WORK STRESS
Chapter 5, ‘Calm Mind, Calm Baby’, already covered the effects of stress in general, but one common source of concern that arises during pregnancy is work-related stress. Many women will continue working until a few weeks before childbirth, and the pressures, deadlines and workload are not always aligned with the impending due date. While it is not always possible, do look for ways to reduce high-stress situations at work during pregnancy if you can.
The truth is that we do not always get the opportunity to choose the environment in which we get stressed. Most of us would prefer it to happen at home, where we can go and sit down afterwards, perhaps do some meditation, put our feet up and have a cup of tea. But the reality is that we are more likely to be stressed when at work or out and about. This is why we meditate; this is why we train the mind – not to become great meditators, but to become so proficient and confident in the application of mindfulness that we can do it anywhere, even in a busy work environment.
A PREGNANCY STORY: Joanne, aged thirty-two
I was never one of those women that dreamed of being a mother. A perpetual worrier and anxious by nature, I didn’t think I’d actually have the courage to invite that additional, monumental worry into my life. I’m not quite sure exactly when my thoughts on that changed, but I feel meditation had a lot to do with it. I actually fell pregnant within three or four months of trying. The news came at a very busy time: it was just before Christmas and I was typically working about seventeen- to eighteen-hour days. I recall being initially delighted, jumping around with my husband at the news. But pretty quickly after that, something strange started to happen. Everything – and I mean everything – bothered me, and I was deluged by mind chatter: You’ll never be a good mother … You won’t bond with the baby … The baby is going to die … Your marriage won’t survive and so on and so forth. I thought I had made an absolutely terrible mistake. On top of that, there were all the physical symptoms – migraines so bad I was hospitalised, and being sick for hours at a time when I’d been used to having a stomach of steel. It was like the worst-ever hangover, but 24/7, and it left me feeling angry, resentful and generally just pissed off that I had to go through what I was going through.
My daily meditation practice during this time was literally the only forty minutes of the day where I felt like me, and those forty minutes provided the link to my former body, my former mind and in a way, my former life – because it felt like everything else was outside of my control. I clung to the practice like an anchor, often with tears rolling down my face, feeling entirely overwhelmed. And yet, and yet … I am sure that it was my history of meditation, or rather what I have come to learn about the mind, that has pulled me through, one day at a time, as I repeat to myself the wisdom of impermanence – that nothing stays the same, and the only certainty is that everything changes. I was able, thank goodness, to recognise the mind chatter as just that – mind chatter; certainly not always, but enough to become aware of that sliver of space between the clouds and the blue sky. I knew that my negative beliefs were just thoughts – and I was beyond grateful for those moments of clarity. I can’t believe that more people don’t talk about how hard it is. I saw my doctor and he said to me, ‘Congratulations on making it through the first trimester. Tough, isn’t it?’ And I welled up and replied, ‘It really is! Why don’t people tell you how bad it can get?’
My meditation practice continues to be my anchor, helping me live in the present and not get too carried away with ‘what-if’ scenarios. It is comforting to know that no matter how much my life will change, there will always be that one moment in the day or night that will be just mine. Where I’ll reconnect with whatever that space is between myself and the mind, and rest there for a little while.
CHAPTER TEN
RESPECTING THE BODY
The body and mind are inextricably linked. What we do to one, has an impact on the other. So, no surprise to learn that the benefits of mindfulness will be considerably reduced if we do not respect and take good care of the body during pregnancy. Furthermore, what we do to our own body will influence the growth and development of the baby. Approached in the right way, the aspects of self-care that we’re about to look at can also serve as yet another medium through which to learn mindfulness, and they will become an important support to your daily meditation. Pregnancy offers the perfect opportunity to change behaviour for the better. Enter your two pillars of support: mindful eating and mindful exercise.
MINDFUL EATING
‘That’s OK, you’re eating for two now!’ How many times have you heard that said? You may even be telling yourself the same thing, as you hover in the chocolate aisle in the supermarket or in the bakery down the street – words that may be accompanied by thoughts, such as, What’s the point in even trying to stay in shape? Screw it – if I’m going down with the ship, I’m going down eating! Just at the moment when you most need mindful eating in your life, just when you have the added responsibility of nourishing another human being, there seems to be a common propensity to throw caution to the wind and play out eating patterns that you have previously sought to avoid.
The average woman needs only 300–400 extra calories a day to grow a baby, and that’s at the third trimester. You actually require zero extra calories in the first trimester, and an extra 250–300 a day in the second. That’s it – the equivalent to one tuna sandwich. With mayonnaise.
Part of the problem is that ‘eating for two’ is widely misunderstood to mean consuming double portions, whereas the correct definition of the phrase is being watchful of what you eat because there is a second person to consider. The reason some women struggle to lose the ‘baby weight’ after giving birth is because they eat two or three times more than usual during pregnancy (once the morning sickness has passed, that is). The excess weight that stays on is simply the excess calories consumed over many months.
