Disgrace

by Brittainy C. Cherry

  So many opinions. So many nosy souls.

  I just smiled through it all and did my best not to let it get to me. “If you’ll excuse me, I have to go find…something,” I said, grinning ear to ear.

  The second I got away from the crowd, I ran into Marybeth Summers.

  Marybeth was a quiet soul and always kept to herself. She looked my way and nodded once. “Hey, Grace.”

  “Hey, Marybeth.”

  “I think you two are beautiful together.”

  “Thanks.” I smiled, still feeling a knot in my stomach. I was waiting for her next comment to be like everyone else’s.

  Yet instead, she just said, “You deserve to be happy.”

  She gave me a hug, and it felt so sincere. I held on a bit longer than I probably should’ve.

  Maybe not everyone in town was filled with a gossiping heart.

  Perhaps some did truly wish me well.

  “Gracelyn Mae,” Mama stated, walking my way. She seemed stunned to see me as she smoothed out her dress.

  “Hi, Mama.”

  “What are you doing here?”

  “I’ve never missed a gala. I didn’t think I’d start now.”

  “Are you…” She shifted around in her high heels. “Are you here to just make a scene? To act out?”

  “What?”

  “I saw you walk in with that boy. I just don’t want any drama. Did you bring him here to get back at me for our last conversation? For what I said?”

  “Oh, Mama.” I smiled her way and moved in close. “Not everything has to do with you.”

  I walked away and ran straight into Josie, who was grinning ear to ear as she looked my way. “Oh, my, my, my. Did I just witness you telling your mother off?” she asked me, sipping at her champagne.

  “I think you did.”

  “I see you brought a certain guy as your date tonight,” she remarked with a wolfish grin.

  “I did.”

  “Good for you, Grace.” She held her glass up in a celebratory fashion. “Good for you.”

  As the band struck up their instruments, Josie perked up. “Oh! The band is starting! I better go find my husband before some Chester girl tries to claim him for first dance. I’ll check in later!”

  The first dance of the Harris Gala was always a fun one to witness. The tradition stood that whoever was the first to ask for you for a dance, you had to agree. No ifs, ands, or buts.

  That was how I was able to get Finn to dance with me all those years ago.

  That was how I began to fall in love with him way back when.

  My eyes darted around the room for Jackson, and I started in his direction as I saw him still standing near the bar, but my heart landed in my throat as I heard the words, “Gracelyn Mae, may I have this dance?”

  I turned around to see Finn standing there in a suit and tie. He looked so handsome, and I hated him for it.

  “No,” I barked, turning away, but he kept talking.

  “It’s tradition, though. You can’t say no.”

  I groaned.

  “He’s right, you know,” an older woman stated, walking by us with a young man who looked underwhelmed. It was clear he didn’t choose her. “It’s tradition.”

  I rolled my eyes and looked at Finn. “One dance. That’s it.”

  “That’s all I want.”

  “That’s all you’re getting.” We walked to the dance floor, and he tried to place his hand on my lower back, but I didn’t allow him to do so. His hands sat on my shoulders, as if we were at a middle school dance.

  “Thank you for this,” he said, his breath dripping with whiskey scents.

  “You’re drunk,” I remarked, staring into his glassy eyes.

  “I had a few drinks, yeah. I was just trying to build up the nerve to talk to you, to ask you for this dance. I thought it would bring back some memories of us.”

  I didn’t reply.

  “Well?” he questioned. “Does it?”

  “Finley, where’s Autumn?”

  “I don’t know. I don’t care about her. I care about you.”

  “Since when? Since I started talking to Jackson?”

  He grimaced. “It drives me crazy to see you with him, you know? It drives me batshit crazy.” His eyes watered over, not from the alcohol, but from his emotions. “Grace. It kills me seeing you with another man.”

  “Now you know how I felt.”

