Rock Chick Redemption

by Kristen Ashley

  “Look at me, Vance. I can’t go back to Hank,” I whispered and it sounded like a plea, because it was a plea. Hank was goodness and truth. I was secrets and lies. I had no business with Hank Nightingale.

  Vance watched me for a few more beats, came to a decision and nodded, “I can give you that, I’ll take you to Tex.”

  My relief was so great, I couldn’t help it, I sagged into him. His arms slid around me and I pressed my good cheek against his chest.

  “Thank you,” I said.

  He didn’t respond. We stood there awhile, him holding me, until I felt warmer and able to move. The minute my body prepared for action, he felt it and stepped away, took my hand in his and guided me to the car.

  * * * * *

  We stopped only for lunch and dinner and to fill up the gas tank. I didn’t eat much. Vance noticed and made me stay hydrated by buying me bottles of water and handing them to me every once in awhile, making me drink.

  I tried to sleep but it wouldn’t come.

  So, when I was ready, on a long stretch of straight road that was all I’d ever known of Nebraska (until now, now I knew of a sleazy motel, a hospital with nice people working there and an outlet mall), I told Vance my story.

  As I talked, the cab felt like it was vibrating with the open anger that was rolling off him.

  I just kept talking.

  He didn’t say anything when I was done, he simply phoned it in to Lee’s surveillance room.

  * * * * *

  Denver loomed bright in the darkness.

  Before I knew it, we were exiting off I-25 onto Speer Boulevard, well into the city, when Vance hit a button on the phone and the ring filled the cab of the SUV.

  “Yeah?”

  “We’re in Denver.”

  “I see you,” the voice said, “You’re headin’ the wrong way.”

  “I’m takin’ her to Tex,” Vance replied.

  Silence.

  Then the voice said, “Hank wants her.”

  “She wants to go to her uncle, I’m takin’ her there.”

  Another beat of silence, then, “Your call.”

  Vance hit a button and the phone went dead.

  “Are you going to get into trouble?” I asked him.

  “No.”

  “You wouldn’t lie?” I asked.

  “I would,” he replied and I watched his shit-eating grin spread, his handsome face illuminated by the dashboard light. “But I’m not.”

  That almost made me smile too. Almost.

  He pulled up outside Uncle Tex’s house and the front door opened before the Explorer stopped. Uncle Tex came out of the house and into the darkness. The outside light came on and I saw Nancy standing in the doorway.

  I opened the cab, got out and Uncle Tex was there.

  He looked at me, his face lit by the streetlights clearly showing a battle between relief and fury. Relief won out and he pulled me into his arms.

  “Careful, Tex. She’s got three cracked ribs,” Vance said from somewhere close.

  Uncle Tex’s tight arms loosened.

  “I’m okay,” I said against his chest.

  He didn’t answer.

  “Uncle Tex. I’m okay,” I repeated.

  Still no answer.

  “She needs rest, I don’t think she’s slept in days,” Vance said.

  I was kind of getting tired of these men talking about me like I wasn’t there. Unfortunately, I was so dog-tired physically, I didn’t have the mental capacity to call them on it. So, instead, my head, still pressed against Uncle Tex’s chest, nodded and I pulled a bit away.

  “Don’t know how to thank you,” Uncle Tex said, obviously to Vance.

  “We’ll talk about that later,” Vance replied.

  Uncle Tex let me go and looked at Vance. I saw that Vance and Uncle Tex were staring at each other and the air around us had somehow changed.

  “You got an idea of what you want?” Uncle Tex asked, not beating about the bush, and I hoped that whatever answer Uncle Tex was looking for was the one that Vance gave.

  “Yeah,” Vance replied.

  “Money?” Tex asked.

  Vance’s face got tight and I could tell, right off, that wasn’t the right thing to say.

  So could Uncle Tex and he changed tactics.

  “Roxie?” Tex said but he wasn’t addressing me, he was talking to Vance.

  My eyes got wide and I stared at Vance, waiting for his answer.

