to see him better. “What do you mean, the same person? This has happened before?
His jaw clenches, and his hand balls into a fist. He jerks his chin up. “A few weeks ago, a girl was shot in the arm. The perp got away.”
“What?” My heart rate kicks up. “You let me bring our daughter here, knowing there was someone out there hurting people, killing people, and you didn’t tell me?”
“Neither of you have been in danger,” he bites out in irritation.
I don’t give a flying fuck if he’s irritated. He owes me an explanation.
My fisted hands land on my hips, and I glare at him. “You can’t know that if you don’t know who the person is. It could be anyone.”
“I know because you both have either been with me or near one of my brothers.”
“That may be true for Maisy, but I was out today by myself.” I state the obvious.
He crosses his arms over his massive chest. “Actually, you weren’t. Emo was with you.”
My eyes widen in disbelief. “What? How? I didn’t see him.”
“That’s because I didn’t want you to see him.” When my lips form a straight line, he sighs and drops his arms. “I didn’t want to frighten you, Ellie. No, we don’t know who this person is, but regardless, they won’t get near enough to hurt you or Maisy.”
I keep my glare directed at him for several moments, not at all appeased by his words, but having nothing else to say. I know Judge would never let anything hurt us, but it still pisses me off that he didn’t warn me.
“Swear to me that you’ll tell me if anything else happens,” I demand. “Don’t leave me in the dark again.”
He catches my meaning. I’m referring to the attacks, but also the fact that he kept his relationship with Layla, Jamie, and Gillian a secret.
He closes the gap between us and frames my face with his hands. His lips press against mine for a simple kiss before pulling back.
“I promise,” he says softly.
After a moment, I nod. “I’m going to go check on Maisy.”
He kisses me again before letting me go. When I pass by Trouble, he stops me with a hand on my arm.
“You don’t need to worry. We’ve all got people we care about and are being vigilant.”
The smile I give him is brittle. Leaving the men behind, I go back into the house, blowing out a long breath as I close the door.
Chapter Twenty
ELLIE
I LAUNCH MYSELF OFF the porch and run toward Declan. He drops his bag just in time to catch me in his arms. “I’m so glad you’re here!”
The hair on the top of my head ruffles as he laughs. “Missed you too, Ellie.”
It’s been two weeks since I’ve seen my uncle Declan, but it feels like so much longer. I’m used to seeing him every day, so it’s been a big adjustment for Maisy and me both.
“Now, where’s my beautiful niece at?”
I loop my arm through his as we walk up the steps. “She’s just finishing up in her shower. She’s gonna be tickled pink to see you when she gets out. We weren’t expecting you for a couple more hours.”
He drops his bag just inside the door. Judge walks out of the kitchen, a dish towel slung over his shoulder. Coming up to Declan, he holds out his hand.
“Good to see you again, Declan.”
“You too, Judge.” He grips his hand for a shake. “I actually made better time than I thought I would.”
“Well, that’s good for us.”
I squeeze his arm before letting go and walking to Judge. He tosses his arm over my shoulders.
“How are things back home?”
“Boring and too quiet,” he answers with a chuckle. “But I’m adjusting.”
I give Declan a cheeky grin. “You should just pack up and move here,” I suggest, half joking, half serious.
Judge stiffens at my side, and I look up at him. He tries to hide it as he looks down at me with a smile, but I can tell it’s forced. What in the hell is that about? Why wouldn’t he want Declan to move here?
“I don’t know about moving here, but I was thinking of staying for a few days, if that’s okay,” Declan says, and I bring my eyes back to him.
It’s Judge who answers. “I’m sure Ellie and Maisy would love that.”
And speaking of the little angel, Maisy comes barreling down the stairs. “Uncle Declan!” she screeches.
He’s on his knees when she gets to him and he wraps her in a tight hug. Her little arms loop around his neck and she buries her face against his shoulder.
“Hey, munchkin. How have you been?” he asks after pulling back.
“I’ve been great! I’ve already made a friend.” She wrinkles her little nose. “She’s actually my aunt, but she’s my age. That’s so freaky, isn’t it?”
He ruffles her hair. “That is freaky, but kinda cool too, right? I mean, how many girls your age can say they have an aunt who’s the same age as her?”
She jerks her head up and down rapidly.
“I’ll let you three catch up,” Judge says, turning to me. “I need to go check on dinner.”