  “I’m so sorry, Grace. I really am,” he told me, tears rolling down his cheeks. I couldn’t think of the last time he’d cried in front of me. “After the first miscarriage, I lost myself. It hit me hard, and I had to try to hide my pain because I knew you were hurting so much. I just needed space to think and clear my head.”

  “Using other women’s bodies? How long did you expect me to wait for you? How long did you think I’d sit here praying for you to love me again?”

  “You don’t understand. After everything that happened, I couldn’t breathe.”

  “I like how you’re using the miscarriages as an excuse for your disloyalty when it should’ve been the complete opposite. I…” I blinked my eyes and took a sharp inhale. “When I needed you most, you weren’t there for me. When I needed you to catch me, you watched as I began to fall, and right as I was seconds away from hitting the ground, you turned and walked away.”

  “Grace…”

  “I’m done, Finn.”

  “This isn’t you. This is that guy getting in your head. You love me,” he told me. “You do, and I know you do. You can’t just give up on us, Grace. You can’t—”

  “I want a divorce,” I cut in. I was tired of him coming and going as he pleased. I was tired of him trying to tell me who I was and what I stood for. “I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want to beg you to love me. I don’t want to sit up at night wondering if you’re loving someone else. I don’t want you to want me just because you believe someone else does. I want to be free from the chains, Finley. I want to let you go.”

  “What? No.” He tensed, trying to keep his hold on me, but I pulled away.

  “You’re the only woman I’ve ever loved, Grace.”

  I didn’t know why, but that stung me. “Then I don’t think you know what love is.”

  I turned to walk away, and Finn’s hand landed against mine. “Gracelyn, please.” His grip was a bit tight, and his eyes were pleading. I stared into those crystal blue eyes for a moment. Those same eyes I’d thought I’d spend the rest of my life gazing into. Those same eyes that I’d thought would always bring me peace during my darkest storms…

  “Finley James…” I whispered, looking past him to where Autumn had just entered the room. She looked beautiful in her golden dress that somewhat showed her curve. Each and every one of her curves. “Let me go.”

  He dropped his hold and looked over at her.

  “Dammit,” he muttered.

  I walked away quickly, trying to shake off my nerves. As I was going to escape, Jackson walked over to me. He gave me a halfway smile, and I gave him the other half.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked me.

  “Nothing.”

  He narrowed his eyes. “What’s wrong?”

  I shook my head. “Really, I just need a bit of air. That’s all.”

  He stood tall and cleared his throat. “Is my being here bringing you more stress? Because if it is, I can go. I know this is a big deal for you and your family, and I don’t want to cause any kind of harm.”

  Oh, Jackson… “You being here is the only thing keeping me from drowning.”

  “What happened? Did someone hurt you?”

  “Yes, no, well…they just hurt my heart.”

  He moved in closer and combed a fallen curl behind my ear. “Those are the worst kinds of hurts.”

  A tear rolled down my cheek, and I didn’t bother to dismiss it.

  Jackson frowned. “What can I do for you?”

  “I just need to step outside for a moment. Can you just…wait,” I whispered, laying my hand again
st his chest. As I looked up into his hazel eyes, I saw such softness. I stared into those hazel eyes for a moment. Those same eyes that helped me take small breaths… Those same eyes that brought me peace during my darkest storms…

  “Please, Jackson,” I begged, “just wait for me.”

  “Princess…” His thumb moved to my cheek, and he wiped away my falling tears. He tilted his head to the left and gave me a smile. It was small…tiny, really. Most people would’ve missed the expression, but I’d been so zoomed in on Jackson that I noticed every move his lips ever made. The comfort that swept over me as he softly spoke words my way. “How could I not wait for you?”

  41

  Jackson

  Grace walked away for a minute to get some air, and I waited for her return. I stood in the room, feeling completely out of place. The suit was itchy. The people were rude, and the food was bite-sized.

  I was officially in hell.

  “Not your normal crowd, huh?” a woman remarked.