  I might have been tired and just rescued from a kidnapping and I was certainly thankful to Vance for everything he’d done and he was cute and all (really cute, super cute, actually cute wasn’t the word, hot was more the word) but I sure as hell wasn’t going to be handed over as a gift of gratitude for saving my hide.

  And anyway, if anyone could hand me over, it was me and I was done with men. Totally and completely. I was looking forward to a life as a cat lady. I was going to get a dozen cats and a fucking great vibrator, maybe one of those rabbits I heard about, and that was it.

  Vance’s voice broke into my lonely, but satisfied, plans for the future.

  “I’ll get what I want from Lee.”

  “Money,” Tex said decisively and he sounded disappointed.

  Vance looked at me. Then he looked at Tex. He was deciding if he should share.

  Then, he decided. “I want five minutes in the holding room with Billy Flynn before they turn him over.”

  I looked between the two men. I didn’t know what “the holding room” was but it didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure it out.

  Holy cow.

  I held my breath.

  For the first time, Uncle Tex smiled and whatever was in the air evaporated. “You’ll have to stand in line,” Tex told him.

  “I think I’ve earned one of the first cracks,” Vance said.

  Holy cow. Holy cow. Holy cow.

  “Vance –” I started but stopped when his eyes locked on me.

  He wasn’t hiding his reaction again; he looked angry, beyond angry. I realized immediately that he actually had been controlling his reaction. This was his real reaction and it scared the living daylights out of me.

  “A man raises a hand to a woman, he needs a lesson,” Vance said.

  I opened my mouth to say something but there was nothing to say. What he said was downright, bottom line true.

  Vance got in my space and put his hands on my shoulders and whatever I was going to say flew from my brain. He looked down at me and his eyes changed, the anger was still there but I watched as whatever was fighting for its place was concealed from me.

  “Talk to Eddie,” he said, his voice quiet, his expression now under control and hidden. “Press charges. The kidnapping took place in Colorado at a cop’s house. Billy Flynn is fucked.”

  He didn’t wait for my response and my heart stopped when he grabbed my chin, pulled my head to the side and kissed my cheekbone, right where my scabs were. Then he turned, walked around the hood of the Explorer, swung into the driver’s seat, and he was gone.

  “Let’s get her inside.” Nancy was there and had her good hand on me. It was stronger than I expected it to be. She turned me toward the house, her face filled with concern.

  Uncle Tex’s arm came around my shoulders as I saw lights rounding the corner down the block.

  I froze.

  It was dark, but I could see, in the streetlamps, it was Hank’s 4Runner.

  “No,” I whispered, panic flying through me.

  “Roxie?” Uncle Tex asked, he and Nancy stopped with me.

  My eyes flew to Tex. “I can’t see Hank.”

  Uncle Tex glanced at the oncoming car. “Darlin’ girl…” Tex started and I knew he didn’t agree with me.

  “No! No, I can’t see him and… and he can’t see me. Not like this. Please, please, please,” I chanted.

  The SUV was close. I had no time. I stopped chanting, shook off Nancy’s hand, Uncle Tex’s arm and I ran.

  * * * * *

  I went into the hou
se, tearing through it, to the room at the back.

  I threw the door closed. It was Uncle Tex’s bedroom.

  I ran to the windows, cats flying everywhere, sensing my panic, and I pulled the drapes. Then I went back through the dark room to the door, feeling the knob for a lock but there was none. I put my back to the door and slid down it, sitting with my shoulders pressed against the door.

  Then, I heard the voices, Uncle Tex’s a soft boom, Hank’s deep voice controlled and patient, Nancy’s butting in every once in awhile. The boom got louder and then I could tell, even though I couldn’t make out the words, that Hank’s control slipped.

  I put my hands over my ears, pulled my knees up and rested my forehead on them but I could still hear the voices, I could feel Hank’s impatience and I knew Uncle Tex was trying to protect me.

  I started humming.

  God, I was so tired. So, fucking, tired.

  I couldn’t give into the exhaustion.

