by Kat Brookes
“That’s the problem,” she said with a sniffle. “It is.”
Her brother loosened his hold on her and sat back, brows drawn together in confusion as he searched her face. “I don’t understand.”
“It is working,” she told him. “Lucas is responding to Jackson where he never did with our preacher, his guidance counselor at school, even the therapist I took him to when I felt him slipping away. My son has interacted more positively with people in these past five days than he has with me for the past eight months, and most of that has been with Jackson. And you, of course.” Not that her brother had been around much since their arrival, but she understood why that was.
He shook his head. “Then you’re crying because you’re happy?”
Lainie’s shoulders sagged. Sighing, she dropped her gaze to the book in her lap, unable to look her brother in the eye as she said in a tight whisper, “I’m crying because I want to hold on to the anger I felt toward Jackson when I left Bent Creek all those years ago, need to hold on to it—for my heart’s sake.”
“Your heart?” he pressed.
She lifted her teary gaze. “I was in love with Jackson,” she admitted to Justin for the first time ever. “But I was young and foolish, and in my girlish dreams believed that we were meant to be together. I told him as much the summer before I left for college. What I didn’t take into consideration was the possibility that Jackson’s heart was already taken—by the rodeo. I was and would always be nothing more than his best friend’s little sister.”
“Jackson told you that?” He looked shocked by her admission.
Lainie nodded. “Not in those exact words, but his feelings where I was concerned were clear enough.” She swiped a hand across a tear-dampened cheek and straightened her shoulders.
“That’s why you never came home to visit when rodeo season was over,” Justin said knowingly. “You didn’t want to risk running into Jackson.”
“Yes.”
“Lainie, I’ll be honest,” he said. “There was a time when I thought the two of you might end up together someday. And the rodeo wasn’t all Jackson cared about. No matter what he told you, I know you meant a lot to him.”
Not enough. “It doesn’t matter,” she told him. “Our lives went in the directions they were meant to. I met Will and we had Lucas. Those were two of the biggest blessings in my life. I’ve lost one of those blessings. I won’t lose Lucas. If Jackson Wade can make a difference where my son is concerned, then I will spend every second of the day with him if need be.”
“Are you certain?” Her brother studied her with a worried frown. “The last thing I’d want to do is bring about more pain for you.”
She met his troubled gaze. “Jackson and I have agreed to put any issues we might have aside and focus on helping Lucas.”
“Do you still love him?” he asked quietly.
Lainie didn’t have to ask who. She knew he was referring to Jackson. Her immediate response, perhaps too immediate, was to shake her head in denial. “I married Will,” she said. “I loved Will.”
“I know you did,” he said, his words low and sorrowful. “And Will loved you.”
“There’s someone at my window,” a small, sleepy voice announced from the doorway.
Lainie looked up to find her son standing there, eyes droopy with sleep. He didn’t appear frightened, making her wonder if he had dreamed the sound.
Justin stood and walked over to his nephew. “It’s all right,” he told him, placing a reassuring hand on Lucas’s pajama-clad shoulder. “No one’s out there. It’s just a gnarled old tree branch tapping against the outside of your window. I haven’t had time to trim it back. Every time the wind kicks up, it brushes against the windowpane.”
“Maybe Mr. Wade could trim it for you,” Lucas suggested with a tired smile.
“I’ll see to it,” Lainie said, not about to ask anything more of Jackson than she or her brother already had.
Her brother and her son looked to her in surprise at her announcement.
“I grew up on a ranch,” she said, setting the book aside as she pushed to her feet. “I know how to work a handsaw.” She crossed the room to where they stood in the living room entryway. “Now, let’s get you back to bed.” She started to reach for Lucas, but he pulled away.
“I want Uncle Justin to put me back to bed.”
Her brother cast her an apologetic glance.
She gave a nod, letting him know that it was okay. This was nothing new for her, but she prayed with Jackson’s help and the guidance of the Lord’s gentle hand her son would eventually return to her completely. She missed tucking him in. Missed placing a loving kiss atop his head before turning out his light. Missed the sweet exchange of good-nights they used to share.
“I’m going to turn in myself,” she said. “Lucas and I have a busy day planned for tomorrow.”
“Mr. Wade is taking us to see his rodeo horses,” her son said excitedly.
Jackson was taking them to his parents’ ranch. Lucas had been asking to see the horses ever since he’d heard talk of them. Reaching out, Lainie touched her son’s cheek. “Sleep well, sweetie.” She wasn’t surprised when he pulled away from her loving gesture, but it still hurt. Turning to her brother, she rose up on tiptoe to kiss his cheek. “I’m going to go take care of that pesky branch and then go to bed. Good night.”
“Same to you,” Justin replied, but Lainie knew that sleep for her that night would be a long time coming.
* * *
“Look at the deer!” Lucas exclaimed the next day as they turned onto the gravel road leading up to the main ranch house where Jackson’s parents lived. A half dozen plastic reindeer sporting green wreaths around their necks, some looking off into the distance, others with their heads lowered to the ground below as if busily feasting, lined one side of the long drive.