  “Not in the least.”

  She held her hand out toward me. “I’m Judy. Grace’s sister.”

  Of course—they had the same eyes. I shook her hand. “Nice to meet you. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

  “Same with you.” She smiled and shifted around in her heels.

  I arched an eyebrow. “Is this the part where you tell me to stay away from Grace?”

  “No. Why would you think that?”

  “That’s what everyone seems to be telling me to do.”

  “I see. That’s not why I’m here. I’m just here to ask you to be gentle with her, okay?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Her heart…it’s fragile. She’s been through more than I think she even realizes, and I don’t think she can take much more. If you are going to allow her to fall for you, please be ready to catch her because I’m not certain she’ll be able to stand again after being dropped.”

  She loved her sister, and it was apparent through her words. She wasn’t shouting at me to stay away from Grace, only requesting that I be easy with her heart and soul.

  “I can do that,” I told her.

  “Promise?”

  “Promise.”

  She smiled, rubbing her left hand up and down her right arm. “You like her.”

  “I do.”

  “She likes you.”

  I hope so…

  “Have fun tonight, Jackson, and please ignore everyone at this party except for her. She’s all who matters tonight, okay?”

  Judy thanked me before she walked off to go entertain others. I could see so much of Grace’s personality in her sister. It was nice to know other good people existed in the world besides Grace.

  I wanted to go check on her since she’d been gone for a while, but I was working on being patient. She needed to breathe, and I’d be there when she came back to me.

  “You must be real proud of yourself, huh?”

  I turned to see Finn walking my way. He looked a bit wild in the eyes as he spoke to me.

  He was drunk.

  I’d seen the look in my father’s eyes enough times to know.

  “Finn, let’s not get into it tonight,” I told him.

  “Stay away f-from my wife,” he ordered, slurring his words a bit.

  “Wife?” I huffed. “We’re using that term a little loosely, aren’t we?”

  “Don’t get slick,” he warned, stumbling in my direction.

  I groaned.

  This is the last thing I want to deal with.

  I took a breath and tried to calm my natural instinct of stepping up to him. Even though he was an asshole, he was still Grace’s ex, and I didn’t want to do anything stupid that might tick her off.

  “Look, buddy, you’re drunk and not in your right frame of mind. Go find yourself some water.”

  “Oh, fuck off,” he hissed. He obviously wasn’t going to make it easy for me. “You think you’re so amazing for banging my wife, huh?”

  “Again, that word,” I remarked. “Using it rather loosely.”

  “She’s been mine for fifteen years.”

  “And then you let her go.”

  He grimaced, running his hands over his face, and then he moved in closer and lightly shoved me in the chest. “I’m getting her back.”

  “I need you to not touch me,” I warned, feeling my anger building with each second.

  “I need you to not touch my girl,” he countered, annoying me more and more. Nothing about Grace belonged to that guy. He had walked away from her, and it was clear he was only coming back around because he felt threatened.

  “Fine, go ahead. She’s all yours.” I turned and headed for the front door because I didn’t want to make a scene. I wasn’t going to feed into the conversation because that was exactly what he wanted. He wanted me to act out. He wanted me to unleash the monster he was sure lurked inside me. He wanted to prove that I was no good for Grace.

  Especially in front of the whole town.

  So, I walked.

  I released a weighted sigh as I listened to drunk Finn follow me.

  “I just want to make it clear to you that if you go anywhere near her, I’ll kick your ass!” he barked.

  That actually made me laugh. Finn wasn’t a built guy, and I was certain I could take him out with one hit. “Okay, buddy, that’s fine. Now, just leave me alone.”

  “Come on,” he said, racing over and shoving me from behind. “If you’re such a badass, fight me.”

  I stopped my steps.

  He’s not worth it.

  He shoved me again.

  I took a deep breath and snapped my band against my arm.

  He’s not worth it.