  I hummed, forcing the voices out of my head, and I planned.

  Get my clothes from the hotel.

  Get my car.

  Go to Chicago.

  Go to Annette’s.

  Get my money, my stuff and escape.

  There came a soft knock at the door and I stilled.

  “Roxie, honey, it’s me. Nancy.”

  I got up slowly from the door and opened it a crack. She was alone.

  The voices were gone.

  “Where’s Hank?”

  “Lee and Eddie are here, they’ve got him outside. Let me in, baby doll,” she said gently. I opened the door enough so she could slide in and I closed it right behind her.

  She switched on a light and then turned to me. “Eddie and Jet went to your hotel today. It’s good having a cop in the family.” I watched as she smiled a mother’s satisfied smile and my heart wrenched at the sight. I’d never seen my Mom smile at Billy and me like that. Never.

  Nancy kept talking. “Eddie explained to management and they checked you out. Your car’s outside. Jet and Indy brought in your stuff. They’re making up the second bedroom right now.”

  I was leaning against the door, trying to hear what was happening outside at the same time trying not to hear.

  “We all think you should go home with Hank,” Nancy said softly. “Even Tex.”

  I shook my head, looking at the floor.

  “I’m going to sleep for a while, then I’m going to go,” I told her.

  Nancy got close to me, leaned against the door with me, more for real support than moral support, I could tell. She reached out and grabbed my hand. “Where are you going to go?”

  “I don’t know,” I was still looking at the floor. “Away.”

  “You should know, Hank wanted to look for you. Jet told me. Lee and Eddie talked him out of it. When he got to his house…” she stopped. “Baby doll, look at me.”

  I looked at her. Her green eyes were kind and I felt my nostrils start to burn and I sucked in deep breaths to control the tears.

  She continued talking. “When he got to his house and you were gone, it wasn’t good. Tex knew exactly what had happened and told them about this Billy person. Lee was worried what Hank would do if he caught up with you and Billy was with you. Tex told me that Lee and his boys can do things Eddie and Hank can’t do. Still, it took a lot to talk Hank out of coming after you.”

  I realized that Nancy thought I was upset that Vance had come after me, not Hank.

  “It’s not that,” I told her.

  “What is it?” she asked.

  I looked at the floor again and swallowed.

  She squeezed my hand. “What is it, honey?” she asked, her voice so soft, I could barely hear her.

  My nose started burning and so did my eyes. I closed them, hard, and blinked the tears away.

  “I’m dirty,” I whispered in a voice lower than hers. “He’s good and clean and wonderful and he deserves better than me.”

  “Oh baby doll,” she whispered and she moved, sliding across the door, her hand letting go of mine and her arm coming around me. “You gotta know that’s just not true.”

  I stood there and let her hold me as best she could. She was smaller than me and she’d had a stroke, but she was still stronger than me. So was Jet, so was Indy, so was Ally.

  Everyone was stronger than me.

  Hank needed someone like them. Someone who knew good from bad, was strong enough to stand for the good or turn away from the bad.

  And that was not me.

  John Mellencamp sang an old adage, “You gotta stand for something, or you’re gonna fall for anything.”

  Mellencamp was right.

  Miracle of miracles, I didn’t cry and finally I said, “I have to go to sleep.”

  She pulled away and looked at me closely. I could tell she didn’t like what she saw.

  Even so, she sighed and let me be.

  “I’ll see how Indy and Jet are doing with that bed. You want me to send them in here?”

  “No!” I said it louder than I needed to but I liked these people and spending any more time with them would make it harder to leave. “No. I want to be alone. I haven’t been alone in three days.”

  She nodded, but I could tell she still didn’t agree.

  “I’ll knock on the door when the coast is clear.”

  I took her hand and gave it a squeeze. “Thank you,” I said.

  She reached up, kissed my cheek, then slid out the door, not opening it any more than she needed to. I found myself hoping, again, that Uncle Tex and Nancy worked out.

  I turned out the lights and resumed my position on the floor, shoulders against the door.