Bending to press a kiss against my lips, he pats my butt and walks off. I turn and watch him go, my eyes lingering on his backside. When I turn back, I find Declan’s eyes on me, a smirk tipping up one side of his mouth.
I shrug and grin then lead him over to the couch, where he sits with Maisy snuggled up to his side.
“So, everything going okay?” he asks.
His question is so much more than he’s letting on with Maisy in the room. He wants to know how things are going between Judge and me.
“Everything is going very good,” I say, giving as much as I can with little ears present. “Maisy had an appointment with her new nephrologist yesterday, and her results are still perfect.”
“That’s great news, kiddo!” He hugs her to him with an arm around her shoulders. “Looks like you’re going to be good as new.”
“Yep!” She beams at him.
“So, guess who I saw a couple of days ago?” I ask Declan, a smile playing on my lips.
“Who?”
“Susan.” A small laugh escapes me when I practically see his ears perk up. “And she asked about you. Apparently, she found out you were bringing Maisy’s and my stuff here.”
“Interesting,” he murmurs.
“Interesting indeed. The question is, what are you going to do?”
One brow lifts. “What do you mean?”
“Don’t play dense with me, Declan.” I laugh. “You know just what I mean.”
He scratches the side of his trimmed beard, a chuckle rumbling from him. He leans down and kisses the top of Maisy’s head.
“Never could pull one over on you.” He pauses. “I guess I’m going to ask her out while I’m here.”
I smile, very pleased with his answer.
We spend a few more minutes talking until Judge calls us to the table for dinner. Maisy spends the entire time we’re eating enlightening Declan on everything that’s happened since we moved here. We all watch her with indulgent smiles, thoroughly enjoying her chatter.
It still amazes me how much she’s changed since her surgery. Every day she’s becoming more and more like the little girl she was before her illness.
I look to Judge, and his grinning eyes move my way. Giving him a tender smile, I look back to Maisy. Not for the first time, and it certainly won’t be the last, I thank my lucky stars to have such wonderful people in my life.
THE NEXT DAY, JUDGE and I walk hand in hand down the sidewalk. Maisy is with Eden, JW, and Thea for the afternoon. We just left them at The Hill after having dinner with them. Mae was there as well, but she was behind the bar. When I looked at Judge in question, he explained that she’s part owner. Although she’s stepped back a lot because of her age and health, she still likes to come in sometimes.
“Layla, Jamie, and Gillian want to meet you,” Judge says quietly.
I almost trip over my own feet when I jerk to a stop and stare at him.
“Why?” The question comes out squeaky.
He turns to face me, drawing me closer by my hips.
“Because they want to get to know you.”
“Why in the world would they want to do that? I mean, they’re your old lovers, and I’m….” I shrug. “I’m your new one.”
H
is eyes narrow into slits. “You’re more than my lover, Ellie. Much fuckin’ more.”
I nod, conceding. What we have is much more than a lovership. Is that a word? It should be. What Judge makes me feel is so much more than I ever thought possible. And I like to think he feels the same.
“It’s irrelevant anyway. Why would they want to be friends with someone who essentially took you away from them?”
He takes my hand and lays it on his chest between us. “Because they’re friends, and friends care about each other.”
I eye him suspiciously. “Do you see them a lot?”
The other day when I found out about the women, it was stupid for me to even think he would cheat on me. Judge doesn’t have a cheating bone in his body. But it still doesn’t sit well with me that he’s been seeing them platonically.
From the tic in his jaw, my question has irritated him. “Only in passing, and a few innocent text messages. Do you want to know why?” I jerk my chin up. “Because I knew it would bother you.” His fingers press my hand harder against his sternum, and I feel the steady beat of his heart. “This right here is yours, baby. Ain’t no one else getting it. They know that. They don’t want to know you to judge you, they want to know you because you’re important to me.”
“But would it be weird for them? Being around us both. Wouldn’t it hurt them to see us together?”
I have no idea why I’m worried about their feelings. Maybe it’s because I know it would be eviscerating to me if I were in their situation.
“No, because they only want to see me happy, even if that’s not with them. I want the same for them.”
I drop my eyes to his chest, my fingers flexing against the light blue material of his shirt. I don’t doubt Judge’s love for me, even though I still don’t know the reason behind him breaking up with me all those years ago. Our love was so easy back then, and it’s just as easy now. Nothing that feels this right could ever be wrong.
It’s not him I worry about, but his ex-lovers. How could they so easily give up on a man like Judge? How could they so easily give him over to me without a fight?