  The sooner he left me alone, the sooner Grace and I would be together, yet it was becoming more and more clear that he was really itching for a fight. He wanted to release the beast, and I didn’t want it to come out.

  “You aren’t going to fight me back?” he asked, annoyance filling him up inside.

  “No. I’m not.”

  “Why, because you think Grace will be disappointed? You think she’d be disgusted by the monster you really are? I mean, hell, what do you think would happen? You think she’d choose you or something?” I looked at him, and for a split second, I felt my heart skip a beat. He must’ve seen the look in my eyes because he laughed out loud. “Holy shit, you actually thought she’d pick you.”

  I kept quiet.

  I snapped my band.

  “You have nothing to offer her,” he bellowed, his words filled with hatred. “You’re the bottom of the barrel, and she’s never going to pick you, you know. You might be a summer fling for her, but you’ll never have her. She’s broken, not stupid. You’re nothing. You have nothing, you’ll never be anything. After some time passes, she’ll find her footing again without you, and you’ll still be nothing.”

  “Okay. You’re right, Finn. Congratulations.”

  He walked over to me and shoved me hard. “You’re nothing but scum, and we’d be better off if you were dead like your bitch of a mother.”

  He spoke against my mother, and then I blacked out.

  Next thing I knew, the two of us were rolling on the ballroom floor, fists flying. I slammed him into the floor, and he slugged me hard in the eye. As I rushed to get my bearings, Finn dived at me, sending me flying backward, straight into the table where the five-layer cake was sitting. It crashed to the ground, shooting frosting in all directions.

  We kept hitting one another as a crowd formed and people tried to pull us apart.

  He kept swinging, so I did the same, over and over again.

  We were finally separated when Sheriff Camps arrived and yanked us off of each other.

  Before I could even explain, he slammed us both behind bars.

  Great.

  That was exactly how the evening was not supposed to go.

  *

  Jackson

  Ten Years Old

  “Get out of here, freak!” Tim barked at me the
first day I was back at school after Ma’s funeral. He and his friends shoved me back and forth. “Nobody wants you here!”

  He kept mocking me and making fun of me, but I didn’t care.

  I didn’t care about anything.

  Ma was gone, and life didn’t matter anymore.

  I let them push me.

  I allowed them to shove.

  I couldn’t feel anything anymore, anyway.

  “You’re such a loser! You’re never going to have friends, you freak,” one of the guys said, tripping me as I tried to walk away.

  My body slammed hard against the floor, and I groaned. As I tried to stand up, one of them kicked me down again.

  I didn’t say a word.

  We went to class, and Tim kept kicking the back of my chair.

  “Freak, freak, freak,” he’d whispered.

  I kept ignoring.

  I tried to repeat what Ma would’ve told me.

  I’m extraordinary. I’m extraordinary…

  I didn’t want to feed into Tim because I didn’t care if he liked me anymore.

  I didn’t care if anyone liked me.

  I just wanted my mom back…

  “I’d wished you’d disappear and never come back,” Tim hissed. “Like your stupid dead mom.”

  And then, without thought, I snapped.

  42

  Grace

  “Sheriff Camps, he doesn’t deserve to be behind bars,” I bellowed, blasting into the police station. The moment I heard about the fight breaking out and Jackson’s arrest, I headed straight to the station.

  Sheriff Camps was dressed in his suit and tie from the gala as he sat behind his desk. “Yeah, well, I don’t deserve to be sitting here filling out this paperwork because it seems your two men cannot keep themselves from acting like damn monkeys in public,” he grumbled.

  “Yes, but it wasn’t his fault! He did nothing wrong. And I think—”

  “Time out. Which ‘he’ are we talking about?” he asked. “Which one are you here to save?”

  “Jackson,” I stated matter-of-factly. “I’m here for him.”

  “Good call. It seemed that Finn was the one who started the fight, which is a bit shocking.”

  That wasn’t shocking to me at all. Not in the least.