I was amazed at how little extra Lucinda ate while pregnant, to the extent that I would sometimes question whether the baby was getting enough food. And then I would remind myself that she was trained in nutrition, so I kept my mouth shut. She only gained 15lb and lost the weight steadily after our son was born. It would be easy to say ‘She’s just one of those types’, but I watched it with my own eyes – it didn’t happen by chance or because of genetics; it happened because she set out with the specific intention to eat the most nutritious foods possible, in the ideal quantities, at the appropriate times. No magic bullet – just a steady, mindful approach to eating.
At this point, I can hear the dissenting voices telling me that it’s all well and good lecturing about a healthy diet, ‘But you try being pregnant when you’re stressed out, run-down, looking like crap and highly emotional’. And therein lies the most pertinent point – because the biggest part of mindful eating is understanding how emotions are central to our appetite and eating behaviour. If you can become familiar with these patterns of thought, then you can train your mind, rerouting the journey both internally and externally – creating new neural pathways in the brain, while driving to the health-food shop instead of McDonald’s on the way home from work.
The more stress and sadness during pregnancy, the more sugar and fat are consumed. A study from the University of California, San Francisco, linked high levels of cortisol (the stress hormone) with this propensity to overeat. The study, which ostensibly looked into eating habits around the stress of Christmas and was published in the Journal of Obesity, explained that stress management and mindful eating go hand in hand. ‘You’re training the mind to notice, but to not automatically react, based on habitual patterns – to not reach for a candy bar in response to feeling anger, for example,’ said lead researcher Jennifer Daubenmier. This is something we can all learn to do and mindfulness shows us how. In fact, the same scientific study in San Francisco, which also explored mindful eating specifically in pregnancy, showed that women who were aware of what they were eating, and who listened to their bodies’ cues, experie
nced the greatest reduction in abdominal fat.
Emotional eating affects everyone, pregnant or not. But what few people do is take the time to observe the triggers that begin the process. We’ve all been there, trying to adhere to a healthy-eating programme or a strict diet, only to have an ‘off day’, indulge in junk food and then beat ourselves up afterwards. Cue self-loathing. Cue a slippery slide. Cue more comfort eating. And so the pattern continues until we start to bring awareness to the table and understand why we eat the way we do. For example, what are your eating habits when you’re feeling sad? Or anxious? Or just bored? Nine times out of ten, we’ll discover that our eating patterns are a direct result of the emotion we’ve become involved with but, over time, the more we let go and observe what’s happening, the more we weaken that particular emotion’s hold over us. Remember, mindfulness reduces reactivity in the part of the brain associated with compulsion, while increasing activity in the area associated with self-control.
In paying closer attention to food habits, it’s also important to remain mindful of how often you eat. Because as easy as it is to overeat, so it is to undereat, perhaps through fear of putting on weight, or simply out of habit. It’s all too easy to grab a morning coffee and rush out the door, missing breakfast, but the foetus needs nourishment just as regularly as the newborn baby does. So maybe ask yourself: would you skip a feed when the baby is two months old? It sounds so obvious, but when we are caught up in the thoughts of the mind we simply don’t see these things clearly. Mindfulness gives us back that clarity, offering us the opportunity of choice.
Finally, we come to the small matter of not why you eat, when you eat or how much you eat, but what you eat. This is not a book on nutrition, and for specific advice you should go to a respected and reliable website where you can obtain the most up-to-date information and consult a healthcare professional. But just from a more general point of view, next time you go food shopping, take a moment to consider why you make the selections that you do. Is it because there’s a two-for-one deal? Is it because it’s quick and easy to prepare? Or do you just fancy that tub of ice cream and pack of marshmallows because you feel miserable and need cheering up? When we bring awareness into the supermarket, what tends to happen is that we start making better choices. For this reason alone I would always recommend, where possible, going food shopping during windows of calm because you can then step back and, with an enquiring mind, ask yourself, ‘What do my body and baby need to function at its optimum level right now?’
If you need a visual reminder, imagine a seed, freshly planted in the ground. It is the most delicate thing. It is miraculous that it could ever grow into a plant, never mind a tree which will live for decades. This seed is nourished by the soil in which it grows and in the environment in which it lives. Too much sun is not good; too little sun is not good; too much water is not good; too little water is not good. Every little change in the environment impacts the growth of this seed. The seed needs balance – a constant flow of nutrient-dense nourishment.
Every single thing that you put into your body, whether you drink it, eat it or inhale it, will influence the environment in which your baby is growing, impacting on its early growth and development. Such is the delicate responsibility and precious opportunity you have when carrying a baby.
MINDFUL EXERCISE
If you happen to be reading this during the sluggishness of the first trimester, then the idea of even leaving the sofa may well be enough to make you groan. And if you’re already in the third trimester, you may well think that lugging around the laundry basket, together with the extra 20–30lb in body weight you’re carrying, is plenty of exercise for now. It’s hard enough to get motivated before conception, let alone during pregnancy, but a mindful exercise routine can have immeasurable benefits.