  I heard Nancy talking to Indy and Jet, their voices a murmur and I couldn’t hear what they said.

  Then there was quiet.

  I waited.

  A long time passed and there was a knock on the door.

  “Roxie?”

  It was Uncle Tex.

  “Yeah?”

  “It’s just you and me, girl. Everyone’s gone.”

  I didn’t answer.

  I closed my eyes and rested my forehead on my knees.

  It wasn’t with relief, it was with heartbreak.

  * * * * *

  I sat in the dark for a little while longer and, when I felt ready, I came out.

  Uncle Tex made me eat half of a frozen pizza and made me drink three shots of hooch. The whole time he watched me silently. I could tell he wanted to say something but he kept his peace.

  I left him in front of the huge, old console TV in his living room and went to the second bedroom.

  The double bed was made with fresh sheets, an old, mint-green, chenille blanket smoothed over the top. My suitcases were on the floor against the wall, my pajamas had been cleaned and were folded and resting on the pillow.

  I fought back the tears (again), changed into my pj’s and slid into bed.

  I still had my plan and tomorrow, I was going to carry it out.

  I didn’t know what was happening to Billy and I didn’t care. He was dead to me.

  I didn’t know where Hank was and I tried not to care. He wasn’t dead to me but we were over. This I knew like I knew MAC cosmetics were the best quality for the price by a long shot.

  Finally, I slept.

  * * * * *

  I woke when the covers moved and it wasn’t me that moved them.

  For a moment, I thought it was one of Uncle Tex’s cats, then the bed moved in a way that it would have to be the biggest cat in history.

  Or a human.

  Then, a strong arm slid around me and I was pulled back against a warm, hard body.

  I froze, then I tried to pull away.

  “Don’t,” Hank said to the back of my head.

  Shit.

  I stopped pulling away but my body was tense.

  “How’d you get in here?” I whispered.

  “Tex let me in.”

  I closed my eyes.

  Betrayed by my own flesh and blood.<
br />
  “Well, he’s certainly not invited to my next birthday party,” I said.

  Silence.

  “I’m okay, Hank. Really. You can go,” I told him, or more like, lied to him.

  More silence and he didn’t move.

  “Actually, I’d rather that you went. I’m feeling the need to be alone.”

  “That’s too bad, ‘cause I’m not feelin’ that same need.”

  Jeez, he was stubborn.

  “If memory serves, I was the one who was just abducted. I’m not sure your feelings count about now,” I told him, sounding so uppity I was borderline bitchy.

  His body got as tense as mine, I felt it like a warning.

  Then, his mouth came to my ear. “I feel the wraps,” he said, his hand running gently along my ribs. “And I know the way Vance found you. I’m sorry you went through that, Sunshine.”

  I didn’t answer and waited. I expected he wasn’t done.

  I wasn’t wrong.

  “But, I came home from a run the morning after the best date I’d ever had, a date with a girl who talked about pigs wearing toupees, who could quote Springsteen lyrics, who whispered to horses and who grew up in Indiana and was scared of cornfields. I came home thinkin’ that I was gonna make love to that girl, shower with her, get her breakfast, get her to trust me and finally, start to get to know her better. Instead, I found my house a disaster, what I could only assume was her blood on the wall in my bedroom and she was gone.”

  Dear God. How’d my blood get on the wall?

  He must have been out of his mind. Uncle Tex must have been out of his mind.

  I closed my eyes and sucked in a breath.

  “Was that your blood?” he asked.

  I let out my breath. “Well, I tried, but unfortunately, I was the only one who ended up bleeding.”

  I should have stayed silent or, possibly, I shouldn’t have been flippant. For one reason or the other, the air in the room changed so much I found it hard to breathe and it had nothing to do with his arm tightening around my ribs.

  “Hank, my ribs,” I whispered.

  Instantly, his arm loosened and his mouth went away from my ear. I waited while he got control. The air changed back to normal and he spoke again.

  “I guess I’m sayin’ that my feelings do count about now,” he finished.