“That’s just the beginning of my mom and dad’s ever-growing Christmas decor,” Jackson said with a grin as he veered off the drive in the direction of the barn.
“Your parents’ place looks so festive,” Lainie remarked, her gaze fixed on the sight outside the passenger window. “Although I have to admit it’s been a few years since I saw a grain bin decorated for the holidays. I can only imagine how pretty all this is when it’s lit up at night.”
Jackson smiled and gave a nod of agreement. “Mom and Dad like to go all out for Christmas, stringing garland and bows and bright, twinkling lights on anything and everything they can.” And he wasn’t exaggerating. Decorative garlands were draped across his parents’ front porch, around the barn’s windows and doors, and along the drive, draped from temporary stakes. “If they weren’t afraid the horses would make a meal of the fake greenery like Tucker’s horse did with Blue’s favorite doll, they would no doubt have strung it along all the fencing near the house.”
“Oh no,” she gasped.
“It ate a doll?” Lucas chimed in from the back seat of the extended cab.
“Tried to,” Jackson answered with a grin. “But we took the doll to Garrett, who stitched it back together in no time.”
“I’m so glad,” Lainie said with a sigh of relief and then turned to glance back at her son. “Jackson’s older brother is an animal doctor, so he’s naturally quite handy with a thread and needle.”
“That’s a big nativity set,” Lucas stated as if his mother hadn’t just been speaking to him.
His grin threatening to drop into a frown, Jackson fought hard not to show his dislike of Lucas’s treatment of his mother. Like a mustang, the boy needed to be worked carefully, slowly gaining his trust before trying to implement changes in his behavior. “My brothers and I built the manger the nativity set is in,” he said evenly. “We bring it out every Christmas and then break it down and store it away in the barn afterward.”
“That sounds like a lot of work,” Lainie noted as her gaze remained
fixed on the festive ranch beyond her window.
“It’s not bad with three of us putting it up and then taking it down,” he answered. “It makes Mom happy and that’s what matters.” His gaze shifted to the rearview mirror just in time to see Lucas’s brows pinch together, as if in silent disagreement.
They parked in front of the oversize barn and then Jackson cut the engine. “This is where we keep and care for all of our rodeo horses.” He pointed off into the distance. “As usual, the herd is busy chasing each other around and expending some of their lively energy.”
“Wow,” Lucas exclaimed. “There are so many of them. Mom, can I go watch them from the fence?”
“If Jackson thinks that would be okay,” she replied with a smile.
“As long as you stay on this side of the fence,” Jackson told him. “We’ll take a look at them a little closer than that some other time.”
With a whoop, Lainie’s son unbuckled his seat belt, threw open his door and scrambled out of the truck, racing across the yard as fast as his legs would carry him.
Jackson glanced in Lainie’s direction, noting the moisture filling her eyes. He reached over, covering her hand with his own. “You okay?”
She nodded with a small sniffle. “He’s coming back,” she said, her words filled with emotion. “Little by little.” Then she looked his way with a wavering smile. “I know things between Lucas and me are still strained, but I see him letting down his guard elsewhere. I can’t even remember the last time I heard my son squeal in excitement over anything, and I have you to thank for it.”
“I’m not sure I can take any of the credit for it,” he told her, looking away. “Could be a lot of things pulling together to set your son at ease emotionally. I’m sure Sacramento must have painful memories following his father’s death. Being away from that might be a big part of the changes you’re seeing, even if he acts as if he doesn’t want to be here. And another positive is his having family here to shower him with love.”
“I’m sure those things all have had some impact on Lucas,” she agreed. “But I still think the time you’ve been spending with my son has made a very positive impression on him.” Her hand turned over beneath his and she curled her fingers around it, giving it a grateful squeeze. “Thank you, Jackson. I know I don’t deserve your kindness. Not after the way I’ve treated you since that night at the Old West Festival Dance, but—”
“Don’t apologize,” he said, cutting her off. He looked down at their joined hands and an emotion he didn’t want to feel slid through him. One he had set aside years before when Lainie married another man. An emotion he wouldn’t allow to take root ever again. For her sake and for his. “I handled things badly that night. Helping you with Lucas is my way of making up for the hurt I caused you.”
“Whatever the reason, I will forever be grateful,” she said softly and then slowly withdrew her hand.
He cleared the sudden tightness from his throat and reached down to undo his seat belt. “I need to see to a few things in the barn. You and Lucas can wait for me at the fence or meet me at the house. I’m sure Mom’s already spotted us out here and is champing at the bit to see you.”
Lainie let herself out before he could come around to do so.
“I would have helped you down,” he muttered not-so-happily.
“I grew up here, remember?” she said, a small smile lifting the corners of her mouth. “I know how to get in and out of a pickup truck.”
“Always a country girl at heart,” he noted.
“Always,” she replied, and then turned, her focus returning to her son as she moved toward him.
Jackson stood watching her walk away, once again wondering what his life might have been like if he hadn’t pushed Lainie away that night she’d opened up her heart to him. Would they have gotten married, had children? Would he have devoted as much time to the rodeo? Would he have been happier than what he’d come to accept as being his lot in life?