Whether you are just embarking on parenthood or are well advanced into your pregnancy, you have the opportunity to start living a healthier and happier life. This is a new chapter, a new beginning, and if you couldn’t get motivated for yourself beforehand, then what better motivation than the healthy growth and development of your baby? Of all the things you cannot control during pregnancy – the nausea, the fatigue, the cramps, the swollen bladder, the hormonal roller coaster – this is one of the few areas where you can make a real difference, facilitating change which promotes both physical health and peace of mind.
Exercise brings numerous benefits during pregnancy, as confirmed by Dr Amersi. Firstly, it helps prevent gestational diabetes, which women are prone to in pregnancy due to lower blood-sugar levels. Beyond that, it can actually help prevent/lessen the pelvic pain and discomfort that worsen with each trimester as the uterus and baby grow, and it can help reduce backache, constipation, bloating and swelling, while simultaneously improving energy levels, mood and sleep. The release of endorphins that exercise triggers certainly helps the feel-good factor at a time when you’ll want to feel more up than down. What’s more, the baby feels the benefits, too, as exercise increases blood circulation, providing better oxygenation; plus, it’s a great stress-buster, meaning that he or she won’t be taking one of those extended cortisol baths I wrote about earlier
Obviously, all levels of exercise should be first discussed with your doctor, because what works for one person might not work for another. Much is going to depend on your fitness levels before becoming pregnant. If you worked out consistently, some modifications may be needed but, depending on medical advice, there’s probably no reason why you can’t sustain the same routine, as long as you stay tuned in to your body.
I was staggered when we used to visit Dr Amersi during the pregnancy. I kept waiting for her to tell Lucinda to slow down, to do less exercise, to stop contorting herself into strange shapes on the yoga mat. But she never did. In fact she encouraged Lucinda to continue, clear that it was beneficial not only for her own physical and mental health, but also for that of the baby. But mindful exercise is not only for those who are already fit. If you have resolved to start exercising simply because you are pregnant, then the key is to begin slowly and find something that maintains your interest. Again, chat it through with your doctor.
Walking, cycling and running are all good aerobic activities, although you may find that running becomes increasingly uncomfortable as you move into the third trimester. And of course nothing beats swimming for working the entire body, without any impact whatsoever. But if I were to recommend one form of exercise, it would probably be yoga (and Lucinda would agree). I don’t say this as an advocate of yoga, or even as a practising yogi – I have simply witnessed the benefits in my wife and her friends as they’ve applied themselves to yoga throughout their pregnancies. Because there is such an emphasis on mindful movement, attention to the breath and letting go, it is the perfect accompaniment to a regular meditation practice on your journey to motherhood. But whatever exercise you choose to do, if you’re not doing it mindfully, you’re not doing it justice. So, in order to get the maximum benefit from all the effort you put in, you need to be aware of the five components of mindful exercise:
INTENTION:
It’s all about mental preparation. By setting an intention, we kick-start motivation which prepares the body to engage with exercise. Set the intention the night before, or the morning of, and get your exercise off to the best possible start.
BREATHING:
We’ve all seen those red-faced people at the gym, grunting through a workout. That’s an inefficient way to train. Muscles need as much oxygen as possible so, for a high-performance workout, focus on this: breathe in for the less strenuous part of the exercise, breathe out during the most effort.
TIMING:
Rhythm is vital. Whether it’s a nice long stretch or an explosive jump, every exercise has its own inherent tempo. Study each exercise, getting into the flow of its rhythm so that you’re executing it most effectively.
FORM:
Every exercise requires good form. Posture and alignment matter, so we need to be aware of
them. Think less about reaching the end of the exercise, and more about the form right now.
RECOVERY:
An awareness of our physical, emotional and mental wellbeing, whether between workouts or exercises, is essential. Does your breathing indicate that you could do more, or less? Do your muscles need recovery time? Stay alert, listen to your body and know when to go again. With practice, you’ll come to understand your own particular groove.
As I say, from vicarious personal experience, I can certainly vouch for the benefits because Lucinda maintained her fitness groove for as long as she could. One day, at around seven months, while out on a run together at a country hotel, I looked up to see her running off into the distance alongside Mo Farah who was out for his morning run! That actually happened, at seven months. Later into her third trimester she detected some back pain, so stopped running and focused on her yoga instead, and it was definitely this combination of meditation, a healthy diet and exercise that helped her stay sane. If you eat well and exercise regularly, it will not only put you in the best possible shape, but it will make you feel much stronger mentally, meaning you’ll be mentally and physically prepared when the big day comes along. More than that though, it’s about the same message we keep coming back to: this is not just for you, this is for your baby. This is a unique opportunity to give your child a head start in life.
The Headspace Guide To A Mindful Pregnancy Page 11