Shaking his head, he turned and headed for the barn, deciding that some questions were better off left unanswered.
* * *
Lainie moved to stand beside her son, but her attention wasn’t centered on the horses that seemed to fascinate him so. It was on Jackson’s departing form. Being a country girl wasn’t the only thing that seemed to be permanently imbedded in her heart. She curled her fingers reflexively inside her coat pocket, the ones she’d threaded through Jackson’s only moments before as she felt that old tug of yearning she’d worked so hard to get over. The want of sharing the easygoing friendship they had once shared. A friendship she had ruined by wanting something that was never meant to be. She’d reacted poorly to his rejection when she should have appreciated his honesty. But at that moment in her young life his words felt devastating, life changing in a way she wasn’t prepared for, and she’d reacted by shutting him out of her life.
Closing her eyes, Lainie sent up a silent prayer. Lord, please help me to mend the fences that I have broken where Jackson Wade is concerned. Because she truly had missed having him in her life.
Another vehicle rolled up the drive, drawing Lainie’s attention that way. A second later, she recognized Tucker behind the wheel of the approaching pickup. These Wade brothers and their need for big trucks, she thought with a grin. Then again, they were ranchers. Big trucks were pretty much a necessity.
The vehicle rolled to a stop next to Jackson’s and Tucker got out, offering a nod of greeting as he strode in her and her son’s direction. “Lainie,” he greeted.
“Hello, Tucker,” Lainie said with an anxious smile, unsure of how Jackson’s brother would feel about her being there after all the distance she had put between herself and Jackson all those years.
No animosity touched his countenance, only a warm grin as his gaze came to rest on her son.
“No Autumn?” Jackson inquired.
His brother shook his head. “She and Hannah are coming together. They should be here shortly.” His gaze shifted to Lainie’s son. “Who do we have here?”
Lainie wrapped an arm around Lucas’s small shoulders. “Tucker, this is my son, Lucas.”
“You look like Mr. Wade,” her son remarked as he stood staring up at the youngest of the Wade brothers.
“That’s because I am Mr. Wade,” Tucker replied with a widening grin. Then he held out a hand. “I’m Tucker Wade. Jackson’s younger brother.”
Lucas eyed the offered hand and then reached out to take hold. “Are you the one who takes care of sick animals and fixes broken dolls?”
“Jackson told you about that, did he?” he said with a glance up at Lainie.
“He mentioned it,” she answered.
Looking down once more at Lucas, he said, “Our older brother, Garrett, is the animal doctor. And doll doctor, I suppose, and thankfully so. It nearly broke my little girl’s heart when my horse tried to eat her doll baby. Jackson came up with the idea of using a mop to replace the hair Blue’s doll lost in the tussle, so I guess you can say both of my brothers came to the rescue. Thanks to them, Molly is all in one piece and has stayed far away from the pasture fences ever since.”
“Would they eat my hair?” her son asked, sounding more curious than fearful.
Tucker chuckled. “I think you’re safe.”
His gaze lifting to Lainie, he said, “No one told me we were having company join us for dinner.”
“That’s because I haven’t asked them yet.”
Lainie turned to see Jackson moving toward them. “We’re having a family dinner tonight. And since Justin will be working, I was hoping you and Lucas might agree to join us.”
She shook her head. “Oh, we couldn’t impose on you like that.”
“Then we’ll call it a family and friends dinner,” Tucker said. “Autumn has been champing at the bit to meet you.”
Jackson nodded. “So has Hannah, according to Gar
rett.”
“They are?” she asked in surprise.
Jackson chuckled in response. “They are. Probably because Mom has been talking you up since she found out you had come home. Garrett and Dad won’t be here, however,” he told her. “They and the crew took horses to Vegas for the NFR. Tucker stayed home to look after the ranch and his and Autumn’s newest addition to the family.”
“And Jackson stayed home to look after you and Lucas,” Tucker added with a grin.
Lainie stiffened, guilt wrapping around her so thickly it was hard to breathe. Not only had she been the cause of Jackson putting off his own personal business interests, the NFR was the rodeo Jackson had been competing in that day she’d called to tell him she was getting married. The night he’d nearly died.
“What’s NFR?” her son asked curiously.
“Just another rodeo,” she forced out, praying her son wouldn’t ask any more about it.
“Not just another rodeo,” Tucker announced. “It’s the premier championship event in the United States. The best of the best compete there for the world title.”
Lainie’s gaze shifted to Jackson. Unable to help herself, she let her gaze drop down to the leg he’d injured while competing for one of those world titles.
“Jackson is the only one of us to make it to the finals,” Tucker went on.
“Did he win?” her son asked in awe.
Lainie looked up to find Jackson watching her, his expression unreadable.
“No,” he said evenly, “I didn’t.”
She looked away, focusing on nothing in particular.
“He came close to winning,” Tucker said in his brother’s defense. “Should have. He was the best of the lot. But the bull he drew that evening was one of the meanest, most stubborn pieces of bovine flesh ever to enter the arena.”